


RESTORATION

by CrypticFondness, larryslove



Series: Odyssey [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: 2013, Acute stress disorder, Anal Sex, Anxiety, Anxiety Disorder, Depression, Explicit Sexual Content, Hallucinations, Healing, Hospitalization, Hospitals, Lucid Dreaming, M/M, Masturbation, Mild Sexual Content, Night Terrors, Nightmares, Overdosing, Past Abuse, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Past Sexual Assault, Past Torture, Past Violence, Phantom Feelings, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Sexting, Sexual Content, Sexual Fantasy, Suicide Attempt, Therapy, Year 2013, wanking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-01
Updated: 2017-09-16
Packaged: 2018-01-07 01:37:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 30
Words: 144,494
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1113969
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CrypticFondness/pseuds/CrypticFondness, https://archiveofourown.org/users/larryslove/pseuds/larryslove
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Andy, a person they once trusted, and his friends kidnapped all five of them wanting revenge. They were abused psychologically, physically and sexually. Now, completely broken they must fight to try and recover.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> *Niall's meds have been changed to Prozac. (Just don't have time to go through the chapters and fix it.)

Louis took a deep breath as he looked around the hospital room he was in. The doctors had treated the wounds on his wrist and ankles from the chains and ropes he had been tied up with. They had also put an IV in because they were concerned with him being a little dehydrated.

He took another deep breath as Harry crossed his mind. He leaned back on the bed he was on. The team of doctors had separated them right away. One of the nurses had told him Harry was fine but it wasn’t enough; he wanted to see for himself. He loved Harry and being away from him at a time like this not only hurt like fucking hell but also felt so wrong.

As voices from just outside his door reached his ears he looked over. A woman with long almost red blond hair walked in. Before his nerves could even flare she flash a badge and smiled, “Hello, I’m Sarah Black. I’m with the Crime Lab.”

He gave her a smile in return and politely replied, “Hello.”

“I’m working on your case so I need to take your statement and collect any possible evidence. This is Officer Whittemore. He’s here as a witness.” The officer stood close to the door quietly but she came closer.

He nodded and swallowed a bit, “Alright.”

He sat a bit better as she pulled a chair up near the bed. She set down a large black case she had been carrying then took a seat.

“I’m going to record your statement on this voice recorder. You’ll need to verbally say yes or no, no nodding. Understood?” She said pulling a black tape recorder from her jacket pocket.

For a brief second his breath caught in his lungs as a flashback of Andy and his helpers crossed his mind. “I. erm, yes, ma’am.” He said snapping out of his daze.

“Good, just let me know if you think you need a break.” She gave him another warm and reassuring smile.

“Okay.” He said with a slight nod.

“Alright,” She paused to hit the record button on the recorder then looked to him, “Can you please state your full name for the record?”

“Louis William Tomlinson.” His eyes glanced down at the tiny plastic tube sticking into the back of his right hand.

"Okay, why don't you start from the beginning Louis? What were you doing just before they took you?" She asked.

He thought back, it was the scariest thing he'd ever been through. "Harry and I were spending the night at home."

"The two of you live together?" She asked trying to clarify.

He began to nod but then said, "Yes, we do."

"So what happened next?"

"Well, Harry was in the shower. I was in the kitchen getting dinner ready. I could hear him singing like he always does but then, he stopped." Louis paused and then kept going as his eyes drifted to look out the window.

"He screamed and I took off running. When I got there I heard the shower curtain fall and then a strange, thud sound. I heard a really faint whimper and then all the noise stopped."

She nodded as he looked back towards her, "Tell me what happened next."

"I heard some footsteps, I think I may have pounded on the door. It opened and Daniel attacked me. I could see Andy in the bathroom holding Harry who was out cold." He stopped, not sure what to say next.

"Go ahead, then what?"

"I don't know. I can't remember." He shook his head. "I just remember waking up in a room with a giant bird in this cage, right in the middle of the room." He licked his lips a bit.

"A bird?" She asked a little confused.

"Yeah, a raven to be exact. I'm terrified of birds." He blushed a little and told her. He then carried on and explained how a few men would randomly come check on him, let him use the toilet and feed him and then finally took him to Harry's room.

He explained Harry's condition to her the best he could. He told her how at some point they had made him leave to go and be tested. He had a hard time explaining it to her but he managed. He did however tear up a little when he told her about Niall having to be punished once he failed.

Somehow he managed to tell her the rest without crying. The tears wanted to fall but he somehow kept them at bay.

Sarah nodded, “Thank you. I understand it must’ve been hard. I’m going to need to take your prints and a DNA sample next. Do you need a minute?” She asked.

Louis shook his head, “Let’s just get this over with.”

“Left hand, please.” She asked.

Louis did as she asked and lifted his left towards her. She took his hand and collected samples.

“Right hand now.” She said.

Louis repeated the action with his right hand as she repeated her actions that she did with his left hand.

“Open your mouth please.” She instructed as he raised his eyebrows at her.

“It’s just another DNA sample. I need to swab the inside of your cheek.” She explained.

Louis sighed, it’s going to be a long rest of the day. He thought as he opened his mouth and she swabbed the inside of Louis’ cheek.

She finished up then said, “Thank you. I need photo evidence of all your bruises and cuts and possibly get any DNA you might have on your skin under your gown." She paused.

She called for a nurse to come in and stepped out for a moment while the nurse helped him undress.

With the bag of fluid nearly empty the nurse decided to go ahead and remove the IV. He was so thankful.

The nurse then helped him remove his gown and gave him a blanket to cover up with.

"I'll send Ms. Black and the officer back in.

Louis nodded as he wondered how Harry and the other boys were handling everything. Once they had reached the hospital everyone was split up, taken into different private rooms for questioning and collecting evidence.

After Louis did as she asked he stepped out into the middle of the room and let the blanket fall. It left him naked.

He felt exposed but knew this was for a good reason and it wasn’t like she was going to touch him or anything. He just needed to remind himself of that.

As she collected DNA and took photo’s she asked him if he remembered how each bruise and cut happened. He explained to her best he could but coming out of everything now felt surreal like it had all been a really bad dream.

After Sarah had finished she gave Louis’ some police clothes to change into and left. He looked at the clothes, it was a hoodie, a t-shirt, and a pair of sweatpants that all had London PD written on it.

Louis set the clothes aside and put the hospital gown back on. He hated the gown, it felt like a dress. He knew they weren't done with him yet though. They had told him he'd be getting a psych evaluation.

He fell backwards on the bed and ran a hand over his face, “None of this would’ve happened if it wasn’t for me…” He said to himself aloud.

Meanwhile in Liam's room he too was hooked up to a bag of fluid due to some mild dehydration.

The doctors had been worried about internal bleeding after seeing all his bruises Andy left him with and had ordered some scans and tests.

Just as he finally felt like he was able to relax a little though a guy yielding a badge followed by a police officer entered his room.

"I'm Ryan Settles, I'm with the crime lab. You're Liam Payne?" He asked.

"Yes sir." He replied sitting up a little more.

"I know you're trying to rest and recover a bit but I need to take your statement. I also need to collect some samples and document your injuries." He explained.

Liam nodded, he didn't want to talk about any of what happened but he knew it was all for the best.

"I'll be recording your statement," he said pulling a voice recorder out of his pocket. "Can you state your name for the record?" He took a seat near Liam's hospital bed.

He knew none of this could be easy on Liam so he tried his best to leave the lad as comfortable as possible.

"Liam James Payne." He bit his bottom lip for a moment.

For the next little while Liam went over every detail he could remember with Ryan. It was so embarrassing to have to tell him about Mac sexually assaulting him. He finally lost it when it came time to tell him about having to help strap down Niall.

"I know that was really hard but I promise it's gonna go far in helping us put them all behind bars."

Liam could only nod. Telling another man about being forced to come was humiliating.

"I'm gonna get a DNA sample and take your fingerprints next." Ryan explained.

Liam for the most part stayed quiet. He had too much on his mind to talk much to this stranger.

He was thinking about Zayn, wondering if he was alright. He was also thinking about Niall. Niall had taken being separated worst of all. He knew Harry was in bad shape too. He hoped he was doing alright. He knew Louis was strong, so he wasn't as worried about him but was definitely concerned.

As Ryan scanned Liam's left hand then the right he just watched. He then opened his mouth and let Ryan take a swab of his DNA.

"The hospital already gave me the clothes you had on. I have some sweats for you to put on once you're released." Ryan sat a stack of clothes on the rolling tray table near Liam.

"Thank you." He nodded.

"I'm gonna step out now and a nurse is gonna help you undress. I'll come back in and document all your injuries after that."

Liam nodded and watched as he and the officer stepped out of the room.

Only a moment later a nurse came in smiling, "How you doing Hun?"

"Better, thank you." He replied as she set to work on his IV.

"I'm just gonna cap your IV. You were pretty dehydrated so the doctor may want to give you a bit more fluid." She explained finishing up.

"Undress now?" He asked hanging his feet over the edge of the bed.

"Yeah, you can wrap this blanket around yourself till he's ready." She nodded.

He swallowed a lump in his throat. He didn't want to take his clothes off. Just the thought brought back memories of Mac taking advantage of him.

Slowly however he removed the hospital gown and pulled the blanket around him tightly. It was all he could do not to burst into tears when Ryan and the officer walked back in.

"We'll take this as slow as you need to." Ryan told him as he directed Liam to the center of the room.

Liam nodded and removed the blanket.

Slowly Ryan took a photo of each injury and asked about all of them. When he finished Ryan gave the blanket back to him.

"Now since you were penetrated I'm gonna ask the doctor to give you a full exam. Even if you feel okay it's important to make sure." Ryan explained as he cleaned up his mess.

"Alright." Liam softly said and nodded as he bit back tears.

"You can put your gown back on, I'll let the nurse know you're ready for the doctor now." Ryan could tell Liam just wanted left alone so he quietly walked out of the room and moved on the next boy.

Zayn heard a soft knock on his door. He looked in time for Ryan to once again show his badge and introduce himself.

"You're here to take my statement?" Zayn asked with his accent very strong.

"I am." He nodded.

Zayn sat up a bit carefully. The IV in his hand was really hurting him. He tended to be a little sensitive with needles.

"I'm just gonna record you with this tape recorder. After that I'll collect your DNA and fingerprints. Then I'll document your injuries." Ryan was kind and explained up front.

Zayn nodded, "Alright, anything to help lock up those bastards."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I couldn't help myself...Happy Friday!

“Can you please state your full name for the record?” Ryan nodded.

“Zain Javaad Malik. Legally it’s spelled with an I instead of an Y. I just spell it with the Y for work purposes.” Zayn explained.

“How do you spell Javaad?” Ryan asked

Zayn explained how to spell it and how it was spelled differently than it sounds.

Ryan nodded, “Can you tell me what you were doing in the moments leading up to the moment where you taken?”

Zayn sighed, “I was on a date with my boyfriend. It's not public knowledge that I'm bi-sexual." He explained.

Ryan nodded, “Was he with you during the attack?”

Zayn shook his head, “No. I had dropped him off at his flat…” He trailed off as he remembered how happy they were before all this shit started.

“And then what happened?” Ryan asked.

Zayn tried to kept his voice steady and strong as he went on and gave his recount of what had happened in the last week. It felt humiliating to explain what had happened to him, and he felt worse when explaining what happened to Niall.

He tried so hard to not to cry, he wanted to be strong. He’d more than likely have to testify and repeat all of it in court and the last thing he wanted was to cry on the stand.

Ryan nodded, “Thank you. I understand it must be difficult. I need to collect your fingerprints and collect DNA samples. After that I’m going to collect photo evidence of your body. If this gets to be too much at any time we can take a short break.”

Zayn nodded, “I’ll get through it. Let’s get this over with.”

Ryan took DNA samples from Zayn’s hands and fingers then scanned for his prints, after he was done with that he and the officer stepped out of the room as the nurse came in.

“Hello.” She said giving Zayn a warm smile as she walked towards him. “How you holdin up?”

Zayn shrugged, “I have no clue. I just want this to be over with already…”

The nurse nodded, “I bet. It looks like your IV is done, though. So, I’ll go ahead and remove that.” She said as she took out the needle and removed the plastic tube and tape from his hand.

Zayn rubbed his hand as the nurse handed him a blanket, “Here, love. I can help you with your gown as you cover yourself with that.” She said giving him another warm smile.

Zayn nodded as he took the blanket and the nurse undid the shoulder straps, he quickly covered himself up with the blanket.

“Do you need a moment?” She asked him.

Zayn shook his head, “No, I’d rather just get this over with as soon as I possibly can.”

She nodded and left to bring in Ryan and the cop.

“Middle of the room, please.” Ryan said as he pointed to the spot.

Zayn stood up, letting the blanket fall as he moved to the spot.

As Ryan took pictures, Zayn did his best to hold in the tears, he felt so uncomfortable but he understood it needed to be done.

"Thank you very much, Zayn." Ryan allowed him to cover up as he packed up his kit.

"Yeah." Zayn just nodded sitting on the edge if his hospital bed, wrapped in the blanket.

"The doctors have some more things to do with you so just sit tight. When you're released you can put these on. We've taken your clothes as evidence." He placed some sweats on a chair in the room and stood.

"Alright, thank you."

Ryan once again thanked Zayn for his time and then left.

Down in Harry's room he sat hooked up to a bag of fluid and another bag filled with a mild pain medication.

The doctor had agreed that his stitches were good but had insisted on a MRI to ensure there was no internal damage.

After many test they finally had left him alone. It didn't last long. Before Harry's thoughts could even take over a woman walked in the room with an officer and showed him a badge.

"Sarah Black, I'm with the crime lab." She nodded and smiled.

Harry could only nod.

"I want to get your official statement and collect some things for evidence. Do you think you're up to it?" She sounded very sympathetic.

"Yes, ma'am." His voice was soft.

She grabbed a chair and pulled it rather close to his bed and took a seat. "I'm gonna use a voice recorder so let's just talk. Tell me your full name." She decided to try and make everything sound friendly instead of business. The doctors had warned her that Harry was in bad headspace.

"Harry Edward Styles."

"What were you doing the night all this started?"

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes, "I was in the shower at home. Louis was making dinner." He opened his eyes not liking the visuals in his head.

"I heard something, maybe the window and then peaked out the curtain to see what it was."

She nodded trying to help him feel comfortable. "What was the noise?"

"When I looked I saw Andy."

"Okay, what next?" She asked.

"It all goes black. I kinda remember being in a cold room with Louis but I'm not sure of anything till I woke up alone in a room with a snake in a cage."

Harry cried as he told the woman about being in a nappy and all of Adam's taunting and how he treated him like an infant.

He had to take a short break before he could even tell her about being forced to perform in front of Louis.

He gasped and choked on his tears a bit as he told her about the night Adam finally raped him.

"So he threatened you all with a gun or actually had the gun?" She was confused as he spoke now about everything that lead up to Niall's rape.

"I never saw it if he had it that time." Harry explained.

"Okay so he threatened to get it?"

"Yes, then he took us all to the big room and tied us down." Harry looked away from her as he tried to force thoughts of Niall being raped out of his head.

He told her the details he could remember. As tears formed again he turned his eyes away. "...and then we suddenly heard someone yell 'freeze' and... everything was over."

"You did great." She smiled and turned off the recorder. "I'm gonna take DNA samples then scan in your fingerprints now alright?"

Harry nodded then she took a swab and collected his DNA from each hand then and then she scanned each finger one by one.

"I'll send the nurse in to help you undress. I'm going to document your injuries and collect any trace evidence." She smiled and stepped out.

He hated the idea of having to expose himself. It sent chills down his spine.

"Let's cap this IV so you can undress, okay?"

He didn't respond. He didn't want to undress.

She did however cap off his IV and assisted him in removing the gown. She was quick to let him cover with a blanket. That seemed to help some.

As Sarah stepped back into the room she went over to her kit and put on a pair of gloves. She then pulled out a camera.

Harry's chest tightened. He could feel his pulse increase. His body even trembled slightly.

"Okay, step out into the middle here and drop the sheet for me."

With tears threatening to fall he did as she asked.

"Let's start with this bump you took to the head. Any ideas on what you may have hit?" She tilted his head gently and lifted the camera.

"Faucet maybe?" He said.

"Okay." She nodded and snapped the picture.

As the flash hit Harry's eyes Adam popped back into his head. He remembered as though it were happening again, the photos Adam took of him tied up and dressed like a baby.

"Get away!" He yelled backing up quickly.

"Relax." She tried to encourage.

He couldn't even hear her, he had gone into the red zone, "Don't touch me, stop, leave me alone!" He yelled over and over as he continued to panic.

In the next room the doctors were finishing up with Louis when he heard Harry screaming.

Not a second thought rushed through his mind other than getting to Harry. "Move, I'm done!"

He stood and tried to push past the doctors but they insisted on him relaxing.

He wasn't relaxing. Harry was still screaming. Harry need him, "Get the fuck outta my way!"

He shoved past them swiftly and darted from the room leaving his guard to chase behind him.

As he entered Harry's room he zeroed in on him. He was in a ball on the floor screaming and crying.

"Curly! Curly!" He yelled ignoring the officers request for him to leave.

Harry heard his lovers voice through the panic and stopped. He looked up at him.

"Harry!" Louis said moving in and pulling him into his arms.

"She took a picture!" He cried onto Louis' shoulder.

"I didn't know..." She trailed off calmly.

"Harry, calm down, it's okay now." He soothed gently.

After a few minutes Harry seemed to relax and he even told Sarah he was sorry for panicking.

She assured him it was alright and with Louis' help they were able to carry on and finish collecting evidence.

"We need to do a rape kit." She told Louis concerned that he would panic again.

"Harry, lay down. She's gonna do a rape kit and you’re gonna look at me and keep eye contact the whole time. Okay?" Louis slowly explained running a hand through Harry’s curls.

Tears formed in Harry's eyes as he nodded, he trusted Louis more than anyone else right now.

Slowly they got through the rape kit. It wasn't easy but somehow they managed. When she finished she thanked them both and left.

The doctors came in to finish Harry's test and scans. They wanted Louis to leave but Harry refused to let him go. So they allowed Louis to stay by his side.

Down the hall Niall laid half dazed in his hospital bed. He had panicked earlier when the doctors took him away from the others and started trying to work on him.

The nurses ended up having to give him a mild sedative to relax him.

It was starting to wear off and he could feel  the nerves coming back.

"Niall Horan?" A man asked walking in with a police officer.

"Y- yes, where's Liam?" He asked nervously.

"Your friend is in the other room. I'm Ryan Settles. I need to take your statement and collect some evidence and things."

His hands nervously trembled as he looked at the sheet he was fidgeting with, "Can I see Liam after?" He asked.

He didn't feel comfortable. He didn't feel safe. He wanted Liam, he made him feel better.

"I'm sure they'll let you see him soon. I need to talk with you first. Alright?"

Niall nodded, “And then I can see Liam?”

“If they’re done with Liam by the time we’re done, I’m sure they’ll let you see him if you ask. But right now I just need to speak with you about what happened. Is that alright?” Ryan explained.

Niall sighed as he played with the blanket on top of him, “Yeah, I guess.” He said softly.

“Can you please state your full name for the record?” Ryan asked.

“Niall James Horan.” Niall replied.

“Thank you. Can you remember what happened in the moments leading up to the attack?” Ryan asked.

“I went to one of my favourite pubs, Auld Shillelagh. I love it there...I was on the verge of being too drunk to know my way back home or know where I was going. I was alone and I had big stuff planned for the next day. I also didn’t want a brutal hangover. I remember going outside because I was dizzy when I stood up. This guy offered to help me...and the next thing I remember is waking up…” Niall paused as tears started to fall.

“Where were you when you woke up?” Ryan prompted.

“In a closet.” Niall replied softly as tears began to fall. “I’m claustrophobic.”

Niall then went on to explain everything that had happened during the time that they were held captive. By the time he was done he was full on sobbing, but that didn’t stop him from telling Ryan every little thing that had happened to him and what he knew had happened to the others.

“I’m going to need to take your fingerprints now and a swab of DNA. Is that okay?” Ryan asked.

Niall nodded and did as he was instructed.

“Thank you...I know it must’ve been difficult. When you changed into the gown we took your clothes as evidence. I’m going to need to collect DNA samples from your body and take photo evidence. Do you want to take a short break?” Ryan asked when he was finished.

Niall sniffed, “No, I want this over with and I want Liam.” He said as more tears fell.

Ryan nodded, “I’m sure you can see him after. I’m going to need you to stand in the middle of the room so I can collect any evidence off of your body. I’ll send the nurse in to check on your IV first though. I do have clothes for you to change into after.” He explained as Niall nodded in reply.

Ryan sat the clothes on the bed and left.

Niall tried to force the tears to stop but they just wouldn’t. He was scared, he didn’t mind answering questions but he didn’t like the idea of being naked in front of someone else. He understood that it was for a good reason and that it needed to be done. He just wished Liam could be with him. He always felt better with Liam around.

The nurse came in, “Hello.” She said giving Niall a smile.

Niall didn’t say anything. He just cried harder.

The nurse looked at his IV bag and then over at him, “Is there anyone I can get for you? To be in here with you?” She asked wondering if it would help the young lad any to have a friend or family in the room with him.

“Li-Liam.” Niall said softly through his tears.

The nurse nodded, “Okay, sweetheart. I’ll see about getting him but first I’m going to need to cap your IV. Can I see your hand please?”

Niall held out his hand as the nurse capped his IV.

“Next, I’m going to help you with your gown, you can cover yourself with this blanket. Then I’ll see about Liam. Okay?” She said softly.

Niall nodded but flinched when the nurse touched him and moved away a bit, “I-I-I’m sorry...Can I have Liam now? Can he help or just be here?” He asked as his tears continued to fall.

The nurse nodded, “Sure, sweetheart. I’ll see about getting him for you right now.” She said as she left the room.

Once out in the hallway she walked over to Ryan and the cop, “He keeps asking for Liam. I’ve capped his IV, but when I touch him he flinches and backs away. Having Liam around could help speed things along for you and help him be more comfortable.” She explained.

Ryan nodded, “Okay, I’ll get him.” He said as he headed towards Liam’s room.


	3. Chapter 3

Liam had just finished putting on the police clothes given to him as the door opened, “Are you finished? Do you know?” He heard Ryan ask.

Liam nodded, “Yeah, I’m done. I’m fine and I don’t need any medication. Is everything okay with the boys?” He asked worried.

Ryan walked into the room and closed the door behind him, “We can’t do much with your boyfriend, Niall...without you in the room. I need to photo document his injuries but we can’t touch him or do much of anything without him freaking out.” He explained.

Liam nodded, “He’s not my boyfriend...Zayn is. Can I go be with Niall anyway though?” He asked feeling worried about Niall now.

Ryan nodded, “Please. We could use your help.”

Liam then followed Ryan out of the room and followed him down the hallway to Niall’s room.

Once he was inside, Niall ran into Liam’s arms and cried, “I’m so scared.” He whispered burying his face into Liam’s neck.

Ryan left the room to let the two boys be alone.

Liam wrapped his arms tightly around Niall, “Try not worry so much, Nialler. We’re back...we’re safe now. Those men can’t touch us or hurt us ever again.” He said trying his best to comfort the lad sobbing in his arms.

“I know but still…” Niall mumbled, not letting go or moving his head.

“I know...I get it.” Liam said tightening his grip as Niall slightly tightened his grip on Liam.

“Niall...They need to check you out. Make sure your good and all that. They need to see your bruises and your cuts...Every little thing helps.” Liam tried his best to explain.

“I don’t like it.” Niall said softly moving his head to the side so that his head was on Liam’s shoulder but he didn’t have mumble into his neck anymore. His tears had finally stopped.

“I know you don’t like it. I didn’t like it either...If I stay in the room with you while they take the DNA samples from your body and take the photos. Will that make it easier?” Liam asked.

“Maybe.” Niall said softly.

“Alright, I’m going to go talk to that CSI and I’ll be right back.” Liam told him.

“NO!” Niall said holding to Liam with all the strength he had left in his beaten and bruised body. “Please don’t leave me.” He said as the tears that had just stopped a minute ago had threatened to fall again.

Liam nodded, “Okay, then come with me.” He offered.

Niall nodded, “Okay, I can do that.”

Liam gave him a smile, “Think you can let go of me enough so I can at least move?” He asked.

Niall sniffed, “Yeah, sorry…”

“Don’t worry about it. You know I don’t mind.” He said as Niall let go of him.

Liam took Niall’s hand in his and held it tightly, “There, is this okay?” He asked

Niall nodded and the two left to go out into the hallway.

“Is everything okay now?” Ryan asked them.

Niall looked at Liam who looked at Ryan, “Actually, I was hoping I could stay with Niall while you do whatever you have left to do. It’ll make him feel better and you’ll actually be able to get things done.”

Ryan quickly nodded, “If it helps or makes him more comfortable then I honestly don’t mind. I do need his gown off..” He explained.

Liam nodded, “I can do that, if that’s okay?” He asked

Ryan nodded, “That’d be great.”

The nurse then handed Liam the blanket, “Here you go, love.” She said as Liam took it.

“Thanks.” He said as he and Niall walked back into the room.

He led Niall to the bed, “Is it actually okay if I help you undo the gown?” He asked

Niall nodded, “Its you...so...it’s okay.”

Liam nodded as he undid the straps for Niall and quickly handed him the blanket.

“Thank you for doing this…” Niall said looking up at Liam.

“You’re welcome. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for you. You know that.” Liam said. “I’m going to get the CSI now. I won’t even leave the room, just poke my head out. Is that okay?” He asked.

Niall nodded, “Yeah.” He replied wrapping the blanket around himself.

Liam let Ryan and the officer back into the room and they continued on.

Ryan took pictures of every bruise and cut that Niall had as Niall explained what happened and how he got them.

Niall cried the entire time Ryan performed the rape kit but with Liam by his side he managed to get it over with.

The doctors even allowed Liam to stay as they did the full physical exam and psych evaluation.

In the end the doctors diagnosed Niall with moderate PTSD. They said he also had Acute Stress Disorder and prescribed him Lorazepam to help.

After having Niall finish his IV they released both him and Liam.

They went straight to Zayn's room. Zayn had just finished dressing. The doctors had told him he too had PTSD but didn't feel he needed meds.

"Have the released you too?" Liam asked as Zayn finished pulling on the hoodie.

"Yes, any word on Louis or Harry?" He asked.

"No. We should go check it out." Niall replied.

Zayn nodded in agreement as he looked at Liam and Niall. They were holding hands and Niall was stuck to Liam’s side. He noticed that Niall was hanging on tightly but the thing that bothered him the most was that Liam was squeezing back just as hard.

“Either of you know which room they’re in?” Zayn asked as he forced himself to look away from the hand holding.

“No...but there is security around making sure no one gets into our rooms and I’m sure the CSI’s are lurking about. We could ask one of them?” Liam suggested.

Niall nodded, “I like that idea. I don’t want to ask them though…”

“I’ll ask them.” Zayn offered pushing past Liam and Niall towards the door.

Niall looked at Liam as Zayn left, “Everything okay with the two of you?”

Liam shrugged, “I don’t know...I honestly don’t. I really hope it is though.”

“Me too.” Niall agreed resting his head on Liam’s shoulder again.

A few minutes later Zayn came back into the room, “Follow me. I found their room.”

“They weren’t made to separate?” Niall asked confused.

Zayn sighed, “I don’t fucking know! Let’s go and find out, shall we?”

Niall hung closer to Liam as they followed Zayn to Louis’ and Harry’s room.

They found Louis sitting in the edge of Harry's bed holding his hand tightly.

Now all of them but Harry were dressed the same.

"You guys weren't split up?" Liam asked.

"We were." Louis nodded.

"I panicked, he came to calm me." Harry explained looking at his lap.

The three walked closer to his bed as Niall commented, "I panicked too. Liam came in and helped me."

Zayn looked angry.

Liam who noticed, felt the sudden need to add, "They were worried about you and asked me to come help."

A silence fell between them for a while until Zayn asked, "Have you heard anything about getting released?"

"No, they want him to finish this pain medication. They are looking at some kind of medication for him as well. They said he has Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and Depression." Louis explained.

Liam nodded, "They gave Niall medication too."

Niall blushed a little, "They said it'll help with the anxiety and the shaking."

"That's good." Louis told him.

They all stood around discussing what the CSI's had done with them. Everything seemed pretty much the same straight across.

"He-" The doctor walking in paused, "Hello." He laughed a bit at himself having not expected the crowd in Harry's room. "That pain medicine looks just about gone. Is your head feeling better now?"

"Yeah." Harry replied as the other lads moved out of his way.

"Good, I think your just about ready to be on your way then. I'm giving you a script for Vicodin. You can take a pill once a day as needed for pain. Only take it if you really need it. Promise?" He asked directly.

"Yes, I promise." Harry agreed.

"Good, the Psychologist wants you wants to try you on Cymbalta. Once you get a therapist they can adjust the dose if needed." The doctor further instructed.

Harry nodded and asked, "What about my stitches?"

"Come back in two weeks, and we can see if it’s fully healed by then." He replied.

Harry agreed.

"Once this is gone I'll release you." He then turned to the other four boys, “I’ll send some nurses in to have you sign your release papers. I've included some information on HIV testing for some you."

They all suddenly looked uncomfortable as he left.

"So did they give you any medication, Louis?" Zayn asked.

"No, they just told me I needed the see a therapist." Louis explained. "What about you?"

"Same thing, no medicine. Liam?"

"Same." He nodded.

Another moment of silence passed until Niall began speaking, "We're being released. Does that mean we all have to go home? I don't want to go home alone."

"To be honest, I don't wanna go home alone either." Liam admitted.

"Doesn't feel right to be away from you all." Louis seemed to agree.

Zayn rubbed a hand over his mouth then nodded, "I agree. I don’t want to be away from you guys either. Where we going to go? None of our places are big enough.”

That's when Harry spoke up, "There is plenty of room at my house."

"Your place? Harry, your place is my place." Louis looked at him like he was crazy.

"I mean the house management gave me. You know, my ‘house’.” He said putting extra emphasis on the word house.

Liam nodded.

"That'd be perfect. Innit like, huge or something?" Zayn asked.

"Yeah, pretty big." Louis nodded.

"Let's go there then. I can't be completely alone. I just...I need someone with me." Niall shook his head.

"You mean you need Liam?" Zayn asked cold.

"Stop it, Zayn! We all need each other. That's what he means." Louis forced himself into the conversation.

Niall looked over at Zayn, “I didn’t even mention Liam! I’d be happy if any of you stayed with me. I don’t want to be alone. I like Harry’s idea. We went through something horrible together and we have to heal together. We’re the only one’s that really understand each other because we’ve been through everything together and I’m not just talking about being kidnapped either.”

Louis nodded in agreement, “Well said, Nialler! Took the words out of my mouth.”

Liam sighed, “You realize that he’s right you know...From the X-Factor to being signed to being signed with management to helping Louis and Harry deal with their relationship and having to hide it.” He paused and then added, “Even me and Zayn, and having to deal with the fallout of management finding out about us. We’ve been through it all together. We’ve said it before and now I realize its more true now than it was ever before there is seriously no one I trust more than you four lads.”

Everyone sat in silence for a few minutes until Louis spoke up, “We’ve been through it all together, done it all together, and we can beat this together. We will heal together. We’ll get through this. I promise.”

“So it’s settled then? We’ll go collect our things and meet back at the house management bought for me.” Harry said.

They all nodded in agreement.

“So...how are we getting home? I haven’t looked outside and I’m not sure I even want to.” Niall said.

“I looked out the window before you and Liam came in my room, there’s a lot of people out there. Between the fans and the paps, it’s fucking nuts.” Zayn explained.

Just then the door opened, they boys turned to look at who it was, “You have no fucking idea how worried about you boys I was!” They heard a familiar voice say.

“PAUL!” The boys shouted and ran towards him, expect Harry who didn’t want to leave the bed.

On paper, he was their head of security and tour manager, but after three years, Paul had become apart of their family somewhat, they honestly cared about him and Paul could definitely say the same about the boys.

“I got here awhile ago, but they wouldn’t allow me to see you. I just got the okay to come in now. How you boys holding up?” He asked.

The boys fell silent, “I don’t know.” Louis said softly.

“I don’t think any of us do…” Zayn said honestly.

Paul nodded, “Once Harry’s pain medication is done, we’ll get you boys out of here safely. Are we taking you to your individual flats?”

“Actually, we were thinking of staying at the house management bought me.” Harry said sitting up in the bed as everyone made their way over to him.

“I’ll make sure to inform the others of that. We’ve managed to move people across the street, police are here to keep them at bay. The usual routine is still in place for getting out of buildings and places.”

The boys nodded.

With Paul finally close enough to see Harry's wound he seemed to inspect it. "Gotcha good, huh?"

"They told me I fell." Harry explained.

Paul shook his head and covered his mouth for a moment. He had been scared for their lives. "Had it not been for those girls spotting Andy's cousin and following him, we may have never found you guys."

"What girls?" Zayn asked.

"Andy's wife reported him missing a day or so after we realized you guys were gone. A few days later two of your fans spotted Daniel and recognized him. They followed him back to the warehouse and then told police."

"Seriously?" Liam asked.

"Yeah, that building has been abandoned for years I guess. The police couldn't know for positive that's where you were but they had a good feeling." Paul explained.

"Our fans really are the best. We need to thank those girls personally once we are all up to it." Louis said as the other lads agreed.

Paul nodded but a moment later asked, "Mentally, how are you all? Think you'll be 'up to it' anytime soon?"

"They said we all have Post Traumatic Stress DIsorder. The one lady told us we'd all need counseling before she'd recommend us doing anything work related." Zayn explained.

"Harry and Niall have both been put on meds for it." Louis added then touched Harry's shoulder and said, "He flipped when the lady took a picture of him for evidence."

"...and Niall can't seem to let anyone touch him." Liam added.

"Anyone by you." Zayn almost swore under his breath.

Paul heard but ignored it. "Management is planning to meet with you all as soon as possible. I'll give them a heads up that you guys need some real good therapists."

Before anyone else could say anything a nurse came into the room, "Well, it looks like your IV is done! What do you say we get you out of here?"

"That'd be great." He told her.

She smiled and set to work removing the IV and cleaning up his hand.

"I'll get your paperwork together while you change." She then looked to Zayn, Liam, Niall and Louis. "I'll grab your paperwork as well."

She left and slowly Harry stood and grabbed the stack of sweats from Louis.

"I'll just be a moment." He said and stepped into the loo.

When the nurse returned with their paperwork she let them know the police were testing their kidnappers for HIV and aids. She explained they wouldn't need tested unless their test came back positive.

A while later the boys had finished their paperwork and were ready to go. As they stood waiting to go outside Liam took it upon himself to try and ease the tension, "We look like idiots, all in matching police clothes with matching bandages from our IV's."

Niall laughed, “Yeah, we said we didn’t want to be the typical boyband but now look at us...matching clothes and bandages.”

Paul came up to the boys with Harry and Louis following, “I know we normally take you boys out one or two at a time, but I don’t want to keep you waiting any longer than you have to. Everyone’s across the street, when you go outside keep your heads down. I don’t think it’s wise to scare your fans anymore than they really are…”

Louis cut him off, “But we fucking survived all that horrible shit!”

“I know. I don’t know what you survived but all I’m thinking is if the paps got a good view of your faces right now...That story would spread like wildfire and I know you boys don’t care but the fans don’t know what happened. If the media starts making up shit based on a good photo that they got of you, it’ll further scare the fans more than they already are. It’s up to you...but I advise against it, at least for right now.” Paul explained.

Harry pulled his hood up and Niall followed Harry’s actions and pulled his hood up too.

“I’ll keep my head down but I’m not pulling up my hood.” Louis stated.

Paul nodded and looked towards Zayn and Liam.

Zayn shook his head, “Louis’ right…Why hide the fact that we survived?”

Liam shrugged, “I see your point Lou...but do you want to give the media something to scare our fans with before we even have a chance to tell them that we’re thankful for their support and as for me, I know I don’t look my best, it’ll take a long time for the bruises to heal...but we’re still a bit bloody. Can’t we at least wash ourselves up first?”

Zayn nodded, “He makes a good point.”

Louis sighed, “Okay but I don’t want to hide how we look forever. We fucking survived, we shouldn’t hide that.”

“Yeah, but I think we should at least shower first…” Niall agreed.

Louis pulled up his hood as Zayn and Liam followed suit.

“Line up at the door and walk with your heads down straight to the van.” Paul instructed as their other security guards Cal and Preston opened the doors.

Louis took Harry’s hand as Niall took Liam’s hand again.

Harry looked over at Paul, “Please don’t make me let go of him.” He said as tears formed in his eyes.

Paul shook his head, “I should...but I won’t, not today. Go.” He said nodding towards the door as Louis and Harry walked out followed by Liam, Niall and Zayn.


	4. Chapter 4

The girls screamed and went crazy. Louis made it a point to wave towards them but never looked.

Once in the safety of the van in drive away and they headed off to stay and start their lives over again.

Paul who was now in the drivers seat of the the van looked to the lads, "Liam, Louis, Harry, your flats are still crime scenes but police have been dispatched to meet us there so you can collect some of your things."

They nodded. Liam wasn't crazy about being alone in the home he was taken from.

It took a while but finally all the boys were able to collect their clothes and a few personal items. The police were very picky about what they would allow Liam, Harry and Louis to take.

Niall found it important to get at least two of his guitars. Liam and Zayn had enough sense to get food for all of them to eat. Harry and Louis however only took the things they needed. They both only wanted to be in that flat as long as they had to be.

The boys security team seem to surround the home Modest had given Harry when they arrived. It was a comfort to the broken boys.

"Let's get you guys inside with your things and I'll call management and fill them in. I only had enough time to give security a heads up earlier." Paul said as they all began to unload.

With all of them working on the task however it wasn't long at all before it was completed.

Paul stepped into private to call management while the boys walked deeper into the large home.

"I need to shower." Niall softly said.

"This place has a few of those. Let's pick our rooms and then we all can wash up." Harry nodded.

"I'm sharing with you right?" Louis asked worried Harry wouldn't want to.

"Yeah." Harry nodded but didn't smile.

"You two take the master then. I'm sure it's larger." Zayn offered.

"I agree. Let's take our stuff up." Niall grabbed a few bags and followed Harry up the stairs.

"This will be ours." Harry told Louis setting his bags down on the large bed in the room.

Liam took a room directly next to theirs as Niall was quick to choose the room directly across from him. Zayn however took the room at the end of the hall.

"There is a shower in the master; one down the hall there and a third in the basement." Harry explained as they all seemed to meet in the hall.

"You go first. Don't lock the door. I'll watch it from out here." Louis knew Harry would be worried.

"Thanks." He said and followed him back into the room.

The last of the three in the hall looked at each other.

"Go on, Niall." Zayn pointed towards the shower and walked away.

He didn't need told twice. He took off and prepared for a much needed shower. He felt so dirty.

Liam however followed Zayn into his room.

"Zayn?" Liam questioned.

"What Liam?" He asked hard.

"Please Zayn..." He trailed off almost begging him to be nice.

"What do you want me to say?" He asked never even making eye contact.

"I want you to say we are gonna be ok."

Zayn froze for a moment, "You want me to lie to ya then? I can't see into the future."

"Zayn, baby please I'm..." Liam was about to say he was sorry but Niall's voice down the hall cut him off.

"Liam!" He sounded near tears.

Liam looked down the hall but then back to Zayn. He didn't know what to do.

"Just go." Zayn looked to him for a moment and then turned away and softly said, "He needs you."

Liam still felt torn but he took off towards Niall. "Nialler?" He knocked on the door.

Slowly it opened. Niall stepped back and allowed Liam into the room. He was shirtless and looked near tears.

"What's wrong?"

"I... I can't get my pants..." He looked away unable to finish.

"Nialler, you’re in sweatpants." Liam was confused. It shouldn't be that hard.

"But the string is knotted. My hands, they won't stop... shaking." He held his hands up and showed Liam how they still trembled.

Liam nodded and stepped forward and began working on the knot, "We need to get you that medication."

"I know." He nodded as Liam finally finished.

"Where's the script? I'll take it to Paul. See if he can send someone to get it for you."

"It's in the front pouch of my backpack. You should get Harry's too." Niall suggested as he placed his shaking thumbs into waistband of the sweatpants.

"Yeah, good idea. Shout if you need me." Liam then left.

As he began to retrieve Niall's script Zayn's voice came behind him, "What are you doing in his stuff?"

"He couldn't even untie his sweats. He needs his medication filled." Liam explained finding it.

"When are you gonna take care of me like you do him Liam?" His voice was quiet yet hard.

"Zayn! Stop fighting with me! It's not like that and I'm sorry I've made you feel that way but it's time for you to stop now!" Liam's voice was just as hard as he pushed past him and moved to Harry and Louis' room.

He knocked on the door softly and waited for Louis to open it. When he did Liam showed him Niall's script, "I'm taking this down to Paul, want me to take Harry's?"

Louis nodded, "Yeah, thanks Liam."

Liam stepped into the room a little as Louis grabbed the script for him.

"You and Zayn okay? I heard you again." Louis wasn't trying to pry he just wanted his little brothers to be alright.

"He's mad at me." Liam explained as Louis handed him the script.

"Maybe management will agree to some couples therapy."

"Yeah, hopefully."

Louis patted his shoulder and he left.

Around an hour later all the boys had showered and changed into their own clothes. It made them feel much better. Niall had made it a point to put on sweatpants with no draw string. He was sick of needing help.

Paul had taken the scripts and had sent someone to get the medicine for the boys. He had also sent someone to buy Zayn another cell phone.

"I’m going to call my mum now, you can use my cell to call yours afterwards if you’d like. Although, knowing our mothers they’re all together." Louis said as Liam walked into the sitting room freshly showered.

Zayn was sitting on the sofa while Louis and Harry were sitting next to each other, loosely holding hands. Niall was sitting on the sofa opposite from them even though there was room. He was half afraid of Zayn saying something or doing something. He knew Zayn didn’t like him always needing Liam’s help.

“Good point.” Zayn said as Louis got up from where he was sitting. “I’m going to make that call right now.” Louis said as he looked over at Harry.

“You good?” He asked.

Harry nodded, “I’m fine, I have the other lads around. Go, call your mum.”

The only reason his cell phone or any of their phones were working was because they had charged them while they were in the showers.

Once out of earshot of the others Louis dialed his mum's number. His heart pounded so hard as heard the phone rang in his ear.

"H- Hello?" Her voice was far shakier than he had ever remembered it being.

Hearing her voice tears instantly tears formed as he gasped a little and almost whispered, "Mum?"

He could hear that his emotion was returned by her ten fold, "Oh Louis, I never thought I'd hear your voice ever again."

He blinked hard and the tears fell, "I missed you so much!" He couldn't help but cry.

"Your okay?" She had to know.

"Yeah, kinda, just lots of emotional scars." He tried to sound brave but the tears made his voice crack.

"Please let me see you." She wasted no time asking. She wanted to see her son and hold him in her arms.

"You don't have to ask." He smiled through tears. He didn't even bother to wipe them away.

"When?" She asked almost with a gasp herself.

"We're all here at the house Modest! gave Harry. Nothing's stopping you or the other mums." He cried more at the thought of her hugging him. He needed her reassurance.

"I can't wait." She sounded so happy.

"Hey mum..." He couldn't help but trail off a little.

"Yes?"

"Just you mums okay?"

"Of course, it's just us in town at the moment anyway. All your dads are on the way but not here yet." She understood why he'd ask to see only them. They were probably fully overwhelmed.

"Thanks, hurry over."

"We're on our way. Give your phone to Paul." She quickly said. He stood and walked into Paul's eye sight and mentioned for him.

"I love you, mum."

"I love you too, Louis."

He then handed Paul the phone and walked back to the boys. It was only when he sat down next to Harry again that he finally wiped away his tears. The others had seen.

Liam instantly sat forward, "Are you alright?" He asked now sitting beside Niall.

"Yeah," he wiped away another tear, "Just got emotional hearing her voice."

Liam sat back.

"You didn't talk long." Harry's eyes were locked on his lap.

"She's on her way over. All the mums are."

"Really?" Zayn looked so full of hope and happy.

"Yeah, she's talking to Paul now." Louis nodded taking Harry's hand back gently.

"That's great." Liam looked happy as well. He wanted to see her badly.

Harry looked a bit worried though.

Louis noticed and gave his hand a slight squeeze as if to silently ask if he was alright.

"She's gonna baby me." He whispered just loud enough for Louis to hear.

"I'll warn her when she gets here." Louis whispered back.

Niall however was silent. His face read no emotion.

Worried Liam moved towards him but as his hand reached out to touch Niall's knee he moved it away.

"Lads, your mums should be here soon. Faster if the police don't catch 'em speeding." He tried to joke knowing the boys needed laughter but none of them even responded.

“Also, Will is stopping by sometime soon, as soon as he finishes his chat with the lawyers. He’s also looked into some therapists for you boys. We thought it’d be best if we talked about the trial info and the rest of the tour together. We’re trying to get it so that the trial can happen before you go back out on tour.” Paul explained speaking of one of their many managers. Will was usually the main one for UK based things, especially P.R.

Harry’s head shot up, “Wait...what? We’re still doing the tour?! What the fuck?!”

“It’s not up to me boys, I just make the arrangements, whether or not you have a tour is up to Will and the rest of your management team. You’re all fine physically, so they don’t really see a problem.” Paul replied sitting next to Zayn.

Niall shook his head, “This isn’t fair. We should have time to recover before we go back out on tour. Just because we’re physically fine doesn’t mean shit! We need time for the emotional scarring to heal!”

Paul nodded, “I understand. I do, believe me. I wouldn’t want you boys out there if your head wasn’t with it. Will mentioned about taking the therapists on the road with you, just have to find some that are willing.”

Liam sighed, “Well, they say music heals…”

Louis leaned forward in his seat, “We owe it to the fans to be in the right mind set. We can’t do a show if our head’s not in it!” He argued.

Paul again nodded, “I totally agree with you. Management doesn’t see it that way. Take the fight  up with Will when he gets here.”

Zayn whose hands were making a fist, “Believe me, we will.”

It wasn't long before Louis stood placing at the front door. He was ready for his mum to be here.

He would have been pacing outside but security didn't want him out there. He was going out when she arrived though, nothing was gonna stop him.

Liam, Niall, Zayn and Harry still sat in the sitting room with Paul.

They all seemed anxious. Niall however was shaking more than normal.

"Niall?" Paul mentioned softly. He had never seen him like this before. The lad was almost rocking back and forth.

Niall's response was to just shake his head. He didn't wanna talk about it. He was more worried about how he was supposed to face his mum. He was so embarrassed and ashamed.

"They're here!" Louis' voice shouted.

He ran out the front door, blowing past the guards and straight to his mother.

It felt almost like a ton of bricks hitting her but she didn't mind. Her arms wrapped around him as tightly as she could.

"Mum!" He cried holding her just as tight.

The other mums unloaded from the van they had rode in and got teary eyed seeing Jay holding Louis.

When Louis' eyes caught Anne he pulled away from his mother knowing he had to talk to her before she got to Harry.

"Hang on." He assured her and looked away, "Anne." He called and walked to her.

"Louis, we were so worried about you all." She hugged him a little.

"Thanks." He said pulling away. He licked his lips and looked her in the eye, he didn't know how to say what he needed to.

"What is it? What's wrong?" She looked worried.

"I just wanted to prepare you... He's got a really bad head wound. He's okay but he's got stitches in and it looks pretty bad."

She nodded as her heart broke a little.

"There's more..." He shifted uncomfortably as the other mums seemed to listen.

"I can't go into detail, it's something he needs to tell you but, it's really important you don't baby him. Just maybe, let him come to you." He hoped it wouldn't upset her.

"Okay, thank you, Louis." She forced a smile. She was just so worried about her son.

"Inside." Paul called from the front door.

They all moved inside. Zayn and Liam met them in the entry.

"Zayn, my boy." Tears formed in Trisha’s eyes but she refused to let them fall as he reached her.

Her hand gently ran down the side of his face inspecting each bruise and cut. She shook her head and covered her mouth with her free hand.

"Come here mum, you won't break me." He smiled. He was so happy to see her.

They hugged and tears on both ends threatened to fall but never actually did.

"Mum!" Liam pulled her into his arms before she had a chance to really look at him.

She cried hard holding him but he stood strong. He had to be strong for her. "It's alright, mum." He soothed until she finally pulled away.

"The others must be in here." Louis said leading the group towards the sitting room.

When they arrived in the room however they only saw Harry.

"Where’s Niall?" Liam asked. He had seen him getting up.

"I heard a door slam upstairs." Harry wouldn't make eye contact.

Anne swallowed hard and tears ran down her face. Harry looked so bad, physically and emotionally. She wanted to hold him so badly but Louis had warned her.

Liam rubbed her back a little and Louis gave her another reassuring hug. "Just sit next to him." He whispered.

She nodded and wiped her tears away as she slowly went and sat by him on the sofa.

He glanced at her for only a moment before looking away and gently taking her hand in his.

She had to bite at her lips to keep from crying. She didn't want to upset him.

Eyeing that Maura looked out of place Liam offered, "I'll go check on Niall." He hugged his mum again and then went up.

"Niall?" He tapped softly on his bedroom door.

"Go away!" He yelled hard.

"Niall?" Liam asked again trying to open the door. It was locked. "Niall, what's wrong?"

"Li, please, just leave me be. I can't let ‘er see me like this."

Downstairs Liam could hear Will's distinct voice. "Niall, you're gonna have to come out. Fucking Will is here already."

He heard Niall groan and curse.

"Come on Nialler, they won't let you miss this meeting." Liam kept at it.

Suddenly the door opened swiftly, "I don't wanna do this." He huffed.

Liam placed a hand on Niall's shoulder. "I don't want to talk to Will right now either, fact is we have to. Let's go, I won't leave you."

Niall nodded, took Liam's hand and walked down with him. Niall was thankful the moms all seemed to go into the in the kitchen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> To everyone concerned about Ziam:  
> I understand where you're coming from. Honestly, I do! And I promise that Ziam will heal but healing and getting over things take time. You love us for being realistic and we're being realistic with Ziam and the others as much as we can. T  
> his story is a lot longer than Vengeance was. Just keep reading, please. Things will get better, but it's a process.  
> You don't get better overnight. You don't heal overnight...It's a process...he's going through something and as hard as it is, you just gotta let them go through it.  
> I PROMISE EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THE BOYS WILL GET A HAPPY ENDING!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reason Anon commenting is off is because of hateful attacks on our series we've had recently. We can take negative comments, we can take criticism. We will not however, put up with mean, hateful comments about a series that we're working so hard on and having so much fun with.
> 
> If you wish to make a comment, then either make an account or message my tumblr larryslove.tumblr.com.

Reluctantly, Niall dropped Liam's hand just before entering the sitting room that everyone was in. He knew it wasn't a good idea.

"There you lads are." Will flashed them an executive smile.

Liam instinctively sat by Zayn as Niall took an open seat by Harry.

Just then Jay and Anne walked into the room, “Sorry to interupt but we’re all going out to buy some food. There isn’t anything we can really cook with here.” Jay explained.

Louis nodded and smiled, “Thanks, mum.”

She gave him a smile as Anne looked to Harry, “Harry, bab-is there anything you’d specifically like?” She asked and was quick to catch herself calling him ‘baby’.

Harry shook his head ‘no’. Anne nodded, “I’ll be right back. Jay and I are just going to go to the store and back.”

Harry nodded but didn’t speak.

Anne and Jay then left the room as they gathered in the kitchen with the other moms to make up a list of everything they’d need.

"Good news, we found two great therapists who are willing to clear their schedules and be exclusive to you guys for as long as you need them. They are even willing to go on tour." Will looked proud.

"The tour you're refusing to cancel or postpone?" Louis asked callous.

"Louis, don't be cross. You know we can't afford to do that. All the fans are looking forward to it. You can't let them down." Will pushed.

"So it won't be letting them down to perform half out of it?" Zayn asked.

"You are all strong lads, physically your fine other then some bruising that makeup can cover." He argued back.

"You don't know even half of what we've all been through! You can't sit there and dictate what we are strong enough to handle." Liam was angry.

"Okay, why don't we all calm down." Paul tried to mediate a little. "Will, the boys are emotionally very broken. They need time to heal and recover. They need help recovering too."

"Okay, there are two weeks before tour. The therapist have said they'll start Monday. That means you all will have two weeks to get to a point where you are comfortable performing."

“So, are we just doing one on one sessions with these therapists?” Zayn asked.

“Actually, they thought it would be best to do group therapy and one on one therapy.” Will smiled thinking the boy would be happy.

“We want couples therapy too.” Louis voice was demanding, not asking in anyway.

“Hold on, I don't see why thats important.” Will was in no way supportive, it was obvious.

“You haven’t a clue what we went through. Some of us had to watch our partner be sexually assaulted by those men. You don’t think thats affected us?” Liam pushed knowing Louis had to be in so much pain watching Adam kiss Harry.

“I’m sorry lads, really I am but I don’t understand why that means you must have couples therapy.” Will shook his head.

“Because like it or not the fans expect to see chemistry between them, Harry and Louis…” Niall said. He paused then added, “and Zayn and Liam. Hell, probably half, if not more, than all our fans love Larry the most. You let that fall to pieces and you lose half the fan base.” He said eyeing Zayn for only a moment before looking back to Will.

“Okay, fine. You can have your couples therapy. I expect one amazing tour in return though.” He caved.

Louis shook his head, he wasn't happy about the tour but he knew there was going to be no changing the mind of Will. He’d just need to focus on the positive, he and Harry getting back to normal.

"Hang on, what about the trial? What if it can't be done that quickly?" Harry asked.

"Your lawyers think the trial can be put on a speedy track due to your status. If the judge agrees to a speedy trial it should finish up the day you all will have to leave." Will explained.

The boys just groaned.

"Now, all the rules stay in place. This doesn't change how important they are. All your girlfriends are still in place, Zayn the engagement is still on as well. Harry and Louis, you two still can't sit together, hold hands, any of that. Same goes for you two." He eyed Liam and Zayn though he knew they were better about keeping things hidden.

"This is ridiculous." Louis complained.

"It's for the best." Will tried to ensure.

None of them agreed but realized it was pointless fighting a battle they wouldn't win.

"Next order of business, anything happen that I need to worry about? We're already trying to figure out how to cover up Andy and his friends holding you all."

"No! That's where I draw the line. I won't hide what happened! We survived when, trust me, we could have been killed. I won't hide that." Louis nearly stood.

"I agree. We owe it to all the fans battling anything to stand up and own the story. They look up to us. What's it teach them if we hide every bad little thing that ever happened in our lives?" Liam nodded.

"We can be the face of hope in their lives." Zayn nodded.

Will surprisingly agreed, "Alright, but I don't want what happened inside that building getting out. All they need to know is that your were taken and treated awfully. The quicker we get you boys back out there the stronger you all look for them."

It was something they all could actually agree on. It seemed to help the mood in the room relax.

"Alright, seriously though boys, we do need to know what happened in there. We need to be prepared incase anything at all comes out." Paul tried to keep the mellow tone flowing.

"They brought us all face to face with our biggest fears. They physically assaulted us, sexually assaulted us and verbally assaulted us." Zayn spoke up.

Will nodded, "Anyone videotape any of it, photograph anything?"

Harry ran a hand over his face remembering all the photos they had taken of him. Niall shook harder.

Liam just nodded.

"Yes? I need you guys to give me more than a nod." Will softly pried.

"They took all kinds of photos. Terrible ones. Ones that could ruin us and destroy everything we’ve worked so hard to get." Harry wouldn't make eye contact as he softly spoke.

"Shit!" He cursed a bit and looked to Paul.

“It was during the sexual assaults...That’s when they’d take pictures.” Louis added.

Will nodded, “What kind of sexual assaults are we talking about here? Rape? Oral? What? I need to be prepared.”

The boys stayed silent.

Paul looked towards Will, “I hardly think that they would be comfortable sharing that information. I’m sure you can spin it any way you want without knowing the exact details.”

Zayn moved to sit on the edge of his seat, “Don’t spin it. Don’t lie...Do we want the fans to see us like that? No, of course not. I don’t think you can spin it either. They’re too smart to believe any story you’ll tell them. We don’t want to lie to them either. We’ve done enough of that thanks to you and the rest of management. At least let us be truthful about this. Please.” He almost begged.

Will ran a hand over his face, “I don’t like it…”

Louis shook his head, “How do you think WE FUCKING FEEL?!”

Will sighed, “You have a lot of very young fans…”

“It’s not like we’re releasing the photos ourselves...but if they happen to somehow be leaked...then we’re telling the damn truth!” Niall interrupted. He paused for a moment then added, “I know we have a lot of young fans but it doesn’t matter. How would you explain the photo’s anyway? It’s not like we’re enjoying it. If the pictures come out, they come out, we’re not fucking lying about this.”

Zayn nodded, “I agree with Niall.”

“Me too.” Liam agreed.

“And me.” Louis said.

Harry nodded, “I like what Niall said. It’s true, we’ve lied about too much already. We will be truthful about this. We have to. We owe that much to them.”

Will nodded, “Fine. Be truthful, if the fans react badly it’s your own damn fault.”

“I think they’ll be angry, upset, concerned...but it’s all just out of worry for us. They’ll feel bad that we had to go through shit like that. But I don’t think they’ll be less supportive of us because of that. It’s not like we had a choice.” Harry explained.

Liam held back tears, it was hard to talk about what happened to them, but the thought of their fans knowing even some of it killed him. He knew that they shouldn’t lie about it and he didn’t want to, he just felt bad for how the fans would feel if they ever found any details out. He just prayed that for the first time no one would go searching for the information. Their fans had a habit of finding out private information that no one else would know.

“Alright. So, legal stuff…” Paul said trying to change the topic. “Is there anything else that we should know?” He asked

“Yes. You boys can’t talk to anyone outside of your family and even when it comes to your family I suggest no one else besides your mum’s know the full details of what happened to you. You can’t talk to the fans about the trial or anything that happened during the time you were held captive.” Will explained.

Liam looked over at Will, “Are we allowed to at least thank them for their support via twitter?”

“Yes, you should do that sometime soon, preferably in the next three days. Just thank them for their love and support during this difficult time. Something along those lines would be best.”

The boys nodded in agreement.

“One more thing…” Will quickly added and the boys groaned. “I know bruises take forever to heal, so I’ve had Lou order some make up that would cover that up.”

Louis shook his head, “No. I refuse to hide! I don’t even want to. I don’t want our bruises to be covered up by make up when we do interviews and we’re doing concerts. We fucking survived something horrible, why cover that up? We went through something no one should and we survived. We willnot hide that.”

“We still have to do interviews?” Harry groaned.

“Yes, but they’ll all be phone interviews. It was already set up that way before you left. I do suggest a few TV appearances after the trial and tour is over then we’ll be in L.A. for the release of Midnight Memories.” Will further explained.

“Let me guess...we’re going to do interviews based on what happened to us and how we’re dealing and shit because of our new album coming out and going back on tour next year…” Louis said shaking his head.

Will gave Louis a look, “Don’t get smart.” He warned.

The room fell silent until Niall spoke up, “Are we done now? Is there anything more to talk about?”

“No, Paul is there anything else we need to talk about?” Will asked.

Paul shook his head, “I don’t believe so. No.”

“Good.” Niall said standing up.

“Where are you going now?” Louis asked.

“My room.” He replied and left.

Will then got up, “Well, this has been fun but I still have a lot of work left to do before I can sleep tonight, so I will see you boys soon.” He said leaving the room.

“Has he even see his mum yet?” Zayn asked about Niall.

Liam shook his head, “He doesn’t want to, he doesn’t want her to see him like this. At least that’s what he told me.”

Just then Maura and Trisha appeared at the door, “Dinner is ready. Paul, you're more than welcomed to stay.” Trisha offered.

“Thank you, Trisha but I think I’ll go now. Check in on the little one’s sleeping. Unless, you boys need me for anything else?” Paul asked the boys.

“No, thank you. Go home, Paul. See your boys.” Liam smiled at him.

Paul nodded, “Can I at least give you boys a hug before I leave? I don’t think I’ve been so worried about anyone in my life!” He normally wouldn’t ask but he knew they’d been through a lot and wanted to check first.

“Of course.” Zayn said standing up to give Paul a hug, while Liam and Louis followed suit.

Harry looked over at Paul, “It was good to see you again. We were afraid that we’d never get out of there.”

Paul walked over to Harry, he placed a hand on his shoulder, “You’re going to be fine now. I promise I won’t let anyone take or hurt you boys again.” He turned to the others, “I’ve also hired daytime and nighttime security for this place. Twenty four hour shifts. I know that the alarm system for this house is the best in the country, I suggest you set it everytime you come and go, even if you're in the house, set it. It might help you feel just a fraction bit safer in the house. I can also assure you that Andy never knew the location of this house.”

The boys nodded, “Thank you, Paul.” Louis said with a small smile.

“Oh and before I leave, Zayn...your new phone, same number.” He said handing Zayn his phone.

Zayn took it, “Thanks.”

Paul said one last goodbye and then left.

The boys all turned to go eat but Liam stopped, "I better go check and see if he wants anything."

"Yeah, he has to eat." Louis agreed.

Liam just nodded and headed off towards Niall's room. He knew that's where he would find him.

"Niall?" He knocked on the door.

"I'm not coming back down." Was the quick response he got.

"Our mums made dinner. You have to eat something, Niall." Liam felt awful that Niall wouldn’t see his mum. He knew she had to be missing him really badly. It was different for Niall and his family compared to the other boys. Niall was from Ireland and had moved to London for work purposes. He knew how much he missed his friends and family back home and how much they missed him too.

"Liam..." His voice groaned but whimpered slightly. "She can't see me like this."

Liam sighed a little but replied, "We're all bruised and beaten up. Harry's worse than anyone and yet he's down there with his mum."

He leaned against Niall's door a little.

"Li... Please just bring the food up here." His voice was soft and upset.

"Alright buddy." He nodded and walked away. He was so worried about his little brother. It wasn't like him to not want to see his mum. Sure he had been hurt but.... This was his mum!

He swallowed hard as he walked into the dining room. They all looked to him hopeful but he just shook his head with a frown, "I'm sorry.” Liam said shaking his head then pausing and said, “He told me to bring his food to him.”

Instantly Maura stood, "Let me try taking his food up. Which room is his?"

Liam was a bit afraid to send her, Niall was clear on not wanting to see her. He wouldn’t dare tell her no however, she looked so heartbroken.

"It's the only room with the door closed up there." He forced a small smile.

"Thank you." She picked up the plate and glass from the spot she had set for him as she left the room.

Liam was still worried but went and sat between his mum and Zayn. Her hand rubbed his knee a little as she gave him a small smile. He returned the smile. He wasn’t completely happy, he was worried for his brothers, he was worried for his relationship with Zayn, but he was happy to be back and couldn’t wait to see the rest of his family when he was ready to face them. Right now, he was just happy being around his brothers and some family.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promise Ziam will get better and on good terms again, its coming soon, I promise. Please be patient with us.
> 
> And I tried to realistic with Paul, couldn't remember how many kids he had. I'm pretty sure he has at least one boy? Anyways...just go along with it if I'm wrong lol


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

Upstairs Maura reached her son's room. "Niall, sweetheart?" She called from outside his door.

There was no reply.

"Niall, you don't have to see me. I'm just really worried about you." Her voice was full of so much hurt. For almost a week she had worried about whether she'd ever see him again or not. Now here he was, safe and sound and the only thing between them was a white wooden door.

"Mum..." His voice sounded like he was crying.

She could hear him moving to sit on the floor next to the door.

"I promise, I'm not trying to hurt you." He still cried.

"It's alright." She half lied. She would never make Niall do something he didn't want to but at the same time she wanted him to open the door. She just wanted to hold her baby in her arms again.

"Mum, they hurt me so bad." She could almost hear the tears rolling down his face.

"I'm so sorry, baby. I wish I could take it all away." She knelt down and sat on the floor of the hall as she placed his food and drink next to the door.

"I passed out and when I came to I was locked inside a tiny closet. I was so afraid. I was in there for so long. The walls were closing in on me."

A tear rolled down her face. She could only imagine the immense fear and pain he must have been experiencing. She could remember when he was younger, before she had split with her now ex-husband and Niall’s Dad, they had a small house when Niall was much younger, he shared a room with his older brother. It was a tiny room because the house was all they could afford at the time. Niall would insist on sleeping in the sitting room on the sofa, instead of his room because he felt the walls closing in and he wouldn’t be able to breathe. It was because of that that they decided to move to a three bedroom house and worked extra jobs and hours to make it affordable.

"At some point they let me out and I thought everything was over but, it was just starting." He paused to try and stop crying a bit. "I kept getting called an Irish Prince. The other lads were constantly called things like, gay boys and faggots."

Maura stayed quiet in hopes he would keep opening up to her.

"They beat me, badly. They..." Again the tears fell, "They touched me, put things inside me and made me leave it there for a long time."

"Oh Niall, I'm so sorry." She too cried now.

"That's not even the worst part." He wiped away his tears but more fell to replace them. "Mum... They raped me... In front of all the lads. They even made Liam help tie me down and undress me."

Tears poured from both of their eyes.

"Mum, I don't even wanna look at myself."

"It's okay, Niall. I understand, really I do." She wiped off her face and stood. "Thank you for telling me. It must’ve been hard to say that outloud, so really, thank you."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." Niall said wiping his eyes.

"Don't be sorry. Just promise me you'll talk to someone and get some help."

He nodded though she couldn't see. "Yeah, Will said they're looking for a therapist. I promise I'll talk to them."

"I love you son, so much." She placed her hand on the door.

"I love you too, mum. Thank you for understanding." He stayed still right there on the floor.

"Your dinner is on the floor here. Please eat it." She took a step back.

"I will." He promised.

"Bye, honey...I love you. I’m so glad you’re safe now." She forced a smile. She honestly did feel better having gotten to talk to her son. She still wished she could at least hug him.

"Bye mum, I love you too. I'll call you."

Downstairs Jay sat the last thing on the table and took a seat next to Louis across the table from Karen.

She smiled when she noticed her son holding Harry's hand. Louis loved Harry so much and she was grateful them being kidnapped hadn't changed that. If at all, she noticed more love and devotion in Louis’ eyes for her son.

As Maura entered the room she sat at the end of the table near Anne and Trisha.

“Did he let you see him?” Louis asked. They had all been thinking it but only he had the bravery to ask.

“No.”  She shook her head, “But he spoke to me through the door, that’s enough for me.” She gave a very small smile.

“Well I suppose thats a start, yeah?” Trisha gave her a smile and patted her hand.

“He told me a little about what happened to him.” She paused as she tried not to cry.

The boys heart went out to her.

“He promised to work with a therapist so, its a start.” She nodded.

“Yeah, we’ve all agreed to work with a therapist. Its probably the only thing that stands a chance at helping us.” Zayn nodded.

“Good, I’m proud of all of you boys.” Karen smiled at them.

They all began to eat their chicken dinner, but stopped when Liam shouted, “A fork!” The mums looked confused but Zayn and Louis smiled.

“They wouldn't let me have a fork.” He smiled. He was actually going to get to eat normally. It seemed rather small but he had learned not to take it for granted.

Karen looked to her son, “I never would have expected this from him.”

“You dont know the half of it.” Harry said but refused to look up from his plate.

A silence fell awkwardly amongst them until Maura spoke, “Niall said he was locked in a closet. Were you all in closets?” She wasn’t trying to pry but she also knew all the mums were dying for more information.

“No, we were all held separately at first though.” Louis explained.

“We were all in rooms with our biggest fears. Niall was in a closet because of the claustrophobia.” Zayn explained.

“So what kind of room did they have you in? A room with spoons?” Karen asked her son.

“No…” He could feel the nerves setting in at the mere thought but forced himself to stay strong. “I was hung from the ceiling.”

“I had a snake in mine.” Harry commented.

Trisha looked to Zayn, asking with her eyes the questioned that she didn't want to verbally speak.

“I was in a dark room, it wasn’t dark at first, but then they turned out the lights.” He shook his head.

“At least your rooms were quiet. My room had a large and very loud raven in the middle of it.” Louis said.

This was the first the boys had discussed what had happened with each other. In a way it felt good but in a way they wanted to clam up and not say a word. It was so painful to discuss.

“So if you were held separately at first, what happened that it changed?” Anne wanted to know.

“I think they put Niall in my room because he was right on the edge of losing it completely. One of the guys was a doctor and came to check on him not long after he was brought to me. Of course then the rope broke and I fell making his focus shift to me.” Liam explained.

“I don’t know why they put me in with you two. I just know they did.” Zayn left out the part of how he had found them together although the memory was burning inside him.

“I came in after that but I was with Harry between that and being alone.”

“So you really were there? I wasn’t sure if I had dreamed you being there or not.” Harry suddenly looked to Louis.

Louis nodded, “Yeah,I wasn't there for long though. I was taken away to do a test and then after I was put with the other lads. You joined us not longer after.”

“Taken away to do a test?” Trisha cut in unsure what he meant.

The boys all seemed to depress for a moment. They weren’t sure how to explain it, even they didn't understand it.

Liam however chose to be brave and spoke up, “They’d randomly take one of us, give us some form of a stupid test and then punish someone based on the results. One of my tests was boy band trivia. I know Zayn said one of Niall’s test was a mirror maze.”

“They’d punish one of you?” Jay asked.

Harry’s eyes shot quickly back down to his plate as he very softly explained, Andy’s voice in his head the whole time, “If we passed the test, we’d be punished. If we failed we were forced to randomly choose one of the others to be punished.”

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence, the memories of how they were punished were all too fresh in their minds. They knew the mums were wondering how they’d get punished though.

Maura played with the napkin on the table, “Niall told me some of the things that happened to him, were those part of the punishment?” She asked.

The boys silently nodded as Louis quickly wiped a tear that had fallen, “I think I was the first one to be tested...It was this ridiculous high ropes course. I was so close to passing but I lost my footing at the last second and fell. It was because of my failure that Niall was punished.” He explained staring at his half eaten plate of food.

Maura nodded, “I know you tried your hardest, hun. It wasn’t your fault.” She tried to comfort him.

Karen nodded in agreement, “Lou, you shouldn’t have been faced with that situation at all. You did your best and that’s all anyone could ask for.”

“They’re right, Louis.” Jay said in agreement.

Louis nodded, “I know...I tell myself that but my head and my heart aren’t speaking to each other right now.” He explained as a couple tears fell.

Jay leaned over and wiped them away, then pulled back, “Sorry, it’s a habit.” She said softly, unsure if he felt comfortable with that.

Louis smiled, “It’s fine. I don’t mind.”

“So what happened to whoever was punished?” Karen asked not wanting to know but wanting to know at the same time.

“We were either beaten to a pulp or erm…” Liam struggled with choosing his next words. He knew his mum was a very easy crier and noticed how strong she was trying to be for him.

“Sexually abused.” Harry added quietly.

“I’m so sorry you boys had to go through that.” Karen replied trying not to let her tears fall and her voice stay strong.

Everyone finished eating in silence and when the boys had, had enough to eat the mum’s took it upon themselves to clean up for their sons.

Louis’ phone alarm went off and it was a reminder for Harry to take his medication, “Harry...It’s time to take your medication now.” He said grabbing the bottle.

Harry snatched the bottle from him, “I can take it myself.” He mumbled a bit.

Louis nodded, “Okay. It was a reminder more than anything, really…” He said quietly.

“Someone should make sure Niall remembers to take his.” Liam mentioned.

Zayn nodded, “You should do that, Liam since you’re so good at taking care of him.” He said getting up from the table.

“Zayn!” Liam called as he watched Zayn leave the room.

Liam followed after him, “Please, Zayn wait.”

Zayn stopped and turned to look at him but said nothing.

“Zayn, you have to believe me when I say I’m sorry.” Liam seemed to beg, swallowing back a lump.

“No, I don't have to believe you.” Zayn shook his head.

Liam did everything he could to fight back tears, “I am though Zayn… I’m so sorry.”

Zayn spotted Louis walking towards them, “I don't want to do this right now.” He then walked away.

“Just give him time…I’m sure he just needs time to readjust.” Louis said putting a hand on Liam’s shoulder.

Liam nodded, “Hopefully. I guess, I’ll take these up to Niall.” He said grabbing the pill bottle from the middle of the table.

He climbed the staircase and went to Niall's door. "Niall?" He knocked softly.

"Whose with you?" He asked instantly sounding leery.

"Just me." Liam's voice replied from the other side of his door.

He nodded to himself and walked over to the door and opened it.

"You need to take this." Liam held up a small bottle with a medication label on it.

Niall stared at the bottle for a moment then took it from him. "Think this stuff will help?" The pills in the bottle rattled a bit as his hand shook.

"The doctor said it would." Liam gave him a half smile. Inside he hurt for Niall so badly but on the outside he refused to be anything but strong for him.

Niall nodded and moved past him down to the loo. Grabbing the plastic cup he filled it with water. He attempted to open the bottle but his hands wouldn't cooperate. He turned to leave and find Liam, to ask for help, but he was already there.

Liam moved further into the loo from the doorway he had been standing in and gently took the bottle out of Niall's hand. Popping the lid open he dumped a single pill into the palm of one hand and held it out to Niall.

"Thank you." He nodded and took the pill from Liam’s hand.

Liam closed the bottle, "Keep this somewhere you won't forget to take it." He mentioned as Niall swallowed the pill.

Niall sighed a little, "You keep it. I can't open the damn thing anyway." He pushed past Liam and headed to his room quickly.

Liam trailed close behind still holding the bottle, "Nialler, wait!" he reached Niall's room just in time to stop him from closing the door.

"What?" He asked.

"You have to give it time. The medicine will help. Just be patient."

"Yeah," He took the bottle and set it on the dresser, "It just pisses me off that I can't control it."

Liam nodded, "It's okay." He purposely said nothing else. It really was ok for Niall to be upset. It was ok for all of them to be upset. Liam just didn't want to get into that conversation.

Niall just sat on the bed in his room quietly.

"You're welcome to come downstairs. I know you can't like being alone up here." Liam offered.

"Is she still here?" He asked without looking to Liam.

"Yeah, she and the others are cleaning up dinner." He nodded.

"Then I'll pass. Could you just take my dishes down?"

"Yeah, sure thing." He nodded, patted Niall's shoulder and then grabbed the dirty dishes and left.

Downstairs, Liam went into the kitchen and set Niall's things on the counter.

"He ate." Liam felt good about that at least.

"Good, thank you for looking after him." Maura smiled as she walked over to get the dishes but Liam pulled her into hug instead.

She hugged him back tightly. She gave him a warm smile as she let go. She needed a hug. "Thank you, honey, now go rest." She instructed.

Liam smiled and nodded then walked back into the room he had left Harry and Louis in. They were now cuddled on a large sofa. Liam grabbed a throw pillow off the sofa and laid down on his back on the soft carpet.

"Did you make sure he took it?" Zayn asked walking back into the room. He was upset with Liam but he cared for Niall. Nothing would ever change that.

"Yeah, I had to open the bottle though." Liam nodded as Zayn sat on the sofa. "I invited him to come down but... He won't with her here."

Harry sighed deeply.

"Hopefully the therapist will be able to help him." Louis tried to sound hopeful.

The room fell silent among them. No conversation seemed to be needed. They just enjoyed being close to each other in the safety of this large and guarded home.

Soon, in the warmth and comfort of being safe and around each other, they all fell asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this makes you a little happier? Liam apologized. Zayn's just too upset to listen atm, but things will get better eventually. Just gotta hang in there!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So sorry I haven't updated in a while! I think it's been more than a week actually? I don't remember...anyways, here's a new chapter and I'll stop being lazy and go back to posting twice or once a week!

After they finished cleaning up, the mum’s went out into the sitting room to check on their boys, as they entered they smiled at the sight of their sleeping boys.

Trisha’s finally landed on Zayn who was sitting on the floor asleep against the sofa, she smiled, “He always did have a habit of falling asleep sitting up…” She said softly as she walked over to him.

Jay and Anne smiled at each other after seeing their boys cuddling with each other, “I’ll grab some blankets.” Jay said softly as she left to track down any blankets that might be in the house.

Trisha looked over at Maura, “Could you help me lay him down on the floor?” She asked in a hushed voice.

Maura nodded, “Of course.” She smiled.

Karen noticed Liam sleeping on the floor, she walked over to him, she knelt beside him moving some fallen hair out of his eyes. She studied his sleeping face, and for the first time since seeing him back that she noticed noticed the cuts and bruises on his face. He was in a t-shirt and sweats so when she looked down at the rest of him, she noticed the bruises on his arm. Tears sprung to her eyes, “Why would anyone want to hurt you?” She wondered softly to herself.

After helping Trisha lay Zayn down beside Liam, Maura went over to Karen. She placed a hand on her shoulder, “We can’t attempt to understand the minds of those who are mentally ill. We can’t attempt to understand anyone’s mind besides our own, really.” She whispered as Karen started to cry a little.

“He looks so broken…” She shook her head.

“They all do.” Jay said softly coming back into the room with Anne and an armful full of blankets.

“They’ll heal you know...Soon at least the outside, they won’t look as broken anymore.” Trisha said as she looked at Zayn sleeping, trying to fight her own tears.

Anne and Jay took some of the blankets and put them on top of their sleeping boys.

Maura grabbed a blanket and helped Karen spread it out across Liam.

“It’s not just the outside I’m worried about though.” Karen said sadly as she looked over at Trisha.

After they had covered their boys with blankets, they knelt beside them for awhile, watching them sleep. They were relieved that their boys were finally safe but at the same time, they knew that while the physical pain and damage may heal soon enough over time, the emotional scarring would be a much longer process.  
  
After a few more minutes, the mum’s gave their boys a kiss, and Maura gave each of the boys a kiss before she left with the other mum’s.

Louis had given his mum a copy of the security code when she and the others left to go to the grocery store to buy some food to make dinner with.

She made sure she set it as they left that night.

Niall unlike the boys downstairs, didn't sleep very well that night. The medicine he took made him sleepy but every time he closed his eyes he was back in the room they all had been held in.

Finally, around seven that morning he was no longer able to lay in bed. He got up and headed to leave his room but stopped and froze just shy of grasping the door knob.

A moment of fear struck him, what if someone was hiding in the hall, ready to grab him?

After a moment the urge to empty his bladder overruled his fear. Slowly he opened the door and a took off at a mad sprint towards the toilet. If someone were in the hall they'd have to catch him.

Reaching the toilet he closed and locked the door. He then threw his sweats down and relieved himself. He took a deep breath, thankful to be able to go without needing help.

He washed his hands and once again opened the door slowly, this time he looked up and down the hall several times before stepping out.

That's when he noticed the other boys doors were open. Moving down the hall he checked each room and found no signs of them.

With a rush of panic washing over him he silently went down the stairs looking for them. When he made it to the sitting room he found all the lads sleeping soundly. He took a few slow breaths to calm himself as he backed out of the room and went up to his own room again.

They deserved to rest. He wouldn't bother them, he couldn't.

He shut his door and went over to where his two guitars rested against the wall. He ran his finger along the strings of his favorite one. Not liking the feel of it he moved to the second and wrapped a trembling hand around the neck of it.

He carried it over slowly to his bed and sat down on the edge.

Playing guitar always soothed him. He loved playing guitar. Maybe that would help him.

Propping the guitar on his good knee he stretched his arm over the body of it. Taking a deep breath with his eyes now shut he moved the fingers of his left hand to a chord.

They shook uncontrollably as he tried to place them correctly and push down on the strings. When he tried to strike the chord however, an awful noise hit his ears.

Niall groaned feeling a mix of anger and frustration but tried to stay calm. He tried again to push his fingers to the correct strings and then tried to strike the chord. Again, an awful sound filled the air.

A tear instantly ran down Niall's cheek as a fire began to burn deep inside him. He quickly stood and placed both hands around the neck of the guitar. His heart beat faster as his breathing increased in speed.

Then with a loud, strangled scream he slammed his guitar against the nearest wall.

The back cracked and busted as tears rushed down Niall's face.

Downstairs Harry jerked hard in Louis' arms as a scream and crash hit his hears.

The other lads too stirred. Taking one glance at each other they heard another scream followed by a crash.

"Shit, it's Niall!" Liam jumped up, throwing the blanket off him as the others quickly followed.

Rushing up the stairs as fast as they could they heard a third, not as loud scream followed by a smash and soft thump.

"Niall!" Louis shouted as Liam reached the door and threw it open.

Niall dropped to the floor next to bits and pieces of a completely destroyed guitar. The drywall in one spot was damaged.

"Niall?" Zayn asked as Liam stepped into the room.

Harry had a few tears falling down his face so Louis reached for his hand and held it tightly.

"Ni-" Liam reached out for him but the second his fingertips touched his shoulder Niall screamed and pulled back.

"Nialler, it's just me." Liam softly spoke as he knelt down.

Niall just turned and fell into Liam's arms.

Liam looked to Zayn for a moment, almost curious as to how he would respond, but when he said nothing he held tight to Niall.

Louis squeezed Harry's hand tightly then let go and moved into the room, past Zayn and to Niall and Liam. "What happened?" He asked looking at the bits of guitar everywhere.

"I tried to play it, I tried so hard." He sobbed. "I couldn't make my hands work. They wouldn't stop shaking. You said..." He cried. "Liam, you said the medicine would help!"

"Niall, I said you had to be patient." Liam rubbed his back a little.

"I'm sorry Harry, I didn't mean to break your house." Niall sobbed still and never pulled away from Liam to look at anyone.

"It's alright, Nialler. It’s not even my house anyways...not really." Harry told him from the doorway where he had finally calmed.

"You smashed your guitar." Louis squatted down.

"I was angry." he explained trying to force the tears away.

Zayn slowly moved in and began gathering all the broken pieces. Louis rubbed a hand over his mouth and began to help as Liam sat all the way on the floor.

"Niall, deep breaths." Liam soothed.

Niall listened and the tears began to stop. Eventually he was even able to pull away.

"I'm sorry." He said looking at everyone.

"It's gonna be okay." Zayn patted his shoulder and took the pieces of the guitar and left the room.

"You gave us all a terrible fright." Louis told him sitting on the nearby bed.

"Sorry...I’m so sorry, lads. I didn’t mean to scare ya." Niall said quietly.

They all nodded.

"Come on, you have to get out of this room. You're going stir crazy." Liam forced him to stand.

"I don't want to. I want to be alone." He argued pulling away a little.

"No. You’re not gonna stay cooped up in here. Let's go." Louis took advantage of being the oldest and demanded him to move.

He and Liam forced him out of the room and down to the kitchen.

"I really am sorry about the wall." Niall looked at Harry.

"Don't be, I'm not worried about it." He shook his head.

"We just need to get you to Monday. Will said the therapist will start then." Zayn told him walking back in from throwing out the pieces of what used to be Niall's guitar.

Niall sat on a stood and nodded, "Yeah, I just don't feel like me anymore."

"I don't think any of us do." Louis tried to make him not feel so alone.

Niall just stayed quiet. None of them really understood what he was going through. They all kept telling him everything would be okay but he didn't believe them. Right now, he just couldn't.

"I refuse to eat anything that has to do with eggs. It's the only thing we've had every morning for the past week." Zayn said as he pulled open a cabinet.

"Mum said they got us a lot of different things to hold us for the next week or two." Louis commented moving to look also.

"Yes!" Zayn smiled pulling out a box of pop tarts.

"You're sharing." Liam playfully instructed.

"You both are." Louis snatched the box out of Zayn's hand. He quickly opened it and handed him a sleeve of pop tarts. He then took one out for himself and gave Liam the box.

"Niall?" Liam asked after taking out a sleeve for himself.

"I think I'll find something else, thanks though." He said and began searching the kitchen.

"What about you Curly?" Louis asked taking the box back from Liam.

"I'm actually not very hungry." Harry shook his head.

"Are you sure?" Zayn asked.

"Yes, I'm sure. I probably just ate too much at dinner last night." Harry shook his head.

"You really should try to eat something." Louis encouraged.

"I'll be fine. I'm not a child!" Harry shouted and then left the room.

"I wasn't trying to make him feel like a child." Louis sounded defeated.

"He'll come around." Liam assured.

Louis just nodded and left with his pop tarts in had.

"Cereal." Niall showed Zayn and Liam a giant bowl of a sugar filled cereal. He then left the room, happy to have his favorite cereal to eat.

At a time like this he found it important to focus on the few things in life that still made him smile.

Being alone with Zayn now Liam turned to him, "Thanks for not freaking out on me upstairs."

"He needed you. He always needs you." Zayn said softly.

"I can't help it." Liam told him.

Zayn shook his head, “That’s the thing, you can. You have the power to tell him no. You have the power to make him learn how to deal with shit on his own without always being dependent on you or someone else. But no, you cater to him, to his every fucking need. You don’t think about me or anyone else...it’s always just Niall.” He said harshly and left the room.

Liam sighed, Zayn didn’t understand that it wasn’t that simple, he wasn’t catering to Niall’s every need. He was being a good friend, a good brother, he wanted to make sure he was there for his friend and to help him if he needed him.

He finished eating and went to his room, he grabbed his phone off the charger as he opened up the twitter app and started to go through some tweets.

He laid down on his bed going through them.

He smiled as he read them, the fans cared so much. So many tweets saying that they’re thankful that they’re alive and okay. Others were saying that they had prayed every day. All the support during the time that they were gone and now that they were back amazed him. Everything the fans did amazed him, it never failed.

He quickly sent out a twitlonger explaining how much he loved their support and how much he appreciated coming back to read all of their loving and supportive tweets.

Of course not all the tweets were kind, there was some hate involved but he didn’t pay much attention to those. He wouldn’t allow himself to be brought down by haters right now.

He sat up and jumped of the bed, he wondered if the other boys had read their tweets.

When he went downstairs, he noticed them all sitting in the sitting room, Zayn on the sofa, Louis and Harry were on the other sofa across from Zayn.

They looked over at him as he walked in. Louis eyed him, he had overheard Zayn’s comment to him earlier and wondered how Liam was dealing with it all.

Niall was sitting in the middle of the room on the floor going through the tweets on his phone. He was too busy to really notice the sudden appearance of Liam.

He noticed that Louis was on his phone while Zayn and Harry had their laptops.

“Reading the tweets from the fans?” He asked.

They all nodded, “Yeah, it’s amazing some of the stuff they’re saying…” Zayn said looking back at his laptop.

“We should do something for them.” Niall said looking up from his phone as Liam sat beside Zayn.

“Like what?” Harry asked.

“Short Twitcam?” Liam suggested.

“We aren’t allowed to do those as a group unless someone from management is present…” Harry reminded them.

“Since when do we follow the fucking rules?” Niall asked.

“He has a point.” Louis agreed.

“It could be a short twitcam…Just to thank them for their love and support. We should do something for them. They deserve it.” Zayn said.

Niall nodded, “I think we should tell them that we’ll do it in a few hours...last time I did a twitcam, the website crashed.” He half laughed.

“That would give management time to come over though…” Harry said.

“So...we do a video. I still have my youtube channel that I haven’t used.” Liam suggested.

Louis tilted his head, “I thought since you created without permission management said weren’t allowed to use it?”

Liam nodded, “But I still have access to it. We can make the video, but any necessary editing on Niall’s laptop since he has editing software and upload the video to the channel. They’re not stupid enough to remove it from the channel since it’s a Thank You about supporting us and loving us and praying we’d get home safely. They were worried and even tried their best to help the police find us. We thank them...tell them we love them, explain that we talk about what happens next but we appreciate their support and love during this hard time.” He tried his best to explain what he was thinking.

Zayn nodded, “I like that idea. What do we use to record it?” He asked the boys.

“We can use my iPad.” Louis said getting up from the sofa. He stopped and turned to Harry, “I’ll be right back, is that okay?” He was still very worried for Harry and didn’t like the idea of leaving him alone even though the other boys were around.

Harry rolled eyes, “Yes, God. I’m nineteen, I can be left alone!”

Louis sighed, “I didn’t mean that…” He tried to explain but was cut off by Harry.

“Whatever. Just go get your iPad.” He said turning his head away.

Louis felt hurt and tried hide it from the others but they knew all too well, that if he and Harry were fighting and he got his feelings hurt, he’d never be able to hide it from them.

Louis left to grab his iPad.

“Wouldn’t be easier by laptop?” Liam asked, “To record the video I mean.” He added.

“Better quality.” Niall replied.

“How we all going to fit in frame?” Zayn asked as Louis came back into the room.

“We could just lay on the floor side by side and whoever’s on the end can hold it up so all of us fit in frame.” Louis suggested sitting on the floor.

The boys agreed and moved to lay down on the floor.

Liam took one end and Zayn laid next him. Harry moved in next followed by Louis then Niall.

"Ready?" Liam asked looking at them.

They all looked at each other. "No, we can't lay like this." Harry pointed out realizing what they had done.

"Oh yeah..." Niall trailed off looking at them. "Okay, Zayn and Harry switch."

"Yeah, that'll fix it. Don't want management to have a total shit fit." Louis said as Zayn stood and moved between Harry and Louis.

"That's better." Liam said and turned on the camera on Louis' iPad on.

"Fuck, we look terrible." Niall said getting a good look at the five of them side by side.

"Not our fault." Louis quickly stated.

"But should we at least cover Harry's forehead? It looks really, really bad." Zayn added.

It was swollen a bit and bruised deeply around the stitches.

"They deserve to see us how we are." Louis fought.

"I actually agree. We don't wanna frighten them. What if I just sweep my hair over to that side?" Harry used the camera to fix it so his stitches where just barely covered by his hair. Most of the bruising was still showing.

"I think that's fine." Niall said. In his opinion it showed just enough for Harry to still look natural but it was covered enough to not give anyone a scare.

"Yeah, I guess." Louis shrugged. "Go on Liam."

Liam nodded, “We should all say hi and then I’ll go and we’ll just follow down the line, each of us say something.” He said as the boys agreed with him.

Liam reached over with his thumb and hit the record, “Hi everyone, we just wanted to say a massive thank you for all your love and support that you’ve given us, especially in this last week.” He said as he turned to Niall.

“I know we look beat up and we look horrible, but we didn’t want to hide how we looked from you. We survived things people should never go through. Besides each other, you guys were our strength, so thank you.” Niall said the looked towards Harry.

“I don’t know really how to thank you for everything you do for us. You’re beyond amazing. We love you so much. We can’t talk about what happens next because of legal reasons but just know that we appreciate everything you do for us.” He said then looked towards Zayn.

“We love you and your support during this really difficult time means so much to us. I know we don’t look our best and it’s hard to look at but we wanted to be honest with you about what we went through. We didn’t want to downplay it.” Zayn said then looked towards Louis.

“We survived and that fucking matters. We won’t hide that. We refuse to downplay how serious it was for us. What we went through I wouldn’t wish on anyone. I wouldn’t want anyone to have that kind of suffering. I want you to know if you're going through a hard time or you don’t think you can make it through another day...Try your hardest to find something positive to latch on to. I know that we survived because of each other and if you don’t have someone then maybe find someone or something that makes you want to stay...Please. I really love you all though, thank you so much for your support.” Louis said then looked over at the other boys.

They all looked directly into the camera and said, “We love you!”

Liam then hit the stop button.

“Who’s doing the editing?” Harry asked

“I can. If I could borrow your laptop, Niall? My new one doesn’t have any editing software on it yet.” Louis asked.

Niall nodded, “Sure. It’s in my bag, I’ll grab it.” He said getting up.

As Niall left the room Harry moved to the sofa and Louis followed. Harry looked at him but didn’t say anything.

Zayn and Liam were left on the floor, and Liam moved closer to Zayn. Zayn didn’t react.

It was just before Niall came in with his laptop that Liam grabbed Zayn’s hand but Zayn pulled away the second their skin touched.

Louis looked at Niall as he walked into the room.

Niall handed Louis his laptop, “Here ya are.”

Louis took the laptop, “Thanks, Nialler.”

Once the footage was uploaded to the laptop, they all gathered on the sofa and watched it back, “We look dreadful.” Zayn commented.

“That’s what happens when you get beat up.” Louis said sarcastically. “Sorry.” He quickly added. He didn’t mean to say that.

Zayn nodded, “It’s cool, man.”

“I don’t think we really need to do any editing...It looks fine to me.” Louis mentioned.

“Maybe we should add a warning before the video starts.” Niall suggested.

Liam nodded, “Good thinking. I agree, the fans might appreciate the warning.”

Louis added in a warning then saved the footage and handed the laptop to Liam who logged into his unused YouTube channel, he had no idea how to use it though so he handed the laptop back to Louis.

Louis then uploaded the footage to the channel. He then logged into his twitter and tweeted the link to it. The laptop was passed between all the boys as they repeated Louis’ actions.

It would’ve been simpler to retweet it but the boys, besides Liam, still had to say their twitter thank you’s to the fans.

Once that was done, Niall shut down his laptop, “Now what?” He asked.

“We could watch a film? Something funny? Laughing helps...They say it’s the best medicine.”  Zayn said.

“Like what?” Liam asked.

“The muppets movie. I bought it for Lux for her birthday. I have it with me, we can watch it. I’m sure she won’t mind.”  Harry half smiled.

The boys laughed a little, “Sounds great.” Louis smiled.

Harry looked at Louis, “I’ll set up the telly for the DVD and you can grab the film? It’s in my bag in our room.”

Louis nodded and left to grab the film.

Just as Harry finished setting up the film, Louis came back into the room.

“Got it.” He smiled.

Harry took the movie from Louis and loaded it up as Louis took a spot on the sofa.

Zayn moved to the other sofa to give more room and Liam quickly followed.

Niall felt the urge to follow also but when Liam sat directly next to Zayn he stopped himself and just sat on the floor by himself.

Harry hit play as he sat next to Louis.

"What are you doing?" Zayn whispered to Liam as the sound of the movie helped block the sound of him talking.

"Sitting next to my boyfriend." Liam looked a little hurt but refused to let anyone see that Zayn's comments were affecting him.

"Fine, just don't try to act like everything is okay between us." Zayn's voice was hushed but harsh.

Liam licked his lips, swallowed hard and nodded a bit, "Alright."

He'd take whatever he could get. He hated that Zayn felt so cross with him. He wanted to fix it. He didn't want to lose Zayn, especially over all this.

Niall sighed a bit deeply, everyone had someone but him. It brought back the feeling created by Andy's comments of him not being needed.

It was real struggle, he didn't know how to handle those feelings. Part of him wanted to shove them off the side of a cliff. Another part of him believed it though.

Up on the sofa Louis softly took Harry's hand. He wanted to pull Harry into his arms but he knew it wasn't a good idea. For a split second he felt like crying but Harry's hand squeezed his firmly and it drove the feelings away.

They all sat watching the movie, laughing at most parts and for a dull moment, forgetting about the last week.

The rest of their weekend was a strong tug of war back and forth. They'd play a video game together and feel great but when it was over the feelings instantly returned.

Due to this they spent most of their time watching funny movies, playing video games or messing around online. Anything they could do to forget what happened.

As far as the video they posted went, it seemed to be a huge hit. The video had gone viral very quickly. Management had tried to call some of the boys, no doubt about the video, but they each ignored the call and focused on trying to feel normal again.

The task seemed impossible though. At night they always fell asleep together, spread across the sitting room. None of them ventured away from each other or that room hardly at all. It seemed to be a silent yet mutual need for all of them.

Things would change Monday however, they all knew it.


	8. Chapter 8

The house was perfectly silent. Harry and Louis laid cuddle on the sofa under one large blanket. Zayn was stretched out on the sofa by himself. Liam lay directly under him on the floor and not too far away from him was Niall.

They had all found they slept better together. Even Niall was able to sleep with the added comfort of all his brothers near by.

Outside Paul had just arrived. The therapist would be coming in a short while. He needed to be there to ensure the boys were up, ready and comfortable.

Sticking the house key into the deadbolt he twisted it and unlocked it. He then repeated this action on the door handle and pushed the door open.

As the door swung open the alarm began to blare loudly.

Instantly the sound of five voices screaming mixed with the alarm as he rushed to the panel by the door to shut it off.

"Fuck!" He cursed hitting the last button.

The alarm stopped but the boys were still screaming in the next room. He ran towards them as quickly as he could but his sudden presence scared them further.

Zayn screamed again as he tumbled off the sofa and landed on top of Liam.

The sudden weight on top of him scared Liam even more. He pushed hard at the weight shouting "No! Get the fuck off me!"

Across the room at the same time Harry began kicking and fighting against Louis. "Let me go! Let me go!" He screamed hard sounding much like a girl.

Louis tried to move away from him as hands and feet struck his body. The blanket twisted around his feet though and he went flying backward landing on Niall.

Niall let out a blood curdling scream as he punched at the person on him.

Louis squealed in pain in return and tried to move away from him also.

"Lads! It's me, it's just me!" Paul shouted hoping they'd hear him over their own screams.

"Liam!" Niall cried out as he moved into a fetal position and began rocking back and forth as his body shook.

Liam moved quickly tripping over Zayn and Louis to get to him.

Harry sat on sofa quietly crying.

"Fuck!" Zayn shouted in a mix of anger and fear.

"Lads, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. I forgot about the alarm." Paul felt horrible.

Louis groaned in pain. Between Harry and Niall he felt like he had just lost a boxing match.

"It's okay." Liam tried to tell Paul. "You didn't mean to."

Louis groaned as he tried to get up and go to Harry.

"I got it." Zayn quickly told him and moved over to the sofa.

"Harry?" Zayn questioned.

"It scared me so..." He couldn't finish.

Zayn put a hand on Harry's back, "It's alright now. It was just Paul." He comforted.

"I didn't mean to. I'm terribly sorry." Paul said again. Their reactions had given him a mild heart attack, or at least that's what he thought it felt like.

"Niall stop, it's okay. We're all right here." Liam tried to encourage him to stop rocking as Paul helped Louis to his feet.

"Are you alright?" He asked him as he helped him sit on the other side of Harry.

"Just a few more bruises to match the others." He moaned a little.

"I'm so sorry, boo." Harry cried.

Louis took his hand tightly, "It's alright, Haz."

"I'm sorry too." Niall pulled away from Liam a little, "I was punching really hard."

"Now I know how you managed to break your guitar in only three hits. You're quite stronger than I last remember." Louis told him still holding Harry's hand.

"You broke your guitar?" Paul asked.

"Yeah, uh, long story." Niall nodded embarrassed as he wiped his tears away with his shaky hands.

"I..." Paul trailed off for a moment. "I really am sorry. I should've called you boys, or something."

"You didn't know Paul." Zayn turn to him now that Harry had Louis.

"What are you all doing down here anyway?" Paul asked.

"We uh, we've been sleeping here." Louis admitted.

“Oh, I didn’t realize that...I really should’ve called you boys first instead of just showing up…I am really sorry for giving you boys such a terrible fright.” Paul apologized.

They all nodded.

“Don’t worry about it. You’re just doing what you normally do…” Zayn said running a hand through his bedhead.

Paul nodded, “The therapists will be here soon so I suggest you all get showered and dressed and maybe eat something before they arrive.”

“They’re coming here?” Liam asked.

“Yes, management thought that’d be best. You know if it’s possible for people to come to you, that’s the way it’ll be.” Paul replied.

Liam nodded.

“Define soon.” Niall said.

“Next hour or so. So quick showers.” Paul instructed.

The boys nodded.

“There’s only three showers in the house...which one of us are going?” Louis asked.

“I need to go.” Niall said quietly.

“I can go last. I don’t normally take that long.” Harry said.

"Well, if you're going second Harry, I'll go now in our room.” Louis said looking over at Harry,

Zayn looked to Liam, "You gonna go now?"

"No, I'll take one later today. Go ahead." Liam replied. He wanted to make sure Zayn felt like he cared about him.

The lads nodded and took off to take care of business.

After the boys showered they had some quick breakfast that Liam had helped prepare. Just as they finished, the doorbell rang, making them jump a little.

"I'll get it lads." Paul told them moving out of the room.

He pulled the door open and smiled when he saw the ladies Will had hired. "Hello, you two are here just in time." After this morning, he knew the lads really needed this.

"That's wonderful, we're very excited." The taller of the two smiled.

"Great, please come in." He stepped aside and brought them into the living room where Zayn was tidying up a bit.

He heard them walk into the room and turned to greet them. "Hello."

"Hi there." The shorter therapist gave him a warm smile.

"This is Zayn, the others should be here in a moment." Paul explained.

"Lovely to meet you, Zayn." The other therapist shook his hand.

Zayn just nodded and took a seat on the sofa in the room as Harry and Louis walked in followed by Niall who looked very nervous.

"Liam?" Paul called out as he quickly entered the room.

"Sorry, I'm here." He said and took a seat on the sofa by Zayn. Niall quickly sat by him. Harry and Louis crowded on the sofa next.

"I’m assuming you boys don’t want another chair?" Paul asked.

"Nope." Liam replied quickly.

"We're fine." Harry nodded.

"Alright then, I'll be in the kitchen. Yell if ya need me." Paul left.

The two therapist took a seat on the sofa directly across from the young lads. They pulled legal pads and pens from the bags and looked to them.

"My name is Michelle. I've been a therapist for almost ten years. I've been with the company your management team hired for around eight of those ten years." She pushed her some of her dark brown fallen hair strands from her face, the hair went down to her shoulders. The sun that was beaming through the blinds of the window hit her hair so black lowlights she had were more noticeable than normal.

The boys just listened as the other, shorter therapist spoke.

"I'm Carrie," She said her American accent slightly surprising the boys."I've been a therapist for eight years. I've been here in the UK working for Open Hand Therapy for seven years now." She adjusted her long ponytail so it sat on her shoulder instead of her back sitting against it.

They all just nodded a little.

"Look lads, I know this has to be extremely awkward for you all." Michelle' voice was rather pleasant.

"How about we just talk for now...Help us get to know you all a little better. Why don't you just take turns telling us your name and your happiest memory?" Carrie's voice was softer but very sweet.

"I'll go first, I'm Zayn. My happiest moment was my X Factor audition. I just wanted to know if I could sing. I figured the person to tell you that would be Simon Cowell." He didn't finish his thought, he couldn't imagine that they would be unable to figure out the rest.

Harry rubbed his hands together uncomfortable. He didn't want to be sitting here, opening up his entire life with two perfect strangers. Deep down however, he knew this was the only chance they all had at fixing things.

"I'm Harry." He bravely spoke while keeping his eyes locked on his hands. "My happiest moment..." He trailed off to lick his lips. "...was the moment I met Louis." His eyes traveled over to Louis' hands and slowly he took one tightly in his.

Louis squeezed his hand back just as tightly, "I'm Louis," he looked at Harry who wouldn't make eye contact. "My happiest moment is the second I realized that I loved Harry."

Harry's eyes glanced up at Louis' long enough for Louis to flash him a loving smile.

"Uh, I'll go next, I'm Liam." He nodded a bit.

The two therapist just listened as they jotted down a few notes.

"I've always wanted a little brother, my whole life. So the happiest memory I have is when all of us agreed that we were brothers. I went from having none to having four."

Louis reached over with his free hand a patted Liam's shoulder.

"Go ahead." Liam encouraged Niall.

"I'm Niall." He softly said looking at the ladies for only a moment.

"What's your happiest memory Niall?" Louis asked.

Niall found this ridiculous. Why did they want him to think about something happy when it felt like he was dying inside?

When he stayed quiet Liam rubbed his back a little.

“That’s really hard but I’d say...probably our first Brit Award." He really was trying to push himself.

"Thank you Niall, I can see this is hard for you." Carrie spoke softly and offered him a smile.

Niall could only nod.

"We really need you boys to tell us what happened. We both understand this will be very difficult for you lads but..." She paused. "We need you to tell us what happened."

"Again?" Zayn asked.

"Yes, I'm sorry. I promise it'll help us help you." Carrie tried to encourage gently.

"You lads can have a break afterwards, if you need it, alright?" Michelle said.

"We'll have to do this again for court so we may as well get used to talking about it." Louis encouraged the others.

Liam nodded and slowly they all began telling Michelle and Carrie about how they were taken.

Zayn told his story with a strong face, he felt more angry about it than he did sad. It helped him block the need to cry.

Louis struggled to fight back his tears as he told them about hearing Harry but not being able to help him.

Harry was able to tell the few things he remembered without crying but it was only due to the rest of the story being so much worse.

Niall sharing his story was much like Harry.

Liam on the other hand struggled the most, he hated having to relive walking through his flat and suddenly being attacked from behind.

He wanted to cry so badly but he couldn't, he wouldn't. He told himself that it was so important to be strong for the others.

They could clearly see the silent struggle though. They could hear in his voice how scared he was just thinking back on it.

It was the first time they had heard each other's stories. It was emotionally harder for them to hear each other than it was to even speak for themselves.

They went on telling about their first moments in captivity.

Michelle and Carrie just listened as they took notes and asked some questions for clarity as the boys went on.

"At some point the door finally opened, I leapt forward and... I..." Niall's voice trembled a little. "I threw my arms around his legs. I thought he was there to save me. He pushed me off him though and I knew I was in trouble."

"His mental state was pretty bad when he got to me, he was almost completely gone. I tried best I could to calm him down but, I couldn't do much." Liam added.

"How did that make you feel Liam? Not being able to get to him, to help him." Michelle asked.

"Completely useless." He replied sneaking a look at Zayn who didn’t even glance his way.

Michelle took notes and looked back to them as they all kept going.

"...and the entire time he kept taunting me, calling me a slut and 'gay boy' until I..." Louis took deep breath, "until I came." A tear rolled down his face.

"Did he leave you alone after that?" Carrie asked.

Louis shook his head, "No, he kept rubbing me, making it hurt. He took my picture on his cell phone and then pulled my trousers up without cleaning up anything."

He rubbed his hand over his face as he bit back the urge to sob.

Zayn took over talking, telling them about Louis being placed in their room.

They all kept on as the therapists still took notes.

Harry cried softly as he told them about Adam fingering him and photographing him in the nappy and dummy.

"It was the most embarrassing thing I've ever been through. They were all standing around laughing at me. Adam even took a photo with me."

He was certainly the worst affected of them all.

As they kept going with the story it finally came to the point where Zayn had to tell about his assault.

Everything that happened made him angry. He was angry that he couldn't defend himself, he was angry at the things Mac had called him and he was angry at himself for not being able to control himself and stop himself from coming.

Tears of anger fell from his eyes.

"I'm so sorry, Zayn." Liam whispered.

Zayn just nodded, he didn't wanna get into it in front of everyone.

As they all continued on until it came time for Liam to tell about Mac sexually assaulting him. On the inside he felt like he was going to puke. He was terribly ashamed of himself for what he had done. He wanted badly to get up and walk away but he couldn’t. So he told the story without telling them how he had cried out for more.

“He asked if it felt good. I couldn’t reply so I just stared at him. Then he yelled at me, ‘Don't make me hit you.’ so I nodded and…” He froze for a moment. “He said thats what he counted on and told me I’d be in pain later.”

“Do you know what he meant by that?” Michelle asked.

“He used shampoo for lube. I was on fire by the next morning.” Liam’s face was still flushed red with embarrassment.

Louis explained next how they had all discussed the nasty things Adam and Mac had done to them. He then explained his test and started telling how he knew he had drawn Harry when Andy told Adam ‘This one is all yours.’

“I begged Andy not to but he told me it was my fault. When I saw Harry being brought in I told him how sorry I was and Mac tried to make me leave but Adam told him I had to watch as a way for Harry to earn his regular clothes back.”

“What did Adam make Harry do?” Carrie tried to proceed with each question slowly.

“After Adam made Mac chain me up and put duct tape on my mouth he warned me that he’d hurt Harry if I looked away. Then he forced Harry to get down on his knees and threatened to release all the photos if he didn't suck him off.”

Harry cried hard as he took over and explained that Adam made him swallow. He almost couldn't get through telling how Adam had raped him.

Zayn even got teary eyed listening to him as did Louis.

Niall was the worst yet. Everyone, even Liam cried a bit as he told them about Mac’s first attempt to rape him.

The boys explained the things that happened after that and then Niall had to talk again.

“Andy said I needed to be convinced more of how unimportant I was. When I tried to argue with him he got angry and told me my faux friends were gonna watch me be punished. He… He said he’d bet none of them would make a sound.”

He paused to take some deep breaths then continued, “All of them were brought in soon after, none of them said anything. They just watched. Liam even had to help strap me down and take off my jeans, and he stayed quiet during it too.”

Liam tried to open his mouth and explain that they were forced to be quiet but Niall kept crying and telling his story.

“He took the plug out, if front of all of them, and he, he raped me. He reached around and jerked me off till I came hard and then he kept going, raping me till he came too.”

“Then what?”

“Then it was over.” Harry quickly said not wanting Niall to have to keep talking.

Louis and Liam tried to reach out and comfort Niall but he quickly stood, “I need a break!” He then walked away before anyone could even protest.

Michelle nodded, “I think that’s best. Why don't you all take a break?”

They all just silently agreed and got up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THEY STARTED THERAPY! :D Thoughts so far?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up sick yesterday but I woke up feeling much better today! :) I hope you all enjoy the new chapter!

Niall walked outside through the backdoor, he sat in a patio chair and cried. The boys were unsure of what to do, they really wanted to make sure Niall was okay but they weren’t sure if it was best to just leave him be. They all felt really confused.

They all were gathered just inside the door.

Zayn looked at Liam, “Why don’t you go check on him? I mean, I’m sure he needs you right now.”

Liam who had been reading tweets on his phone to try and give his mind a nice break from reliving the horror, looked up at Zayn, “That’s not fucking fair!” He said in a raised voice.

Zayn shrugged, “It’s the truth.”

Louis sighed, “No fighting...please. I was thinking it’d be better if one of us went to check on him to see how he was doing instead of all us, we don’t want to overwhelm him anymore than he already is.” He paused then turned to Liam, “I’m not taking sides nor am I agreeing with either of you, but Niall seems more willing to talk to you and be around you than the rest of us right now. So please...for all our sakes, just go fuckin check on him?” He asked his voice mixed with worry and concern.

Liam nodded, “Fine. I’ll go.” He said leaving through the backdoor.

He walked outside, “Nialler?” He said softly.

Niall looked away from him, “Just leave me be, Li. Please.” He almost begged.

Liam sighed and sat in the chair in front of him, “If that’s what you really want then sure, but we’re worried about you. We want to be there for you, but we can’t if you don’t let us.”

Niall shook his head, “I was raped...and you and the other boys didn’t say a word, just like Andy said. Do you know how much that hurts?”

Liam fought tears, “It’s not like we had a choice…” He trailed off as the all too fresh memory replayed in his mind.

“You didn’t have a choice? You could’ve said something! Anything! Fuck, I thought that maybe one of you would offer to switch places even…” Niall said his voice full of anger and hurt.

Liam sighed as he ran his hands over his face, “Nialler, please...You have to know, if it was possible, we would’ve done or said something. When Adam came to get us, he threatened us with a gun, I never saw it but we knew that he did have one. We didn’t want to risk anything happening to you or each other, so we agreed. He said if we said anything, he wouldn’t hesitate to use it on you. He actually said he’d put a bullet in the back of your head.”

Niall looked into Liam’s brown eyes, he saw the tears threatening to fall, “Please don’t cry...It wasn’t your fault.” He said softly.

Liam tried his best to blink the tears away, not that it helped any, “See that’s the thing, I know it’s not my fault or any of our faults, doesn’t stop me from feeling that way. My head and heart aren’t on the best of terms right now.”

Niall nodded, he felt a little better knowing and understanding why the boys were silent during his rape but he still didn’t feel like he was apart of things.

“Think we can go back inside now? Get the rest of the therapy session over with?” Liam asked.

Niall nodded.

Liam smiled at him as both boys stood up, Liam reached for the doorknob when Niall grabbed his arm and pulled him into a hug, “Thank you for telling me.”

Liam wrapped his arms around the smaller boy, “Of course. I’m so sorry you felt that way.”

Niall pulled back from the hug, “Let’s get this over with.” He said as he opened the door.

“Are you okay?” Louis quickly asked.

Niall shrugged, “Are any of us okay?”

“Don’t be a smartarse.” Zayn sighed.

Niall nodded, “Liam told me why you guys didn’t say anything while I was raped. I thought…” He paused and shook it his head. “I’m just trying to say...I guess I’m better than I was before? I understand why you were quiet and just watching.” He tried his best to explain how he felt.

“I think this calls for a group hug…We haven’t had one in a while…” Liam suggested.

The boys smiled at each other as they all hugged each other and Harry’s arms were able to wrap around all four them.

The boys pulled back from the hug, “Let’s get this done with.” Harry groaned and he walked towards the sitting room as the others followed behind him.

"Are you ready?" Michelle asked as the lads piled back onto to sofa.

"Yes." Zayn nodded.

"Well then, Carrie and I have spoken and we've agreed on who we'd like to work with. Your management has asked for individual therapy and couples therapy in addition to the group sessions. We found it best to split you all between us for all of it except group."

The boys just quietly nodded.

"We're going to keep your group sessions on Monday and in addition to it Niall you'll be having one on one therapy with me." Carrie tried to give him a reassuring smile.

Niall could only nod. He was happy Carrie had agreed to work with him, she seemed easier to talk to. He however was still too upset to voice his thoughts.

"On Tuesday Louis will meet with Michelle. Then on Wednesday I'll do couples therapy with Harry and Louis while Michelle and Liam have their solo session."

"Thursdays I'll work with you, Zayn and then on Fridays you, Liam and I will have couples therapy while Carrie and Harry meet. Does that sound alright?" She asked them all.

They first looked to each other and agreed it was fine. Only then did they turn and confirm the plans with Michelle and Carrie.

"Great, I've written in down for you guys so you won't forget." Carrie held out a sheet of paper.

Louis leaned forward and took it from her, "Thank you. We don't do well with unexpected visitors right now."

"I understand, we'll make sure you all always know when to expect us." She nodded.

For a moment the room quieted while Michelle flipped through all the notes she had made. At some point she stopped and looked to them, "About a year ago Carrie and I came up with something for our group sessions that has really proven to be very helpful. We'd like to try it with you lads also, we've discussed that it could greatly benefit each of you."

She paused just long enough to turn another page in her note pad, "Each week in group session four of you will be split into pairs and given an assignment that you'll need to work together to complete by the end of the week. Whoever is not chosen to work in a pair will be given a solo assignment during their one on one session."

"Sounds alright I suppose but, what exactly are these assignments?" Louis was worried greatly that they would end up being like the test Andy had forced them all to do.

"Well, each week will have a different theme based on the needs of the group of you. The assignment will go along with that theme. For example, this week those of you in pairs will be working together to create a short story. This will help you learn how each other react to different situations as well as help you work as a team. Michelle told them.

"I think it sounds like a great idea. Who gets the first assignment?" Liam was eager to get them all back to normal. He hated seeing everyone so broken and it was getting rather tough for him to stand so strong.

"I'm glad you asked. This week we've paired you up with Harry. Niall, we'd like you and Zayn to work together."

Zayn wasn't sure if he liked the idea of having to work with Niall. He still loved Niall but he was still having feelings of anger towards him for hoarding Liam. He could only hope that it would help those feelings go away.

"The catch to your assignment is that each of you will only be allowed to write one line at time. So Harry you might start by saying 'there once was little brown dog.' And Liam you might follow and say, 'He hadn't eaten in days and was hungry.' You continue back and forth until the story is complete. The story has to make sense as well." Carrie finished.

Harry just nodded. He knew, they all knew that they just needed to trust these women. Surely with all their years of experience they knew what they were doing.

"What about me then?" Louis asked.

"You and I will work on your individual assignment tomorrow in session." Michelle smiled so he wouldn't worry.

Louis nodded.

"So is that it for today?" Zayn asked. He was ready to go be alone with his thoughts.

"Yes, making you boys relive your nightmare is more than enough for one day." Michelle nodded. "It may not seem like we got much accomplished but I imagine you lads hearing each other's versions of what happened made a bit of an impact."

Zayn stood and thanked them for their time before walking away and going to his room.

"Niall, why don't you take a quick break before we get started. Maybe grab yourself some water?" Carrie suggested.

Louis shook Michelle and Carrie's hands and then walked off with Harry.

"Come on Niall, water sounds great." Liam encouraged.

As the two walked into the kitchen Michelle followed in search of Paul.

"What do you think?" Paul asked spotting her.

"We can help." She nodded as he took another sip of coffee he had made for himself.

"That's such a relief to hear." He told her.

"No worries, we've seen much worse. A little time, patience and trust on their parts should eventually get them back to... Well as normal as they can be."

Across the kitchen Niall and Liam stood sipping their glasses of cold water.

"Nervous aren't you?" Liam said to the younger lad.

Niall nodded, "I'm not sure how I'm supposed to open up to a total stranger and tell her my thoughts. If I'm being completely honest, I don't really wanna do this at all. I mean, I couldn't even look at me own mum Li." He looked near tears again.

"You have to at least try Niall. I'm not crazy about having to do this either but I have faith that it's going to help us. You don't wanna stay like this do ya?" Liam pointed a bit towards Niall trembling hands.

"No, I hate this."

"Then promise me you'll be totally open to this, give it a real effort. Yeah?" Liam used a single finger to force Niall to look at him.

Their eyes caught for a single moment and Niall just whispered, "Promise." He then walked away and back towards the room Carrie had stayed in.

"Is there someplace more private you'd rather talk?" Carrie asked now standing as she saw Niall.

"So many people inside and out..." He trailed off. He wasn't thrilled about talking with any of the others able to hear. He didn't want the security team to hear either. "Large sitting room in the basement, no ones down there." He finally said. There was only one way in and out of the basement so it seemed like a pretty safe idea.

"Fine with me." She smiled again. Her personality really did come off a bit sweeter than Michelle's. It made him a little more comfortable.

"I'll just tell Paul first. I’d feel safer if he knew." Niall didn't even let her reply, he just walked away and told Paul.

Paul promised to keep a good eye on the stairs and Niall thanked him.

He then showed Carrie to the basement where she sat in a chair next to a sofa Niall had propped down on.

"I couldn't help but notice the trembling. How long have you been doing that?"

"Since they chained us all up. We didn’t know where we were going or what was gonna happen to us. I was so scared. I just remember by the time we got to the loo shaking so badly that I couldn’t undo my jeans.”

Niall tried to keep eye contact but he had to keep glancing away.

"Did the psychologist who evaluated you give you anything for it?" She turned to a fresh page in her notebook.

Niall took a deep breath, "Yeah, said I have Post Traumatic Stress and Acute Stress Disorder. They gave me lorazepam. I think."

She nodded as she took a few notes, "It's good, you need to let me know next week if it's helping or not. We can adjust if it isn't working."

"It could take that long?" He sounded upset.

"Possibly, could take affect any day now though."

He hung his head, he wanted to shaking to stop right now. He hated it so badly. A tear rolled down his face as he softly admitted, "I broke a guitar over it the other morning. I scared the lads and I messed up the wall."

"Let's talk about that. How did you feel just before you broke the guitar?" She talked as she wrote down more things.

"Angry, frustrated, worthless." He was working hard at keeping his promise with Liam.

"What about during and after it was broken?" She looked up at him finally.

He licked his lips and managed to keep eye contact with her as he answered, "During, I just felt like I was seeing red. I don't even remember the whole thing. After it was broken I just cried. The lads tried to comfort me. I felt awful for scaring them. I felt... I dunno... Almost a little better."

She nodded, "Better because your guitar was broken or better because you got some anger out?"

"Better because I got my anger out. I hate that I destroyed my guitar." He was quick to respond.

"What about earlier, when you left so quickly after talking about being raped? Were you seeing red then?"

He found the more he forced himself to talk the easier it seemed to be. He pulled his legs up onto the sofa and shook his head, "No, I was angry but, not seeing red."

"What exactly had you angry Niall? Do you even know for sure?" She wrote more things down.

He knew for damn sure why he was angry, "Yes, I was angry cause I thought Andy had been right. When Mac raped me not one of them said anything."

"That made you angry?" She was trying to help him talk through his thoughts and sort them out.

"Yeah, made me very angry. I'd never been with a guy, they knew that. I figured at least one of them would have tried to defend me. Thinking about it, that moment playing in my mind, I just felt angry all over again. I had to get away and be alone."

"All your friends seem to follow you though when we let them go." Carrie commented, "What happened? You all came back looking better."

Niall nodded as a tear rolled down his face and fell onto his shirt. "Liam followed me out and, uh... He told me Adam threatened them with a gun. He said Adam told them if they spoke he'd shoot me." Another tear fell but he wiped it away.

"So by not saying anything they were saving you?" She paused to let him nod. "Does that help some of the anger go away?"

Niall honestly wasn't sure. He was thrilled to know they had saved him, he wasn't ready to die yet. On the other hand though he was still mad at them. He still believed the things Andy had said about him not being needed.

"Tell me what you're thinking Niall." Carrie gently encouraged.

"Just thinking about everything Andy told me." He sniffled a little.

"All those things about you not being important?"

"Yeah..."

"Niall, you know what he said isn't true don't you?"

She felt a little concerned when he didn't respond right away.

"I don't, I don't know that it's not true. It all fits. So much of it is true. They all have each other. I have no one. I don't have many solos in the songs, the rest of them do." More tears fell now.

"You believe him? You believe that One Direction doesn't need you? Is that what you're saying?" She set her notepad down and put her full focus on him.

He could only nod.

"Niall..." She tried to say something but he cut her off.

"They don't need me. I'm not important and now that I can't be normal, I'm useless to them and the group and the fans." He tried to stop the tears as he wiped them away.

"So you're thinking about..." She felt awkward saying it.

"Yeah, I've been thinking about walking away. Haven't told anyone yet."

She fixed a fallen strand of her hair and looked to him, "I want you to give this therapy and medicine some time to work before you do anything. I think you're under so much stress that your brain can't even begin to process it and so it's making you believe things that's deep down you know aren't true."

He just nodded.

"I also want you to work on being able to tell your bandmates next week what you're thinking about. They have a right to know."

He knew she was right even though it was so painful to admit.

Meanwhile, upstairs Harry and Louis had politely sat down with Paul and Michelle. They mostly scrolled through their twitter feed while Paul and Michelle made small talk.

At some point Paul however had let slip that they boys had been sleeping in the living room together. He hadn't been thinking when he had brought it up.

Michelle's response was polite yet full of concern. She told Harry and Louis that she understood their need to be together but that they really needed to be in a bed. She explained it could help take their brains out of the mindset they were in due to being forced to sleep on a cold hard floor for a week. She asked them to please let the others know that it needed to happen.

Zayn on the other hand was up in his room. He had texted his mum a little and then sat and thought about he and Liam's relationship a little. At some point though he had fallen asleep.

Liam had taken a while to be alone and talk to his family also. So many people had been texting him. He felt obligated to reply. Once he finished up with that task however he found himself thinking of Zayn.

He scrolled through photos on his phone of the two of them together. He also looked at ones Zayn had let him take of just him alone. He couldn't help but long for him. He hated how they seemed to be breaking apart.He scrolled through some more photos until he saw some nude photos he had taken of Zayn. For a couple of them Zayn was asleep, but most of them he was awake and looking fit as fuck.

Liam groaned softly as he felt his dick start to stiffen, he quickly got out of his sweats as he continued to study the nude photos he had of Zayn. He remembered when he took each of them As he looked at the current nude photo of Zayn, he remembered taking that one rainy afternoon on a rare day off, he was on top and riding Zayn and he just couldn’t get enough of the expression Zayn had on his face, so he snapped a quick picture. It was his favourite not only because of Zayn’s expression but because he was able to get a small part of Zayn’s cut lines in the photo.

Liam groaned again, as his dick became fully hard. He was trying his best to keep his sounds low because the house was full of people and he couldn’t afford to be loud. He quickly stripped himself of his boxers, throwing them to the floor.

He wrapped a hand around his dick as he laid back on the pillows on his bed and started to tug hard as he thought about the pictures he had of Zayn on his phone. He rubbed a thumb over the head as pre cum already started leaking down, he used it as lube and slicked up his hard on.

He then grabbed his phone as an idea came to mind and he carefully placed his phone at a certain angle as he took a picture of himself. He took a quick snapshot of himself holding his hard on and sent the photo to Zayn’s phone.

Liam threw his phone on the bed and went back to wanking himself. He tugged at his stiff dick hard as he moaned softly. He worked himself until he was on the edge of coming, he knew he would scream as he came, he could barely keep himself quiet so far. He moved himself so he was laying on his stomach with his face in his pillow, he moved slightly so his knees were up and he moved his hand back to his aching dick and after a few more hard tugs, he came, screaming Zayn’s name into his pillow, leaving cum all over his hand, stomach and sheets.

He sighed as he moved to the other side of the bed, he grabbed an his old shirt that he had on earlier and cleaned himself up.

He put his boxers and sweats back on as he looked at his cum filled sheets, “I should probably take care of that before I shower…” He said to himself out loud.

He stripped his sheets and discreetly went downstairs to the laundry room, where he threw his sheets and shirt that he has used to clean himself up with in the wash.

On his way out of the room, he noticed Niall coming upstairs from the basement.

Carrie smiled at him as she went to the kitchen to meet up with Michelle.

Liam walked over to Niall, “How’d it go?” He asked curious.

Niall shrugged, “I talked...I kept my promise, if that’s what you mean.”

“I wasn’t worried about whether or not you kept your promise...I’m just happy that you actually did it. I’m proud of you!” He said with small smile.

Niall returned it then noticed that Liam was shirtless, “Why are you shirtless?”

“Uh, I got something on it...I decided to wash it before taking my shower.” Liam said truthfully. He did get something on it, he just wasn’t about to share that it was cum.

Niall nodded, “I’m hungry...So, I’m going to head into the kitchen...Enjoy your shower.” He said as Liam smiled a thanks and ran up the stairs.

Niall walked into the kitchen where Michelle and Carrie had just finished talking to Paul, “Niall, I just wanted to tell you that we’re going to email Paul a schedule of when we’re going to do the sessions, both group and individual. That way you’ll know when to expect us and maybe not feel so nervous about the unexpected.” Carrie explained.

Niall nodded, “That works, I’ll let the others know. Thanks.”

The women said their goodbyes and left.

Paul turned towards Niall, “I heard from Will, you boys are meeting with the legal team tomorrow afternoon after Michelle’s session with Louis. I’ll be coming by about an hour before she’s here though.”

Niall nodded again, “I’ll let them know that too...You leaving now?” He wondered. He wasn’t trying to get rid of him, it was a bit of comfort to have someone that they really trusted around, watching out for them.

“I don’t have to, not if you don’t want me to.” Paul offered.

Niall half wanted him to stay but like them, Paul didn’t get to be home a lot and spend time with his wife and kids, so he wasn’t about to be selfish. “No, it’s fine. I just wondered. You can go, spend some time with your family. We’ll be fine, we have the daytime guards outside. I’ll set the alarm after you leave.”

Paul nodded, “Thank you.” He smiled at him.

“No problem...you work hard for us...you deserve some family time.” Niall said truthfully.

Paul said his goodbyes to the boys, except for Liam who was busy in the shower and left.

Niall quickly reset the alarm after Paul left.

The first thing Niall did was go search for the others. He knew Liam was in the shower so he decided to look for Harry and Louis. He found them in their room. Harry was fast asleep holding Louis hand and Louis was listening to music.

Upon seeing Niall quietly enter the room he pulled his earbuds out and looked at him.

Niall glanced at Harry, not wanting to wake him.

Slowly Louis pulled his hand away from Harry and stood, “What’s wrong?” Louis whispered walking into the hall with him.

“Paul said we have a meeting with our legal team tomorrow after your session. He’ll be here before Michelle arrives. Paul also has a copy of the therapy schedule. He’s gonna try to help make sure we arent surprised anymore.”

Louis nodded, “Alright, did he say where we had to go to meet with them?”

Niall just shook his head.

He nodded and they stood silent for a moment. “Oh um, Michelle said she wants us in a real bed when we sleep.”

Niall looked upset, he had just been finally able to sleep well. “I don’t like it.”

“Harry and I don’t either. We’ll figure it out.” Louis reached a hand out to place it on Niall’s shoulder but he backed away.

“Sorry, I just…” He shook his head. He didn't know how to word his thoughts.

“It’s fine, Niall. I understand.” Louis smiled a little.

Another short awkwardly quiet moment passed before Niall said, “I’m hungry, want anything?”

“No but thank you.”

Niall said nothing else, he just began walking away.

“Nialler, wait.” Louis spun around and stopped him.

Niall stopped and looked back at him.

“What was it like? Having to open up and share your thoughts with her?”

Niall felt a little uncomfortable talking about it due to what they had discussed but he was willing to say, “Awkward at first, really uncomfortable. By then end it wasn’t too bad though. It just felt like she was helping my brain get organized.”

Louis nodded and went back to Harry without another word. He didn’t wanna risk Harry waking up without him. There was a good chance it would scare him.

For the longest time he sat playing with his phone while Harry slept. Harry deserved to sleep; he had been through so much.

As Louis continued draining the battery in his phone Harry began to stir a little. He sat up rather quickly at one part startling Louis briefly. Looking around quickly he remembered he was safe again and relaxed.

“You alright?” Louis worried.

“Yeah, just forgot we were safe.” He sat up the rest of the way and hung his feet over the edge of the bed.

“Where are you going?” Louis hoped he didn’t sound too overprotective.

“I’m starving.” He quickly left the room leaving Louis to trail behind.

As they passed through the sitting room they found Niall watching a show on the telly and Niall passed out with a bag of potato chips in his hand. Louis could only shake his head and follow after Harry.

It wasn’t long before all the boys found themselves back in the sitting room. It seemed to have become their safe place.

Once again Louis and Harry were side by side and the other three were spaced apart. Liam couldn’t help but glance occasionally at Zayn though. He hadn’t gotten any kind of a reply to the photo he had sent him before.

He was starting to feel a little worried. Had they been on good terms Zayn would have already responded. He didn’t know how to take this.

Only when hunger took over again did the boys move away from the sitting room. Liam had took it as a chance to try and get some information from Zayn.

As he trailed behind Louis, Harry and Niall, Liam gently grabbed Zayn’s arm. Zayn just froze for a moment then looked at Liam’s hand before slowly trailing up to his eyes.

Liam could feel his heart beating out of his chest.

“What?” Zayn asked.

Liam opened his mouth but couldn’t force any words to come out.

“Fuck Liam, either let go of me or say something.” Zayn complained.

Feeling an ache deep within his chest and tears wanting so badly to form Liam quickly let go and headed for the privacy of the toilet. He needed splash a little cold water on his face. He couldn’t do this. He couldn’t cry, not over this.

“Where’d Liam go?” Niall asked as they all stood trying to figure out what to do for dinner.

"No idea, he grabbed my arm and started to say something but clammed up and walked away." Zayn didn't sound interested in talking about it.

Eventually, Liam came back into the room after calming himself down, the boys discussed what they wanted for dinner, they ate in silence, there wasn’t much to talk about nor did they feel like talking. It was just enough to be around each other.

They spent the rest of the night in the sitting room, watching movies on netflix until Zayn started to fall asleep from where he sat on the floor.

Louis leaned down and gently shook him, “Hey, don’t fall asleep yet.” He said gently.

"Fuck... Why not?" Zayn groaned.

"We aren't supposed to sleep down here anymore." Louis told him.

"That therapists wants us all to sleep in beds." Liam rolled his eyes. Niall had told him already.

"That's feebleminded." Zayn looked angry. He didn't like someone else telling him what to do.

"I dunno how I am supposed to sleep away from you all." Niall said softly.

Zayn opened his mouth to bite back but quickly shut it. He didn't feel like hurting Niall tonight.

Harry clicked off the telly and stood, "I'm not sure I like the idea either but I suppose we have to try."

Louis stood and left the room with Harry. Niall quickly followed behind them.

Liam however sat staring at Zayn who was laying all the blankets aside.

As he turned around to leave he caught Liam's glare. Part of him felt confused, the other part felt angry.

Liam was hurting on the inside though. He had completely exposed himself to Zayn and he hadn't gotten so much as a single world back in response.

"What's wrong with you? You keep staring at me." Zayn almost complained.

"Nothing, I'm fine." Liam quickly got up and jogged after the others leaving Zayn to trail behind.

As they both got upstairs they saw Louis helping Niall open his pill bottle.

Niall then stepped into the loo with Harry where they both took their pills.

"Thanks." Niall gave Louis a small smile as he and Harry emerged from the small room.

"Of course." Louis nodded handing him the bottle.

The five boys stood for a moment staring at each other. They all knew what they had to do and they hated it.

Finally they all seemed to silently agree that it was time and walked to their rooms. They stopped in their doorways though.

Louis and Harry had each other but they both still felt alone. Zayn looked at his empty room, he had slept their earlier but doing it now, at night, felt wrong. Liam's eyes searched his room. He had to make sure no one else was in there. He couldn't see anyone but he still felt scared. Niall just stood in his doorway with his eyes closed trying not to cry. He hadn't slept when he tried to do it alone the first night, how was he going to now?

Suddenly, they all turned and began walking towards each other, all at the exact same moment. As they all caught each other though, they stopped.

"Uh, hmm." Louis couldn't find the right words.

"I just..." Zayn too was speechless.

"Can't do it." A tear fell from Niall's eyes and rolled down his face.

"This is crazy." Harry complained, he wanted to be with all his brothers. It felt wrong on so many different levels not to be with them all. Not to mention they were stronger against an attacker together.

Liam nodded and began to walk back towards the stairs but Louis's hand stopped him, "I got an idea."

He then turned, still holding onto Liam with one hand and with his other hand he gently grabbed Harry and walked into the large master suite, yelling for the others to follow.

As Louis walked into the room, he turned and let go of Harry and Liam. He then looked at the others and said, "Michelle said 'in a bed'. She never said we all couldn't be in the same one. This one is plenty big enough.”

Zayn smiled, that was such a great idea.

"Love it." Niall nodded.

"Alright then, everyone get in." Louis said as he got in one side of the bed and moved towards the center.

Harry quickly laid beside him on the end of the bed.

Niall, not wanting to end up between Zayn and Liam quickly removed his shirt and slid into bed and all the way over next to Louis.

"Go on." Zayn told Liam pointing towards Niall.

Liam didn't say a word. He just got in and moved over so Zayn could take the other end.

"Could you get the lights?" Louis asked Zayn before he laid down.

Zayn froze up a bit and then very slowly moved towards the light switch. He didn't want the light out. They hadn't slept with them out downstairs. Why did they need put out now?

"Zayn?" Niall inquired seeing his hand raised to the switch but not moving.

"I..." He couldn't bring himself to admit he was frightened underneath the strong, tough act he had been portraying.

"Wait," It suddenly hit Liam. "He was in a dark room. He said he couldn't see anything. I don't think he wants the lights out."

Zayn still stood, not moving.

"Zayn, go turn on the light in the loo. Then you can turn the lights out and it'll still be lit up in here." Harry instructed.

Zayn just nodded and swallowed hard. He moved across the room and turned the light in the master bath on. He then comfortable went and turned out the main light in the room.

Now, with the room dimmer but still had enough light, Zayn felt better. He went and got into bed next to Liam.

"This is so much better." Niall smiled. He felt incredibly safe right where he was.

All five of them without even thinking about it touched the boy next to them a bit as they closed their eyes.

Quicker than any of them had even expected they all drifted to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanna remind you all that in this story so far it is still 2013, and before Midnight Memories. So before you all go saying 'But Niall has plenty of solos in MM.' Yes, I realize that now that the album is released but he also wouldn't even be considering the thought of how much he sings on the new album at this point.
> 
> I really hope you all enjoyed this chapter though! Sorry for the wait. :( xoxox


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SO SOOOOOOOO SORRY!!!! I've gotten so bad at updating. :( I'm so sorry...Things around the house have been so stressful. Health issues with both parents and plus my college work on top of that...and then I pulled a muscle in my leg and jammed it up pretty bad...just blah...I hope you enjoy the chapter...please don't give up on us. :(

They were all sleeping soundly, much better than any of them had expect. Except for Liam that is. His dreams were anything but pleasant. He was uncomfortable, shaken and even starting to whimper a bit.

As a sudden a falling sensation washed over him he sat up quickly with a shout.

The other boys startled awake and quickly looked at him. He was broken out in a cold sweat, breathing hard and looked near tears.

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asked worried. Just because he was pissed at him didn’t mean he didn’t still care about the lad.

Liam ran a hand over his face as he moved to sit against the headboard of the bed.

“You okay?” Niall asked quietly.

Liam shook his head, “I had a dream...not a dream cause dreams are supposed to be nice...this was more like a nightmare but worse because it felt all too real but I couldn’t control it. It felt as real as this is right now.” He explained trying not to cry.

“So you had a lucid nightmare…” Zayn said.

Liam looked at him, “What do you mean?” He asked.

“You know how you can have dreams that feel real? Like a nice dream and you hate waking up from it cause it felt real.” He tried to explain.

Liam nodded, “Yeah, I really like those dreams.”

Zayn nodded, “I think everyone does and those are called lucid dreams, expect the same thing happens with nightmares. You’re fully aware of what’s happening but you have no control over what’s happening. Sometimes if you scream to yourself to wake up, you might be able to but It’s actually recommended to let the dream play out fully so you can understand the issue.” He finished explaining as the other boys just stared at him.

“What?” He asked.

Louis shook his head, “Nothing...You’re just really smart, not that we don’t already know that by now but sometimes I still find myself surprised.”

Zayn half chuckled, “Thanks, I think.”

“What was it about?” Harry asked.

Liam shook his head, “I’d rather not talk about it...I’m just really tired and we have legal shit to deal with tomorrow, so we should get our sleep.” He said laying back down

The other boys laid back down and with the comfort of each other around, they were able to quickly fall back to sleep, expect Liam who laid awake for awhile thinking of his nightmare, he couldn’t get it out of his mind. He had been falling but he couldn’t hit the bottom, it was like everlasting falling with no end near.

At some point his tiredness overtook his body and he fell back to sleep into a dreamless world.

When morning finally arrived Liam woke first. He was so tired from the nightmare last night. He couldn't stand being in the bed any longer.

Knowing they had to get up soon he reached over Niall and shook Louis gently.

"What?" He barely whispered.

"You gotta get up. Michelle is gonna be here." He explained.

Louis nodded and slowly crawled down the bed followed by Liam. He didn't want to wake up the others. Neither of them did.

Liam grabbed his cell phone from his room as Louis prepared himself for the day.

As he looked through the many messages on his phone one came in from Paul.

It simply read, Come let me in so I don't scare you lads.

Liam walked and showed Louis the message before going downstairs and turning off the alarm.

He made sure to check out the window before opening the door.

"Morning Paul." He smiled.

"Hey Liam, are you all up?" He asked walking in.

Liam yawned a bit as he shook his head. "I sorta woke them all up last night. Louis' up but we decided to let the others sleep."

Paul nodded, "Well you two finish getting ready. Michelle will be here for Louis any minute. You need to get the others up after while though cause when Michelle is finished we have to leave."

Liam just nodded and went back upstairs as Paul headed off for the kitchen.

"Paul said Michelle should be here any minute." Liam whispered once back in the master suite.

Louis nodded, "Alright..." He trailed off looking at the lads who were still sleeping.

"I'll take care of them, you go try to eat real quick."

"Thanks." Louis patted his shoulder and walked away.

For a while Liam stood there watching the three sleep. After a while he decided he'd get ready to go and wake them up.

Downstairs Louis had just enough time to eat a poptart. He was going to go upstairs and put his shoes on but he saw Michelle walking up through the entry window.

He let her in and smiled, "Hello." He said as he reset the alarm.

"Hello there, Louis." She smiled back and shook his hand.

"Umm, where do you want to do this?" He asked feeling uncomfortable.

"Where ever you think you'll be able to feel most at ease is fine." She reassured him.

"Well, I guess we can just go downstairs, that's where Niall went." Louis then turned and walked away showing her to the basement. He made sure to tell Paul where he was going on the way.

The two made it down to the basement and Louis took a seat on a sofa exactly where Niall had been.

"So, did you boys manage to sleep in your beds last night?" She asked first.

"Sort of..." Louis tried to tell himself to think of this like an interview. It was the best he could do to keep himself from being nervous around her.

"Care to elaborate?" She asked pulling her notepad from yesterday out.

"We tried to go in our own rooms and sleep but we just couldn't handle being away from each other. We ended up sharing the master bed." Louis explained.

She nodded, "You all are very close aren't you?”

"Yeah, it's quite crazy, we've been close like that since day one almost." He replied.

"So then how has all this affected you lads?" She inquired.

He took a second to think and then answered very matter of fact, "It's brought us closer as a group I think. Individually we're broken, sure but, we've never been this attached before."

She wrote down a few things and then looked back to him, "Do you think all of you are broken?" She asked.

He licked his lips suddenly feeling uncomfortable again, "Yeah."

"Including yourself?" It was a quick response.

He just nodded, "I suppose so."

Louis shifted on the sofa a little and waited for her to reply.

"In what way do you find yourself broken, Louis?" She finally asked.

He didn't know how to respond. He was broken by how guilty he felt. All of this had been his fault. He couldn't find a way to admit it to her however.

"I don’t know. Little things scare me. I don't like being away from the others, especially Harry." He held back the rest.

Michelle was a very good therapist however. She could read him like a book. "What else? I know there's something."

He nervously began to fidget with the hem of his shirt. He couldn't even look at her now.

"Louis, you have to trust me." She stopped taking notes and leaned closer to him.

"I... I just..." He closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "I feel guilty." He almost held his breath waiting for her reply.

"Guilty how?" She seemed caught off guard by his comment.

A tear rolled down his cheek. "I just blame myself for all this."

"Why would you think this is your fault? Did you ask those men to kidnap you?"

“No but I..." More tears rolled down his face. He hadn't seen therapy going like this in his mind. "I had the idea that got Andy fired. He's specifically said he did all that as a way to pay us back."

"Louis, it was Andy's choice to hurt you boys. He chose to do what he did."

"Please, can't we just talk about something else." He hated this already.

"Alright, but we will have to discuss it later." She agreed.

He wiped his face with his hands and nodded.

"Let's talk about Harry, you said you really hate being away from him?" She asked.

He nodded, "I don't like not being there for him."

She went back to writing down some notes as she asked, "Why do you think that is?"

"I'm not sure, they hurt him so badly, so I guess maybe in part I'm just worried about him needing me."

"Okay, good start Louis. What else?" She smiled.

"I sometimes am afraid he'll get hurt again. If I'm not there I won't be able to protect him."

Meanwhile, Upstairs Liam had just finished getting dressed and making his hair look nice. Stepping back into the master suite he saw all three boys were still asleep.

Out of the three he placed his bets on Zayn being the easiest to wake up. As he walked towards him however he saw Zayn's cell phone had fallen out of his pocket during the night and now laid in the bed.

Liam licked his lips, this was a perfect chance to check out Zayn's phone and see if he had even seen the photo yet. He knew he shouldn't but not knowing was killing him.

As quietly as he could he reached for the phone and picked it up. As he hit the power button however the entire phone began powering up. It had been off.

Music played from the phones speakers as he slowly went through the motions of turning on.

The sound made Zayn stir however, "Liam, what the fuck are you doing?" He cursed.

"I..." Liam's chest tightened. He had to lie quickly. "I saw it was off and worried it was a mistake. I was just turning it on for you."

Zayn snatched it out of Liam's hand. He was upset but had no reason not to believe him. "The damn thing wouldn't stop going off. So many people are trying to contact me. I shut the damn thing off after talking to my mum yesterday."

His voice cause Harry to stir a little.

"Oh..." Liam sounded rather relieved.

"What's your problem, damn it?" He was getting pissed off.

"Nothing." He said and headed for the door. "Wake them up, we have to leave soon."

Zayn sighed as he looked at the sleeping boys in front of him, how the fuck do i wake them up without scaring them? He wondered.  
  
He walked over to Harry’s side of the bed, “Harry,” He said softly as he placed a hand on his shoulder.

Harry opened his eyes and saw Zayn staring at him, he quickly sat up and looked around, the movement causing Niall to wake up.

“Where’s Louis?!” Harry asked slightly panicking. Louis practically hadn’t left his side since they’d been back. Aside from toilet and shower breaks, Louis was always right there, with him, and he felt safest with Louis. He need his Loubear.

Before Zayn could respond, Niall sat up and looked over at him and Harry, “Where’s Liam?” He asked feeling panicked as his chest tightened a bit.

Zayn sighed, “Harry, Louis will be right back...He has therapy right now. Niall, I don’t know here Liam went.”

“What do you mean ya don’t know where he went?! Wasn’t he here when you woke up?” He asked trying to keep calm but his breath was quickening and his chest felt tighter.

“How long will Louis be?” Harry asked.

Zayn shrugged, “No idea, sorry. Probably not much longer because we have to meet with the legal team in a bit. Niall...After he woke me up, he left the room. He’s probably in the shower or something.”

Harry nodded slowly, “Thank you for telling me, I’m going to get ready.” He said as he climbed out of bed.

Zayn nodded as he stood and looked at Niall who quickly got out of the bed upon feeling Zayn’s glare upon him.

He walked out into the hallway and saw Liam coming out of the loo shirtless and with a towel around his waist.

Niall quickly ran up to him, throwing his arms around him, “I woke up and you weren’t there...I was scared, Zayn didn’t help when he said he didn’t know where you were.” He explained as Liam returned the hug.

“It’s okay, I’m here now...you're safe, I promise.” He said whispered into Niall’s ear.

Niall held onto Liam for a few more minutes.

It never even occurred to Niall that hugging Liam when he was only in a towel may not be a good idea. He even pulled away from Liam a bit and let his hands rest on his waist gently.

Zayn was more than happy to point out how wrong this was when he entered the hall however.

"Why don't you two just fuck already?" He called a bit loud.

Niall instantly pulled away from Liam and spun around. "I'm not gay!" He yelled back.

"Coulda fooled me! You've done nothing but attach yourself to my boyfriends hip ever since Andy took us." Zayn complained.

"Zayn, it isn't like that!" Liam inserted himself into the conversation.

Upon hearing the arguing Harry stepped into the hall.

"Why do you act so jealous? It's not like you ever try to act like his boyfriend?" Niall was tired of Zayn giving Liam such a hard time.

"How can I act like his boyfriend Niall? I can't get close enough to him to even try and act like his friend!"

"Will you all stop fighting already? Please!" Harry begged.

"Zayn, you know I care about you more than anything! I'm just trying to help my friend, my little brother. That's all this is!" Liam was starting to get angry also.

From where Paul sat in the kitchen downstairs he could hear the lads fighting.

"So your lips on his forehead when I was thrown in that room with you was just you kissing your little brother?" He heard Zayn yell.

"He was losing his fucking mind!" Liam shouted back.

Paul began to debate whether or not he should step in. When he heard Harry crying he knew he had to.

"Both of you shut up! I'm not trying to steal anyone's boyfriend! I'm not fucking gay!" Niall screamed as Paul reached the upstairs hall.

Zayn was just starting to step forward when Paul threw himself between the three lads.

"All of you...shut the fuck up! And stop this shit right now!" Paul shouted sounding like a father scolding his children.

Zayn rubbed a hand over his face.

"He told Niall he didn't know where I was. It scared him to death." Liam tried to explain.

"I came into the hall and saw Niall with his hands on Liam's waist!"

"I don't care how it got started! It stops now! This is just another reason you all aren't supposed to be dating each other! I mean look at what you've done! Harry is crying now!" Paul scolded.

“This is what he wanted you know...He wanted us to fight with each other, to argue with each other, to break our trust with each other.” Harry said as he took a brief minute to pause. “We can’t let him win. We can’t let him destroy our friendship and trust.”

The other three boys were silent.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been crap at updating lately...so here's another chapter for you!!! :)

Downstairs Louis was feeling a little better. Michelle had finally told him that his nerves and attachment to Harry were perfectly normal. She also helped him come to a point of realizing that he was having trust issues. He trusted Paul but not enough to leave Harry in his hands without a fight. It wasn't a total breakthrough but it was certainly a start.

"So before we conclude I'd like to talk about your individual assignment." Michelle said.

Louis nodded.

"I want you to start working on that guilt. I want you make a pro and con list. You're going to list all the reasons you feel this was your fault and you're going to list every reason that this isn't your fault. I want you to push yourself and really search for any possible reason. Try to make both list the same length. Sound alright?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'll try my best." Louis nodded.

"Good, I'm proud if you Louis." She stood.

He followed suit and shook her hand.

She then told him to take a moment to relax and then go on upstairs. She then left him.

Louis took a few deep breaths and tried to clear his head. Therapy had been rather heavy.

When he finally made his way upstairs Michelle was gone and he noticed that the alarm was already reset.

Paul must’ve let her out and reset the alarm he thought as he walked into the kitchen, he was hungry for a snack and then he’d check on Harry.

When he entered he noticed that three of his four bandmates were sitting in separate corners of the kitchen.

“What’s going on?” Louis asked Paul.

“Like I always tell you boys, if you act like children then I’m going to treat you like children. They’re having a bit of time out from each other.” Paul replied.

Louis bit back a laugh, “What did they do?”

“They’re worse than my children you know? And I expect this from them but not from grown blokes. They were bickering with each other, the way children do! Zayn got upset because Niall and Liam were hugging or something, just another reason why interband relationships were banned!” He replied shaking his head.

“His hands were on his waist and he was in just a towel….” Zayn said from his corner.

“I was hugging him and you just came by as I pulled away! I wouldn’t even had to if you hadn’t said what you did.” Niall said crossing his arms.

Liam sighed, “Zayn told Niall when he woke up that he didn’t know where I was...He made it sound like I was missing again or that I just left him.”

Louis looked over at Harry who was standing next to Paul, “Are you okay?”

Harry shrugged, “I just hate the fighting...I feel like he’s winning you know because this is what he wanted.”

Louis’ heart went out for his boyfriend as he looked over at his little brothers, “Zayn, you're pissed off at Liam for always being there for Niall, that much I get. But you telling Niall that you didn’t know where Liam was the way you did was wrong, no wonder he freaked. I would’ve freaked If I woke up and any of you were missing and you didn’t know where the other was! It’s not just a Niall-Liam thing.” He tried to explain.

Zayn looked away, he never thought of it that way before.

“Zayn, look at me, please.” Louis demanded.

Zayn looked at him.

“You’re upset, I understand...but you don’t need to yell at them every time you see them touch or hug. It’s just a fucking hug, it’s not like they fucking kissed or anything.” Louis stated.

“But they did!” Zayn fought back. “When I was thrown into the room with them, Liam was kissing his forehead and he paid attention to him for the entire time we were held there. He took care of him.”

Louis sighed as Harry decided to speak up, “You know how Niall gets in small spaces, you know how scared he gets when we’re surrounded in a mob of fans, how scared we all get...You know if we weren’t with him, he would probably lose his mind. This time, we weren’t with him and he was almost gone...Liam was just helping him stay sane. The same way Lou helped me stay sane.”

“It’s different...Lou’s your boyfriend and Liam’s mine...but he was with Niall instead.” Zayn said softly.

Harry sighed, shaking his head, clearly what he had tried to say didn’t get through.

Louis gave him a comforting smile then looked at Zayn again.

“Zayn...Be angry and pissed off at them all you want, just stop fighting with them. There’s no need for yelling and screaming and to bicker like little children! And it stops. Now.” Louis told him.

“You can’t tell me what to do…” Zayn said as Louis narrowed his eyes towards him.

“I always tell you what to do...and you listen to me because I’m the oldest, I’m the big brother but now, I’m asking you nicely to cool it with the bickering. No need to act like children here, we’re all adults. Let’s act like it.” Louis said calmly.

Zayn sat for a moment in thought as Louis turned towards Liam and Niall.

“You two...You’re more attached to each other now, I get that. But-” Louis started to say.

“We didn’t start the fight though!” Niall argued.

“You fucking continued it!” Louis said trying his best to keep his voice leveled.

“But-” Liam started to say as Louis shot him a look and he shut up.

“If he starts fighting with you...Don’t fight back, just walk way. This is to avoid the screaming and yelling that’s been going on since last week!” Louis said.

“So we’re not allowed to defend ourselves?” Liam asked

Louis shook his head, “I didn’t say that...I just mean...if he starts bickering and going on about whatever the hell you two do, don’t fight back, don’t say anything back. Think of it this way...Whenever I would get into a fight at school my mum would tell me, ‘A boy comes to me with a spark of interest, I feed the spark and it becomes a flame. I feed the flame and it becomes a fire. I feed the fire and it becomes a roaring blaze.’ I never understood what she meant until I was older. She always told me to think about it though. So if Zayn comes to you and starts up a fight and you fight back...you're creating a fire basically and the more you argue the bigger it gets. We don’t want to get burned, do we?”

Niall shook his head.

“Liam?” Louis said looking at him.

Liam shook his head.

“Zayn.” Louis said turning to look at him.

Zayn shook his head.

Louis nodded, “Zayn, are you going to try to cool it with yelling and screaming at them for everything they do?”

Zayn nodded but didn’t speak.

Louis looked back at Liam and Niall, “Are you two going to try and not encourage him by fighting back?”

“We’ll be good.” Liam said.

“Promise.” Niall added.

Louis smiled, “Good, now we have to go meet with the legal team. Think you can handle that without fighting?”

The all nodded in agreement.

Louis still smiling turned back to Paul who was looking at him amazed, “You’re going to be a hell of a father someday.”

Louis chuckled, “Thanks, anything we need to know before we leave?” He asked.

“Some fans may be waiting outside the building, no Larry moments, period. Dont speak to the fans, we will be there on strict business only. Harry, Will wants your stitches covered… and before you say anything Louis, its just because he’s worried about how gruesome it looks.” Paul instructed.

“I’ll cover it. No big deal.” Harry stood and moved slowly towards Louis.

Louis gave him a smile of reassurance. He wanted to kiss Harry so badly but he knew he needed to let Harry start that.

“Lets go.” Paul said and watched as they all stood. That’s when he noticed Niall in sweatpants. “Niall…” he almost sighed. “You can’t wear those.”

Niall looked away from the group including Paul.

“Go change, quickly.” Paul instructed.

“I can’t.” He softly replied.

Paul was getting upset. “Niall, I don’t have time…”

“Come on, I’ll help you.” Louis called knowing better than to touch him now.

Niall nodded and wiped a tear away before turning around and following him out of the room.

Paul looked to the others confused.

“He can’t button or zip his trousers. The tremors make it too difficult.” Liam explained.

Paul just nodded before leading the boys outside. They loaded in the van and waited for Louis and Niall. When they arrived the boys took off towards their legal team’s firm building.

A small group of fans stood waiting when they arrived. Harry tipped his head forward and shook his head causing his curls to tumble forward and cover his wound.

“Perfect.” Louis gave him a smile.

“This is an important legal matter...why can’t we use the side or back entrance?” Zayn complained.

Paul gave him a sorrowful look, “You know why and If I could have it so that you didn’t have to go through a group of fans, I’d do it but I have my orders.” He said opening the door.

“Go!” He instructed as the girls began screaming.

Quickly Louis jumped out the van followed by Liam then Harry and Niall. Zayn took up the end with Paul as they traveled to the front entrance.

They didn’t have to wait long before their attorney’s assistant took them to a conference room. Their legal team stood as they entered the room and greeted them. When the boys and Paul finally sat down, they also sat down.

“Alright. We’ve listen to the recording of your statements so don’t feel worried about going over that again today.” A man quickly stated.

That made all of them feel much better.

“Andy, Daniel, Adam, Macrae and Richard are all being held without bond so you don’t need to worry about that either.” Another man told them.

For most of lads that was a huge relief.

As the second man kept talking the boys just listened, “The Crowns Prosecution Service has taken over the case. We’ll be assisting but ultimately they’ll be representing you.”

“So we’re going to be in the Crowns Court?” Zayn asked.

“Yes, you’ll be at the old bailey to be exact.” He replied.

“Great, high profile.” Harry seemed to complain softly under his breath.

Liam who sat on one side of him patted his back.

“Victim and Witness Services will be coming to see you tomorrow. You can talk to them about what can be done to help you lads feel more comfortable." The first lawyer tried to make them feel a little better.

“I’ll need that information.” Paul spoke up.

The assistant set work without even being told helping Paul get the information he needed.

“They can also help you boys prepare for court. You'll all have to stand and testify. It’s their job to make you boys feel more relaxed.” He kept talking.

“What’ll make me more relaxed is those bastards being locked away forever.” Niall shook his head not looking at the lawyers. he didn’t want to be here.

“Well, the good news then is that most of them are looking at life in prison.”

“Wait, what do you mean by ‘most of them’?” Louis was quick to ask. He didn’t like that.

The lawyer began flipping through his large stack of paper work looking for the desired information. “Hmm… Oh, here.” He said finding it. “Here is a list of what the CPS is charging them all with.” He cleared his throat and began to read off the information. "Andy is being charged with five counts of kidnapping and three counts of assault. The max time is life but with two of the others facing such major charges there is a chance he’ll slide. No worries though, we are gonna fight that persistently.”

The boys couldn’t speak. they all felt too uncomfortable. They just nodded and listened.

“Adam…”

Tears instantly formed in Harry’s eyes just hearing his name.

“...is facing five counts of kidnapping and one count of rape aggravated by violence, threat of a deadly weapon and hatred on the grounds of sexual orientation.”

Harry licked his lips, he hated this, it was bringing back memories he didn't want.

“What’s he looking at realistically?” Louis asked firmly. It killed him to see Harry so upset again.

“Honestly, I don’t think the judge would offer any less than life. We have a lot of evidence to support Harry’s story. Photos recovered from his cell phone as well as his DNA on the sheets in the room he raped Harry in and even the gun he used to threaten you all with.” He replied. He sounded rather confident.

“What about Mac?” Liam quickly asked.  Mac sexually abused all the rest of them and even raped Niall.

“Macrae should be getting life for sure. On top of five counts of kidnapping, he’s being charged with one count of sexual assault, Louis thats against you. Niall he’s facing one count of rape for sure for what he did to you. Liam and Zayn, right now he’s looking at two counts of sexual assault with penetration for you both but the CPS is trying to push for rape charges instead.”

“Rape?” Zayn asked. He had never considered himself as raped. It made him feel sick.

“Technically speaking both of your assaults fits the description of the courts definition as rape. His charges will also be aggravated by violence and hatred on the grounds of sexual orientation as well as race.”

They both nodded suddenly feeling worse about what happened then they ever had. “Uh, the other two, what are they facing?” Liam forced his tears away. He wasn’t going to cry.

“Richard is facing the same things as Andy. Daniel however is looking at five counts of kidnapping as well as the loss of his medical license. The CPS said it sounds like he may plead guilty in hopes of a reduced sentence.”

“Is that possible?” Harry asked.

His lawyer didn’t look thrilled but nodded, “Yes. You and the others stated he tried to help you on multiple occasions.”

They all sighed a little. They wanted these men put away for the rest of their lives so they’d never have to fear again.

“Is there any word on whether the judge will allow the speedy trial?” Paul spoke up. It could affect everything.

“The judge is allowing it due to the boys status. If all goes according to plan we’ll finish at the end of next week. That means court will begin this coming Monday.” He smiled happy they had gotten that approved.

“Perfect, what about banning outsiders from being allowed in the court?” Paul asked next.

“That’s something the witness and victims services will have to bring up.” He explained.

“I need you lads to request that then. No need to have fans or media in the court.” Paul instructed.

Louis nodded, “That’ll be the first thing we ask.” They all couldn’t have agreed more. All of them were itching to be done though.

They hated being here doing this. It didn’t help with their recovery.

“What else do we need to talk about?” Niall asked as he felt his hands shaking more than they were before.

“Well, not much actually, you all need to prepare to testify. Victims services will help you with that though. We just need to make sure you guys are informed of what's going on and that you agree and have no questions.” The lawyer said.

Beyond that the meeting was filled with small questions and answers. It didn’t take long at all before everyone felt comfortable closing the meeting.

“We’ll be in touch with your people.” The lawyer said standing up as the everyone else in the room stood with him.

Louis stood as the legal team left the room, he looked over at Paul, “Can we go home now?” He asked.

Paul nodded, “Are we ready?”

“I have to use the toilet.” Niall announced quietly.

Louis looked towards Niall, “I can help you.” He offered as he headed for the door.

Niall shook his head, “No. I want Liam to help...please.” He said looking over at Liam.

Zayn sighed as he bit his lip and fought to say anything.

“If you don’t want Lou, I can help if you’d like.” Harry offered wanting to keep the peace.

“No!” Niall almost yelled looking at him. He took a deep breath and calmed himself, “I just want Liam...please.” He said as tears formed in his eyes looking back over at Liam.

It had been so hard for him to let Louis help do up his trousers earlier. He hated anyone other than Liam touching him. It didn't feel safe.

Liam nodded, “Sure, let’s go.” He said placing a hand on Niall’s shoulder. “I saw where it was on the way in here.” He added as they left the room.

They stayed quiet as they walked towards the room.

Once inside, Niall lifted his shirt a little with trembling hands as Liam carefully placed the edge of his fingertips at the waist of Niall’s jeans and undid the button for him, then pulled down the zipper.

“There.” He gave the Irish lad a smile.

Niall nodded and quickly went into a free stall while Liam waited for him outside the door.

While Liam waited, he heard the door open and someone walk in around the same time Niall was finished. He walked out of the stall holding onto his jeans and stood beside Liam.

Liam quickly moved in front of him as he moved Niall’s shirt and did the button of his jeans up and pulled up the zipper.

The man who was washing his hands, glanced over at them, giving them a strange look. Both younger boys noticed this as Niall looked at Liam with tears in his eyes that were threatening to fall.

“It’s going to be okay.” Liam leaned forward and whispered in Niall’s ear.

Niall nodded as he walked over to quickly wash his hands as the man still eyed the two younger boys.

Once he was finished, he quickly took Liam’s hand and held onto him tight, he realized it probably didn’t help the situation they found themselves in but he just wanted to hold onto him. He needed the comfort Liam always brought him.

They quickly walked out of the room and came face to face with the other boys and Paul who were quick to notice the hand holding.

Paul raised an eyebrow.

“So, we’re back to holding hands again, are we?” Zayn said sarcastically.

“Zayn!” Louis warned in a harsh tone. He didn’t want to be harsh, not when they were trying to heal after everything that had happened but sometimes it was the only way to get Zayn to listen.

Zayn flinched a bit but mumbled a “Sorry.” under his breath.

Niall glared at Zayn as Liam looked at Paul, “Someone saw me helping Niall do up his jeans, he gave us a really odd look the entire time…He might work here, I don’t know.” He explained as the man came out of the room.

Paul nodded and walked off to catch up with the older man.

Niall rested his head on Liam’s shoulder, “I just want to get out of here.”

Liam nodded, “I know…Once Paul deals with the situation we’ll be home. We don’t have anything else to do today.”

“It’ll be okay, Niall.” Louis tried to give a reassuring smile but Niall just sighed.

A couple minutes later, Paul returned, “Everything’s good, I promise. Now let’s get out of here. Remember, no couple moments and no fan interaction. Straight to the van.”

The boys nodded and followed Paul out.

The fans cheered and called out to them but they were all too shaken to even consider looking at them.

They just climbed into the van quietly and drove home without another word.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We felt it was important to show the legal stuff. We researched UK/England/London law as much as we could. This is realistic to a point. The men to our understanding would face those counts and charges.


	12. Chapter 12

"I don't know when the witness and victims services will arrive tomorrow but if it's during therapy you lads will have to break and speak to them first." Paul explained as they went inside.

"So we should make sure we look our best tomorrow also?" Louis asked.

"Please." He nodded.

They all agreed.

"Alright, well I have a few phone calls to make now. You guys are free to do anything but fight." He glared at Zayn.

"No problem, I'm headed up to get out of these damn clothes." He complained a bit as he unbuttoned the top button of his collared shirt.

Harry took Louis' hand and took him into the sitting room where silently the two sat on the sofa and cuddled.

Niall and Liam stared at each other for only a moment before Niall mumbled something about food and walked towards the kitchen.

"I'm just gonna try to rest." Liam told Paul and headed upstairs.

Zayn who was in his room now with the door closed, had his dress clothes stripped off. He sat on his bed, in his boxers, and picked up his cell phone.

He didn't want to deal with all the messages he'd received, he hadn’t turned it off from when Liam had turned it on earlier. He just didn’t look at the messages and turned the phone on silent, he also left it behind while they had the meeting with the legal team.

He sighed as he started to go through his messages and reply to them, he saw that Liam had sent him something but he decided he’d deal with that last.

Finally after about a half hour of telling people that physically, he was fine and he’d talk when he felt up to it, he got to Liam’s message.

He opened it and saw that it was just a picture, and that picture was of a naked Liam holding his very obvious hard dick. He always thought that Liam looked sexiest naked.

Zayn swallowed as he felt his boxers tighten on him. So when he had my phone...was he trying to delete the picture or make sure I got it? He wondered as he stared at the picture. He didn’t know how to take it or what it even meant, all he knew was that he was now hard and needed a release.

Zayn pushed his boxers down and threw them to the floor, he laid back on his sheets and wrapped a hand around his aching dick as he started to pump it up and down.

He let out a low moan as he reminded himself that there were people in the house. His mind drifted back to the second to the last night of the US tour that had been a fun night for him and Liam.

They had busied themselves in the kitchen part of the hotel, all he wanted was a cuppa, even though it was very warm outside but he was tired and the hotel room’s A/C had trouble regulating temperatures so it was either always really warm or really cold in his room. He didn’t care much. He had Liam to keep him warm. It was cold in the room that night so while he was waiting for his cuppa Liam made sure to keep him warm and they didn’t even bother with the bed in the room.

Then Zayn’s eyes fell to his phone and kept his eyes locked on the photo on the screen of Liam holding his hard on and looking the sexiest he’d ever seen him.

Between the memory and the picture on his phone, it didn’t take long until Zayn was on the edge, he turned himself around so he could scream into his pillow. He was never good at being quiet.

After a few more pulls, he came over his hand and stomach while the rest landed on the sheets underneath him. Zayn moved to the other side of the bed where there wasn’t cum and wiped his hand off on the sheets as he cleaned off his stomach with the shirt he had worn to bed.

After he caught his breath, he decided to shower and then clean the sheets.

In Liam's room he had stripped off his dress clothes and put on something much more comfortable. He then laid down on the nice soft bed. Between his nightmare last night and fighting with Zayn this morning he was totally worn out.

He had tossed, turned and rolled around for the longest time before finding a position that was somewhat comfortable and falling asleep.

It wasn't long however before a repeat of last night began to occur. He began moving and whimpering in his sleep until finally he sat up quickly drenched in cold sweat. This time however he had managed to muffle his scream somehow.

He looked around the room uncomfortably before breathing a sigh of relief and relaxing a little bit.

Once again he had dreamed he was falling. It was so real that it scared him to death. He had no idea why this kept happening. He hated it.

It confused him at the same time however, when he had been sleeping downstairs with the other lads, on the floor he was fine. Having been in bed with all of them last night he knew that wasn't the problem.

Not knowing what else to do to get sleep he sighed, a bit upset and stood. He tossed his pillow into the floor and pulled the comforter off the bed. He then laid down and curled into a comfortable position on his side and closed his eyes.

Being on the floor somehow settled his mind a bit and a somewhat peaceful sleep fell over him.

Liam slept until finally he felt someone gently rubbing the back of his forearm. "Liam?" He heard a voice softly calling out as he began to stir.

He took a deep breath and groaned slightly before blinking his eyes open.

"Wake up." He heard as his eyes focus. It was Zayn.

He jerked slightly, having not expected him.

"You alright?" He asked, still bent down.

Liam nodded, still half asleep but trying to wake up.

"You're on the floor." Liam wasn't sure if it was a statement or a question.

"Bed wasn't comfortable." He half lied.

Zayn nodded, "Well Harry and Louis took care of dinner downstairs, if you're hungry." He stood up.

Liam nodded and slowly rose to his feet. He ran his hands over his face and head before yawning.

"By the way..." Zayn stopped in the doorway. He never turned around to look at Liam. "I got it." He said nonchalantly.

Liam heart jumped into his mouth as he watched Zayn walk away. He didn't know how to take that. Was that a good response or a bad response? He wasn't sure.

His stomach growling pulled him from his thoughts though. He'd just have to attempt to talk to Zayn about it later. Right now he was hungry.

As he entered the kitchen he found all the lads working on making themselves plates to eat.

"Liam, Paul said he's gonna text you again in the morning so keep your phone on." Louis instructed.

"Okay." He nodded as he tried hard not to stare at Zayn. How he had replied wasn't exactly fair.

"Whose turn is it tomorrow?" Niall asked.

"Harry and I have couples tomorrow. Liam has a solo session." Louis explained as they went to sit down.

Their wasn't much talk during dinner. They were too focused on eating. They also each had thought of their own blocking their ability to have a decent conversation.

After they finished eating they all worked together to clean up the mess and then headed to watch more movies until they became tired.

This time it was Harry who had begun falling asleep first.

"Come on guys." Louis whispered.

As they all began heading upstairs, Louis looked at the boy asleep in his arms. He couldn't resist kissing him any longer. Fear of scaring him however set in and he decided to just softly kiss him on the forehead. It was good enough for now.

"Wake up curly, time to go to sleep." He whispered giving him a gentle hug.

"What?" He mumbled.

"It's bed time, come on." He said again sitting him up.

Harry just nodded and walked with Louis to their room where the others waited.

Niall was already laying in the very middle of the bed. Liam just stared at the bed however as Louis climbed in on the other side.

Liam wondered if sleeping in the bed again would cause another nightmare. He couldn't just sleep on the floor though. The boys would figure out something was wrong. Nothing could be wrong, he couldn't give the others any reason to fear.

Hopping for the best he got in and laid down. Harry laid next to Louis and Zayn stood looking at Liam.

For a split second their eyes met.

Zayn wasn't about to tell Liam he had loved the photo or that he had jerked off to it but that didn't stop the thoughts from being in the front of his mind however.

Finally Zayn looked away from Liam and went to turn the loo light on with it on he was able to turn out the light and crawl in the bed next to Liam.

It didn’t take long before all the boys fell asleep quickly, Harry and Louis were the first ones to knock out and then Zayn followed a few minutes later. Niall had trouble falling asleep until he cuddled closer to Liam and it was only then that he was able to fall asleep peacefully. It took awhile but Liam was finally able to drift off to sleep but unlike Niall it was anything but peaceful, his inner anxieties came out and his dream turned into a nightmare as he felt himself falling further and further down into an endless pit, he just kept falling and not landing on the ground. At some point, he was able to force himself to wake up and he shot up, sitting up in bed in a cold sweat, he had been able to stop from himself from screaming but he couldn’t catch his breath. The nightmares were becoming more real with every sleep.

Niall sat up as he moved even closer to Liam and closed any space between them, “You okay?” He asked softly as he rubbed his eyes.

Before he could respond, Zayn sat up and looked over at him, “Another nightmare?” He asked quietly hoping not to wake the two sleeping boys on the other side of the bed but it was too late, Louis was already sitting up and looking over at Liam.

“You’re okay now, you know…” He said softly hoping not to wake Harry.

Liam sighed as he ran a hand over his sweat filled face and nodded, “It was another nightmare but I’m fine now that I’m awake. You don’t need to worry, I swear. I’ll be fine, I just need some water and maybe walk around a bit.”

Louis nodded, “Just make sure to come back to bed after…”

Liam forced a warm smile, “Yeah, I know. Thanks, Lou.” He said as he began to crawl out of the bed but Niall wrapped his arms around Liam’s arm.

Liam looked back at him and saw the worry in his eyes.

“Please don’t go…” He whispered as Zayn rolled his eyes and crawled back under the covers annoyed.

Liam moved some fallen hair out of Niall’s eyes, “Niall...I promise you’ll be fine. You have the other boys here with you and I’m right downstairs if you need me. I won’t be long. I promise I’ll come back.”

Niall reluctantly let go of Liam and looked as if he was a kicked puppy and it made Liam’s heart fall but he needed to get something to drink and walk around a bit. He needed to do something to try and shake his nightmare from his mind.

“Louis will help take care of you, get you back to sleep, whatever you need till I get back, right Lou?” He said looking at Louis with begging eyes.

Louis nodded, “Of course. We can cuddle if you want...Harry won’t mind and he’s asleep still, so I’m free if you want to.”

Niall sighed, he wanted Liam but agreed to cuddle with Louis till Liam got back.

“Thanks, mate. I owe you one.” Liam whispered to Louis as he climbed out of the bed.

“Don’t worry about it.” Louis smiled as he laid back down with Niall. “I’d do anything for him, he’s my little brother too.”

Liam smiled at him and nodded as he left the room and went to the kitchen downstairs.

He poured himself a tall cold glass of water. He drained the glass dry in less than a minute.

He decided that even though he was cooled off he didn’t want to go back to bed just yet, so he wandered the downstairs for about twenty minutes until his body was screaming at him for some rest and sleep.

He slowly made his way back upstairs, he was so tired and Niall was asleep against Louis who had Harry one side of him and Niall on the other side, both cuddled up on his chest, sleeping, it made Liam smile a little. It was cute sight.

He really didn’t want to go back to sleep, at least not in the bed. He seemed to sleep better when he was on the floor and if he crawled back into bed now, he’d wake the others up and that’s one thing he didn’t want. He’d already woken some of them up from his nightmare.

He walked over to Zayn’s side of the bed, stopping for a moment to watch him sleep, it had always been a favourite thing to do, he loved watching Zayn sleep. After a moment, he carefully reached over him to grab his pillow and he threw it on the floor beside Zayn, he then went down the hall to his room and grabbed a blanket off the bed and went back to Louis’ and Harry’s room. He laid down on the floor, put his head to the pillow, he threw the blanket over him and quickly fell asleep into a dreamless word.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Honestly...I am SO so sorry for the lateness of this chapter. I have good reasons though...a couple weeks ago my mom had a stroke and has been in the hospital, so I go up there all the time to visit with her, when I'm not busy with school and as for school...I have this partner for a project who barely does anything and rarely shows up to our meetings. My mom's doing better though...so I can go back to hopefully posting once or twice a week...again, I'm so sorry you had to wait like almost 3 weeks to get a new chapter! But hopefully it's long enough and good enough to make up for everything. :)

The next morning they all were sleeping soundly when Niall awoke to the the sound of a cell phone buzzing.

As it stopped he looked around and saw Liam was missing.

His eyes searched the room but he couldn't see Liam laying on the floor.

"Louis!" He began to panic. He began shaking him hard making both he and Harry stir.

"Niall?" He groaned.

"Liam's gone!" He sounded like he was gonna cry.

Louis sat up fast as Zayn woke now also.

"Liam?" Louis called out loudly.

Suddenly they could hear his muffled voice coming from below the foot of the bed.

Harry shot Louis a confused look.

"Liam?" Niall crawled quickly down to the bottom of the bed. He spotted him laying on the floor and let out a relieved breath, "Liam!"

Liam blinked his tired eyes open and looked up at him.

"Li... Why are you on the floor?" Louis now moved to see him.

He yawned and slowly sat up, "I didn't want to wake you lads up last night."

"You scared me! You can't do that!" Niall complained.

Liam placed a hand gently on one of Niall's. "Sorry, I didn't think about that. I'm okay though."

Niall nodded as the buzzing sound played again.

Niall reached for Liam's phone on the nightstand and passed it to him.

"Paul's here." Liam said and begun to stand.

"I'll run and get it." Niall nodded and left the room after getting off the bed.

"We have to get ready." Louis softly told Harry.

Harry, half asleep still could only nod.

"I need to get ready too, I guess." Liam picked up the pillow from the floor. He placed it on the bed then grabbed his blanket and left the room.

Only a short while later Harry, Liam and Louis were ready and finishing breakfast. Zayn and Niall were upstairs trying to get dressed.

Niall was doing fine until it was time to put on his trousers. He couldn't button them. The shaking had gotten better but not enough to allow him to button up his jeans.

He went out into the hall holding his trousers up. He hoped someone was still up here to help him.

"Louis? Liam?" He called just as Zayn walked out of his room.

"Again?" Zayn asked noticing the problem.

"I can't help it." He sounded so defeated.

Zayn wanted to say something stingy. He wanted to tell him to just scream for Liam. In the back if his head however he could hear Louis yelling at him for it.

He rolled his eyes and asked, "Want my help?"

Niall felt nervous instantly. He didn't know how to reply. He and Zayn weren't getting along right now but he didn't wanna go all the way downstairs in front of Paul like this.

Feeling like he had no other choice he just closed his eyes and nodded.

Zayn took a few steps towards him as Niall lifted his shirt up a bit. He reached his hands forward, trying to hurry and get this done but the touch and fast pace instantly sent Niall over the edge.

"Stop! Please stop!" He screamed trying to back away from Zayn. The wall stopped him from going too far. He pushed against it hard and began to cry.

"What the hell?" Zayn said a little surprised but mostly annoyed.

"Niall?" Louis yelled jogging up the stairs with Liam close behind.

"Nialler?" Liam too inquired as they saw him pressed against the wall crying.

"What did you do?" Liam asked Zayn as Louis stepped near Niall.

"Nothing, I was trying to help him fasten his trousers up." Zayn defended himself.

"Niall, it's alright." Louis touched his shoulder but he instantly jerked away from the touch with a whimper.

Liam turned his attention to Niall.

"I didn't do anything." Zayn repeated as Louis looked to him.

"We believe you Zayn." Louis assured.

"Nialler... It's me... You're okay." Liam softly said slowly placing his hands on the younger lads shoulders.

Niall nodded and sniffled trying to not cry anymore. "I just, I felt him, it didn't feel like Zayn, it felt like... Him." He couldn't even say the name.

"He isn't here. It's just us." Liam assured.

"I'm sorry, Niall." Zayn said sincerely.

Niall just nodded as he leaned forward and rested his head on Liam's chest. His tears were finally stopping.

"Lads?" They all heard Paul's voice call up the stairs.

"Coming!" Louis called and motioned for Zayn to go on down with him.

"You alright?" Liam asked as Niall finally leaned back against the wall.

"Yeah, I'm okay now." He nodded.

"That’s good. Let me do your jeans up then so we can get downstairs." Liam's voice was so calm.

Niall pulled his shirt back up and let Liam button them, then zip up his trousers.

"Good to go." Liam gave him a smile and went with him downstairs to the kitchen.

When they got downstairs they had just enough time to eat before the doorbell rang.

"I'll get it." Paul said not knowing who it would be.

As he walked away the five boys began cleaning up their breakfast mess.

When Paul came back in the room they all looked at him for an answer, "Liam, Harry, Louis, your therapists are here."

Liam was rather open to the idea. Louis and Harry were feeling nervous however.

Michelle and Carrie walked into the kitchen.

"Hello, boys." Carrie smiled warm.

"Hello." Louis nodded as Harry gripped onto his hand.

"Are you ready?" She asked.

Louis gave an unsure nod and followed her out of the room.

"Liam, how about you?" Michelle asked him.

"Yeah, where should we go?" He asked. The other three had gone into the basement.

"Wherever you'd like is fine." Michelle wanted him to feel comfortable. She wasn't so much concerned with herself.

"Liam, why don't you go sit on the back patio? It's lovely outside." Paul suggested.

Liam looked to Michelle as if to ask if she was okay with that.

"Sounds wonderful, some fresh air should do you good." She smiled.

The two walked outside and took a seat at the table Niall and Liam had been just a couple days ago.

Michelle noticed Liam yawn as she pulled out her notepad. "Are you tired?" She asked in a friendly voice hoping to sooth any nervous he may have been feeling.

"Yeah, been having some strange sleeping issues." Liam replied trying to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“Well, why don’t we start with that then? What do you think has been giving you trouble sleeping?” She asked him.

Liam was silent for a moment, he didn’t want any medication and he had a good feeling if he shared the reason she would offer it. He also knew it’d do no good to lie however, “I’ve been having nightmares...of falling. It’s always the same thing, I’m just falling and falling, I never hit the ground, I just keep falling. It feels more real every time I sleep.”

Michelle wrote notes as Liam talked about his dream, she then looked up at him, “I would like to prescribe you some anti anxiety medication, Alpha-blockers to be exact. It’ll help with the anxiety you feel from being confronted with your worst fear in the manner it was done. It’ll also help you better sleep at night.”

Liam shook his head, “No, thank you. I’d rather not be dependent on medication…”

Michelle gave him a sympathetic look, “It’s specifically for nightmares, you’ll sleep better. Unless, you have some kind of history with substance abuse that I’m unaware about?”

Liam shook his head, “No, nothing like that. I just...I want to try and beat this without medication that’s all. Go the natural way?” He said hoping to convince her. He needed to be strong for his friends, they were his brothers. He needed to show that he could handle whatever’s thrown at him.

Louis was usually the strong one, he was the oldest after all and they all looked up to him, but he’d been so broken by everything that happened to Harry that he wasn’t showing his normal strength, so Liam decided that he would step up and be the strong one for awhile. Louis deserved a break too.

Michelle nodded, “What if I write you the script and that way you have it if you need it?” She suggested.

Liam nodded, figuring that this was the only way he could win.

Michelle smiled at him and wrote up the script and handed it to him, “I’d suggest getting the medication right away but you don’t need to take them unless you need to.”

Liam nodded again as he took the script, “Got it...Thank you.”

"Of course." She nodded.

"You know..." He tried to open up. "When I sleep on the floor, I feel fine." He was hoping she could make sense of it for him.

"That makes sense." She smiled.

"It does?" He asked confused.

"The nightmares are of you falling, right? In order for one to fall you have to be up, because after all, what goes up, must come down. The bed is high, it’s off the floor, so it makes sense that you’d want to be on the ground." She explained.

He nodded taking it in. That did make a lot of sense. "Wow..." He trailed off a little amazed.

Meanwhile Harry and Louis had been explaining to Carrie how they'd met and everything that had happened to them between that moment and now.

"So it sounds like you guys have been through a lot together." She commented.

"Probably more than anyone should have to." Louis told her. Harry had been very quiet.

"Through all those problems though, you both have stuck together. You've gotten through it together. Yes?" She asked.

They both nodded.

"So it makes sense to say you can make it through this too. Do you believe that?"

"I don't know." Louis said looking down to his hands.

"Harry?" She inquired hoping he'd look at her.

Harry did reply but his eyes remained downward, "This is different. We've lasted through people forcing us to hide our relationship, we've survived through fans harassing us to know the truth, we've even survived through rumors of fans killing themselves over us but this... This is a whole new level for us."

She ran a single finger over her lips. That was a very prolific statement. "Talk to me about it. What exactly makes this so much harder?"

"I've always been able to somewhat shield him and protect him. I've been the one to put up with the fake girlfriend and all the photoshopped bullshit so he wouldn’t have to. This time I couldn't protect him, I was powerless. I've never felt that way before, not in this situation." Louis explained.

Harry let a tear roll down his cheek. "We've never been sexually assaulted or humiliated in such a deep fashion. I've never been so afraid." He felt as though he was starting to ramble and stopped himself.

"We're going to get you guys through this. I need you both to believe that." She sounded so reassuring. It was a nice change.

Louis looked at her, "I'm trying, it just kills me each time I look at him and see him so broken. I wanna fix him. I want my Harry back and no matter what I do I can't seem to make that happen."

"Louis, it's not your responsibility to fix Harry. It's your responsibility to support him, encourage him and help him. You're putting too much pressure on yourself."

Louis looked to Harry then back to Carrie, "I don't feel like I know how to do that."

She nodded, she really felt like these two were doing very well for their first session. "Well, let's ask Harry. What do you feel you need from Louis right now? What do you think will help?"

"Not much does help right now. Being close to him does though. I don't even have to talk to him. I just have to have him next to me. That makes me feel better." Harry took Louis' hand in his own.

"So then Louis, what I'm hearing is that Harry needs you to just be as close to him as you can right now. I know that isn't always allowed but when your home and in private that's something you can do."

Louis nodded.

"At some point Harry we're gonna have to work on that though. You've gotta trust others. You're going to need to be able to keep yourself together should he ever not be around." Carrie offered.

Harry wasn't even ready to entertain that idea so he forced himself to glance at her and nod.

"Good, now let's go back a little bit..." She looked over her notes. "I wanna know more about you feeling powerless Louis."

"What else is there to say?" He wondered aloud. "A sick minded freak was hurting my boyfriend and I couldn't do anything to stop it."

"Harry, did you feel like Louis should have stepped in? Are you angry at him for not being able to help you?" Carrie wanted Louis to hear it directly from Harry.

"No, not at all. It wasn't his fault."

Upstairs Michelle was starting to finish up with Liam. "So it's agreed, you'll consider the medication and you'll work on telling the others about what's bothering you, even if it's only one of them that you tell."

Liam nodded. He could try, he didn't think he'd fare very well tho.

"Ok then, I think that wraps up our session. You did very well."

"Thanks." He stood with her as they walked into the house. Paul was now the only person in the kitchen.

"You're going to be just fine Liam, we just need a little time." She gave him an encouraging smile.

He could only nod.

The front doorbell rang before either of them could say another words.

"That's probably the CPS." Paul said standing up.

"Should I get Harry and Louis?" Liam asked.

"Go find Niall and Zayn. Michelle, if you wouldn't mind peaking downstairs. That way none of us hear anything the lads don't want us to."

"Certainly." She nodded.

"Zayn? Niall?" Liam called out running up the stairs looking for them.

Downstairs he could hear Paul letting the people from CPS in.

"What?" Zayn came out of his room.

"Those people are here, they’re downstairs. Have you seen Niall?" Liam quickly asked.

"He had earphones in last I saw him. Check his room maybe." Zayn walked past Liam as he moved to Niall's door.

"Niall?" He questioned opening the door to his room slowly.

Niall noticed him right away from where he sat on the bed listening to some music he had loaded onto his phone. "What's up?" He asked.

"Those people are here to talk to us." He explained.

"The Victim Services people?" He asked getting up.

Liam just nodded.

"Let's get this over with then." He said.

Liam rubbed one on Niall's shoulders a bit and assured him this meeting wouldn't be as bad as the other. This meeting was supposed to be to help them.

When they got downstairs the others were already on the sofa.

"There they are." Paul announced. "If you lads need me I'll be in the kitchen."

Liam and Niall crowded into the end of the sofa next to Harry.

"Hello boys, I'm Mrs. Crane. This is Mr. Pierson. We're from the Victims and Witness Protection services. We wanted to meet with you today to go over what to expect in court and help you all feel more comfortable with the entire process." The lady who spoke was older and wore glasses.

"First things we normally do is make sure you understand what court you'll be at and what to expect. You lads will be at the old bailey. He pulled out a sketch of the basic layout of the court room and began pointing to different areas as he spoke. He showed them where the judge and jury entered and where they sat. He showed them where they would enter and where they would stand and testify from. He also showed them where the prosecutor would stand. Next he pointed out an area in the very back. "This is the public viewing gallery. This is where the public can view the trial."

"We can have that closed off though, right? Our case is special." Louis jumped right in just as he had told Paul.

"We are allowed to request special arrangements. Considering your lads status in the community and the world for that matter, I see no reason the judge wouldn't allow the gallery to be closed." He nodded.

"Now, your lads family will still be allowed in though. So don't worry about it meaning they'll be banned.”

Niall instantly began to shake harder as tears formed in his eyes, "She can't be in there. She can't hear all those details." He managed to mutter.

Harry tried to place a hand on Niall's back but he pulled away leaning towards Liam.

"We'll get it figured out." Liam tried to sooth him. Now wasn't a good time to have him panic.

"If you'd like us to we can request that they be banned but it's not normal practice." Mrs. Crane spoke up.

"If it's alright, we'll get back to you on that."

"Of course." She nodded.

The man then went back to explain the rest of the court layout as Niall began to calm. "...and lastly this is the dock. This is where the men who did these things to you will sit and hear the trial."

"So they'll be there when we testify?" Louis asked hating the idea.

"Yes, but if you're worried about seeing them there are two options we have. We can make a special request for a curtain to be raised so that only the judge can see you, the rest of the court will be able to hear you however. We can also request a screen be used to block the dock from being visible." Mr. Pierson explained.

"Honestly, I think we're more likely to be approved for the second option. The curtain blocking out the entire court is normally only allowed when children are involved." Mrs. Crane added.

"That would be sufficient for me. I don't want to see his face. I already see it when I close my eyes." Harry admitted. He could hear Adam too. He just hadn't come to a point of being able to tell anyone.

The other lads nodded agreeing with Harry.

"We'll add that to our list of things to ask for then." She smiled.

"Now we are already making arrangements for you lads to enter the building through a private entrance. We'll make sure you get that information as soon as we have it. We're also asking that you all be allowed to remain outside of the courtroom until it's your turn to testify." The man told them as he put away the layout he had been showing them.

"Does that mean we'll have to testify alone? We can't have each other in there for support?" Zayn asked.

Out of all the lads he didn't seem like the one to be nervous about not having the rest of the lads in the room while testifying. He had been fighting with most of them in fact.

"Well, as it stands, you'll testify alone. We can however ask that you lads be allowed to be each other's Mackenzie Friends. That would allow them to be in the court during your testimony for moral support providing they remain perfectly silent. If it's allowed they could even sit near you that way the screen would block out the dock for them also." Mrs. Crane who had been taking note politely explained to them.

"That'd be wonderful." Liam nodded.

"When we testify, we have to tell the entire story again?" Harry asked.

"Yes, you may be asked questions from either party as well. You'll have to answer anything they ask truthfully."

Harry just nodded. It broke his spirits even further to think about telling an entire courtroom about being dressed like an infant.

Louis knew without Harry having to say it what he was thinking. He reached over and held his hand, reminding him that he was right by his side.

"Now the last thing we'd like to do is go over with you exactly what to expect in court. It may seem like a lot of information but just bare with us." Mr. Pierson nodded.

The lads returned the nod and listened as he began to speak.

"When you are called into the courtroom you will be shown to the witness box. You should stand up, but if you find standing difficult, you can ask the judge if you can sit down. You will then be asked to take the oath. This means you have to swear to tell the truth on the holy book of your religion. If you prefer, you can ‘affirm’, which means, promise to tell the truth."

"So then we don't have to use a bible?" Louis asked.

"Of course not. In fact most courts just have you affirm to tell the truth. The bible and books like that are most commonly used under special request." Mrs. Crane explained to Louis.

He nodded and allowed them to keep talking.

"Now, the Crown Prosecutor will ask you questions first, then the defence will ask you questions. This is known as cross-examination. Although it can be worrying, cross-examination is an essential part of our justice system." She paused for a moment then continued. "It is important to remember that you are not on trial and if the questions become too aggressive, the lawyer who called you as a witness as well as the judge can ask the lawyer to stop the questions."

"You may also be asked questions by a magistrate, the clerk or the judge. In the Crown Court the jury can write down questions for the judge to read out." Mr. Pierson added after she finished.

The boys were feeling rather nervous now about court. They couldn't help it. It seemed very intimidating.

"Once you have given your evidence, the court will tell you that you may leave the witness box. You will be asked to stay and wait around after you have given evidence in case something new comes up. If nothing does then it's really just a matter of waiting until the proceedings have finished." She hoped they were helping the young men feel more comfortable.

"It will be lots of waiting mostly. I'm confident you boys will do just fine however. You've already survived the worst part." Mr. Pierson gave them a friendly smile.

"Yes, I agree." Louis was quick to state.

"Any questions?" He asked them.

"Will we be allowed in the court when the verdict and sentencing are given?" Liam wanted to be allowed to hear first hand that they were found guilty and go away.

"That's normally permitted. We can make sure it happens." Mrs. Crane said then asked, "Anything else?"

The boys just looked to each other a bit before Louis said, "I guess not."

"Alright then, who should we contact about the special arrangements?"

"Paul, he's the one who let you in." Liam said then called for him.

The boy were dismissed as Paul came in and spoke to the two about all the special arrangements. They exchanged contact information and he showed them out.

As Paul reset the alarm, Liam went up to him, “I need this prescription filled...It’s a kind of take one if you need it kind of things.” He said handing him the script.

Paul nodded, “I’ll get this looked after right away.” He said disabling the alarm again.

“Uhm...Could you not mention it to the other boys? I just don’t want them to worry.” Liam explained quickly.

Paul gave him a hesitant look but agreed then left.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> More legal stuff...We did our research so this is really how it would go down, best to our knowledge anyways. Also, as for when CrypticFondness/J-Lynn will update Forbidden...I honestly don't know when she will. Her personal life isn't the best at the moment, it's slowly getting better but she'll update it when she can. I understand you all are wanting an update and you don't hear from her but this is a separate story/series from her story. When you comment on here, can you please make it about this story and not Forbidden?


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all...I'd like to thank you all for being so understanding with the delays in chapters with this story, I'd like to thank you all for the get well wishes for my mom and prayers for her too. It means a lot to me. So thank you very much for that. I think I posted a new chapter last week? Maybe? No...2 weeks ago? Blah. I'm trying so hard to get back to once a week. I'll keep trying. In the meantime, this is a longer chapter I believe...so enjoy!!!!

By the time Paul made it back to the house and into the kitchen all the lads were digging into the pantry looking for lunch.

As they were eating at the kitchen island, Harry sighed, “I hate this.” He said and the boys knew he wasn’t talking about the food.

“Me too.” Niall agreed quietly.

“We all hate this, but it has to be done and in the end it’ll only make us stronger.” Zayn told them.

“It’ll be over soon enough.” Liam said softly as he looked over at Harry who was only staring at his food now.

The boys then finished eating in silence, Niall offered to clean up while the other boys went off to do their own thing.

Paul pulled Liam aside, “Here’s your pills.” He said handing him a small white bag.

Liam nodded, “Thanks Paul, also...we’re done for the day right?” He asked.

Paul nodded, “You have the rest of the day free.”

“You can go home and spend some time with your family then. The boys and I will be fine, we’ll call if we need you.” He said as Paul smiled at him.

“Thank you.” He said turning to leave.

Once he was gone, Liam reset the alarm, he then took the pills out of the bag, and put them in his pocket. He’d put them in the loo later.

Louis walked outside onto the back patio while Harry took a nap, he pulled his cell out and dialed his mum’s number.

"Hello, Louis?" Jay answered.

"Yeah mum, it's me." He smiled hearing her voice.

"How are you sweetheart?" She had to know.

"I'm alright. We started therapy Monday. It's sort of awkward but I think it'll help." He admitted.

"That's good. How are Harry and the others?"

"Harry... I'm not sure mum. He's really attached to me but at the same time snaps at me if he feels babied at all. I understand why but it's so hard to watch. I want the Harry I fell in love with back." He didn't even try to fight his tears. He just let them fall.

"Sweetie, I'm sure he'll come around. You boys went through a terrible thing. It's going to take time." She kept her voice calm even though she was falling apart for her son.

"Yeah, well the others are fighting, a lot it seems." He shook his head. "Paul actually had to separate them."

"Niall, Zayn and Liam? They were fighting?" It seemed impossible to believe.

"Niall's been attached to Liam worse than Harry is to me. It's got Zayn really jealous I think. Zayn told Niall he didn't know where Liam was when he woke up asking. It scared him so when he saw him in the hall he hugged him and Zayn saw and flipped his lid." He tried to explain.

"Oh my..." Was all she could bring herself to say.

"I got on to them, they all agreed to stop but, I don't even know mum. I just.... I wish I could fix all this."

She could hear the tears in his voice. "Louis, it's going to take time to fix all this. That's what the therapists are there to help with. Trust them and work their program and everything will fall into place."

He took a deep breath as his eyes scanned the yard, "Yeah, I know. I just... I wish I could do something to help. I feel like it's my job."

Having a thought she said, "Well, you know Maura did make a comment recently about it being Niall's birthday Friday. Do you think he'd be up for a small party? It might be a bit cheery if you lads spend time with us mums and dads."

He nodded perking up instantly, that was a great idea, "Mum, that's perfect! It could be just what he needs to pull him out of his slump and the party atmosphere could help the others. I bet we could even get ahold of Niall's friend Sean."  

I can pay for his flight if he can’t afford it...Should tweet him and get his number. Louis added in his mind.

"Let's do it then. We'll all come by Friday evening."

"Also mum, I think you should probably let everyone know that Niall doesn't like to be touched right now. The only person he let's touch him is Liam. Just maybe ask everyone to wait and let him touch them first." Louis said. The big brother in him worried.

"Of course, should I remind everyone not to baby Harry as well?" She asked remembering how hurt he seemed when they saw him.

"Yeah, definitely." He nodded even though she couldn't see.

"Alright, I'll talk to everyone here."

"Do you think all the Dads would come too? I assume they are all in town by now." He shifted in his seat, trying to get more comfortable.

"Yes, if you all want them there I don't think anything could hold them back. All of them are here."

"What about Mark?" It felt awkward calling him by his first name but he wanted to be sure and clear that it was Mark that was coming not Troy. The man had raised him and his sisters. He had his last name. Mark was his Dad and nothing would ever change it.

"Yes Louis, he's here."

Louis smiled. He missed him very much.

"I really think this is just what all of us need."

"Me too. I'll talk to everyone about it and text you later."

"Okay, I'll work on Sean."

"Alright, Have Paul contact us so we can arrange the details."

Louis actually smiled, "Alright mum. I will, can't wait."

Meanwhile Liam was watching the telly in the sitting room, thinking on what Michelle told him about telling someone about his nightmares. At first he wondered if he should tell Louis about it but quickly decided against it because he had his hands full with Harry at the moment, then he wondered about Niall, but also quickly dismissed that idea, Niall got freaked out if he didn’t know where he was and if he wasn’t close to Liam when he was upset, he didn’t want the young Irish lad to worry anymore than he already was, so that left Zayn since Harry wasn’t even an option to talk to about this.

He had been meaning to talk to Zayn again especially after what had happened this morning between knowing that Zayn got his picture and Zayn having a total freak out over Niall hugging him while he was in a towel.

He stood up and went into the kitchen where Niall was softly humming to himself while loading the dishes in the dishwasher, he softly knocked on the wall of the kitchen to get Niall’s attention.

Niall spun around, nervous and on guard but calmed immediately when he saw Liam, he smiled at him, “Hey.” He said sounding a little brighter than he did a couple hours ago.

Liam smiled back, “Hey, I’m going upstairs, I’m going to try and talk to Zayn, Harry’s napping and I think Louis’ outside, you going to be okay?” He asked.

Niall nodded, “Thank you for telling me…” He paused then quickly added, “I should be fine. At least I know where to find you.”

Liam nodded in agreement, “I don’t know how long I’ll be so if you need me, come get me or scream or something.”

Niall quickly walked over to Liam and gave him a hug, “Thank you.” He said softly. Liam hugged him back, “Of course.”

The two boys pulled apart and Liam went upstairs to find Zayn.

Zayn had his door open, he was sitting on his bed reading a book, Liam watched him for a moment, he could watch Zayn read forever. It was a beautiful sight. He then softly knocked on the door.

Zayn looked up and sighed upon seeing Liam, “What do you want?” He asked throwing the book down on the bed.

“To talk? If that’s okay…” Liam said choosing his words carefully.

“Fine, come in.” Zayn replied.

Liam came into the room and sat on the bed, sitting in front of him, “What are you reading?” He asked curiously.

“It’s the same book I’ve been reading for awhile...Winter's Tale by Mark Helprin. You even read some of it to me once.” He half smiled at the memory.

Liam smlied at the memory, “I remember that. We had a day off and all you wanted to do was read and I was bored as fuck, so we compromised and I read to you...that was fun.”

Zayn nodded, fully smiling now, “It was fun. What did you want to talk about?”

Liam’s chest tightened but worked through it, “Uhm, this morning…When I was sleeping on the floor…” He started off slowly.

“What about it?” He asked slightly curious.

“I had a nightmare...same one as the other night. I had one before that night too. If I sleep on the floor, then I can sleep fine but if I’m in a bed or anything like that, then I have the nightmare.” He said quietly, looking at his hands. "It's why I was napping on the floor as well."

Zayn looked down at where Liam was now starting to play with the hem of his shirt, “I’m sorry to hear that…” He replied awkwardly. “Did you talk about it in your session today? Maybe that might help.” He suggested.

Liam nodded, “I did, she told me to tell someone. So...I chose you.”

“Thanks, I guess. Did she give you something for it?” He wondered aloud.

Liam shrugged, “I’d rather talk about it and see how that works out.” He avoided answering directly.

“That’s good...What was the other thing you wanted to talk about?” He asked.

“Again...This morning, with me and Niall…” Liam started to say but Zayn cut him off.

Zayn shook his head, “What’s there to talk about? You’re there for him more than me, and he needs you, obviously, he can’t seem to detach himself from you or let one of us help him.”

Liam shook his head, disagreeing, “It’s not like that! He’s our friend, Zayn! Our little brother...If you were trapped in the dark any longer you might’ve lost your mind. Zayn, he was trapped in a closet for God knows how long...Fears affect people differently, you bounced back quickly and he was almost gone. If he had been in that closet just a little longer, he would’ve been gone completely and we might not have gotten him back!”

“I fucking know he’s our friend and brother! Was the kiss really necessary though? And when I came into the room you were still attached to him, I want him to be okay, really I do. It’s not that I don’t love him because you know I do, but it infuriates me that he still clings to you, the whole time we were in there, the only time you ever gave two fucks about me is when I was hurt or worse.” Zayn said sullen.

“It was kiss on the forehead for fucks sake! I was trying to make him think about something else other than the fucking walls closing in on him. I tried connecting with you in there...but you wouldn’t let me! I didn’t do anything fucking wrong.” Liam said trying to keep his voice calm. If they started yelling, Louis would kill them not to mention they'd scare the shit out of a sleeping Harry.

Zayn glared, “You don’t think you did anything wrong?” He asked shaking his head.

“What the fuck...of course I didn’t do anything wrong! I was comforting a friend, nothing more. He’s attached to me, yeah, I get that but that’s because he’s scared, we’re all still scared...him and Harry got the worst of it and all I’m trying to do is help, if that means he wants to know where I am all the time and hang close to me, I don’t see a problem with that.” Liam tried to explain.

“What if I need you? What if I needed you all this time and you're just so busy with him to even consider me?” Zayn asked, the words coming out softer than he meant to.

“You could’ve just asked.” Liam stated simply.

Zayn looked away from him, “I didn’t think I would have to…”

Liam sighed, “Whatever. I’m done talking about this.” He said standing up from the bed.

Zayn didn’t say anything, he just picked his book back up and started to read.

Liam stopped in the doorway and looked back, “Next time, don’t tell him you don’t know where I am…It scares him, if you still love and care about him like you claim you do, don’t hurt him like that.” He seemed to almost beg.

Zayn shrugged, not looking at Liam, “I honestly didn’t know where you went though.”

“It’s not like I left the house...just don’t make it sound like I just up and left or went missing again or something!” Liam argued.

Zayn looked over at him, “I’ll choose my words more carefully next time.”

Liam half smiled, “Thank you.” He said then went back downstairs almost running into Niall on the stairs.

“Hey! I was just wondering if you erm...wanted to watch some footie with me? There’s a match on the telly.” Niall asked.

Liam nodded, “That sounds great.” He said as they walked back down together. Nothing quite cheered him up like watching a football match.

Once they got into the sitting room, Liam plopped himself down on the sofa with Niall sitting close beside him, “How’d the talk go?” He wondered.

Liam shrugged, “We just argued. Nothing new it seems these days.” He said sounding sad.

Niall picked up on the sadness and cuddled into Liam closer, resting his head on his shoulder, Liam smiled down at Niall, he moved his arm so that it was around him and Niall moved closer, snuggling into him as they watched the match together.

With Louis not around Liam couldn't help but look over and check on Harry who was sound asleep across the room. He seemed so tired lately; even more so than when they were on tour.

He continued cuddling with Niall for what seemed like a good long while. As they sat, he noticed the hard trembles that controlled Niall's body seemed to weaken ever so slightly.

It made Liam feel good, it made him feel like he was doing his job as Niall's big brother correctly.

He became so relaxed that without even really thinking about it he reached with his free hand and began playing with Niall's hair. It was honestly innocent but when Louis walked in he didn't exactly picture it that way.

"Do you two really think that's a good idea?" Louis' voice was hushed but yet a bit scolding.

Realizing how it looked suddenly Liam took his hand away from Niall's hair.

He noticed Niall just barely groan at the loss of his touch.

When no response came from either of them Louis asked, "What about Zayn? You know he'll flip if he sees this."

"He's upstairs reading. He's not going to be down here for a good while." Liam nearly protested.

"That's besides the point, Liam! You two should be respectful of his feelings." Louis told the younger boys as he sat on the floor in front of the sofa where Harry was asleep.

With a stronger shaking now back Niall swallowed a bit hard and moved away from Liam with a soft, "Sorry, Louis."

Louis sighed as he noticed Niall’s shakes increase, it’s clear that when he’s close to Liam, they aren’t as bad but he was trying so damn hard to keep the peace in the house. He looked at Niall who looked like he almost wanted to cry, which only made him feel worse.

He couldn’t wait to tell the other boys about his idea for Niall, hopefully they’d agree with him.

They sat in silence watching the match for a few minutes until Harry woke up, he sat up on the sofa, he rubbed the sleepiness out of his eyes, “Hey, sleepyhead.” Liam smiled.

“Hi.” Harry said his tone lower than usual.

Louis moved from the floor to the sofa, as Niall spoke up, “I want to cook tonight.” He said as Zayn entered the room.

“You sure that’s a good idea? I just mean because of your shakes and all.” Zayn asked sitting in the free space between Liam and Niall.

Niall shrugged, “I don’t know...I want to try though. If I keep screwing up or need help, I’ll get someone to help.”

“You mean Liam right?” Zayn half smirked looking at Niall.

“Zayn!” Louis hissed.

“Sorry...forgot for a second.” Zayn mumbled looking towards the telly screen now.

“Can I?” Niall asked kind of wanting permission.

Louis nodded, “Go ahead, but please be careful. If you're struggling call for one of us and we’ll help.”

Niall smiled and quickly got up and walked towards the kitchen.

As soon as Niall was out of earshot, Louis muted the match, much the boys protests.

“Just shut up for a minute and listen!” Louis demand.

The boys went quiet.

“I was talking to my mom earlier and we came up with an idea to give Niall a small party for his birthday. It’ll just be family and Sean. I sent him a tweet asking him to check his DM’s so I can get his number and ask him.” Louis quickly explained in case Niall came back sooner than expected.

Harry slowly nodded, “That’s a good idea, why just Sean and not the other lads?” He asked curious.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to overwhelm him with too many people at once. Sean’s his best friend, he’s closer with him than the other lads.” Louis replied.

“Why didn’t you just steal his phone and get Sean’s number off of that?” Liam asked confused.

Louis sighed, “He always has it with him. I didn’t want to sneak it off of him, only to have him freak out when he realizes it’s missing. I told the fans to tweet Sean though, telling him to DM me asap. So hopefully he’ll get his arse online soon and see the tweets.”

Just then Louis’ phone buzzed, he was hoping that it was Sean, he had set up his phone to notify him of any tweets Sean sends out.

@seancullen95 @Louis_Tomlinson DM’d you! Get back to me ASAP.

“What about his brother and Denise? Maybe even Theo can come along too...but that might be too much.” Zayn mentioned thinking out loud.

Louis made a face as he thought for a moment, “I was thinking our families but just the mum and dads and Sean. Maybe if Greg, Denise and Theo come too...it could lift his spirits a bit more...I’ll consider it."

"Sean just DM’d me.” Louis said.

“What’d he say?” Harry asked as Louis opened it.

Hey! What’s up? Is Nialler okay?

“I worried him, I guess...He’s just concerned about Niall.” Louis replied as he typed a message back to Sean.

He’s mostly fine, physically that is. I need to call you about something, what’s your number?

Louis looked at the others who were staring at him, “I just asked for his number, when he gives it to me, I’ll give him a call and set everything up. I'll ask him about Niall's brother, Denise and Theo.”

Liam nodded in agreement, “I honestly don’t think there’s anything Niall loves more than being an Uncle.”

“Then we’re all agreed on the guestlist? Our mums and dads, Greg, Denise, Theo and Sean?” Louis asked standing up.

The boys all nodded.

Louis got up and left the room to make the phone call as Niall walked back into the room.

“Where’s he going?” Niall asked.

“Making a phone call.” Harry replied.

“Oh...Harry, did you want to help me make dinner?” Niall asked hopeful, he knew out of the five of them, Harry was the best cook.

Harry shook his head, “Sorry, Nialler...Not up for it tonight.”

Niall nodded, “Oh...okay…” He paused as he looked between Liam and Zayn.

Zayn rolled his eyes, “You screamed last time I touched you, so in effort of not being screamed at if I happen to touch you, I’ll pass.” He said as he got up and grabbed the controller.

Niall’s eyes landed on Liam who gave him a small smile as he stood up, “I’ll help you, Nialler. Come on.” He said gently placing a hand on Niall’s shoulder.

“Have fun.” Zayn said sarcastically as Niall and Liam left.

Harry glared at him, “You don’t have be such a dick.”

Zayn ignored the comment as he unmuted the telly.

“Is that how it’s going to go? You’ll be good if Lou’s around but the second he’s out of the room, you’re back to being a dick?” Harry asked.

Zayn opened his mouth to reply but Louis walked in and closed it.

“Where’s Liam?” Louis asked looking around.

“He went to help Niall since I’m not feeling up to cooking and Zayn’s being an arse.” Harry replied.

“Zayn, we’re trying to keep the peace here...Can’t you at least try to keep your comments to yourself?” Louis asked sitting next to Harry

Zayn shook his head, “I’m trying...it’s just not working out well.”

“Try harder.” Harry said.

Zayn nodded, “Yeah, I’ll try harder. Is Sean able to make it?”

Louis smiled, “Yes, he is! He doesn’t have enough money for a flight, so I told him I’d pay for it for him. It’s important for Niall to see other friends besides us all the time. Plus, Sean reminds him of home, so that’ll be nice too.”

Harry nodded, “I agree. What about Greg and Denise?”

“I talked to Sean about that and he said he’ll give them a ring and let me know.” Louis replied.

"Shouldn't we clear all this with Paul?" Zayn asked.

"I plan on telling Paul, not asking him." Louis stated.

"Good, you don't think this will be too much for Niall though? I mean, he couldn't even look at his mum the other day." Harry was a little concerned.

"I'm not sure honestly. We have to try though. He's never gonna get better if he doesn't try things." Louis replied

"I don't think shouting surprise at him is such a good idea though. Maybe we should warn him." Zayn quickly spoke.

"What if we have them just come to the door as a group, we can have him answer it and just ask them not to tell or say anything?" Louis shrugged, it was his only idea.

"I like it." Harry nodded.

The three of them soon quieted, watching the match and waiting to eat. When it was ready Louis insisted on all of them eating at the table.

"Why do we have to eat here when there's a match on?" Zayn complained.

"We need to talk about court and our families being in the court room." Louis explained.

Niall instantly shook his head, "I don't want her in there."

"Nialler, you have to face your mum at some point." Liam commented.

"It's not that. I think I'm ready to face her, I just..." He paused trying not to get worked up. "I don't want her hearing about me getting... I don't want her know the details." He changed his words.

His comment made Louis feel better about the surprise he was planning. He was glad to hear Niall say he was ready to face her. They just had to figure out this court thing now.

"I'm sure if you just talk to her she'll understand." Liam smiled.

"She sent me a text this morning though, my Da is here now. How do I ask him not to come? It'll hurt his feelings for sure." Niall was slowly losing his appetite.

"Ask your mum to explain it to him." Zayn said simply.

"It's alright for you to be selfish right now Niall. You've been through so much, they are your parents. They'll understand." Louis' voice was calm.

Niall nodded, "I'll call her tomorrow."

"Good, I'm proud of you." Liam gave him a smile and patted his shoulder.

They finished eating while exchanging very small chit chat. When they finished Louis helped Niall clean up as the others went to catch the rest of the match.

By the time it was over Liam was asleep on the floor in the middle of the sitting room.

"Let's go ahead to bed now." Harry yawned.

"I agree." Niall said.

"Okay, you two go take your meds. Zayn, wake him up so we can go to sleep." Louis said standing up.

Harry looked upset instantly as he stood. Louis knew why and felt bad.

"Why me?" Zayn asked confused grabbing Louis' attention.

"Because he didn't panic when you woke him up before. Just do it alright? He can't sleep down here." Louis instructed leaving the room with Harry.

Not wanting to be alone with Zayn, Niall followed them.

"Li?" Zayn questioned moving towards him.

The lad didn't even move.

"Liam?" This time he gently rubbed his arm as he had before.

A slight moan escaped Liam's lips as his eyes slowly blinked open.

When his eyes connected with Zayn he froze a little.

"You uh, you fell asleep." Zayn simply said.

"Right..." Liam sat up a little as Zayn finally pulled his hand away from his arm. "Did the others go upstairs already?"

Zayn nodded backing away from Liam as he rose to his feet. "Where are you gonna sleep, since you won't take any medicine?"

"I guess I should sleep on the floor. I don't know how to do it without worrying the others though." Liam bit at his lower lip as his eyes found something interesting about the floor.

"Just tell them the floor is more comfortable if you aren't ready to share the truth." Zayn was trying so hard to behave himself.

Liam nodded, "Thanks." and left the room.

Zayn just followed.

As they walked into the master bedroom they found the other three lads in bed already.

"Niall, can you toss me that pillow?" Liam asked.

"Why?" Niall seemed confused.

"The floor is more comfortable than the bed. I'd like to sleep there."

Louis looked at him awkwardly but said nothing as Niall gave him the pillow.

"I'm gonna run get my blanket." Liam left the room as Zayn turned on the loo light and climbed into bed.

"Zayn, sorry but could you let me out?" Niall said.

Zayn rolled his eyes but bit his tongue to prevent saying anything mean. He got back out of the bed and let Niall out.

As Niall went into the toilet, Zayn laid back down in bed, "He can sleep on the edge."

As Liam returned he shut out the bedroom lights and made himself comfortable on the floor.

Niall returned from the toilet and smiled as he walked over Liam then laid down on the edge of the bed where Zayn had been previously sleeping

Before long, all of them fell asleep soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all enjoyed this chapter...and I wrote a cute short fluffy Larry one shot called "Another Night At The Tomlinson's." Would you mind checking it out please?


	15. Chapter 15

Much to the boys surprise they slept without anyone waking up in the middle of the night.

No one woke up till the next morning when Liam's cell phone alerted him to an incoming text from Paul.

"Zayn." He groaned softly a bit as he grabbed and shook his foot.

"What?" He whispered in a sleepy voice.

"Get up, Paul's here. You have therapy." He sat up slowly.

"Aright." Zayn replied as Liam made his way out of the room and downstairs to let Paul in.

"Hey, Paul." Liam smiled sleepy as he opened the door for Paul.

"Is Zayn up?" Paul asked stepping inside and setting the alarm back.

"I woke him up." Liam almost shrugged.

"Go make sure he's awake please. Michelle should be on her way."

As Liam headed back upstairs Paul went to make himself some tea.

When Liam walked back into the master suite he saw Zayn getting out of bed. All of the others were still sleeping.

"Paul said Michelle is on her way." Liam whispered.

"Thank you." Zayn said walking away to get ready.

Liam stood looking at the others. He didn't know if he should wake them up or not. He wasn't aware of anything they had to do this morning.

Deciding to let them rest he quietly left the room and went to his own to change.

By the time he made it downstairs Zayn was already eating.

"You didn't wake up last night." Zayn casually commented.

"Yeah, cause I was on the floor." Liam replied making himself some cereal.

“Is the floor really that comfortable though?” Zayn asked.

Liam shrugged sitting across from Zayn with his cereal, “Not really, but at least I can sleep.”

“You know...if you took your meds…” Zayn trailed off unsure of how to word his thoughts.

Liam looked him and knew what he meant, “I get if I take my meds I can sleep in the bed just fine but I wanna try and kick it without needing medication...If talking doesn’t help, then I’ll take the meds.”

“Promise?” Zayn asked. Liam was still his boyfriend. He still cared about him and his well being. Fighting with him wouldn’t change his feelings.

Liam smiled a little, “Yeah, I promise.”

Zayn nodded, “Good, I’ll hold you to that.” He said as the doorbell rang and about a minute later, Michelle walked into the room.

“Good Morning.” Michelle smiled.

“‘Morning.” Zayn said standing up.

“I can take care of the dishes and stuff.” Liam offered.

“Thanks.” Zayn said.

“Basement?” Paul asked.

Michelle nodded, “That’d probably be best.”

Zayn turned as Michelle followed him into the basement.

"Go ahead and get comfortable." Michelle encouraged.

Zayn took an unsteady breath and sat down in the sofa.

"How are you?" She asked with a smile.

"Fine, I guess." He shrugged a little.

She nodded, "Well, we finally got the paperwork from the doctor that performed you lads psych evaluations. I see that the doctor didn't feel you needed any medication. That's good."

Zayn nodded. He felt uncomfortable with this.

"Here, why don't we try this. I'll say a word and you tell me the first thing that comes to mind. For example, if I say name you'll say..."

"Zayn." He replied. He wasn't sure how this was going to help but he agreed to go along with it.

"Great, let's start with Andy."

"Malevolent."

"Liam?" She instantly questioned.

"Boyfriend."

"Louis?"

"Brother."

"What about Niall?"

"Liam."

She paused and looked a bit intrigued. After jotting down a few notes she asked,  "Harry?"

"Broken."

"Good, let's try some emotions now. I'll say an emotion and you just keep telling me the first thing you think of." Michelle told him.

"Okay." He nodded.

"Happy."

"Smile."

"Scared."

"Dark." He shook his head a little.

"What about sad?"

"Tears."

"Angry?"

"Liam." The name had rolled off his tongue before he even realized what he had said.

"What comes to mind when I say, love?" She asked.

He swallowed hard, "Family."

"What if I say, alone?"

"Me."

she paused and they sat perfectly silent for what seemed like the longest time.

"You feel alone?" She asked.

He nodded, "Yes."

"Why?"

"Because my boyfriend isn't there for me. He's too busy with Niall." Zayn said honestly.

"Is that why Liam came to mind when I said, angry?"

"I guess." He took another deep breath.

"You have to open up Zayn. I can't help you if you won't talk to me." She encouraged.

Zayn closed his eyes for a moment then began talking, "I'm angry all the time. I snap at everyone; especially Niall and Liam."

"Why Niall?" She asked. Liam she understood.

"Niall only let's Liam help him. In fact he screamed when I tried to help him."

"So you're jealous?" Michelle asked looking directly at him.

"I never said that." He quickly replied.

"You didn't have to." She told him.

"You think I'm jealous of Niall?" Zayn's voice was soft as he looked to her.

Michelle simply nodded, "I think you're jealous of his connection to Liam. I think you want that connection with Liam. That makes you angry."

It did make sense. He rubbed a hand over his mouth. "So how do I stop being angry? Everyone's getting upset with me because I end up being so cantankerous all the time. I don't mean to. I'm just..."

"Angry?" Michelle finished.

"Yes."

She smiled and set her notepad down. "I want you to start by making it a point to not say anything unkind to Liam nor Niall." She began.

"I've been trying." He nodded.

"Take it a step further then, try saying kind things to them."

That was going to be hard. "I'll try." His voice was hushed.

"Next, I want you to do what you can to be near Liam. Sit by him, help him do the washing up, ask him how's he's doing. Show him you're willing to try and fix things. If you don't you're going to end up pushing him out of your life."

Upstairs Harry woke up and shook Louis a little when he noticed Liam and Zayn gone.

"Morning." Louis smiled.

Harry smiled back the whispered, "Zayn and Liam are gone, you think Paul is here?"

Louis sat up and looked at the clock then nodded.

"Niall's still sleeping. You should go talk to Paul now."

"Yeah, what if Niall wakes up? He might get scared if he's alone." Louis worried.

"I'll stay here. Just come back when you're done." Harry told him.

Louis smiled and slowly got off the bed. Before he left the room he looked to Harry and whispered, "I love you."

Harry smiled back, “I love you too, now go before he wakes up! I’ll stall him as long as I can before you come back.”

Louis nodded and quickly walked down the stairs and into the kitchen, “Hey Paul!” as Liam and Paul looked over at him.

Paul laughed at him, “Well someone’s chipper this morning.”

Louis shrugged, “I just wanted to talk to you while Niall was sleeping.”

Paul gave him a suspicious look, “What are you up to now, Louis?”

“I want to give Niall a small party here at the house for his birthday Friday. Just our families, well more so our mums and dads. I also invited Sean. I just figured that Niall could use a nice reminder of home right now. It might make him feel a bit better.” Louis explained.

Paul nodded, “Definitely doable...What do you need from me?”

“Pick up Sean at the airport? He’s coming down and his flight should be here a couple hours before everyone else is here. By the time he gets his luggage and gets here through traffic, a couple hours should be up. I can text you the details of his flight.” Louis replied.

Paul nodded again, “Sure thing. Anything else?"

"Yeah, he said the only flight out they had was Sunday so I told him he could stay here." Louis said.

Paul nodded.

"What about his brother?" Liam asked.

"They can't make it so soon but they are giving something to Sean to bring with him." Louis explained.

"Just make sure he remembers the rules, no telling anyone anything that happens." Paul added.

"He knows." Louis assured Paul. "Also mum said to give her a ring so you can help them figure out details."

Paul nodded.

Upstairs Harry laid in bed hoping Louis would come back soon. It was in the quiet when mostly alone, that he felt the worst. He could hear Adam's voice, each and every taunt so clearly. He hated it.

Beside him he heard Niall stirring.

Shit, Harry thought.

Niall rolled and looked over at Harry with slightly concerned eyes, "Where is everyone?"

"Zayn had therapy. Liam's eating and Louis went to ask Paul something. He'll be back." Harry knew better than to say he wasn't sure.

Niall sat up and moved towards the edge of the bed.

"Wait!" Harry said, almost too loud.

Niall looked at him worried.

"You..." Harry paused. "You can't leave me here alone. Wait till Louis comes back." He tried to sound like he was begging.

Niall never even questioned it. He knew what Harry was feeling.

He laid back into the bed and debated on whether or not he should make small talk with Harry.

Harry looked over at Niall who he could really wanted to see Liam but Louis was talking to Paul about his party on Friday, so he couldn’t risk him hearing anything.

“Wanna cuddle?” Harry asked knowing how the Irish boy loved to hug and cuddle. Even though, he had only really cuddled with Liam and once Louis but it couldn’t hurt to ask.

“Sure...I could use one.” He replied softly as he moved closer and snuggled into Harry as Harry wrapped his long limbs around the smaller boy.

“This okay?” Harry asked.

“Yeah.” Niall replied giving him a small smile.

They laid there in silence for what seemed like awhile until they heard voices and footsteps coming into the room.

Liam and Louis smiled at the two younger boys cuddled up on the bed together.

“Well, this is cute.” Louis smirked slightly.

Niall quickly untangled himself from Harry’s limbs and went over to Liam who was standing at the edge of the bed with a small smile on his face. He pulled him into a hug, “Harry didn’t want to be alone so I stayed with him...Did you enjoy your breakfast? Harry told me where you two were.” He said as Liam wrapped his arms around the younger boys frame.

“It was good, so yes, I guess I did enjoy it.” Liam replied as Niall pulled back then he looked over Louis who was busy having a silent conversation with Harry. Sometimes, it freaked him out how they could just talk by their eyes only.

“Niall, we also have court prep stuff to do today, but we have a bit of time before that, so you might want to get a shower and some food.” Louis told him.

Niall nodded, “Yeah, thanks...Hey, what did you have to talk to Paul about?”

“I wanted to know what we had to do today.” Louis replied with ease. He had planned for any questions Niall might have about his conversation with Paul.

“We also need to do our homework given to us in the therapy sessions earlier this week.” Louis added.

Niall groaned but nodded, he then looked towards Liam, “I guess if we have court stuff to do today, we have to dress nicely?” He asked.

Liam nodded, “Yeah, I’m sorry.” He said sadly. He knew how much Niall hated asking for help all the time like this.

“Why don’t you eat first? Then you can shower. I’ll be fully dressed by then and in my room so you can just come straight there after, is that okay?” Liam suggested.

Niall nodded, “Yeah, sounds good…” He trailed off as he paused then added, “Will you hang out with me while I eat? I don’t feel like being alone. I know Paul’s going to be there but still...” He asked trailing off again.

Liam smiled and nodded, “Sure, let’s go.” He said placing a hand on Niall’s shoulder as they left the room.

Harry sat up and looked at Louis, “What did Paul say?” He asked as soon as the others were out of earshot. “What are the details I mean.” He added.

Louis moved to sit beside Harry, “Paul’s going to pick Sean up from the airport for us. His flight lands a couple hours before the others are getting here, that gives him enough time to get his stuff and get through traffic. It should take a couple hours at the most.” He told him.

“How long is Sean staying?” He asked, they never discussed that.

“Sunday afternoon. It was the only outgoing flight, so I told him he could stay here. That’s okay right?” Louis asked suddenly not thinking that the other boys might not want an outsider around at night, even though it was just Sean.

Harry nodded, “Yeah, it’s fine with me. What do Liam and Zayn think?”

Louis bit his lip as he thought back to the conversation with Paul and Liam, “Liam never actually said anything about it, so I think he’s cool with it. I don’t see why Zayn would be bothered with it but I’ll try and mention it to him later. Niall should be good with it right?” He asked suddenly worried.

Harry shrugged, “Probably, I don’t see why he wouldn’t...If he gets uncomfortable I’m sure we can set Sean up in a nice hotel or he can stay at Niall’s flat.”

“It was nice to see you and Niall cuddling…He hasn’t really let anyone besides Liam touch him.” Louis mentioned.

“Yeah,” Harry nodded. “I asked him to stay because you weren’t back yet and I didn’t want to be alone and he looked a little lost without Liam, so I asked him if he wanted to cuddle. It seemed to help a little but I could still tell he wanted Liam.” He said getting off the bed.

“Do you think everything’s going to be okay between Liam and Zayn?” Louis asked.

Harry shrugged, “No idea. I hope so though.”

Louis nodded, “Me too.”

“I’m going to get a shower now though.” Harry said walking towards the loo.

“I’ll wait here.” Louis smiled at him.

“Perfect.” Harry said going to the loo.

In the basement Zayn was finishing up his therapy session. He was surprised that he actually agreed with Michelle on needing to be kinder. He even promised to really try hard at being kinder.

As he and Michelle came upstairs he spotted Liam sitting by Niall in the kitchen.

"See, they are always together." He told Michelle softly.

"I do see. However, I see no sign that says you aren't allowed to join them." She gave him a warm smile.

"Yeah." He nodded.

"We'll talk about it tomorrow with Liam. In the meantime you go be with him."

He took a deep breath and did as she asked while Paul let her out.

"Hey." Zayn said walking up and standing directly next to Liam.

"Hello." Liam looked at him, unsure if he should smile or not.

"What are you two up to?" He asked.

"Just sitting with Niall while he finishes his breakfast." Liam told him.

"That's nice of you." The line was forced but it was a start.

Liam watched Zayn walk away then looked to Niall, "What was that?"

"No, who was that?" Niall asked standing up and moving to get rid of his dishes.

"I'm not sure." He shook his head.

Paul walked back into the room, “Good, you’re done eating, we have court prep soon so let’s hurry this along, please.”

"Come on." Liam smiled and the two left to finish getting ready.

Niall was about to walk into the loo to take a shower but turned to Liam who was heading into his room, “Hey, Li...you're going to be in your room right?”

Liam nodded, “Yeah, just come to me whenever you're ready.” He smiled.

Niall smiled back and walked into the loo to take a shower.

Meanwhile, Louis and Harry found Zayn and caught him up to speed, “So, is it cool with you that Sean spends a couple nights here?” Louis asked.

Zayn nodded, “Yeah, of course. Sean’s cool. I don’t mind.”

“Think you can behave yourself for at least the party?” Harry asked.

Zayn nodded again, “Yeah, I’m working on being more friendly and less of an arse...So just keep doing your job and yell at me whenever I deserve it.”

Louis smiled, “Of course, mate! What kind of brother would I be if I didn’t keep you in line?” He half teased.

Zayn chuckled as he shook his head but then he heard Niall yelling something as he heard a door fly open, the boys quickly got up from their spot and saw Niall in a dressing gown and speaking a mile a minute as Liam stood in front of him with a smile on his face.

“What’s going on?” Zayn asked feeling worried. He hoped Niall was okay.

“Show them.” Liam told Niall smiling.

Niall walked over to the other lads, “Look!!” He said like an excitable puppy as he held out his hands that were shaking.

“I don’t get it.” Harry said scrunching up his face in confusion.

Niall tried to explain but he was talking too fast and the boys just stood there confused.

“Care to translate for us, Liam?” Louis asked.

“Look at his hands, there’s not half as bad as they were yesterday or the days before. The medication is starting to take effect.” Liam explain as he grinned. He was so happy for Niall, he knew the shaking was starting to really get to him.

“That’s great!” Louis said with a grin.

“So, does that mean you don’t need Liam’s help anymore?” Zayn asked curiously. He wasn’t trying to be mean or pick a fight. He was honestly just curious.

Louis shot him a warning look, but Zayn just ignored him.

Niall sighed, “It’s not that better yet...just not as bad.”

Zayn heard the sudden sadness in his voice, he felt bad now. He didn’t mean to make him sad. He was just curious.

“But you’re improving! That’s a good thing! It means that soon enough the shakes will stop all together and you’ll be a little normal again.” Liam encouraged wrapping an arm around the boys shoulders.

Niall smiled up at him, “Yeah, you’re right. I’m just so freakin happy...I can’t wait to start playing my guitar again!”

The boys chuckled, it was nice seeing Niall so happy, even for a brief moment.

“Yeah, I’m really happy for you, Niall. You should be better in no time now.” Zayn said forcing a small smile towards Niall.

Before Niall could reply, they heard footsteps on the stairs, “Boys, I need you dressed like..five minutes ago. Let’s go!” Paul said.

“But Paul...Look, my hands, they’re not as bad anymore.” Niall said walking over to him.

Paul smiled at the young Irish lad as he looked at the hands placed out in front of him, “I’m so happy to hear that you're doing a bit better, but let’s get dressed now, yeah?” Paul honestly wasn’t trying to dismiss Niall’s improvements but they were on a schedule and this was something that they couldn’t be late for, like they normally are for other events and meetings.

“Come on...I’ll wait outside your room for you.” Liam said as he gently redirected the boys body and attention towards his room.

Niall nodded as he walked inside his room.

“Are there going to be fans there?” Harry asked turning to Paul.

“There wasn’t any official news release about anything to do with the proceedings because of the way your fans react and because you're not the typical high profile case...but your fans are smart, they’ll figure it out like they normally do. I’m sure there’ll be more than enough there.” Paul replied.

Upstairs, Niall opened the door, holding his trousers up with his hand..

Niall looked up at Liam, “I’m finally getting better.” He said lifting up his shirt.

“Yeah, Nialler, you are. Little by little everyday...It’ll take time but soon enough you’ll be okay again. Physically anyways.” Liam said as he hooked his fingers into the waistband of Niall’s trousers and did up the button.

Niall gasped as he felt Liam’s fingers brush against his skin, his normally warm fingers were surprisingly cold this morning.

“What? Did I do something?” Liam asked worried.

“No, no! You were great...as always...your fingers are just cold today that’s all.” He half smiled.

Liam nodded, “Yeah, I’m sorry about that. Must’ve been from the cold water that I had earlier.”

“It’s fine, I’ll forgive ya this time.” He smirked as he walked past Liam to go downstairs.

“I see you got your sense of humour back.” Liam said following him.

Niall just smiled as he slipped his trainers on and Liam did the same.

After they got into the van, it took awhile with traffic but the finally got the courthouse and they were actually on time.

Niall looked out the window and swallowed, “So...many...people.” He almost whispered.

Liam took ahold of Niall’s hand, “It’s going to be okay, we have a shit ton of security and I’ll hold your hand the whole way there, I promise I won’t let go.”

Paul looked at Harry before he got of the van, “Cover your stitches.” He told him

He got out of the van and came around the side and Niall squeezed Liam’s hand tight as the security opened the doors. Louis went first, followed by Zayn who grabbed ahold of Louis’ shoulders. Harry was out next and grabbed ahold of Zayn’s shoulders following his lead, Niall then got out with Liam behind him, Niall following the others lead, put one hand on Zayn’s shoulder while tightly gripping Liam’s hand who placed his free hand on Niall’s shoulder.

The boys had felt safe like this, holding onto each other as they go through large crowds such as this, once they were inside, they all out like out a sigh of relief, “We made it out alive.” Niall half laughed as they all let go of each other, expect Niall was still holding onto Liam’s hand.

Paul eyed them curiously, Niall noticing Paul’s look, quickly spoke up, “I just feel better...this way…” He tried to explain. He just felt safest with Liam around him, holding his hand or just being near but body contact helped the most.

Paul felt torn. He knew Will would have a shit. He knew he should make Niall stop but the lad finally seemed better. He didn't have the heart to take that away from him.

"Alright then, let's get moving." He finally said and the group walked off in search of where they needed to go.

When they finally found the correct office a receptionist told them to take a seat and the prosecutor would be with them soon.

They all sat uncomfortably silent as they waited. If they had a choice to be anywhere this was probably one of the last places they'd choose.

Finally the prosecutor showed himself and greeted each boy with a firm handshake.

"First things first, we're going to go take a tour of the court room you'll be in. Someone from Witness Services will meet us there and together we'll help get you lads ready for court."

Nervously they all nodded and walked with Paul behind the prosecutor.

When he finally lead them into the courtroom the older lady from before greeted them. The two then began working together to show the boys around the courtroom.

It was very intimidating. The large, old room seemed to send chills down their spines.

"Over here is where the accused sits. This is called the dock." The prosecutor explained.

"That's where Andy and the others will be?" Zayn asked what he knew all the lads were thinking.

"Yes, but the judge did agree to the request for a screen to block them. You lads will never even see them." The woman gave them an encouraging look.

Paul quickly butted in asking, "What about blocking outsiders from being in the court?"

"Yes he okayed that also. We'll just need the names of the family members who will be here so we can make sure only they are allowed in."

Paul as well as the others looked relieved. It was nice to know they wouldn't have to deal with fans or media being allowed in the room.

"Moving on, this over here, across the room is the witness box, you lads will stand here to give testimony and answer questions."

They followed him closer to the box he was talking about.

"I know you've gone over what will happen but I'd like to prepare you a little bit by asking you some of the things they might ask. Why don't you all take a turn standing back there. I think it'll help you feel less scared come Monday."

Niall squeezed Liam's hand even tighter. He didn't want to go first and he didn't want Liam to either.

Louis being the oldest stepped forward. He took a deep breath and moved to stand in the witness box.

"Alright Louis so the most important thing to remember is stick to the facts. If the question is a yes or no question all you should reply with is yes or no. If you don't know something just simply say you don't know."

Louis nodded, "Alright."

The prosecutor then began asking Louis a few questions. Some of the questions were a bit random others pertained to the case. As Louis replied the prosecutor would give him tips and instruct him on how to respond better.

After Louis, Zayn stepped up and repeated the same thing. After Zayn, Harry managed to force himself up.

As Harry stepped down Liam turned to Niall, "You have to let go now." His voice was soft.

Niall hesitated but did let Liam go and watched intently as Liam practiced for court.

When he was finished they all turned to Niall.

"Go ahead, we're all right here." Louis encouraged him as Liam gave him a pat on the back.

Niall slowly took the stand and looked to the prosecutor.

"Just like the others, We'll start with having you tell everything that happened from the beginning to the end."

Niall took a deep breath and began tell his story as the others had. As he went on with his story the prosecutor would throw out questions to him. He asked if he ever saw the face of the person who grabbed him outside of the bar. He asked him who opened the door to the closet.

"They kept using racial taunts? What exactly would they say?" The prosecutor asked.

"Mostly they kept calling me the Irish prince." Niall replied.

"Okay so simplify your response there. Just say 'They called me the Irish prince'." He instructed.

Niall nodded and they carried on for another little while until he was satisfied.

The first thing Niall did when he was allowed to step down was go straight to Liam.

"You did well." Zayn tried to encourage.

"Thank you." Niall nodded.

The lady from Witness Services then went over everything else the boys had requested from the judge. He had agreed to allowing all the lads in the room while each way testifying. He also agreed to let them sit outside with room of the room when not needed.

The prosecutor told the boys how to dress and where to go on Monday. He also told Paul what entrance to bring them in through. Then finally, he allowed them to go.

They were all shaken a little and very nervous for court still but they did feel better having had the chance to get prepared.

"Does anyone need to have a wee before we head out?" Paul asked.

Most of them nodded. It had been a while.

"Let's hurry then." He instructed.

Everyone but Zayn went into the toilet. Louis and Harry went right into stalls but Niall looked at Liam.

"Here." He said gently.

Niall lifted his shirt then watched as Liam blew some of his hot breath onto his fingers and rubbed them together. The lad knew just what Liam was doing.

With his fingers warm now he reached out and did the button and zipper of Niall's trousers. The two then went into stalls and relieved themselves.

Harry left the loo as Niall stepped out of his stall. Louis however hung back to wait on Niall and Liam.

He watched through the mirror as Liam silently stepped out of the stall he had been in. He looked on as Liam walked over to the boy holding up his trousers.  

Niall let loose and Liam grabbed them and gently fastened them up.

"There you go." He smiled.

Louis quickly looked away as the two approached him to wash their hands.

Inwardly he questioned the new bond that had suddenly formed between them. He could understand why Zayn would be so concerned. At the moment the two were acting just as attached as he and Harry.

When the two finished washing and drying their hands they left the loo and followed Paul out to the van.

Most of them fell asleep on the ride back. In the back row Liam sat between Niall and Zayn who somehow managed to fall asleep on each of his shoulders.

Harry lay sleeping in front of them in Louis' arms. Louis just watched him sleep. He was most peaceful now when he was asleep.

Arriving home Louis woke everyone up, "Come on mates. Let's have some lunch."

They all agreed.

"Harry, we should get that assignment done after we finish eating." Liam told him as they all walked into the kitchen.

"Alright." He nodded. He knew the odds of them having time tomorrow would be slim to none.

"We can do ours then as well if you'd like Niall." Zayn told him as they decided on what they wanted to eat.

“I don’t want to…” Niall mumbled as he shoved a cookie in his mouth.

“We have to. Michelle and Carrie told us that we have to do this, it’s supposed to help us somehow or whatever.” Zayn explained grabbing some pasta noodles.

“What are you making?” Louis asked curiously.

“No fucking clue...I’m just in the mood for pasta.” Zayn replied.

“I don’t want to be alone with you though.” Niall admitted quietly.

Zayn rolled his eyes, “Why? It’s not like I bite. I’m not going to hurt ya.”

Niall stayed silent as the other boys in the room shifted their attention to him.

“YOU CAN’T SERIOUSLY THINK THAT?!” Zayn yelled, mainly because it shocked him.

Niall jumped and went to over to Liam.

Zayn sighed, “I’m sorry I yelled...but I...why would you even think that?”

“Because you’ve been nothing but a fucking dick lately towards me! You’ve been really mean and hurtful.” Niall explained taking ahold of Liam’s hand.

“I’m sorry about that...I really am. I’m working on being a lot nicer. I promise.” Zayn told him. He hated that Niall felt scared to be alone with him.

“I have an idea…” Harry said looking between Niall and Zayn, “Why don’t you two do your assignment here in the kitchen after lunch while Liam and I do ours in the dining room? They’re not that far apart.” He suggested.

Louis nodded, “Good idea, I’ll be in the sitting room, so I’m close by too.” He smiled.

Niall nodded as he looked up at Liam who gave his hand a small squeeze, “It’ll be fine, Zayn’s not going to hurt you...not physically anyways and if he does, I’ll beat the shit out of him. Besides, I’ll be close by so if you need me or any of the others, just scream and we’ll come running.” He told the younger lad.

Niall half laughed, “Yeah, okay...Sooner we do it...the sooner we get it over with right?”

Liam nodded.

The boys then boiled the pasta noodles only to find that they didn’t have any specfic to add in as the sauce until their hands landed on the jar of Salsa. “Couldn’t hurt…” Liam shrugged.

As it turned out, the meal was really good and really filling. The boys then split off into their rooms, deciding to leave the dishes until after.

Liam and Harry sat down at the table with a pad of paper and two pencils.

"So what do we write about?" Liam asked Harry.

"I'm not sure. They just said we had to go back and forth." He shrugged.

"Right, so I guess I'll just start with a random line and you follow?" Liam grabbed the pad of paper as Harry nodded.

"I once knew a man named George." Liam spoke as he wrote.

Harry thought for a moment then shook his head and wrote, 'He was the funniest bloke you’d ever meet.' He passed the notepad back to Liam who smiled as he wrote, ‘He owned a cow named Bessie.’ Then he passed the notebook back.

Harry laughed, “Seriously, mate?” He said as he wrote ‘He loved his farm.’

"That doesn't even flow with what I said." Liam shook his head and added, 'Except when it came time to muck the stalls.'

"But he accepted long ago that it was all just apart of the job." Harry said writing as he spoke.

"Ok, let's see..." Liam thought and then smiled, "Got it!" 'George's wife hated the farm life though.'

Harry smiled, "That can't be good for George." He then wrote down, 'She preferred the city life.'

'George loved his wife so he sold the farm and moved with her and Bessie to the big city!' Liam smiled, rather proud of the line he had added.

"They took the cow?" Harry asked.

"Why not?" Liam shrugged.

Harry just added to their story, 'He wasn’t sure how a cow was going to live in a big city though.'

'First he tried keeping her in the backyard.'

Harry laughed really hard, “Really? The backyard? Imagine what the neighbours would think!” He said shaking his head.

Liam laughed and shrugged again.

'Only that didn’t work out because she had no shelter for the rain or the cold.' Harry wrote then passed the notebook back to Liam.

'So he tried keeping her in the house.' Liam laughed proud of his add.

Harry nearly killed himself of laughter when he read Liam’s add, “They kept a cow in the house...oh my god...We’re nuts.” He said still laughing making Liam laugh with him.

Harry thought for a moment as his laughter calmed,‘But the house was too small for a big cow and the place got too crowded.'

The two kept swapping back and forth smiling a bit more with each line. This was helping them forget about the bad thoughts in their heads. It was a nice change.

"Ok, so...George's wife said the cow had to go, much to his dismay." Liam spoke aloud as he wrote.

"So he took Bessie to the market and sold her for a hundred pounds." Harry added with a little nod.

"His wife was so happy because she got her way." Liam smirked as Harry again shook his head. Liam was having a great time of this.

Harry smiled as he added, ‘“What should we do with the money?” He asked his wife.’

"I've got the perfect line for this," Liam nearly laughed as he wrote, '"Buy me shoes!" She exclaimed.'

"Shoes Liam?" Harry asked raising an eyebrow.

"Girls like shoes. Doesn’t Gemma like shoes?" He shrugged a little.

"Yeah, okay... So the farmer left the house to go buy shoes for his wife." Harry smiled as he added.

"He didn't bother arguing because he knew better." Liam wrote down.

Harry thought for a moment then added, "His wife always knew better, was always telling him what to do and how to spend their money, he never got any say in anything."

"Sound like George is a bit whipped." Liam laughed as he added simply, 'She liked it that way.'

"He didn’t, he longed for a change, and he longed for his farm." Harry spoke aloud as he wrote down his add.

"Don't worry George, we'll save you." Liam exclaimed writing down, 'So he kicked her arse to the curb, sold her shoes, the house and moved back to the farm.'

"Nice," Harry grinned and added. 'Now that he had extra money, he was able to buy Bessie back!'

"Let's give our good friend here a happy ending." Liam said as he added. 'With Bessie and his farm back and his wife gone he was happier than he'd ever been.'

Harry finished off by adding, "He lived there until he died at the age of 97."

"Perfect." Liam smiled writing, 'The end' at the bottom of the page.

At the same time they had been writing their short story Zayn and Niall sat staring at a blank sheet of paper.

"Go ahead, you start." Niall told Zayn.

"Alright, how about... There once was a girl named Lucy." Zayn wrote out the line.

Niall nodded and picked up the pen. He tried to add a line but each letter he wrote came out looking worse than if a first grader had written it.

Niall sat the pen down frustrated. He wanted to cry for Liam. He wanted Liam to comfort him. He didn't feel like he could call for Liam though.

"What's wrong?" Zayn asked.

"I'm too shaky to write good." Niall sighed upset.

"Here, you tell me what you want to add and I'll write it out." Zayn gave him a kind smile moving the paper directly in front of him.

"Thanks Zayn." Niall suddenly felt a little better. "She was a very nice girl but didn't have many friends."

Zayn wrote out Niall's line then said as he added, "She had her books however and that was enough for her."

"You and your books." Niall shook his head. "Add this... All the other children would make fun of her for reading so much though."

Zayn gave him a teasing glare but wrote it and added his own line, "She just tried to ignore them; she didn’t care much about what other people thought or at least that’s what she told herself."

"See how you respond to this line, One day however a little boy snatched the book away from her."

Zayn smiled and wrote it out then said, "He refused to give it back and she started to cry."

"Cheater..." Niall almost pouted, he was feeling much better. "He told her books were for weird people."

"Weird people? You think I'm weird?" Zayn asked pretending to look hurt.

"Only on days that end with the letter 'Y' mate." Niall smiled.

Zayn laughed a little and added, "She told him that she knows she’s weird and she likes being weird because that means she’s different and she likes different."

"He told her different isn't always better." Niall quickly shot back.

Zayn nodded and wrote, "She told him that she learns something new with every book she reads."

"Yawn!" Niall teased then instructed Zayn to add, "He asked her, ‘can't you just learn new stuff by watching the Telly?’”

Zayn shook his head, the poor lad really needed to read more if that's how he really felt. "To which she replied, ‘That’s true, yes...but there are some thing’s telly won’t tell you or it might not be as exciting. When you read, you get to imagine it for yourself and sometimes that’s better than seeing what other people would want you to see.’“

"A wee bit passionate about books Zayn?" Niall asked with a smirk.

"Maybe..." He replied.

"He sat quiet for a moment then opened the book in his hands."

"He read the inside cover quote which read, ‘Truth is so rare that it is delightful to tell it.’”

Niall gave Zayn a strange look then said, "He shook his head, toId her she was crazy and gave her the book back."

Zayn laughed and added, “You don’t like new things, do you?” She said to him."

Rather quickly Niall replied, ‘I don't like books.’ He replied and started to walked away."

"That's a bit obvious." Zayn joked adding, “I bet you’ve never even read a book to even know if you like it or not.” She called after him."

Niall smiled big and said, “‘I've never kissed a pig either but I know I wouldn't like it.’ He told her."

"Really Niall?" Zayn laughed a small bit. ‘This is different than kissing some strange animal. It’s not the same thing!’ She argued with him."

“‘You're wasting your breath.’ He warned." Niall smiled.

“‘It’s my breath, I can do what I’d like with it.’ She told him.” Zayn added after writing Niall's line.

"He suddenly regretted ever talking to her." Niall said.

“‘It’s a beautiful life and while you may not enjoy reading, you shouldn’t knock something before you try it. You never know unless you try. Hell, if you kiss a pig you might actually enjoy it, you don’t know that because you’ve never tried.’ She explained." Zayn smiled rather proud of his smart line.

"Oh yeah? Take this smart guy," Niall flashed an evil smile then said,  "He nodded, walked back to her and kissed her then pulled away and exclaimed, ‘Nope, don't like kissing pigs.’

"Oh my God!" Zayn gasped but began to laugh historically. "That's so mean Niall."

"Yeah, but it's funny." Niall smiled even bigger than he had before, then broke down and laughed with Zayn unable to hold back the laughter anymore.

Zayn shook his head and laughed for a moment longer before relaxing and adding, "Tears formed in her eyes as she slapped him hard across the face, leaving a mark, and ran off."

"She died many years later, surrounded by her beloved books." Niall said added a joking, "Ha!" At the end.

"The boy who was older now, felt bad for what he did as a child, he picked up a book and as he started to read it, he began to enjoy the story, ‘I really should’ve gave it a chance.’ He said to himself quietly. He died a few short years later surrounded by books." Zayn smiled and sat the pen down as he looked at Niall who could only shake his head.

"We're crazy." He laughed.

"I concur." Zayn agreed.

Liam and Harry walked in laughing with each other, Liam walked over to Niall, “I see you're alive and well.” He smiled resting his arm on Niall’s shoulder.

Niall nodded, “I am. This was fun.”

“Yeah, Liam’s crazy. At least he spelled everything right so I’ll give him brownie points for that.” Harry laughed.

Liam shook his head, “We wrote about a farmer who later kicked his wife out of the house and sold all her shoes.” He laughed a little.

“What the fuck, Liam?” Niall said as he and Zayn laughed.

“You guys should read it...it’s fucking crazy. This can’t be normal.” Harry said placing the pad of paper in front of the two boys.

“You should read ours.” Zayn said handing Liam the paper. “I wrote for Niall, since he can’t do that yet.”

Liam smiled as he took the paper from Zayn and Harry walked over to Liam’s side.

There were laughs from both boys as they read each others stories.

“We’re fucking insane.” Niall laughed wiping a tear from his eye.

From the sitting room Louis could hear his brothers laughing, all of them. It was a wonderful sound. It was one sound he worried he'd never hear again.

He looked down at his still blank sheet of paper. He had managed to make two columns but hadn't added anything the either.

Looking at one side of the paper he wrote, 'It was my idea to boycott Andy.' He then looked to the other side and sighed. He wasn't sure what to write, so he guessed a little, "I didn't tell Andy to seek revenge on us." He whispered as he listed that.

He started a while longer at the paper then wrote down, 'I didn't try hard enough to stop Andy or his friends. I didn't protect them.' He then looked to the other side of his list and added, 'I didn't make them hurt the others.'

He took a few deep breaths. He hated this assignment. Deep in his heart he knew it was his fault because it was his idea that drove Andy over the edge. It was that simple.

Not knowing what else to write, what else Michelle wanted to hear, and feeling angry he wrote in large letters across the bottom of the page, 'I don't know!'

Just as he folded up the paper he heard the younger lads walking into the room.

"Louis, you've got to read this!" Niall exclaimed.

"They're mad as hell." Liam laughed as the four seemed to crowd around him.

The smiles on their faces warmed his heart. It drove away the feelings of anger and frustration that he had.

"Ours first." Harry said placing his and Liam's work in his boyfriends hands.

"Yes. Save the best for last, Louis." Zayn teased.

Louis laughed as he read through their short story. Before he could comment on it though Niall shoved his and Zayn's story into Louis' hands.

He read it quickly never even laughing until he got to the part where Niall had written the boy kissed the girl. He laughed so hard tears nearly ran down his face.

"That's the funniest thing!" He laughed trying to catch his breath.

He sniffled a little and read through the rest of it.

"All of you are mad as hell." Louis laughed.

They smiled and laughed in return to his comment.

"I enjoyed that." Harry smiled.

Louis took his hand, it was wonderful to see Harry smiling.

After a moment of enjoying the happiness they agreed it was time to clean up the dishes in the kitchen. All five of them actually worked together.

When they were finished they all moved to their beloved sitting room to watch more films. Harry and Louis sat cuddled together while Liam found himself between Zayn and Niall.

They all sat quietly, only breaking long enough to eat and clean up dinner before returning to their spots.

At some point Liam noticed Louis and Zayn had fallen asleep. Harry looked close to passing out himself so Liam shut the film off.

“Come on lads, lets head to bed.” He instructed.

Harry woke up Louis as Liam shook Zayn gently.

“I wasn’t sleeping.” Zayn tried to lie in a tired voice.

Liam just smiled and helped him to his feet.

Niall had already gone up to change by this point so the four others quietly went up the stairs to do the same. Knowing he’d have to help Niall with his trousers Liam stopped at his door and slowly opened it.

Niall stood, shirtless, trying his hardest to undo the button of his trousers. A look of determination was written across his face so Liam stayed silent and watched. When he noticed Niall becoming distressed however he stepped into the room

“I got the zipper down but this damn…” His voice almost cracked as he tried to hide the tears wanting to fall with a look of anger.

“Shh.” Liam stopped it. “I’ve got it. I don’t mind helping.” He said stepping forward.

“I’ve never hated buttons more in my life.” Niall complained as Liam slipped a couple fingers into the waistband of Niall’s jeans.

“I know, but the shakes are becoming less and less all the time, right?” Liam said unbuttoning the lads jeans for him.

Niall nodded as he slipped out of his jeans, “I get that but I just...I’m so done with this, mate.” He sighed sadly, tears threatening to fall.

Liam pulled the younger into a hug, “I know and I’m sorry this is happening, you're getting better though. Just focus on that.” He tried his best to encourage him.

They stood like that for a few minutes, Niall taking in the comfort he felt of being close to Liam, as he forced his tears away.

Liam pulled back and smiled at Niall as his eyes noticed a bruise on his shoulder from where Mac had bit him when he had raped him. He let his eyes scan over Niall’s body, he’d seen the boy shirtless since they came back, of course but he hadn’t really paid any attention to any marks on his body until now.

The boys body was covered in bruises and small cuts, although the small cuts were almost healed. He let his fingers gently touch a yellowish bruise on the underside of Niall's jaw, then moved his fingers down to Niall’s ribs as he gently ran his fingers over the greenish bruise and shook his head.

“This shouldn’t have happened to you...or to any of us.” He whispered as he felt tears pricking in his eyes.

“But we’re safe now.” Niall whispered back taking Liam’s hands in his.

Liam quickly blinked the tears away, “Yeah, let’s go to bed now, yeah? I’m beat.”

Niall nodded, “I still have to take my medication…” He trailed off.

Liam smiled, “Right, I almost forgot about that. I can open the bottle since I’m right here.” He offered.

Niall smiled back as he took his pill bottle from the cabinet above the sink and handed Liam the bottle.

Liam poured out one pill from the bottle and handed to Niall.

After Niall took his pill, he picked up his jeans and shirt from the floor and yawned, “I’m so fucking tired.”

“Yeah, me too...Here,” Liam said gently taking Niall’s clothes from him. “You look more tired than I do. Why don’t you go crawl into bed and I’ll put your clothes away for you?” He smiled a little, debating in his head to try and sleep in the bed or on the floor tonight.

Niall grinned, “Thank you.” then he paused for a moment, “Really though, thank you for always helping me and always being there...I don’t know how I would’ve survived this without you.” He told him but quickly went into the master bedroom before Liam could reply.

Liam couldn't help but smile.

He put Niall's clothes away in his room then went into his own to change for bed.

As he came out if his room he nearly ran into Zayn, "Sorry!"

"It's alright." Zayn told him. "You sleeping in the floor tonight?"

"I don't want to, but I don't wanna have any nightmares either." He paused in the hall to talk away from the others.

"Yeah, maybe you should just sleep on the floor till you have at least another session with Michelle." Zayn suggested.

Liam nodded, "Yeah."

They walked together into the master suit to find Niall on the edge of the bed with Louis beside him already asleep. On the other side of Louis, in the middle of the bed, was Harry.

Harry tossed a pillow at Liam when he saw him pick up his blanket from the previous night.

Zayn turned on the light in the loo then shut out the lights in the room as Liam took a spot on the floor next to Niall.

It wasn't intentional. It was just closer to a wall outlet so he could charge his phone overnight.

When Zayn was cuddled into bed, Niall rolled over and hung an arm off the bed, his fingers stretched out towards Liam. It wasn't because he was afraid, Louis was next to him to protect him. It was because Liam seemed so lonely on the floor. He didn't want Liam to feel lonely.

Upon noticing Niall's hand Liam smiled up at him and intertwined his own fingers with Niall's.

Niall smiled back briefly before closing his eyes and falling to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Listen, I know things are a little slow and not so interesting right now. Trust me. It was a struggle writing most of it. But once the boys go on tour, I promise you there will be drama and I promise you that everyone gets a happy ending.
> 
> Also, about Ziam...They have a couple therapy session coming up soon, the chapter after next possibly? I can't remember which chapter it's in...but it's coming up!!! :D And that therapy session, they talk about their feelings and all that good shit, and it helps. Just hold on yeah? I love you!!!
> 
> I am also happy to announce that our series will have two more stories added to it! So that makes six total I believe. Happy dayss....
> 
> OH OH OH OH OH before I forget...We made a tumblr for the series where you can send in questions, concerns, suggestions, reviews, etc. We felt like the series was getting to be so large that it needed a place of it's own! :)
> 
> http://odysseyfanficseries.tumblr.com/ -Please follow it?


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay so three weeks instead of a couple weeks...I'm sorry. Things got crazy between my finals at college and then Easter weekend. Hopefully I can start posting regularly again soon enough! :)

The next morning Liam woke up to the sound of his phone again. He didn't even have to look. He knew it was Paul.

Getting up he untangled his fingers from Nialls and trotted off downstairs to let Paul in before going back up to wake Zayn.

Wanting to be extra careful so as not to startle Zayn he reached out to him and slowly and gently ran the backs of his fingers along Zayn's jawline.

A very soft moan came from Zayn's lips as he rolled closer to the touch.

"Zayn." Liam softly said rubbing a little harder.

"Li..." He trailed off in a bit of a mumble.

"It’s time to wake up." Liam spoke a little louder.

Finally his eyes fluttered open as Liam pulled his hand away.

“Morning.” Liam smiled a little.

“Morin’” Zayn groaned sitting up. “Did you sleep well?” He asked Liam

Liam nodded, “Yeah, no nightmares...Thanks for asking.”

“That’s good.” Zayn smiled.

There was an moment of awkward silence between the two boys before Zayn broke it, “I’ll get a shower now, then eat. We have our therapy this morning right?”

Liam nodded, “Yeah, I’ll get a shower now too, then maybe we could eat breakfast together?” He suggested. He desperately wanted things to start working between them again.

Zayn nodded, “Sure.” He said as he crawled out of the bed and left the room.

Liam moved back over to the other side of the bed, he sat on his knees as he leaned in close to Niall, he stroked his hair as he whispered into the younger boys ear, "Wake up birthday boy."

Niall groaned as he rolled over onto his back waking up, and bumping into Louis not realizing he was so close.

Louis groaned waking up, “Niall, what the fuck?”

“Sorry, Lou. Didn’t realize you were that close.” Niall replied softly.

“It’s fine, you're just lucky I love you.” He teased as he smirked.

Niall laughed but quickly caught himself when he realized that Harry was still asleep.

“You two go get ready, I’ll wake him up.” Louis told them.

They nodded and Niall quickly rubbed the sleep out of his eyes as he left the room with Liam.

He paused in the hallway and looked at his hands, “Liam!” Niall called out in a loud whisper as he noticed that the shakes were almost gone.

Liam turned around and walked back over, “Is everything alright?” He asked worried.

“Look!!!” He said holding out his hands.

Liam looked Niall’s hands and grinned, “That’s great, Nialler.” He said pulling him into a hug.

They then heard the loo door open and Zayn stepped out in fresh clothes.

The two boys quickly broke apart to try and avoid a fight with Zayn.

“Show him.” Liam smiled at Niall.

Niall held out his hands towards Zayn with a stupid smile written on his face.

Zayn looked at Niall’s hands as he smiled a little, “It’s almost gone, congrats.” He told the younger lad.

“Thank you.” He smiled.

Before long Liam found himself walking into the kitchen with Zayn.

"Cereal?" Zayn asked.

Liam nodded and went to grab two bowls from the cabinet.

Zayn filled the bowls with cereal and Liam added the milk.

Zayn then handed Liam a spoon and gave him a smile.

"Thanks." Liam softly replied and followed him into the dining room.

For a moment they sat silent. The presence of one another was just wonderful, mostly because they weren't fighting for a change.

Finally though Liam spoke, "This is really nice."

Zayn nodded, agreeing with him.

"We haven't gotten to do anything alone together." Liam added.

"Honestly, I haven't wanted to till now." Zayn admitted.

Liam smiled at him. He finally felt like maybe there was some hope.

Zayn smiled back and placed his hand gently on Liam's knee.

Liam's heart skipped a beat as he placed his own hand on top of Zayn's.

As if on cue however they both heard Niall's slightly frustrated voice, "Liam!"

Zayn quickly pulled his hand away as he forced himself not to roll his eyes.

"Liam!" Niall yelled again.

"In here!" He called from the table.

Suddenly Niall came into the room holding his jeans up.

"Why didn't you just put sweats on, Nialler?" Zayn asked.

"I thought maybe I could do it this time." He seemed to pout. "I almost had it too."

Liam stood and walked over to Niall. He leaned down and fastened the button slowly.

"Thanks, mate." Niall smiled quickly leaving the room.

"Sorry." Liam said turning back to Zayn.

Zayn just just shook his head and the two finished eating quietly.

Meanwhile upstairs, Louis was trying his best to get Harry up and out of bed, “I don’t wanna get up. We don’t even have to do anything today.” He mumbled refusing to get up.

“But you have your individual therapy session this morning and we have Niall’s party later this tonight.” Louis reminded him gently.

Harry groaned as he crawled out of bed, “Fine, I’ll shower now before she gets here.”

Louis gave him a smile as he left towards the loo.

Soon enough, Harry was dressed and in the kitchen with Louis, he looked at the food but wasn’t really hungry, so he just sat down at the island while Louis made himself some french toast.

Louis looked back at Harry, “You should eat, aren’t you hungry?” He asked.

“Not really.” He said as there was a knock on the door.

“I’ll get it.” Paul called from the sitting room.

“It’s probably, Carrie and Michelle.” Louis said as he sat down with his toast.

“Why Michelle?” Harry asked confused.

“Zayn and Liam have their couple therapy today.” Louis replied.

Niall then walked into the kitchen with Carrie and Michelle behind him.

“Good! You’re up.” Niall said happily.

“I’d rather sleep but yeah, you seem rather chipper this morning?” Louis said curiously.

“Yeah! Look!” He said almost bouncing as he held out his hands in front of Louis and Harry for them to see.

“They’re almost gone! That’s amazing, Nialler.” Harry smiled at him.

“Yeah, it’s great and you're wearing jeans! Did you get them on yourself? Without Liam’s help I mean?” Louis asked.

Niall’s smile faded a bit, “No...I still needed help. I got the zipper up by myself though! Just the damn button…” He said as he shook his head, frustrated.

“You’ll get there.” Louis smiled at him.

Niall nodded, “Yeah, just sick of being patient.”

"Are you ready Harry? I was hoping we could chat outside and get some fresh air." Carrie smiled.

Harry nodded as he stood.

"Great." She said and walked with him outside as Liam and Zayn entered the kitchen with their dirty dishes.

"Hello there, would you lads like to go downstairs?" Michelle asked them as they placed their dishes in the dishwasher.

"That's fine with me." Liam nodded.

"Yeah, that's good." Zayn agreed.

As Michelle and Zayn began to walk away Niall gave Liam an uneasy look.

"You'll be fine. Louis' is right here." Liam encouraged.

"Yeah, come on mate, let's go play some FIFA." Louis smiled.

Niall nodded and let Liam leave.

Once downstairs Liam took a seat next to Zayn on the sofa.

"Why don't you lads start by telling me how things have been going with you two?" Michelle asked as she prepared to take notes.

"Not good." Liam simply said.

"How so?"

"We fight a lot it seems." Zayn added.

She nodded and then looked to them, "What do you fight about?"

"Niall." Liam quickly replied.

"It's not always Niall." Zayn replied.

"Okay but it always has something to do with him." Liam tried not to argue.

"Is that true?" Michelle asked when she noticed Zayn stayed quiet.

"Yeah." He softly replied.

"Why do you two fight about Niall?" She was curious.

"Zayn doesn't like that he's attached to me."

"I don't like that you allow him to be. I understand he's hurting Li but you could tell him no sometimes and yet you don't." Zayn worked to stay calm.

"I can't tell him no when he needs my help. You know he won't let anyone else touch him."

Michelle allowed the two to talk.

"Oh don't I know. He screamed at me when I tried to help, remember?" Zayn asked.

Liam nodded, "Yes, I- I don't have any control over that."

"Liam, I know you don't. What you don't seem to know however is that you do have control over how much you help him."

"It's my job! It's all our jobs! He's our little brother and he needs our help! What kind of a prick would I be if I made him suffer alone?"

"Alright, let's bring it down a bit." Michelle directed. "Zayn, how does it make you feel when you see Liam helping NIall?"

Zayn licked his lips. He didn't want to share those feeling yet.

"Please Zayn, trust us." Michelle seemed to ask.

He swallowed hard and spoke softly, "Angry, jealous, abandon."

Liam hung his head. He didn't know that's how he had made his boyfriend feel.

Outside Carrie and Harry made themselves comfortable. She pulled out her notepad and looked over a few things before turning to Harry.

"I wanna start by talking about the medicine you were given. Do you feel like it's helping?"

"I don't know, it's just making me tired, all the time." Harry looked down at his lap.

"They diagnosed you with PTSD and depression, correct?"

He nodded.

"Have you seen any changes in the issues you're dealing with?"

"I haven't seen a change in any of my problems."

She nodded, "Let's try doubling your dose then. I want you to try taking two pills at night. If that doesn't do anything we'll change the medicine."

"Alright." He replied. He was too unhappy and uncomfortable to talk much.

"Great, now let's discuss these problems. What sort of problems are you having?"

Harry's face grimaced slightly as he closed his eyes.

"Talk to me Harry." She encouraged quickly to keep from losing him.

Harry sighed, "I can hear him."

She looked at him sympathetically Thoth his eyes were still closed, "Adam, you mean?"

Harry shivered a little hearing his name and nodded. "When it's quiet, if I'm alone, if I feel babied."

"They'll stop eventually Harry." She told him.

"When? I can't take it. He just keeps taunting me." He tries not to let his voice crack.

"When you learn to let it go." She softly told him.

In the sitting room Louis and Niall were still playing. At some point however Niall made a great move and without thinking Louis patted his shoulder.

Niall instantly squealed a little and jerked away, a flash if Mac's face crossing the front of his mind.

"Niall, Nialler, I- I'm so sorry. I forgot." Louis worried.

Niall took in a sharp breath and nodded, "It's alright."

Louis looked at him spacing out for a moment.

"Flashback?" He finally asked the younger boy.

Niall just nodded, blinking his eyes.

"I think Harry's been having them too. I'm sorry."

"It's okay, Lou. You didn't mean to." Niall tried to give him a smile.

They sat silent for a moment before Louis commented, "You don't panic when Liam touches you."

Niall nodded.

Louis found it rather curious. He didn't understand.

"He was there for me first. Maybe that's why. I don't know. Just feel safe with him."

Louis nodded, "You two are so much closer now. It's almost strange."

"I know." He agreed.

A while later, downstairs, Zayn and Liam were still talking. They had done so well opening up to each other about their feelings. They talked about their feelings while they were being held and their feelings now. Zayn's feelings were the same then and now. Liam expressed that before he just felt torn and confused but now he just felt frustrated.

"I keep reaching out to you like you say you want me to, but you shut me down every time, Zayn." Liam almost complained.

"I don't mean to. I'm just angry." Zayn told him.

Michelle spoke up, "Zayn, maybe you aren't quite ready to to let him in yet?"

Zayn nodded. He felt so angry at so much.

"What I want you both to work on until we meet again is not fighting then. Don't focus too much on opening up to each other. Just focus on being together in the same room without getting upset. Zayn, if you feel angry or jealous walk away. Liam, try to remember his feelings when you're helping Niall. Can we do that?"

They both agreed and closed their session for the week.

Outside Carrie and Harry were working on trying to wrap up.

"So can you do something for me? Whenever you hear him, start humming or singing. You said music makes you happy. So I want you to replace those feelings of fear he gives you with feelings of happiness."

"I'll try. What about when I see him, when I flashback?" He asked.

She thought for a moment. "I want you to force yourself to picture Louis; happy times with him."

Harry nodded.

"Try that this week, try doubling those pills and we'll meet again privately next week. Yeah?" She tilted her head a little hoping to get him to look at her.

He only glanced at her and nodded.

"Alright, you did good Harry." She smiled standing.

After Carrie and Michelle left, the boys came together in the sitting room, Harry sat beside Louis as Zayn and Liam took a seat on the sofa across from the other boys.

“So who won?” Zayn asked as Paul came into the room.

“I did, of course.” Niall said smiling proudly.

“Of course...because no one’s better at fifa than you? Right?” Harry teased.

Niall smiled as he nodded, “You got it, Styles.”

Harry just chuckled and shook his head.

“Boys, I hate to interrupt, but I have to go for a couple hours. You’ll be alright though, there’s the daytime guards outside and they won’t let anyone through the gates without your permission.” Paul explained.

The boys nodded, knowing why Paul had to leave.

“Why do you have to leave?” Niall asked sounding a little upset.

“I have to go to the kids school...parent-teacher interview thing, I figured since I was in town, I’d go with the lovely misses this time.” Paul said with a smile, praying that Niall would buy it.

“Oh, okay. I hope everything turns out alright.” Niall half smiled.

“Thanks, I’ll be back in a couple hours.” Paul told them then looked towards, Louis.

“Lou, mind alarming the door once I’m out?” He asked.

Louis nodded as he followed Paul to the front door.

“Everything’s in place. I’ll pick up Sean now, and the rest of your family is going to wait outside if they get here before we do. We’ll knock on the door, but have Niall open it.” Paul instructed him.

Louis nodded, “Yeah, and could you tell Sean about Niall not liking to be touched? Just explain to him that...I don’t know. Just warn him for me.”

Paul nodded understanding what Louis meant.

After Paul left and Louis reset the alarm he headed back to the other boys.

“So what are doing now?” Niall asked, wondering what the boys had planned for his birthday.

“Films, TV…Wii...Playstation...the usual everyday stuff.” Zayn replied.

“Oh...Okay.” Niall said his voice clear with disappointment.

Liam felt bad for the lad, but he knew he’d be surprised once everyone got here.

“So...playstation?” Louis suggested.

Zayn nodded, “I’m down.”

“I’m tired.” Niall said softly. “I think I’m going to go take a nap upstairs in my room.” He said getting up, he briefly looked at Liam who gave him a smile.

Niall sighed and walked upstairs to his room, he collapsed on his bed, it was his birthday, he was twenty, and no one besides the fans and Liam had even said anything! He’d gotten a couple of birthday texts from his friends back home but that was it. He had never felt so forgotten or so unloved in his life.

It made him feel even more like he didn't belong. It cause all of the things Andy had told him to rush back into his mind.

He took a deep breath and blinked, sending tears rolling down his face.

This was the worst birthday ever.

The poor lad laid there sobbing until he fell asleep.

After a while, downstairs, Liam began to worry when Niall hadn't come back down. He wanted to check on him but Michelle's instructions rang in his head. He was supposed to respect Zayn's feelings.

So he stayed quiet, playing games with the others until finally Louis brought up how Niall needed to be awake.  He couldn't answer the door if he was asleep. Not to mention he had slept through lunch.

"I'm not waking him up. Forget about it." Zayn shook his head.

"Go Liam." Harry nodded.

Liam glanced at Zayn then nodded and stood.

He went up and let himself into Niall's room. He was passed out, with dried tear stains on his face.

Liam's heart broke. He felt awful.

"Nialler..." He softly said brushing his fingers through Niall's blond locks. It had woken him up without problem before.

Niall groaned a little but didn't wake.

"Wake up, Niall." He spoke a little louder, now tapping his shoulder a bit.

Niall's eyes blinked open, tired. "Hello," he said in a sleepy voice.

"You should get up now or you won't sleep tonight." He said gently.

Niall nodded and sat up.

"Were you crying?" Liam asked stepping back a little so he could stand.

"What?" He blinked and quickly rubbed his hands over his eyes and cheeks. "No."

"Niall, you can tell me the truth."

"I was just sad. I'm fine now, no big deal." Niall half lied.

Liam just nodded, he didn't wanna push him.

"Come down and watch this movie with us now?" He inquired giving the lad a fake pouty face.

Niall shook his head with a slight laugh, he couldn't help it. "Sure."

As the two went down to the sitting room Liam quickly took a seat back by Zayn. Niall begun to sit on his other side but knock came to the door.

Louis glanced at the time on his phone, "Must be Paul. Niall, be a pal and go let him in?"

"Yeah, you don't mind right?" Liam asked.

"Course he don't!" Zayn smiled big.

"Right, ‘course I don't." His voice was sarcastic as he stood back up.

Moving out of the room he cursed under his breath at the other lads. He had no idea they were carefully following after him.

Niall shut down the alarm and pulled open the door. When he came face to face with the slightly large group of people in front of him his eyes grew large and he stumbled backward a little.

"Surprise Nialler." The four lads gently said now at his side.

"Oh my..." Niall trailed off. His eyes scanned the crowd. Everyone's mums and dads were there. Then he saw his parents. He froze as his eyes connected with his mum. A hand came and swept over his mouth.

She flashed him a big smile, relieved to finally see his face.

Then, there was his Da. He smiled big at him. He was happy to see him.

Finally, he spotted Sean. His eyes lit up like two bright Christmas trees. "Sean!" He cried out.

Sean almost laughed at his friends reaction, “Hey Nialler.” He grinned as Niall pulled him into a hug.

“I’ve fucking missed you so much.” He said softly

Sean quickly hugged back, “I missed you too. The lads and I were so fucking worried about you…”

“I’m okay now, mostly…” He said pulling back from the hug. “Seriously though, you don’t need to worry anymore.” He said with a small smile.

Sean shook his head, “I’ll always worry, what kind of friend would I be if I didn’t?”

“Well, you wouldn’t be the best…” Niall smirked as Sean laughed.

“Mind if we come in?” Anne asked.

Niall suddenly remembering the other people, nodded, “Yeah, yeah...sorry about that.”

“It’s fine, sweetheart.” Anne smiled as she and the others came in.

Sean looked over at Niall, “Nialler, where can I drop my stuff?”

“You’re staying here?!” He said like an excited little boy.

Sean nodded, “Yeah, man.”

Niall thought for a moment, would the boys sleep without each other while Sean was here? There was only three bedrooms and the master suite he didn’t want to sleep without the other boys, he wasn’t ready for that yet.

“My room for now.” Niall finally said, “Follow me.”

Sean followed Niall up to his room and dropped his stuff on the floor, “I’m here till Sunday night, then I’m going back.”

Niall nodded, then remembered the last time he talked to Sean, that he was complaining about not having enough money for things, he offered to help out but Sean refused, so if that was the case, then how’d he manage to fly here? He wondered.

“How’d you get the money to come here? I know the last time we really talked, you mentioned you were having a hard time and that’s why you wouldn’t be able to come to Australia with me.” Niall asked.

“Louis. He set this whole party up, actually. He called me a couple days ago, said that you needed me and that he was doing this party. He said that if I couldn’t afford it, he’d pay for me. I’d normally say no, but this time it’s different. I needed to come.” Sean explained.

Niall smiled, “I’m glad you’re here, how are the other lads? They good?”

Sean nodded, “Yeah, they’re good, they say Hi. So does your brother and Denise...and Theo of course. He misses his Uncle Nialler.” He smirked.

Niall laughed, “I’m still not used that...Uncle Nialler. I miss that kid.”

“He misses you too, Louis wanted them to come, but they couldn’t make it. So, they sent a present down with me.” Sean said going over to his bag.

He pulled out a small bag, and handed it to him. Niall took it and emptied it onto the bed, a long rectangular box came out, he opened it, and grinned at what he saw. A steel Trinity Knot pendant necklace and a ring inscribed with I Am of Ireland ring but it was engraved in Gaelic.

“The ring is actually from me and the other lads...I just put in there so it was easier to travel with and I wouldn’t lose it.” Sean said smiling from Niall’s shocked expression that was written on his face.

“This is incredible, thank you…I’ll have to remember to call them later.” Niall said looking over at Sean. “You lads really didn’t have to get me anything…Just you showing up was more than enough for me.”

Sean shrugged, “We wanted to, you’ve been through so much shit. You deserve it and this way, maybe when you're homesick for your real home in Ireland, you can look at the ring and even the pendent and feel a bit better.”

Niall held back tears as he pulled Sean into another hug, “Thank you.” He whispered.

Downstairs the other lads were still in the process of greeting their parents.

Both Trisha and Yaser had Zayn in a hug. Jay and Louis had finished crying in each other's arms again and he was now hugging Mark.

Liam was trying to convince his mother that she didn't need to cry while his dad hugged him tightly.

Harry however stood back, away from the others. He was thrilled to see his mom, dad, and Robin. Still, he was too upset to openly hug them. He just wanted Louis to hug him, no one else.

Des and Robin looked at Anne awkwardly. They wanted to greet Harry but didn't quite know how. Anne had warned them to let Harry come them.

Louis walked over to Anne and hugged her. He then smiled and greeted Des and Robin. "He had his first solo session with the therapist today. I think it shook him up a little." He tried to explain.

Anne nodded.

"Just walk over and say hi." Louis encouraged the three.

Anne took Robin's hand and walked over with Des close behind them.

"Hi..." She trailed off having almost called him baby.

"Hi." He said softly looking at the ground.

"Hello, son." Des smiled.

Again Harry simply said, "Hi." He closed his eyes for a moment and imagined himself on stage, singing. It seemed to force away the thought of Adam.

Opening his eyes, he finally brought his eyes up to look at his mum. He gave her a smile.

She smiled back wanting to pulling him into a hug but not daring to.

Suddenly they heard footsteps pounding down the stairs. "Tommo!" Niall shouted.

"Here, Niall." He said moving towards the lad.

As Niall raced to meet Louis his arms flew around him, "Thank you! You’re the best!"

Louis was taken back but he smiled. "You’re welcome, I had help though."

"Right!" He cheered and quickly hugged Zayn who had finally been let go of.

He then moved and gave Harry a quick hug before going onto Liam and hugging him too.

"Thank you, all of you." He said with a huge grin.

Maura smiled. It was so nice to see her boy like this.

Niall let his arm hang around Liam’s neck as he showed Liam his ring, “This is what Sean and the lads gave me for my birthday.” He said sounding happier than he had in a long time.

“That’s very nice, Nialler. What’s it say?” He asked as he looked at the ring.

“Is d'eirinn me.” He replied simply.

“English, Niall.” Louis laughed.

“Oh yeah, sorry. It means ‘I Am of Ireland’  but it’s engraved in Gaelic on the outside and English on the inside. Coolest shi-” He stopped himself short of swearing in front of all the parents.

“Coolest thing ever.” He quickly corrected himself.

“Greg and Denise gave Sean this pendant to give to me. It’s the Trinity Knot pendant.” He said pulling the pendent out of his pocket to show Liam and the others. He was so excited about seeing everyone but especially Sean.

“That’s really cool.” Zayn smiled, trying to be nice, despite Niall’s arm being on Liam and Liam not even doing anything about it.

Liam wanted to respect Zayn’s feelings, really he did, but he couldn’t bring himself to tear himself away from Niall, not when Niall was this happy. He didn’t want to ruin it. He just hoped Zayn would understand if he got a chance to explain later.

“Go say Hi to your parents.” Liam whispered into the Irish boys ear.

Niall nodded removing his arm from Liam’s neck and walking over to his parents.

Finally his boundless enthusiasm seemed to die down as he approached his parents. Knowing she knew he was raped made it hard to look her in the eyes but he managed.

"It's so good to finally see you." She said.

He knew what she meant and he nodded. He bit his lip for a moment then moved forward and slowly put his arms around her.

"I love you so much, Niall." She told him, bringing tears to his eyes.

"I love you too, mum." He said trying to will the tears away.

When he finally pulled away from her he turned to his father.

He smiled, not sure if he should reach for his son or not. He had been told Niall didn't like to be touched.

Niall swallowed hard, and moved slowly to his da. When his arms came around the other man he couldn't hold his tears back anymore.

"I swear, I thought I'd never see ya again." His Da told him trying not to choke up himself.

"I know, I worried I'd never even see the sun again. Now you're here, you're really here." He cried.

The others seemed to respectfully turn away as Maura and Bobby shared an obviously personal moment with their boy.

"I love you no matter what, Niall." His Da said as he finally pulled away from the hug.

Niall knew what he was getting at. His mum must of told him. It made him uncomfortable but he chose not to focus on those feelings. Instead he focused on his family, and his friends, all here for him.

"I love you too, da." Niall nodded, his accent stronger now.

Niall sniffled and wiped his tears away. He then turned and softly said, "Enough crying, I just wanna have some fun."

"Then let's have fun." Maura smiled as the group moved deeper into the house.

Niall wanted to order in a lot of different foods but Liam reminded him that if he ate too many different things, it wouldn’t sit right with his medication.

Niall sighed as he sat on a nearby chair, “I just can’t pick one thing you know.”

“Well, you're going to have learn now.” Zayn mumbled sarcastically, earning a slap on the back of the head from Louis.

“Ow.” He complained rubbing his head.

He gave Zayn a look and Zayn knew what he was saying without even having to voice it out loud. He was happy for Niall, he was. It was the situation bothered him still, but he was trying to work past it best he could.

Niall thought a bit more as he ran a hand through his hair, “This is so hard…”

Harry just shook his head, “I’m starving, if you don’t pick something…I will.”

Niall sighed again, “What about a chicken dinner?”

“Whatever you want.” Louis smiled.

“Let’s go with that.” Niall decided.

“I’ll go order it.” Paul said pulling out his phone and leaving the room.

“I’m really glad you boys are okay.” Geoff said, placing a hand on Niall’s shoulder, causing him to shout a bit. Geoff flinched, startled by his actions.

Niall then quickly moved from his spot and stood beside Liam, he wanted to hold his hand but he didn’t want to cause a scene with Zayn, so he just stood close.

Liam wanted to take the younger boy into his arms and tell him it was okay, but Zayn was standing beside him and he said he’d be respectful of his feelings.

Zayn looked at Liam, “You know you want to...so just go coddle him like you always do now.” He whispered just low enough for Liam to hear only.

Liam felt torn, he really wanted to hold Niall, because the poor boy looked so freaked out but he and Zayn agreed in therapy that he’d be respectful of Zayn’s feelings, even though Zayn was telling him to go ahead, he still felt that it wouldn’t be right.

“I mean it.” Zayn muttered to Liam.

Liam sighed as he wrapped his arms around Niall, “It’s fine, Nialler. He just forgot for a moment. We all forget sometimes. You’re okay...You’re safe. I promise.” He whispered into Niall’s ear while holding him close.

All of this did not go unnoticed by Sean. He saw the look of panic on Niall's face when Geoff touched him. He noticed the panic disappear when Liam touched him. Paul had told him that Niall didn't like anyone touching him. So why was Liam okay?

Across the room Harry had finally warmed a little. He still hadn't touched his parents but he had managed to tell them all that he loved them and he was glad they were here.

"Louis said you got to meet with a therapist today finally. How did that go?" Des asked.

"Good, I suppose. She doubled the medicine they put me on and we talked about some of the things that have been bothering me." Harry replied

"Good, maybe talking about everything will help." Robin nodded.

"It felt nice to get to tell someone. She even gave me some advice on what to do about it." He was trying his best to be open with them.

"That's wonderful, sweetie." Anne smiled.

Harry didn't smile though. His face twisted. He didn't want to be called that. Not by his mum anyway.

"Harry?" She asked.

"Where's Louis?" He asked.

She quickly looked around before spotting him and pointing him out.

Without another word Harry walked away, straight to Louis, interrupting the conversation he was having with his mum about her pregnancy.

He grabbed his hand and squeezed it tightly.

"Alright?" Louis asked concerned.

"I am now." He softly said.

It wasn't long before dinner had arrived and they were all sitting in the large dining room eating. Each boy sat with his parents, except for Niall who insisted on being next to Sean.

It was a wonderful meal. Best Niall could remember having in a long time. The mums cleaned up when everyone finished while all the boys headed into the sitting room.

They talked, shared funny stories, most of them being about the birthday boy. For a while everyone seemed to forget what had happened to the five lads.

The mums soon joined the large group and joined in on the laughs. They all savored this moment knowing it would be a long time before they would be together like this again.

At some point as they all sat around Niall felt his phone buzz in his pocket. He pulled it out and saw Louis had text him from across the room.

The message was from Louis which read, you need to talk to your parents about court while they're here.

Niall looked towards him, and Louis gave him a nod.

The Irish lad didn't want to do this. He wanted his happy moment to last forever. He had to though, it didn't seem like he had any other choice.

"Mum, da?" Niall questioned through the chatting.

They both looked at him as he stood.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

They nodded and left the room. Most of the crowd didn't even notice them leaving, not even Liam who now had one of Zayn's arms around his back.

The young lad walked through the house, to a quiet room and sat down.

"What's wrong, Nialler?" Maura asked worried.

Niall began shaking a little more, this time it was simply due to his nerves. He hated the thought of hurting his mum's feelings.

"Talk to us, son." Bobby encouraged.

With an almost trembling voice and eyes locked on his shoes Niall said, "The judge is allowing family members only to be in the court room."

Maura and Bobby stayed quiet.

Tears formed in Niall's eyes, "I, I don't know if I can..." He trailed off when his voice squeaked.

"It's okay, honey." Maura encouraged.

"I don't know if I can handle you guys being in there." Tears fell from his eyes. "It's so embarrassing, what happened to me. I don't want you hearing all the details."

"Oh Niall, please don't cry." Maura begged. She wanted to reach out and cuddle him, and it killed her knowing she couldn’t.

"I can't help it. I don't wanna hurt your feelings but I can't stand the thought of ya's hearing all that." He didn't even bother wiping away his tears.

"Niall, you aren't going to hurt our feelings. We're your parents and we love you."  Bobby encouraged. He'd never seen his son so upset.

"You're just trying to make me feel better. I know it has to hurt, the others parents getting to be there for their sons and then there’s me not wanting either of you there." He was almost on the verge of choking on his own tears.

"We just want you to feel better. We want you to be happy. I'd do anything to make you happy because I'm only happy when you are happy." Maura said.

Niall tried to will his tears away as he finally used the edge of his sleeve to wipe them.

"Please, don't worry. If you'd be more comfortable without us there then we won't be there. You get to be selfish, Nialler. We are okay with that." Maura kept on.

"Exactly, you have to be selfish. You have to do whatever it takes to make yourself comfortable enough to testify. Only you can tell that court what happened from your point of view. If you don't that bastard might not get what we all know he deserves." Bobby encouraged.

Niall nodded, "You both are the most amazing parents in the world." He smiled through more tears.

They both smiled back at him.

"And you are the most amazing son in the world, next to your brother." Bobby teased hoping Niall would laugh.

He did.

"Promise me, you'll call me and tell me everything." Maura asked.

"Yes mum, I swear it." He nodded.

"Alright then." She smiled.

"Thank you." Niall finally stood.

"Your welcome." She grinned, wanting to hug him.

He could tell and pulled her into his arms before kissing her cheek, "I love you, mum."

"I love you too, Nialler."

Niall hugged his Da also before they returned to the sitting room.

After some more talk that lasted for another couple hours, Liam was starting to fall asleep on Zayn’s shoulder, who didn’t even notice until Louis took a quick picture and posted it to his twitter, with the caption looks like someone needs their bed! Since the boys got all of each other’s tweets since to their phone, four phones buzzed and rang throughout the room while Louis sat there giggling like a five year old.

“Hm, that’s rather cute, actually.” Zayn said with a small smile looking at the photo.

“The fan reactions are cuter.” Liam grinned and laughed as he read a few. The buzzing in his pocket had woken him up.

The parents sat there confused.

Niall give his parents his phone and it quickly made it’s way around the room to the parents. Sean had been sitting next to Niall, so he saw it when Niall opened it.

“I guess we should let you boys get some sleep.” Jay said standing up.

Louis went to argue, not wanting the night to be over so soon but as soon as he opened his mouth he yawned, “That means you too, Louis.” Jay said walking over to him.

He smiled sleepily and stood up to hug her as the other boys and parents followed suit.

After saying goodbye to their parents, the boys and Sean went upstairs.

“So which room am I sleeping in?” Sean asked Niall as they reached the top.

Louis stopped in his tracks, that thought never occurred to him when he offered to let Sean stay with them and judging by the masked reactions on the other four boys faces they obviously had the same thought.

Niall in a slight panic, blurted out without any real thought, “You can sleep in my mine, we all sleep together anyways.”

Sean raised an eyebrow as Harry shook his head, one of Niall’s bad habits was speaking without thinking.

“What Niall means is the five of us usually sleep in the master bedroom together but Louis and Harry share the bed and the rest of us sleep on the floor.” Zayn quickly came to the rescue.

“Oh…” Sean nodded as he started to understand.

“We feel safer being in the same room together.” Louis explained.

“Separation anxiety and all.” Harry tried to joke.

“Really?” Sean asked taking him seriously.

Liam laughed, this conversation was great, “Yes and no...It just gets a little scary for us at night. We feel better when we’re in the same room for when we’re sleeping. It’s just...if someone tried to take us again, they’re be four other lads to fight him off.” He finished quietly.

Sean nodded, fully understanding, “Okay, so I guess I’m in Nialler’s room tonight.”

“And tomorrow.” Niall smiled.

Sean smiled back.

“Right, well I’m going to get ready if everyone’s clear that we don’t actually sleep together.” Harry said with a small smirk.

Everyone laughed.

“I get it.” Sean said.

Harry nodded and left to get ready with Louis trailing behind him.

“So is it okay if I get ready now or do you guys have some type of order you go in?” Sean asked.

“You can get ready now, there’s three loo’s so we’re good.” Niall smiled.

Sean nodded and went to get ready for bed.

“I’m going to get ready downstairs, unless you’d rather?” Liam said looking at Zayn.

He shook his head, “Nah, I’m fine. You can go first.”

Liam looked at Niall, “I’ll be right back, just going to get ready downstairs.”

“Don’t leave me alone with him!” Niall whispered.

“I can still hear you.” Zayn said upon hearing Niall’s whisper.

Niall’s eyes begged Liam to stay.

Liam shook his head, “You’ll be fine. Zayn’s working on being nicer, he’s going to have some not so nice moments, but he’s working on it. He won’t hurt you. You know that, right?”

Niall sighed, “I guess.”

“You’ll be fine.” Liam smiled at him and left.

Sean then came out, “It’s free for whoever wants it.” He said walking into Niall’s room.

Niall looked at Zayn.

“Go.” Zayn smiled leaning against the wall.

Niall quickly walked into the loo, after brushing his teeth he grabbed his pill bottle, he studied it for a moment before trying to see if he could open it.

The moment he got the lid popped off the pill bottle the bottle fell and the pills scattered everywhere, “MOTHERFUCKER!” Niall screamed.

Sean who was in Niall’s room ran back out into the hallway, he knocked on the door, “Nialler, you okay?” He called.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry.” Niall called back but Sean could still hear him cursing, not as loud but loud enough.

Sean still felt worried though so he turned around and walked down the hallway till he found an open room with a person in it.

He saw Zayn sitting on his bed in his room, “Zayn?” He said knocking on the door softly.

“What’s up?” Zayn said looking up at Sean.

“I’m not sure if Nialler’s okay...I heard like a crash or something then him cussin..” He trailed off not sure if he should be worried or not.

Zayn laughed, “I’m not the person you should be talking to about Niall, mate. You should talk to Liam.” He said as Liam suddenly appeared by Sean’s side.

“Ah, we were just talking about you.” Zayn smirked.

“Why?” Liam asked confused.

So Sean explained what he heard and Liam went down to the loo door and knocked on it softly, “Nialler, it’s me.” He said gently.

Niall slowly opened the door as Liam walked in and Sean stood watching them from afar.

Liam saw the scattered pills on the floor and tears threatening to fall from Niall’s eyes.

Liam placed a hand on his shoulder, “Why didn’t you wait for me? Or come get me?”

“Wanted to do it meself.” He replied softly.

Liam nodded, “Okay, I’ll pick up the pills for you so you can take them, then I’ll help you.” He explained.

Niall just nodded as he leaned against the wall and sighed.

He looked at his hands, while they were a lot better, the small shakes seemed worse than the bigger ones. He was so tired of it all.

After Liam finished picking up the pills, he gave one to Niall who quickly drowned it, then turned to Liam as he lifted up his shirt and Sean raised both his eyebrows.

Liam slipped his fingers into the waistband of Niall’s jeans and undid the button and zipper for him.

Niall smiled as he hung onto his jeans, “I can actually do zippers now...Remember?”

“Oh yeah, I just...force of habit I guess. Sorry.” Liam gave the boy an apologetic look.

Niall shrugged, “I don’t mind. Less work for me. My fingers are stiff.”

“That’s cause you haven’t used them. Oh! Maybe we should have Paul buy you a stress ball and that could help with the stiffness.” Liam mentioned, feeling proud of his idea.

Niall grinned, “That’s a great idea. Hopefully it’ll get me back to my guitar faster.” He said hopeful.

“Hopefully.” Liam smiled turning around, and heading to the master room as Niall went to put his clothes away in his room.

After discarding his clothes, he turned around and saw Sean making him jump a little, “Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare ya. I thought saying something might scare you.”

Niall shrugged, “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

“So what happened to the wall? I noticed it earlier but forgot to ask.” Sean asked.

Niall shook his head, “I got pissed off...I was really upset and angry because my hands weren’t working, so I smashed my guitar.”

“Ohh…” Sean said but before he could say anything else, Niall spoke again.

“We’ll talk tomorrow though, I’m so tired.” He said yawning.

Sean nodded, “Yeah, for sure. Night.” He said almost going in for a hug but stopped himself.

But Niall just smiled and pulled Sean into a hug, “I’m so glad you're here.” He said softly then said goodnight and headed back into the master bedroom with the other boys.

"Where you sleeping Niall?" Louis asked.

"Well, I'm not sure if we should all sleep in the bed." Niall replied.

Harry tossed a second pillow into the floor near Liam's. "Zayn?" He then asked holding a third pillow in his hands.

"Sean might get confused if I'm not with my boyfriend." He explained.

Harry agreed and tossed the pillow onto the floor.

Louis settled in next to Harry as Zayn adjusted the lights and laid down next to Liam on the opposite side of Niall.

It was uncomfortable but they all slept soundly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This isn't the Ziam session I was talking about, that comes later...I forget which chapter it's in but this isnt' the one I keep telling you all about. But IT IS a step in the right direction.
> 
> Also, if you're getting bored...I'm sorry. Once the legal shit is done then the boys go on tour, and then things get a bit more interesting.
> 
> TRY to stay with us till then please? :)


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You see, I have a thing...where if we're not far enough ahead or writing the next story regularly...I don't wanna post too much of the current one because I'd rather not finish it and then be left with not a lot of chapters to give you for the next story.
> 
> But all of your comments...they make me wanna cry...and...it's been so long and I'm just gonna say SCREW IT and post a chapter now and then.
> 
> Hopefully J-Lynn and I can get back to writing the next book/story in the series regularly again soon.
> 
> Thank you so much for all your love!

The next morning Zayn was the first to wake up. He nudged Liam and told him he was going off to take a shower.

Louis woke up next. Harry was snoring but he was so hungry.

"Liam?" He whispered.

"What?" Liam was a little annoyed that on the day Paul wasn't going to wake him up all the others were.

"If I go make us all breakfast will you stay here with Harry and Nialler?" Louis sat up.

"Yeah, course." He said rolling onto his back.

"Thanks." He replied and left the room.

As if on cue, Niall rolled over, flinging his arm across Liam's waist and gripping him tightly.

He first response was to move the lads arm but with Zayn gone he couldn't find a reason to. Besides, it was his job to be a comfort to his brothers.

Off in Niall's room Sean stirred. He smiled realizing he was going to get to spend all day with his best friend.

He got up and dressed himself before heading out of the room to see who if anyone else was awake.

Peeking into the master bedroom he spotted Harry on the bed snoring and Niall cuddling close with Liam.

He shook his head. He knew it wasn't right to make assumptions and he knew Niall and the others had been through hell. Still, he had to know what was going on with those two.

He made a note in his head to find out later. For now he would ignore it, let the lads sleep.

Deciding he could be the most quiet for them downstairs he headed off. Once he made it downstairs he heard someone in the kitchen though.

Walking in he saw Louis and smiled, "Morning."

"Oh, good morning, Sean. I was just starting on a bit of breakfast." Louis smiled back.

Sean nodded and sat down on a stool. For a while they were quiet. Louis broke in however, "I'm so glad you could come. Niall just seemed so happy last night. We all seemed happy."

"I'm glad you could help me make it. The lads and I were all scared out of our minds."

"Trust me, we were scared too." Louis' eyebrows raised a little.

"Yeah, you all seem...scarred." He chose his words carefully.

"We are. Harry and Niall the worst I think." He nodded as he kept on working on the meal.

"Yeah, Niall seems, I don’t know... I don't want to assume anything." He shook his head. "He and Liam are just... ridiculously close."

Louis stopped for a moment. He could tell what Sean was getting at. He knew he needed to talk to him about it. "It’s just from everything they did to him while we were held captive."

Sean leaned in to listen better.

Louis sighed, "We aren't supposed to talk about it, so you have to give me your word everything I tell you stays between us. Don't even tell the others I told you."

Sean eagerly nodded. "Promise." He so badly wanted to understand what was happening with his best friend. He wanted to help him.

Louis nodded agreeing, "They had him locked in a closet. So, obviously with him being claustrophobic, he was fucking terrified. When they let him out, they put him in the same room as Liam-” He started to explain but Sean cut him off.

“Fucking pricks...wait, so you weren’t all in the same room?” He asked confused.

Louis shook his head, “No, they put us each in a room with our deepest fear.”

“Ah, shit…” Sean said trailing off he wasn’t sure what to say next. He was going to say ‘I’m sorry about that.’ but then he knew Louis would argue with that point saying it wasn’t his fault, so he just went quiet, hoping for more.

“So, as I was saying…” Louis said as he went back to making breakfast. “When they threw him in with Liam, Liam said that he was on the edge of losing it all together, from breaking with reality. So Liam being the only one of us in there at the time, comforted him and tried his best to keep him from going over the edge.”

“So...if Liam was there for him in the beginning, it makes sense why he doesn’t freak out when Liam touches him...but why does he freak out when someone else touches him, like in general I mean.” Sean asked.

Louis sighed again, as closed his eyes as he remembered what Niall said, “He told me that if someone, other than Liam touches him, he gets flashbacks…”

“Flashbacks of whatever happened to him?” He asked.

Louis nodded as he continued to work on breakfast.

“What happened to him?” Sean asked quietly.

Louis shook his head, “That’s not for me to share, I shouldn’t even be telling you any of this but that’s a bit far. Let him tell you when he’s ready to share it.”

Sean nodded, “Is he okay though? Like physically?”

“He has these tremors in his hands, they’re hell of a lot better than they used to be. They’ve calmed down a lot in the last couple days and you being here helps too. His hands just shake a lot, which makes it hard to do certain things.” Louis replied as he finished the breakfast and sat across from Sean.

Sean thought about last night, it made sense that Liam was the only one allowed to touch Niall, but Zayn’s comment stuck in his mind, “Last night, Nialler dropped his pills all over the floor, I told Zayn he needed help and Zayn told me he needed Liam. He acted like he didn't want to help."

Louis nodded, “Ignore him. He’s been a dick lately. I’m not entirely sure what his problem is...or why he’s been…a little rude lately. It’s not that Zayn, didn’t want to help, but Liam is also the only one Niall let’s help him with anything.”

Sean nodded, "So you don't think anything is going on between them then? I mean, he was all cuddled up to Liam just now upstairs and last night Liam..." He wasn't sure if he should tell Louis what he saw or not.

"Last night Liam what?" Louis stopped what he was doing and put his full attention on Sean.

"Liam, unbuttoned and unzipped his trousers."

Louis nodded, "Oh, that... Yeah, Niall can't do it himself. He couldn't when we were held captive either. When I said the tremors makes it hard to do certain things, that’s something I meant to add in, his hands shake so bad that he can’t undo the button himself.”

"Oh, I guess I thought, maybe he... Or they..." Sean wasn't even sure what he was thinking anymore so he just trailed off.

"No, they aren't together or anything." Louis took a guess at what Sean was trying to say. "Liam and Zayn are still dating, the trauma of everything has their relationship a little strained but, they are together still. Niall has said being close to Liam makes him feel safer. He's always been a cuddler though, so I wouldn’t read too much into it.”

Sean nodded, "He's a very cuddly fucker." He laughed a little.

Upstairs, Niall pressed himself harder against the warmth beside him as he began to wake up. His eyes slowly fluttered open and saw he was holding Liam, very tightly.

He quickly pulled away from him, "Sorry, Li."

"It’s fine, Nialler." Liam was so casual with his response.

"Thanks. I guess, I still just feel most safe when I'm with you." He sat up.

"You’re supposed to feel safe with your big brother. No worries." He flashed him a reassuring smile.

Niall smiled back as he moved his eyes towards his hands, he lifted them up between the two of them, they were still shaky but better than yesterday.

“They look better.” Liam grinned as he watched Niall’s hands.

Niall nodded, “Can you ask Paul about getting me a stress ball or something to help with the stiffness in my hands? I play guitar on at least half the songs on the setlist for the tour. I want to be ready in time.”

Liam nodded, “Yeah, but don’t push yourself too hard...I don’t want you to take three steps forward only to take four steps back. Just pace yourself, yeah?”

Niall smiled as he nodded again, “Yeah, I will.”

“Promise?” Liam asked.

“Yeah, I promise.” He said as he gave Liam a tight hug.

Liam hugged him back just as tightly, Niall hung on a few extra minutes than necessary, he felt most safe when he had body contact with Liam. Being close to him, helped so much, but as always, body contact was the best.

Zayn walked into the room and rolled his eyes but forced himself to not say anything.

He cleared his throat and the boys broke apart, Liam quickly pulled away when he saw Zayn, “Sorry...I didn’t see you there.”

“It’s fine. Where’s Louis?” He asked.

“Making breakfast.” Liam replied.

Zayn forced a smile as he turned around and left.

“I hope he doesn’t hate me forever…” Niall said sadly.

“He doesn’t hate you...He’s just angry. He’s working on it.” Liam said fixing some of Niall’s hair for him

“Feels like he hates me.” Niall mumbled.

“He still loves you, c’mon...how does anyone not love you? You’re the cute one, with the blonde hair and blue eyes, not to mention that accent of yours. Which is pretty hot according to the girls.” Liam smiled trying make him feel better.

They then heard Harry stir as he woke up, he felt around for Louis and when he didn’t feel him, his heart got faster as he sat up as a wave of panic swept over him. He didn’t see the other two boys that were on the floor but he didn’t really look either.

“Louis?!” He yelled as Niall and Liam stood up from the floor.

“He’s downstairs.” Liam said quickly as Niall crawled into the bed beside Harry and held him.

“Ohh…I woke up and couldn’t see anyone…” He said as his heart rate slowed and he hung onto Niall.

Liam who was now at Harry’s other side holding both boys in his arms, opened his mouth to say something but quickly closed it as Louis ran into the room and cupped Harry’s face in his hands.

“I’m here, Haz. I was downstairs with Sean, making breakfast were Nialler and Liam not here?” He asked worried as Liam stepped aside and letting Louis wrap his arms around the younger boy.

Harry let go of Niall as he attached himself to Louis, “They were here, I just didn’t really look. I noticed you were gone…and no one else was in bed. I guess I got used to all of us being in bed that it seems odd to wake up alone.”

“I’m sorry, Harry. Louis told me to be here for you when you woke up and I was chatting with Niall instead.” Liam said looking down at his feet, feeling bad.

“It’s not your fault! I just didn’t look! It’s okay, Liam. Really.” He gave the older boy a smile.

Liam smiled back as he looked up at Louis, “It’s fine, Liam. He just didn’t look and you were right by his side when I got here, that’s what counts.” He said giving Liam a bright smile.

Liam nodded, “Well, I’m going to take a shower now, unless breakfasts ready?”

“Breakfast is ready. I left it with Sean and Zayn to put on the table for everyone.” Louis explained.

“He’s our guest, Lou! Why you putting him to work?” Harry teased.

Louis rolled his eyes, “He offered.” He looked down at Harry, “You hungry?”

Harry nodded, “Yeah, starving. Let’s eat.”

The boys then made their way down to the dining room.

With Sean there the day was filled with more laughs and games then normal. His presence seemed to take their minds off of their problems. Even Niall was happier.

Sean however couldn't help but notice a difference in Niall when he was near Liam versus far away.

Niall would take clear advantage of Zayn not being around and cling tight to him. Liam's touches would make Niall smile and appear so much happier.

The day had passed much too quickly however. It was bedtime now. All the lads were preparing for bed. Harry stood at the sink in the loo looking at the two pills in his hands.

"What's wrong?" Louis asked spotting him.

"They aren't helping. I still hear him, I still feel him." Harry whispered.

"Have you told Carrie?" Louis asked. Inside he hurt so bad for his lover.

"She said to sing when I hear him." Harry seemed to be refusing to make eye contact.

"Then sing. We have to get you better. I miss you, the you I can touch, kiss, make love to." Louis was trying not to cry.

Harry shook his head, "I'm sorry. I'm just not ready."

"I understand, take your pills ok?" Louis said and left the room. It was too painful to look at the lad. He just seemed like such a little broken doll.

Soon they were all in bed. Harry and Louis in the bed. Liam on the floor between Zayn and Niall. Sean in Niall's room.

The next morning Niall woke up first. Under the security of the blanket he grabbed Liam's hand and held it tightly. The mere touch of Liam settled every nerve. He felt he had nothing to fear with Liam right there.

He propped himself up on one elbow before lightly shaking Liam wake, “Hmm, what?” Liam asked sleepy, his eyes still closed.

“I’m going to get a shower and get dressed then hang with Sean if he’s up.” Niall whispered

“Sounds good. Have fun.” Liam sleepy replied.

“You’ll still be here right?” Niall asked.

Liam groaned. He just wanted one morning to sleep in, everyone else got to, so why not him too?

Niall sat up now, quietly waiting for Liam’s reply, hoping he hadn’t fallen back to sleep yet.

“I’ll probably still be in here...trying to sleep. I’ll come find you once I’m wake, how’s that?” He mumbled slightly, not daring to open his eyes. If he opens them, then he’ll never be able to go back to sleep.

Niall smiled, “Thanks...you can go back to sleep now.” He said softly as he stood.

Liam just groaned again as he rolled over to his other side, moving closer to Zayn.

He moved around the boys on the floor and went to take a shower, but he needed a change of clothes first, so he quietly opened the door to his room, praying that if Sean was still asleep, he wouldn’t wake up.

He quietly walked into the room, closing the door behind him slowly.

“I’m awake.” He heard Sean say with a little chuckle. “I appreciate you wanting to be quiet for once though.”

Niall laughed, “I just came to grab some clothes so I can shower.” He said as he took off his shirt.

Sean who was awake and dressed, but just laying lazily on the bed, immediately took in Niall’s figure.

He sat up and let his eyes scan over his best friend’s almost naked frame. He noticed the bruises, some yellowing, some green, and some still a deep purple colour. He then noticed the bite mark that was still imprinted on Niall’s shoulder.

“What the actual fuck happened to you?” He asked in shock.

Niall turned to Sean and saw the look of horror on his face, and realized this was the first time since the kidnapping that Sean had seen him almost naked.

“What the fuck did those fucking pricks do to you?!” He said trying not to yell and keep his voice leveled as he stood up from the bed. “I’ll fucking murder them myself.” He muttered, mainly to himself but it was loud enough to hear.

“Just...chill. It looks worse than it feels, well than it feels now, I mean.” Niall quickly tried to explain. “Just sit down, okay? Just chill.”

Sean sat on the bed, his hands in a fist, he was seething.

Niall sat in front of him, “A lot of bad shit went down...we aren’t supposed to talk about it till after the trial to anyone expect our parents till after the trial is over. If we talk about this, you need to fucking vow to me that you won’t tell the other lads or anyone for that matter.” He warned.

Sean nodded, “I won’t.” He promised.

Niall nodded. He couldn't not tell him anything. This was his best friend. He wasn't sure he wanted to tell him everything though.

Deciding to just start with the beginning and move forward slowly he began, "They had me locked in a small closet. I hate tight spaces so I began to panic real quickly. By the time they let me out I was so worked up that I actually hugged the guy."

Sean nodded as he watched Niall's eyes begin to space out.

"I was put in a room with Liam. He was hanging from the ceiling at first then he fell. After that everything seemed to get a little better. He held me and tried to comfort me. It worked for a while. I started to not feel so scared. I mean, I was still scared but I wasn't.... Out of it ya know."

Sean softly replied, "I understand what you mean." He was glad Niall felt comfortable enough to tell him what happened.

"Then they put Zayn in with us. Zayn was real agitated. Soon after..." He trailed off and took a few deep breaths as he could see everything in his mind. "They came and took me away. One of our old security guards was in the room they took me to. He ended up beating the shit out of me."

"That's where the bruises came from?" Sean asked.

"Most of them." Niall nodded blinking a little, trying to shut off the images in his head.

"What about the bite mark?" Sean wanted to know.

Suddenly the images came flooding back stronger. "They made us do these test. If we passed we'd get hurt and if we failed someone else would get hurt. That's how I got beaten, Louis failed. The bite mark happened... It happened when I passed." Tears formed in Niall's eyes.

Suddenly he didn't even care that he was telling Sean all this. Part of him felt relief from telling Sean all this.

"Before... Before I passed that test, I was getting punished ‘cause someone else failed. One of the guys, his name was Mac, he uh, he was gonna rape me."

Sean tried to fight the gasp in his throat.

"I managed to cry out that I was straight and he stopped kinda..."

"Kinda?" Sean cut him off.

Niall's face flushed red but the embarrassment didn't stop him. He knew Sean would never judge him or laugh at him. He knew he could trust him so he kept talking as his tears started to fall.

"He started fingering me, he used some kinda object at some point until he finally put a plug in. He made me keep it in. It hurt so badly."

"Niall, I'm so sorry." Sean whispered.

"There's more, he- they gave me a test later and I passed. Mac punished me again. Andy made the other lads watch. So they brought them in and tied up everyone but Liam. Mac made Liam tie me up and undress me then he tied Liam up and took the plug out and he raped me while they all had to watch. At some point he bit me. That how it got there." He finished quietly.

Tears stung Sean's eyes now too. He could see so much hurt in his best friend now.

"He wanked me too; forced me to get off. It wasn't until he finished that the police showed up."

"So when it was too late?"

Niall nodded.

"Liam, they made him tie you up?" Sean asked. Louis hadn't mentioned that, of course Louis had refused to tell him about the rape.

"Yeah, he had been trying to comfort me the entire time so Mac told Liam he had to help since he enjoyed helping so much." Niall finally seemed to come out of his trance. He wiped his tears away and sniffled.

"You and Liam are so close. Is it cause he was there for you?" He made sure not to give away that he had previously spoken to Louis.

"Yeah, he's been there for me from the start." Niall nodded.

Sean sat quiet for a moment. He wanted to ask Niall something but didn't want to offend him.

"What is it?" Niall could see the questions in his friends eyes and asked about them as he wiped away more tears that seemed to fall.

Sean opened his mouth then closed it again, he wasn’t sure how to word it. They’ve known each other their entire lives, and been best friends from the start, they knew how to ask each other the difficult questions. This time it was different, Niall seemed so broken and what he had gone through was horrible, and Sean wanted to kill the pricks that had hurt his best friend but he was so unsure of how to ask what he wanted to ask without knowing if Niall would freak out on him. The last thing he wanted was to say or do something only to have it trigger something in Niall and him freak out.

“Just say if for Christ’s sakes!” Niall demanded. “I know you want to.” He offered a small smile.

Sean sighed, “Alright...please don’t freak out on me for asking this...or hate me, cause you know I love you right?”

Niall nodded, “Yeah, I know...I love you too, mate. What’s wrong?” He asked raising his eyebrows in concern.

“Okay, so you and Liam are a lot closer now...I can understand that. He was there for you, always comforting you and helping you stay sane and I’m forever grateful to him for that but…” Sean trailed off.

“But?” Niall prompted.

Sean took in a deep breath, “But...is there a possibility that...something’s changed? That your feelings are different for him now?” He tried to ask his question indirectly, hoping Niall would pick up on the hint.

Niall shrugged, “I do love him more than I did before all this happened. I feel...safer with him than I do the other boys, I mean, I feel safe with them yes...but it’s different with Liam, with Liam, I feel...that no one can get to me, I don’t have that uneasy feeling of someone’s out to get me at every turn. Body contact helps the most though...probably because he held me ninety ninety percent of the time we were in there.”

Sean pinched the bridge of his nose, he had more of an understanding of why Niall was more attached to Liam with that answer, but it didn’t answer his question.

“Okay, so I’m just going to say it bluntly...Don’t kill me for asking but could you...you know...have more than just friendship and brotherly love towards Liam now?” He asked nervously chewing the inside of his lip.

Niall shook his head, “Sean, I’m not gay or bi...you know that.”

Sean nodded, “Right...and it’s probably just how I see it but it seems like you love him differently now…”

Niall cut him off, “Well yeah...After what happened it kind of changed things a bit. I feel closer to all the boys now and more so Liam, the five of us...our bond is stronger than it was before.”

Meanwhile in the master bedroom, Liam had finally decided to get up, he managed to get back to sleep but it wasn’t long before Louis and Harry got up, which woke him up.

He nudged Zayn who was still asleep, “Fuck off.” Zayn said quietly, wanting to sleep.

“I’m getting up now...I just wanted you to know.” Liam said standing up.

“Great.” He mumbled rolling over to his other side.

Liam stepped over him and headed towards Sean’s room to see if Niall was there, he went to knock on the door when he noticed that the door hadn’t shut all the way. He was about to poke his head in when he heard Sean’s voice.

“But especially you and Liam right?” Sean asked.

“Yeah...wait, do you think I’m in love with Liam?” Niall asked his friend.

Sean nodded, “It seems that way to me...It could just be my point of view. I’m probably overthinking things, but you're so fucking attached to him, and when Zayn’s not around you two act like you're a couple, and not just close friends or at least that’s what it seems like to me.”

Niall went to fight Sean’s point when there was a light knock on the door and Liam walked in, “Sorry to interrupt, I just wanted to let you know that I was up. I told you I’d find you.”

Niall smiled, “Thanks.”

Liam smiled back, “I’m going to get a shower then some breakfast, okay?” He told Niall.

Niall nodded and was about to say something but noticed Sean looking back and forth between them so he just closed his mouth and nodded.

Liam left the room, closing the door tightly behind him.

While he showered he let his mind play over everything Sean had said. It kind of hit him hard. He couldn't help but wonder who else saw he and Niall in the couple way Sean did. If Zayn did it was no wonder he was so cross.

Liam loved Niall, sure. Did he love him in a romantic way... No. He loved Zayn romantically.

As he got out of the shower finally he was feeling bad. He was feeling more understanding of Zayn. He felt like he owed him an apology.

After getting dressed the first thing he decided he needed to do was find Zayn.

Zayn was still sleeping. Liam couldn't blame him. He almost felt bad for bothering him but he had to. He had to talk to him.

"Zayn?" He asked tapping his arm softly.

"Mmmmm, what damnit?" Zayn cursed. He just wanted to sleep.

"Please wake up. I'm sorry but I need to talk to you." Liam almost begged.

Inwardly Zayn rolled his eyes. Slowly he opened them though. "What is it?"

"Zayn, baby, I'm sorry."

Now Zayn was confused. "Why? What for?" He asked. Sleep still clouded his mind.

"I've been too touchy with Niall. I'm sorry. I was just trying to help him. I didn't realize it looked so bad."

Zayn didn't understand why Liam suddenly felt this way. He was sure of one thing however, "The second he needs you you'll do it again, Liam so don't bother saying sorry. It doesn't mean anything to me anymore."

"Zayn please, I really am sorry." Liam begged.

"Liam, why now? I've been telling you this for days now." Zayn woke up a little more.

Liam couldn't tell Zayn about what he had heard Sean say. It wasn't even an option.

"I'm not sure. I was just thinking about it in the shower. Please stop hating me. Please just believe me and love me again." Liam begged.

Zayn stayed quiet for a moment then said, "I'll think about it, that’s the best I can give you."

Liam nodded, "I do love you Zayn. I can't abandon Niall but I promise I'm gonna try to do better. I don't wanna hurt you anymore."

Zayn just nodded, "Can I sleep now?"

Liam swallowed hard and nodded. He then stood and left the room.

Downstairs, Sean, Niall, Louis, and Liam chatted while they are breakfast. Harry ate also but he stayed quiet, too trapped inside his own thoughts to talk.

After breakfast Zayn finally got up and ate then joined the group that had formed in the sitting room playing more games. Niall and Sean had agreed to spend every second playing and hanging out that they could before Paul arrived to take him back to airport.

Like they say, time flies when you're having fun, and it was all too true in Niall and Sean’s case, it seemed like only minutes had passed and not hours before Paul finally arrived to take Sean home.

When Liam went to unalarm the door, and Paul in, he made sure to mention about getting a stress ball or something to help the stiffness in Niall’s hands.

Paul promised he’d pick something up in the next couple days for Niall as the other boys and Niall and Sean made their way to the front of the house after Sean said his goodbyes to the other boys and thanked Louis for everything.

When they reached the front door, Liam left the room to give the two boys some privacy and Paul waited outside in the van.

Niall looked at Sean and gave him a small smile, “Thank you...for everything. This was the best weekend ever, make sure to tell the lads that I say Hi and I miss them?”

Sean nodded, “Of course, and thank you for opening up to me...That couldn’t have been easy and I understand you’ll have to do many more times but the fact that you trusted me enough to tell me everything...means a lot.”

Niall nodded, “Thank you for not freaking out at some of the stuff I told you...Honestly, it helped telling you, it helped having you around if only for a weekend.”

He fought the tears in his eyes as he grabbed Sean and pulled him into a long, tight hug and Sean hugged back just as tightly.

“Try not to get kidnapped while I’m gone, alright?” Sean half laughed, teasing his friend as Niall pulled back from the hug.

Niall laughed and shook his head.

“Too soon?” Sean asked opening the door.

Niall nodded, “Yeah, but it’s just you and your weird sense of humour.”

“As if yours isn’t any better.” Sean grinned.

“See ya, soon.” Niall said as Sean left the house.

“See ya!” Sean called back.

Niall sighed as he closed the door and went back to the other boys.

He sat down next to Louis this time and wrapped his arms around his neck, “Thank you, Lou. This was the best birthday weekend ever.”

“Even without the pints?” Louis teased using his free hand that wasn’t around Harry to slightly hug the Irish boy back.

Niall laughed, “Yes, even without the pints.” He said pulling back.

He sighed as he rested against the back on the sofa, smiling. It was one of the best weekends he’d had in a really long time.

For the rest of the evening, the boys sat around chatting, playing the playstation, and watching movies and shows on netflix.

It was actually Niall’s turn to start falling asleep on the sofa next to Louis and Louis shook him gently awake, “Hey, don’t fall asleep yet. Wait till we’re upstairs.”

Niall sat up as he groaned and cursed under his breath, he was tired, he wanted to sleep.

“I’m going to bed now, then…” He cut himself off by yawning. “Who’s coming with me?” He said standing up.

“I will. Sleeping on the floor is rough.” Zayn complained standing up.

“I’ll come up, as well.” Liam said as he stood up.

“Well, I guess it’s time for bed then.” Louis said as he stood up as Harry followed him.

Niall was the last one to make it to the bed, he had trouble opening his pill bottle, but he managed to get it open and not even spill it this time. He felt proud.

He walked into the room, and crawled into bed next to Zayn who was next to Harry who was cuddled up with Louis, fast asleep already.

Niall looked to the floor and saw Liam, “You still sleeping on the floor?” He asked.

Liam nodded, “Yeah, more comfortable.” He lied, only because he didn’t want to worry the poor boy.

Niall sighed as he laid down on the bed, his conversation with Sean had been replaying in his mind. He didn’t like guys, at least not in that way, and yes he loved Liam differently now, but that wasn’t romantic love, it couldn’t, it’s _Liam_. It took him awhile but he finally managed to fall asleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this isn't the chapter you've been waiting for exactly...and I'm sorry for that. :/ Hopefully things can pick up again soon.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guess who's back....Back again...Anna and J-Lynn...we're back again...tell a friend.
> 
> Okay so that was lame but we're back in action! We're writing more of this story and we're back into the swing of things.
> 
> Please remember that this story is still set in 2013, I think we're in September since Niall's about to or recently celebrating his birthday in the story. Either way, we'll be posting once a week again.
> 
> I'm so sorry that we took so long and far between updates. I honestly didn't wanna post to much of this story and go into the next story when we weren't really writing much of it. But we are now!
> 
> One more thing, the legal crap may be boring at times but we wanted/needed to show it. They're heading back out to tour soon. I promise and when they get to the tour, things will be more interesting!

The next morning came far too early. It was even earlier than the last few days had been.

Liam's cell had alerted him to Paul being downstairs. He knew it meant it was time to get ready for court so on the way downstairs he flipped on the bedroom light. It earned him a loud groan from his bandmates but he didn't care. It had to be done.

After letting Paul in he went up to wake the others and get dressed.

Know Louis was the lesser of the four evils, he chose to wake him up first. Grabbing his arm gently he shook him and said, "Louis, time to get up."

Louis groaned but slowly opened his eyes.

"Got to get ready for court. Paul said to dress extra nice."

Louis nodded, "Go get ready, I'll wake them all up."

Liam agreed and left. He took as quick a shower as he could and then dressed himself. Just as he put the finishing touches on his look he heard someone not far away shout, "Yes!"

Confused he left his room and looked up and down the hall seconds before a shirtless Niall came out of his room wearing dress pants.

"Li, I did it! I actually did it Li! All by myself too!" Niall looked overjoyed.

"That's so great! Way to go Niall!" Liam smiled as the younger boy threw his arms around him.

"What's all the commotion about?" Zayn asking coming out of his room dressed.

Niall didn't even care about Zayn's feelings at that moment. He let go of Liam and ran towards Zayn shouting, "I did it!"

"Did what?" Zayn was confused.

"I did my trousers all on my own! Look!" He yelled.

From behind him he heard Louis say, "Congratulations Nialler!"

"Yeah, that's really good." Zayn smiled. He hoped this would be a start for Niall to let go of Liam more.

"Finish getting ready now, Niall. We have to hurry." Liam said.

Niall nodded and went back into his room as Zayn and Louis disappeared. Liam stepped into his room to grab his cell phone and wallet then begun to head downstairs only to hear Niall again.

He stood in the hall and with a defeated voice said, "Liam, I need you."

Liam had no idea what Niall could need but he turned around nonetheless, "What is it?"

Niall stood wearing an unbuttoned dress shirt now, looking rather upset. "Can't do it." He almost mumbled.

Liam gave him a reassuring smile as he walked over to the lad, "I've got you."

Niall stood motionless as Liam buttoned the small plastic buttons on his shirt. When finished Niall thanked him.

"Anytime, you know that." Liam smiled and once again headed off.

After everyone finally finished and ate faster than they ever had Paul was rushing them out into the van.

The ride to the court was silent. All the boys felt nearly sick with fright and nerves.

"Lots of paps, lads. Inside quickly!" Paul yelled jumping out as the doors to the van were pulled open.

It was supposed to be a private entrance but the media had somehow still found them.

Louis went first as Liam followed behind him, holding onto his shoulders, Niall jumped out next following Liam’s lead and hung onto his shoulders tightly, Harry jumped out next and hung on tight to Niall as Zayn followed behind him. His fingers were digging into Harry’s shoulders a little harder than he meant to, but this was the worst part of the job. Harry, of course knew this and didn’t say anything about how much it really hurt.

Once inside, the boys noticed that the building was full of other well dressed people as they walked to their destination.

"Are your parents coming?" Liam asked Niall.

"No, I talked to them. They understand." He said.

"That's good, I guess." He replied.

They were all allowed to see their parents who had gathered near the courtroom briefly before they had to leave to go to a holding room.

They wished their sons good luck and reassured them that everything would be ok.

Waiting was the longest and the hardest part. The defense team had stepped in briefly to talk with them and remind them of a few things but mostly it was just silent waiting.

Their nerves had them far too upset to even talk. They simply all sat as close as they could to one another on the sofa, waiting.

Finally someone they had never seen before stepped into the room, "Liam Payne and makenzie friends." He said.

Liam had never felt so nauseated in his life. He looked to the others who stood with him and hugged him then he walked with the man with his friends close behind him.

They all almost felt like they could pass out as they stepped into the large, grand court room. The man explained to Liam to take the stand as he directed the others to sit quietly by a wall near him.

From their seats they could make out five figures behind a thin black curtain but couldn't see their faces. They knew who they were. It had all of them so upset that they joined hands. Zayn and Niall even grabbed ahold of each other as they sat listening to Liam tell everything that happened in the best detail he could.

The prosecution would break in occasionally asking simple things like, 'And who said that?' 'What happened next?' and 'Then what?'

Liam's poor voice was shaky and from the viewing area his parents cried.

Finally it was all over, he was allowed to step down. It was Louis who was called next.

Louis tried to be strong like Liam had been as he gave his account of everything but he broke and cried. The judge even stepped in, asking if he needed a break, as Louis told about Harry being taken away at gunpoint. Louis told him he wanted to keep going.

He had spoken in front of thousands of people and yet this time by far was the scariest.

"What happened after that Louis?" The prosecutor asked him.

"We were all warned to stay quiet. Adam said that if we talked he'd shoot Niall in the back of the head."

"What after that?" He asked.

"They chained us up and took us out to the room we were always tested in. They tied everyone except Liam up. Mac made Liam help strap Niall down to the table. He made Liam take Niall's jeans down then he tied Liam up with the rest of us."

"What happened next?" He encouraged again.

Louis had to close his eyes to keep himself together as he told about Mac raping Niall.

All of this was the first time Niall had heard from the others viewpoints what had happened to him. It was a little eye opening.

"What happened next?"

"We heard the police come in. It was all over."

The defense was allowed to step up next, just as they had done with Liam. They simply asked questioned that had Louis repeating himself.

Finally, he was allowed to step down.

The lads watched as Zayn took his turn next. He came off as the bravest of them all as told his story. The only time his voice wavered was when he was telling the courts how Mac had sexually assaulted him. He teared up a little but never actually cried. He didn't even ahead a tear as he told how Mac had called him a terrorist.

When the defense was finished with him he was also allowed to step down but before either of the last two could be called the Judge declared that trial was dismissed for the day and they would be back tomorrow morning.

The lads once again were allowed to briefly see their parents before having to leave. All the moms cried hugging their boys. All except for Anne. Harry wouldn't so much as look at anyone there from his family, not even Gemma. He just stood silently close to them looking at his feet as they spoke encouraging words to him.

The other parents made sure to show Niall some extra attention since his parents weren’t around, they understood it was his request but they still wanted to be there for him. After all, all the parents felt like when One Direction was formed, they gained four extra son’s.

Finally Paul called the boys away and they were allowed to leave the courthouse and return to what felt like the safety of Harry's large home.

They didn't even bother taking the time to change. They just trudged into the sitting room and curled into each other on the floor, all spaced out. Most near tears.

This was how Carrie and Michelle had found them when Paul let them in. It made for the first part of their group session to be about court and how it had gone. Discussing it seemed to help them all come back down to earth.

Harry and Louis sat on the sofa across from Michelle and Carrie while Liam, Zayn and Niall stayed sitting on the floor.

They quickly moved into how the week had been. They discussed Niall's party and how it had been almost therapeutic to have Sean around.

The conversation then switched to Niall as Carrie said, "Niall, are you ready to discuss what we talked about? Ready to tell them what you've been thinking?"

Niall took a deep breath, "Yes." He barely squeaked.

"Niall was telling me about how he's been battling with some of the things Andy told him. Niall, look at them and tell them what you told me. Be brave." Carrie tried to set up the conversation.

"I, I hear the things Andy said to me a lot, about me. Sometimes it gets better but sometimes, a lot of times I just hear him saying how unimportant I am. I sometimes... A lot of the time... I just believe him." Niall tried not to let his tears fall.

"Nialler..." Louis tried to jump in but Carrie hushed him back.

"Keep going, Niall."

"I... I've just been... I've been having thoughts on...on leaving." He paused the whispered. "Leaving One Direction.” Then added, “I know we just resigned with the label, but I can probably get out of it somehow..."

The boys sat quietly, in shock, Niall was in every way, One Direction’s biggest fan, he was probably the one that wanted this the most, not that any of them didn’t want their dream desperately, it was just different for Niall.

Zayn sat there fighting tears, he felt an overwhelming amount of guilt, maybe if he had been kinder to him, he wouldn’t have believed Andy.

Louis was the first one to speak up, “Nialler, you know we love you and-”

“I know you all love me but things are different now. It’s not enough anymore...You have Harry and Liam has Zayn...all of you are together and that leaves me behind, forgotten and unimportant.”

Zayn moved from sitting beside Liam to sit in front of Niall, “Please don’t leave, Nialler. There’s no One Direction without you. You go, we all go. I’m really sorry for being a prick to you lately. I’m sorry for everything. I can’t picture doing One Direction without you. Fuck, what Andy says or thinks, forget about him...Easier said than done, I know but...please. Just because we all sort of ended up with each other...we didn’t mean to leave you out. It’s always been Harry and Louis...then it was me and Liam, and you were left being on your own, and we never thought about how it might affect you, and we’re arses for that, we’re sorry we didn’t talk to you about how you were feeling always seeing the four of being couples and getting beards and a fake engagement. You can leave if that’s what you really want...if that’s what it’ll take to make you better, but this is your dream, this is our dream. You have a right to be selfish if it means getting better, but think about how it would affect our fans and not only them but us as a group, as friends...I don’t want you to leave and never see you again. I’ll be better towards you...I’ll be...just fuck, don’t fucking leave us.” He finished as he finally broke down sobbing.

Niall just sat there, tears running down his cheeks as Liam quickly went over to Zayn and held him as he cried. Louis quickly let go of Harry’s hand, causing Harry to groan in protest as he moved to sit next to Niall and wrapped an arm around the crying boy.

“Niall, Zayn’s right...One Direction wouldn’t be the same without you...Let’s finish the tour though first and see how you feel by then?” Louis suggested.

Liam nodded as Zayn hung onto him, by this point, he wasn’t just crying over Niall anymore. He was crying about having to relive all the horrible things that had happened to him, about having to tell a courtroom full of people about what happened to him and about how he came for a sick bastard.

“Please stay.” Harry whispered looking at his hands.

“What do you think about Louis’ suggestion, Niall?” Carrie asked as Niall finally stopped crying.

“I like it.” He said softly as he hung onto Louis.

“Thank you.” Louis said as he continued to hold him.

For the next few minutes, the room fell into a almost silence and the only things you could hear was Zayn’s sobs.

“I think this would be a good place to stop for today...and give you boys your assignments.” Michelle said breaking the silence.

The boys didn’t react.

“I agree.” Carrie nodded.

“This week, we want you boys to get out of the house, do something fun. The tour starts up next week and you should feel comfortable outside the house. Louis and Liam and Niall and Harry, I want you two to do something fun outside the house together. Zayn, we’ll talk about your individual assignment in our session later this week.” Michelle explained.

Carrie nodded, “Why don’t we have a ten minute break and then Niall, you can join me downstairs for your individual session.”

Louis nodded as Michelle and Carrie stood up and left the room.

Niall sighed, “Think if we ask nicely Paul will go buy some pints for us?” He asked the room.

Harry chuckled but didn’t say anything.

Louis smiled, “Maybe, I’d love one right about now.”

“Zayn?” Niall said breaking himself free of Louis and crawling over to him.

Zayn didn’t say anything, he just hung onto Liam tighter as he continued to sob.

“Let’s give him some time.” Louis said standing up and taking Harry’s hand as he stood with him. “Come on...We’ll walk you to the basement stairs.”

Niall nodded as he stood and Louis held out his hand for Niall who smiled and took it gladly.

Once Niall was situated downstairs his session began. Carrie began by asking how his medication was working. Niall was happy to report that the shakes were getting much better. He was thrilled that they were almost gone.

Next she asked how he felt about leaving the group. She wanted to know what if any impact the boys response upstairs had made. He explained that it just left him feeling more torn.

"I know they all love me but that's not the problem. I guess I just don't feel needed." He explained his thoughts more clearly.

"Even after hearing them say that you were?" Carrie asked.

Niall nodded, "I don't want to feel how I do. I go back and forth all the time. It's why I was so quick to agree to Louis' request."

Carrie simply nodded and changed the conversation to discuss Zayn and the relationship between them.

Niall explained that Zayn seemed so angry at him all the time. He said he Zayn often made him feel scared and uncomfortable. He added that Zayn's earlier comments helped but he wasn't holding out much hope, especially since Zayn has been so territorial over the one thing that seemed to make Niall feel safe.

Carrie asked Niall about his and Liam's relationship. She asked Niall to take the next week to try and really figure out why only Liam could make him feel safe. She understood his attachment to him but not why Niall couldn't trust anyone else. It struck Niall also. It was a good point. Niall should be able to trust other people, Louis, Paul, and pretty much everyone else he trusted before everything happened.

When Carrie finally let Niall go they agreed forcing him to go out without Liam would be good for him. They agreed it was time he start learning to trust other people.

Returning upstairs he found Zayn was no longer crying but he was sitting quietly with Liam.

"How'd it go?" Louis asked walking into the sitting room at the same time Niall did. Harry was silently close behind.

"Fine, I have to try to start trusting others." Niall told him.

“Great. Can you get Liam and Zayn for me please? I’d like to have a chat with you boys about something.” Paul said.

Niall nodded.

He walked back to the sitting room and saw Liam on the floor, his arms still around Zayn. Zayn had managed to stop crying, but he looked exhausted and was falling asleep.

“What is it, Nialler?” Liam asked softly.

“Paul wants to meet with us right now about something. He’s in the kitchen with Louis and Harry. He asked me to come get you two.” Niall explained.

Zayn groaned as he stood up and helped Liam up off the floor then the three boys headed to the kitchen together.

Once in there Paul smiled at the boys, “So you're going back on tour next week.”

The boys sat down but didn’t react, they didn’t feel very excited about the tour at this point.

“Right...so my question to you boys is there anything we need to change about the show? Do you need anything to help make you more comfortable?” He asked

“No floating stage...I know I didn’t have a problem with it before but...I can’t now.” Liam shook his head.

“I always hated heights anyway.” Zayn agreed nodding his head in agreement.

“I’m fine with that.” Louis smiled at Liam.

“Me too.” Niall added.

They looked to Harry who only nodded.

“Okay, that’s an easy fix. We’ll just have you walk around on the stage instead. Anything else?” Paul asked looking at the boys.

Niall bit his bottom lip as he looked up at Paul, “I know during meet and greets, we’re supposed to give hugs and stuff...but I’d rather not. I just don’t want to be touched by anyone.”

“Anyone other than Liam, you mean.” Zayn added.

“He makes me feel indubitably safe! I feel safe when I’m around you, lads of course...it’s just different with Liam.” He defended himself.

“Well, someone swallowed a dictionary.” Louis teased making Harry form a small smile at the joke.

Niall just smiled and shook his head.

“Got it, no floating stage, no fans touching Niall, is there anything else?” Paul asked.

Zayn nodded, “We all sleep in the same room, same bed…”

“You realize that all the hotel rooms are booked months in advanced? Just pick someone’s room and sleep there. They’re all massive anyways.” Paul said.

Louis nodded, “We can do that.”

“Is that it?” Paul asked.

Louis nodded again, “I believe so.”

“Alright and I know what you boys have been through is horrible which is why I want you to try singing together with each other again. Just to get back into the groove of things, before all of this, it wasn’t necessary but we all want you to sound your best and feel comfortable singing again, especially with each other. Niall, Zayn, I don’t know what’s going on with you two but when you're on stage with each other, you fake it, and your best friends again, understood?” Paul said firmly.

The two boys nodded quickly.

“Alright, I’ll be back later with something to help Niall’s hands with the stiffness.” Paul said getting up as Liam followed him to the door, he unalarm the door to let Paul out and then re alarmed it once the door was closed behind him.

Liam went back to the kitchen, “Think we should start practising now? It gives us something to do besides watching movies and TV...and playing the playstation.”

“Yeah, and the acoustics in this kitchen is fantastic.” Louis commented.

"Alright then, what should we sing?" Niall asked.

"I don't know." Liam shrugged.

Zayn however rolled his eyes and opened his mouth and began singing, “Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me. But bear this in mind It was meant to be and I'm joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks and it all makes sense to me…”

When Liam's part came he took over and sang his part strong. They all sang perfectly until it was time for Harry to sing alone.

He sang but his voice was a little softer than normal and whenever his voice blended with any of the other boys, they always ended up drowning him completely out.

His eyes closed tightly.

"Harry, what's wrong?" Louis asked worried.

Harry stopped singing and took a few deep breaths.

"Don't let him in your head like that. If you do then he wins. You don't want him to win do you?" Louis asked.

"No." He replied then made and kept eye contact with Louis as he sang his part perfectly.

They continued singing, running through their set list a capella.

They sounded amazing even they were surprised at how they could be so broken inside and yet sing so flawlessly.

It wasn't until they begun What Makes You Beautiful, the last song on their set list that Paul returned. Just outside the front door he could hear the boys singing, it was a wonderful sound.

When he heard the lads finish he finally rang the doorbell.

"I heard you lads just now. Very impressive." Paul smiled as Louis let him in then reset the alarm.

"Yeah, I think we surprised ourselves too." Louis nodded.

"We probably should start singing more often. Just to prepare us better." Zayn threw out as he moved to get a drink of water now.

"I couldn't agree with you more." Paul nodded as they all seemed to agree.

"Did you get it?" Niall quickly asked changing the question. He needed to get his fingers working properly again. He had to be able to play guitar.

“Yes, and I found this little book, it has different exercises you can do with your hands. Also, I got two different kinds of balls for you to use. I wasn’t sure which you had trouble with so I got them both for you. This yellow one is a Grip Strengthener, it can make it easier to open door knobs and hold things without dropping them. This blue ball-” Paul was cut off by the snickers of the boys in the room.

He gave them a look, “Seriously boys?” He asked.

“Sorry, Paul.” Liam mumbled as he tried not to laugh.

“As I was saying...the blue one...helps strengthen the muscles of your fingers and thumb. It can help you turn keys, open food packages, and use the gas pump more easily. Also, bought you some putty-” Paul tried to continue but was cut off by Niall.

“You got me putty?!” He laughed but he was a little excited too.

Paul sighed, “Yes, it’s a great way to increase the range of motion in your fingers and strengthen your hands at the same time.” He finally finished explaining as he handed Niall the bag of things.

“Thank you so much, Paul! This is perfect.” He almost giggled.

"If we're done singing for now, I'm starving." Zayn changed the topic as he felt his stomach growl.

"Well said." Louis practically cheered and jumped up to start looking for something to eat.

It wasn't long later that they had eaten, said goodbye to Paul and curled up in front of the telly.

Upon Louis' insistence Niall had sat next to him on the opposite side of Harry. This allowed Zayn and Liam to sit together on the sofa. Liam's arms wrapped around Zayn, happy he seemed to finally be letting him in a little.

By the time night fell Niall had managed to sit closer to Liam. He loved Louis but he felt better near Liam. If they were attacked again he was confident that Liam would defend him.

As Zayn began falling asleep Louis told them it was time for bed. They had another early morning for court anyhow.

Padding upstairs Zayn went into his room to change as Harry and Louis went in theirs. Niall however called out softly to Liam. He was careful to be quiet enough for Zayn not to hear.

"Li, I need you to help me."

"Of course, Nialler." Liam smiled and followed him into his room.

"You were really brave today when you were testifying." Niall said.

Liam nodded, "Thanks, think you can be strong as well? I imagine you and Harry will be called tomorrow."

Niall took a deep breath, "Gonna do my best. If I can't tell what happened then Mac may not go away. I can't risk that. My brain and I have discussed it." Niall tried to joke to ease the tension.

Liam shook his head a little with a grin, "Good for you. Now come here and let me help you."

Niall smirked a little and stepped forward as he untucked his shirt for Liam.

Starting at the top Liam began undoing one tiny button at a time until the last one was finished and the shirt fell open on his chest. Liam didn't stop however as his fingers tucked into Niall's trousers and undid the button on them as well.

"Li- Liam?" Niall whispered as the button popped open.

"Yeah, mate?" He questioned.

As Liam grabbed the zipper Niall whispered, "I can do that now."

Liam let go of the zipper and smiled up at Niall, "Yes, I suppose you can. I forgot. Sorry."

"S'ok." Niall sounded a little more breathy than even he could understand. "I don't mind."

Liam gave Niall a questioning look which caused him to quickly add, "cause I trust you, my, uh, big brother, ya know."

Liam said nothing he just nodded and left the room awkwardly silent.

"No wonder Sean thought what he did. I'm an idiot." Niall scolded himself before he finished changing.

While this was going on, Harry was standing at the sink having just taken his medicine, when Louis came and stood in the doorway.

"Hey, curly?" Louis questioned.

Harry turned around, "Yes?"

"I love you. I love you just as much today as I did last week and the week before, maybe even more now. Nothing is ever going to change that."

Harry nodded but asked, "Why? I'm dirty I cheated on you."

"Harry, you didn't cheat on me! He made you do those things! We both know that! You aren't dirty, not at all." Louis felt like crying.

Harry took a single step towards Louis who met him the rest of the way, "It feels like cheating, Louis. I had my mouth on him, I had him inside me. I- I came! I came as he had sex with me."

"Harry, think about what he would have done if you didn't listen. You wouldn't be here right now. I know it feels like cheating, that bastard made me come too but, I promise, it's not cheating. Never cheating." Louis gently pulled Harry into a hug.

"You amaze me. How you can forgive me and still love me after everything?" Harry asked.

Louis almost laughed to keep from crying, "There is nothing to forgive, darling."

Harry just looked into Louis eyes.

"...and nothing will ever make me love you any less." Louis added.

Harry swallowed and stood quiet for a moment.

"Do you still love me?" Louis asked softly.

"More than anything in the entire world, Louis." Harry's response was quick.

Louis smiled. It was a relief to hear. He didn't want to push his young lover but he had to hear it.

Just outside of the loo they could hear the others entering the room and settling in.

"Please let me cuddle you tonight. I promise not to kiss you."

Harry nodded, "I'd like that."

The two then went into the bedroom and climbed into bed, Louis tightly holding Harry from behind.

Niall snuggled into the pillow beneath him as Zayn adjusted the lights and climbed in behind hi, Liam already asleep on the floor.

They all fell asleep quickly, the day had been more than draining.

The next morning was a repeat of the last. Paul showing up early, rushing the lads to get ready. Liam helping Niall button up his dress shirt. Louis reassuring Harry that everything was going to be ok.

At the courthouse even more people seemed to have gathered. They almost couldn't hear themselves think as they rushed inside the building.

Once again Paul allowed them to stop and see their families. Today Zayn couldn't help but focus more on his sisters, far too embarrassed and ashamed to face his parents directly. Harry allowed Gemma to hug him but no one else.

"I love you." She told him quietly.

"So does Louis." He gave her a smile as he pulled away and left with other lads.

Back in the waiting room from yesterday, they all seemed more on edge then the day before.

Then finally the door opened and a man called, "Niall Horan and makenzie friends."

As Niall stood Liam quickly hugged him. Together they then left the room and went into the court.

Niall was sworn in and then began slowly telling his story.

He cried through almost the whole thing.

"Then what happened?"

"He said if I took it out he'd break Liam's face."

Niall then described how Mac had jerked him off and made him cum.

"Then what?" The prosecutor asked.

"He told me to turn around and to stick my bum out. Then he took another photo, commented on the plug being sparkly and made me get dressed."

He kept going until it was time to discuss the rape.

"...and then he bit my shoulder. He kept going, raping me, at some point even reaching down and jerking me off until finally he came."

Niall wiped his eyes as he was encouraged by the prosecutor to keep going.

"He pulled out of me but kept jerking me off until I came too. He tasted it and told me he always wondered what the Irish tasted like. He kept licking me and then finally stopped, pulled up my boxers and jeans and then the police stormed in."

The prosecutor thanked him and trend him over to the defense who tried to push that Niall enjoyed it. Niall began crying to hard at this that the judge had to step in and force the defense to step down.

Finally Niall was allowed to step out of the witness box as Harry was called to testify.

Harry testifying was the worst yet. He kept having to be asked to speak louder and to repeat his response more clearly.

It broke Louis apart. Leaving Zayn to have to silently comfort him as Harry relived being raped.

The defense struck hard to talking about that moment when it was their turn.

“Why did you go with him, Harry?” He asked him.

“He had a gun, I didn’t want to die...or have my friends get hurt or worse.” Harry replied.

"Did he tell you to touch yourself, Harry?" He asked.

"No."

"Did he tell you to make yourself ejaculate?" He asked.

"No!" Harry cried.

"And yet you did? You did touch yourself and you did ejaculate By your own account you ejaculated before he did. Is that correct?"

"Y- yes."

"Why would you do that if he was raping you?"

That’s a stupid question. He thought before he replied, "He told me we weren't going to stop until we both came. I wanted everything to stop. I-I couldn’t help it though, it just happened.”  It’s a natural thing that happens to your body. I’d been thinking of Louis the entire time! He had a gun on me and told me he was raping me...doesn’t that count for something?! Harry screamed in his mind.

Finally Harry was allowed to step down, tears ran down his face like rivers. He felt so embarrassed and hurt.

The boys were allowed to leave the room and Harry instantly fell into Louis' arms crying hysterically.

He seemed to cry the rest of the time they were forced to wait. Louis was only able to calm him down once Zayn and Liam were done comforting Niall enough for the three of them to help with Harry.

"Court has been called for the day. You'll return tomorrow." They were told.

Paul was allowed to enter the room with them. "Boys, I understand you're all extremely broken right now but I have a request."

They all looked to him.

"The girls responsible for helping the police find you all are here. It was their turn to testify today. I want you all to meet with them and thank them. ”

All the boys nodded, “Yeah, please, send them in.” Louis said.

Paul felt horrible for saying this but management would never let him hear the end of it if he didn’t say it, “I’m really sorry for having to say this and to make you do this after such a tough day but management would have my ass if I didn’t…”

“Separate the boyfriends, just us or Liam and Zayn too?” Louis asked cutting Paul off.

“Both of you...They think it’d be best, they feel in an emotional time like this, if the couples are seen together, more people might think it’s more than just friendship between you’s.” He explained.

Louis nodded as he quickly wiped a tear away, “Alright…” He said his eyes looking over at Zayn, who met his gaze and the boys switched places.

Harry let out a low groan at the loss of contact with Louis, he had always hated it but he could always handle it, he wasn’t so sure right now.

Paul sighed, he hated hurting the boys but he had a job to do first. He left the room to fetch the girls.

Zayn quickly wrapped his fingers around Harry’s, “It’ll just be a quick hello and thank you...then you get Louis back.” He said softly.

Harry nodded as he tried to blink away his tears, having Zayn hold his fingers, helped a little and it gave him a little strength.

A couple seconds later, the girls walked in with tears in their eyes, which actually had become a normal sight for the boys whenever they met fans, even though they still felt bad a little whenever they saw the fans with tears or crying.

“Hi.” The taller of the two girls came in.

“Hi.” Liam forced a bright smile.

“Can we have a hu-hug?” The short one asked.

“Of course! You helped the police find us…” Louis said forcing a smile. He really didn’t want to be sociable, not if he couldn’t be beside Harry.

When the taller girl walked over towards Niall for a hug while Paul who was on the phone and not watching too closely, he backed away and ended up backing into Zayn and only managed to mumble a sorry.

Zayn wanted to make a rude comment but he said he’d be kinder and not as mean, so he bit his tongue.

“It’s not that he doesn’t want to hug you...He does, but he just has this thing with being touched right now. He won’t let anyone or even any of us touch him either.” Liam quickly explained.

“Anyone expect you.” Zayn mumbled under his breath earning a smack in the back of the head from Louis.

“Ignore Zayn. He’s grumpy today, it happens with him if you wake him up too early. Like a child when they’re awake for too long or woke up too early, they get grumpy.” Louis explained.

“You’re seriously comparing me to a child?” Zayn asked half shocked.

“A little…” Louis smirked.

“You do get grumpy if your up too early.” Niall smiled causing the girls to giggle at little.

“I don’t think we ever heard though about how you found us.” Liam said changing the subject because if they kept going it was only going to lead to trouble.

“Well, we follow Andy’s twitter. He’s talked about his cousin before, and posted a picture or two of him before on it. When we heard that he was missing and that you guys were missing, the fans kind of put the two together not that the police would listen to the ramblings of a teenage fangirl. Anyways, we had skipped school that day and we saw his cousin at a store, so we figured well he’d probably know where Andy was or was probably with him, we were curious to see if the theory was right so we followed him.” The taller girl explained.

“When he got there, we waited till he went inside and when the doors opened we heard screams and lots of different voices. The building is condemned so we called the police, we left the fact that we thought it was you out of the story on the phone call, just to make sure that they’d come. When they got there, they inspected the building and I guess they found out that the men had hostages so they called for backup when they busted inside, they found you guys I guess.” The shorter one explained.

“We more than appreciate it." Harry softly nodded.

"More than words could ever say." Liam quickly added with a smile.

"I really hate to have to cut this short ladies but we have some other things to take care of." Paul said.

"Group hug." Louis said knowing Harry and Niall wouldn't want to touch the girls.

Zayn, Liam and Louis stepped in first and hugged the girls allowing Harry and Niall to stay on the outside and only touch the other three lads.

"Please stay strong." The shorter girl told them.

"We will, fans like you help." Zayn assured them both.

Paul then helped the girls leave before escorting the five lads out of the building. They were only able to wave to their families this time as they were now running behind for Louis' therapy session.

Michelle was waiting when they got back to the house. She and Louis went straight into the basement while Harry curled up on the sofa in the sitting room. Zayn headed to the kitchen and Liam began to follow but Niall stopped him, "Liam, I want out of these clothes. Can you help me?"

"Yeah, is here ok or do you wanna go upstairs?" He asked.

"Uh, here's fine. I just need my shirt unbuttoned."

Liam reached forward and unbuttoned each one before looking to Niall with a smile. "There you are."

"Thanks." He smiled and went upstairs.

Down in the basement Michelle had asked Louis how he was feeling and now they were talking about his assignment from last week.

"It's just upstairs. I can go grab it." Louis began to stand but she stopped him.

"It's alright, I don't need to see it. Just tell me what the outcome was. How did you do on making both list the same length?" She asked jotting down a few things on her pad of paper.

"I tried really hard but, one list came out longer." He paused, "I could think of more reasons this wasn't my fault."

"That's great Louis! That's just what I wanted! Do you feel any better seeing that?" She smiled.

Louis swallowed, "I don't know. I mean, I’m starting to try hard to believe that being kidnapped wasn't my fault but, there is so much I still feel guilty about. Especially when I see all my brothers so hurt."

Instantly she asked, "What about when you see Harry hurt? He's not really your brother."

Louis nodded, she was rather smart. "Seeing Harry is the worst. I feel so bad. I do feel like that is all my fault. You know, him being as broken as he is."

"Why exactly do you feel like that?" She wanted to know.

"He was abused so badly and I just sat there. I could have tried so much harder to protect him and didn't."

"Louis, you said yourself there was repercussions to you lads not following orders. You could have gotten Harry killed if you went against those men. Have you considered that?" She asked. It was obvious Louis was having a hard time dealing with blaming himself. It was probably his biggest problem.

"I'm sure there is something I could have done." Louis shook his head.

"They choked him when you refused to change him. Do you really think they wouldn't have killed him or yourself had you tried anything worse?" She was trying hard to help him see the error in his thinking.

Louis shook his head, “That prick was in love with him...He wouldn’t have let it happened.”

It was after that point Louis seemed to get quiet. She kept trying to push him to open up but it only made him clam up further.

"Louis, I can't help you if you won't talk to me."

"Maybe I don't want any help today. I had to sit and hold my crying boyfriend for what I'm sure was hours. I had to listen to him and my little brother tell an entire court about the worst moment of their lives. Excuse me if I'm hurting and just want a break from talking about all this bullshit." Louis stood and moved away from her as he talked.

She quietly nodded and wrote down a few things. She then looked to him, "Where it the anger coming from? It's the first I've seen you angry."

Louis shook his head with a clenched jaw then replied, "I'm angry cause none of this shoul have ever happened and yet it did and I can't change a damn thing about it, any of it. I hate this! I hate all of this. I just want us all to be fine and to be normal again." He began crying now.

She nodded, "Let it all go Louis, crying is good. You need to let it out."

She allowed him to move and sit down and cry for a while. He did finally look up at her as he wiped away his tears and said, "I'm sorry. I wasn't trying to be a dick."

"You’re alright. This is part of the healing process. You're right on track." She gave him a reassuring smile.

"Can we just be done for today? Please?" He almost begged.

"Yes. I believe you've done enough for today. Take it easy today because tomorrow I want you able to talk in therapy with Harry. He needs you to be strong for him." She kept her voice calm and gentle.

"Yes, I promise."

She then let him leave. The first thing he did was go and find Harry. Once he found him, he wrapped his arms around him. Holding Harry, caring for him, being there for him, it all made him feel better.

At some point Zayn made his way up to his room, he enjoyed the quiet time, reading his book, texting some friends and family. It was a nice change. Being alone allowed him to just clear his head and to de-stress.

Niall spent a little time working on the stiffness in his fingers and hands before finding his way downstairs to play FIFA with Liam.

At dinner they discussed their plans to complete their assignments and made arrangements with Paul. Liam and Louis had agreed to go see a movie. Niall had suggested golf for him and Harry, it was their thing but when he turned down the idea Louis was able to help Niall convince him to go mini golfing instead.

Liam had turned to Zayn, worried he'd be upset about staying alone. While Zayn seemed thrilled that Liam was concerned, he assured him he was fine staying home.

After dinner Paul made a few phone calls and told the boys they could go out Thursday. He then left for the evening and the five lads sang while cleaning up and preparing to watch yet another movie.

Harry and Louis curled up together. Zayn sat on one side of Liam holding his hand and Niall sat on the other side of Liam until he fell asleep.

When the movie was over Louis instructed Liam to wake up Niall as the rest of them headed up to prepare for bed.

Liam reached up a hand and stroked his fingers through Niall’s hair, “Hey, Nialler...it’s time for bed.” He said softly as he continued to play with Niall’s hair. It seemed to be the thing that woke him up most of the time.

Niall groaned as he opened his eyes, “I’m too lazy to walk upstairs...Can’t I like...sleep down here tonight?” He asked yawning.

Liam chuckled, “You know you can’t sleep down here…C’mon.” He said standing up and pulling Niall up with him.

They reached the top of the stairs a few minutes later, Niall was being really slow, he felt emotionally exhausted.

Zayn came out of his room as the two boys reached the top of the stairs, “You're just getting up here? It’s not that far.” He sounded surprised.

“Mmm...me tired.” Niall mumbled as he scratched an itch on his stomach under his shirt.

“He was being really slow...He’s really tired.” Liam explained as Niall walked into his room.

Zayn nodded as he gave Liam a small smile and turned his head towards Niall’s semi closed door, “Hey! Don’t fall asleep in there, we can’t sleep without ya.” He said.

Niall poked his head out of the door, “If I fall asleep in here then drag me to the bed, kay?” He smirked.

“Fuck, no...I’m not that strong.” Zayn shook his head.

“Liam can do it then.” Niall said simply before heading back into his room.

“Right...well, I don’t know about you but I have to take a wee, did you need the loo?” Zayn asked Liam.

Liam shook his head, “I’m fine. I’ll brush my teeth after your done, Niall needs his medication though.”

Zayn nodded as he walked into the small room and reappeared with Niall’s medication bottle, “Here, in case I’m not finished when he comes out of his room, don’t need him falling asleep standing up.”

Liam took the bottle and gave his thanks.

Soon after, Niall appeared in the hallway in just his boxers, “Is Zayn in there?” He asked as he let out another yawn.

“Here’s your medication, since Zayn needed the toilet, he wanted to make sure you got your medication before you fell asleep.” Liam said

Niall nodded as he walked back into his room to grab an old glass of water, old water was better than nothing to wash it down with and he didn’t feel like going downstairs to get a new glass.

Liam opened the bottle and handed Niall one of his pills, “Here.” He smiled.

Niall smiled a little, “Thanks, I can open bottles now too you know…” He said then threw his head back as he took the pill and drowned down the water.

“Oh yeah...You’ve been doing that since the weekend, I forgot. I’m sorry...I’m just…” He cut himself off when he heard Zayn come out.

“It’s fine, really.” Niall said as he finished off the water and put the glass in his room.

When he came out, Liam was still standing in the hallway, “You good?” Liam asked him, it felt odd not to be helping Niall. It had become apart of a new routine for him and not that he wasn’t happy for his friend, he was, he really was but he just got so used to helping him all the time.

Niall nodded and yawned, “I’m good, Liam. I promise. Let’s go to bed.” He said as he walked towards the master bedroom and Liam followed, the big lights were already off.

Niall threw Liam a pillow as he crawled into bed beside Zayn.

Liam threw the pillow on the floor as he laid down.

“What took you two so damn long?” Harry asked softly.

“Mmm..my fault...I’m slow tonight...Sorry…” Niall said slowly as he made himself comfortable near the edge of the bed, near Liam.

Zayn who had been laying down, suddenly sat up, the suddenness freaked everyone in the bed out.

“Zayn, you okay, mate?” Louis asked worried as Harry hung on tight to the smaller body, he was cuddled into.

“Yeah, sorry...I just realized something.” He said as he laid back down.

“Care to share?” Niall asked rolling over to face Zayn.

Zayn looked at him, “Ever since we got back...I haven't had a fag, I haven’t felt the need to. I’m going to try and keep it that way.” He smiled a little.

“That’s great, Zayn.” Niall smiled.

“Yeah, good for you.” Louis said

“I’m really proud of you.” Liam said from the floor.

Zayn grinned, “Thanks boys.”

“Zayn?” Niall asked.

“Yeah, Nialler?” Zayn said.

“Can we sleep now?” Niall asked.

Zayn laughed, “Sure. Sorry to freak you guys out…”

No one said anything, instead they all quickly fell asleep.

Niall rolled back over towards Liam and let his arm fall off the side as his fingers reached towards Liam, he looked lonely on the floor and Niall just wanted him to feel a little less lonely by himself on the floor.

Liam smiled softly, even though Niall now had his eyes closed, he took Niall’s fingers in his and it didn’t take as long as he thought it would to fall asleep.

Once again the next morning was filled with the five lads being rushed by Paul to get ready. They had been warned that today would be nothing more than sitting, for them at least, as officers, doctors and the brothers, Adam and Macrae testified.

Entering the courthouse was no different than the previous days. The boys stopped by their families who told them how brave and strong they were being. Karen told Niall that his parents wanted him to call and he promised he would before Paul made them continue walking.

Once in their private waiting room they sat and waited, and waited and waited some more. A few of them played on their phones while others, like Louis and Harry just cuddled. At some point Harry even told Louis that he needed this, hours of just being cuddled. It made Louis feel better, like at least he was doing something to help his lover.

After court they were rushed home where their therapist waited.

Louis asked Carrie if they could sit outside today. He hoped the sunshine would help cheer up Harry. This meant Liam had to go downstairs wrh Michelle.

Zayn and Niall had gone into the kitchen to eat. They had stayed mostly silent until Niall said, "I wanna try to play me guitar but I'm worried if I can't I'll get upset. I don't wanna break that one also. It's my favorite."

Zayn assumed he was mostly talking to himself out loud but he chose to respond anyway. With the others not around he found it easier somehow to be kind and said, "Why don't you bring it down here. If you get mad I'll take it from you so you can't break it. If you want."

Niall nodded, "That'd be great." He then left before Zayn could say another word.

Downstairs Michelle was just asking Liam about how he had been sleeping.

"I haven't taken the medicine if that's what you mean. I've just been sleeping on the floor." Liam admitted.

"Have you tried laying in a bed at all, even just to nap?" She asked.

"No, I don't wanna have a nightmare and scare the others. They've been scared enough."

She paused looking at him. "Let's try something." She finally said.

"Okay..." He looked hesitant.

"Stand up." She began and he listened. "Feel alright? Not scared?"

He looked at her like she was crazy and said, "I'm fine."

"Good, now stand up on the sofa there." She nodded towards him.

He didn't understand but he climbed up anyway.

"How do you feel now?" She asked curious.

"Stupid." He replied, eyes locked on the ceiling.

"Look down at me and tell me how you feel." She softly instructed.

Slowly Liam tipped his head downward. Suddenly he didn't feel as good as he once had. "This isn't, isn't as good."

"Liam, you're less than two feet off the ground." She reminded. "What are you afraid of? What's the worst that could happen?"

"I fall, break my neck, never sing again." He was starting to nervously ramble.

"Liam, your two feet off the ground." She pushed again. "You wouldn't break your neck if you feel from there."

"I'm not so sure but, alright." He said.

"Now jump." She replied very simply.

"Jump?" He questioned. "I'm not four."

"Liam, just jump." Her voice was instructive yet somehow gentle.

He swallowed hard, he didn't want to do this. Not only did he feel like an idiot but he worried, what if he twisted his ankle?

"Go on."

Finally he hopped off the sofa and closed his eyes tight as he landed.

"What happened?" She asked instantly.

"N- nothing. His eyes were still closed.

"Exactly, now do it again." She nodded sitting back in her chair.

He looked at her like she was nuts, "Why?"

"You're insistent on getting over your fears the hard way, this is the hard way Liam. Now, jump again."

Upstairs, out on the back patio Harry sat near Louis across from Carrie. She was very sweet but Harry still didn't feel like opening up to her. She was a stranger after all.

They had been discussing how the two had spent every second they could together.

"So then, how do you both feel about the assignment? It requires you to not only go out of the house, but to go out without each other." Carrie asked.

"I hate it. I love Niall but I don't wanna be without Louis. He keeps me sane." Harry admitted even though he didn't want to.

Carrie looked to Louis for a response.

"I don't wanna be without Harry, especially since he needs me, but I know it's for the best." Louis told her.

"I agree, I think it will be good to get you two apart for a while. Help you both learn to trust others as well as see that you'll get to come back together, the separation isn't permanent." She explained what she was thinking.

"I understand, I don't like it though." Louis replied.

"Well, I just want you both to give it a try. Perhaps when you come back together you can spend a little time alone to make up for it."

Louis knew what she was getting at, he wasn't a fool. He knew it wouldn't happen however, Harry wouldn't allow it. "That won't happen, we'll end up on the sofa cuddling... Like always now a days."

"What do you mean?" She asked suddenly confused.

"We haven't even kissed since we've been safe. The most he let's me do is give him a cuddle." Louis said.

"Not ready, still hear him too much, see him too much." Harry spoke softly as he stared at his hands.

"So you both haven't been intimate at all then?" She asked, she never expected that. She understood not having sex, not kissing was out of the ordinary however.

"I don't think anyone in the house has been intimate." Harry mumbled.

"Interesting." She took down a few notes and then quickly asked, "Harry, obviously you don't have a desire right now to move forward in that area. What about you though Louis?"

"Every time I hold him in my arms I wanna kiss him. I wanna touch him like I used to. I wanna take away his memories of what happened. I wanna show him he doesn't have to be afraid, not of me." He opened up.

"Harry, how do you respond to that?" Carrie asked.

"All I can say is I'm sorry. I don't wanna hurt him, he's been so understanding but, I'm just, I'm too afraid. I'm sorry Louis." Harry still would to look away from his hands.

"It's alright Curly." Louis encouraged. He'd never want Harry to do anything that worried him.

The three then changed the topic entirely to discuss if they had any anger towards each other. Carrie explained they couldn't be intimate if anything was blocking their connection. She said she felt like that would be the first step to take, clearing any road blocks.

After establishing there were none she closed their session for today, asking that they really try hard to work through the separating. They agreed and she left with Michelle who had already finished with Liam.

Niall walked back into the kitchen with his guitar in his hand, he sat on the stool beside Zayn with the guitar strap over his shoulder and propped up on his knee.

Zayn could sense Niall was nervous, “Don’t be nervous, don’t overthink it. Just do what you always do.” He encouraged him.

Niall nodded as he started to play a few cords, Zayn recognized the tune but couldn’t think of what the song was until Niall started singing as he continued to play, “For a while we pretended that we never had to end it. But we knew we had to say goodbye.”

Zayn grinned, “Of course you’d pick a Five Seconds Of Summer song…”

“You were crying at the airport when they finally closed the plane door, I could barely hold it all inside.” Niall continued to sing as the other three boys walked into the room.

Zayn then joined him for the chorus of the song, “Torn in two and I know I shouldn't tell you But I just can't stop thinking of you wherever you are you wherever you are. Every night I almost call you Just to say it always will be you wherever you are.”

It was Liam’s turn to join the two boys for the next verse, “I could fly a thousand oceans but there's nothing that compares to what we had so I walk alone.”

Zayn and Niall looked over at the sound of Liam’s voice as Louis joined them for the next verse, “I wish I didn’t have to be gone maybe you’ve already moved on but the truth is I don’t want to know.”

Harry joined in for the repeat of the chorus and then Niall sang the verse after that alone, “You can say we'll be together someday nothing lasts forever nothing stays the same so why can't I stop feeling this way.”

The boys then finished the rest of the song singing together perfectly as Niall’s fingers worked on the guitar perfectly.

“I DID IT!!!!” Niall yelled happily, causing the others to jump a bit as the sound echoed in the kitchen.

“I’m so proud of you.” Liam smiled at the blonde boy.

“Me too, all of us are.” Louis grinned.

“Yeah, I just hope I can play the faster songs soon. I need to be able to play Teenage Dirtbag and Best Song Ever too.” Niall told them.

Liam nodded, “Just remember though, don’t do too much at once.”

“I know, I promised, didn’t I?” He smiled at Liam.

“Why don’t we practice the setlist for the tour with the guitar? That way Niall can practice both the singing and his guitar playing. If the faster ones become too hard for you, then you don’t have to play for those songs.” Louis suggested.

“I like that.” Niall smiled.

“Me too. Wanna start at the beginning of the setlist then?” Zayn asked

“Sounds good to me.” Liam agreed and Louis nodded.

After the boys ran through the songs, Niall was able to play most of the songs even most the faster songs except for the ones he played live.

Niall sighed as his hand tightened around his guitar and Zayn quickly took it from him.

“Thanks.” Niall said looking at Zayn.

“No problem, don’t need you breaking anything else.” Zayn half teased.

“That’s true...I’m going to go call my parents. I’ll be back down later.” Niall said as he left the room.

“I’m not hungry...I just wanna nap.” Harry mumbled.

“Want me to come with you?” Louis asked.

Harry nodded as he and Louis left to go to their room.

“So how was therapy?” Zayn asked Liam now that they were alone.

"She kept making me jump off the sofa." He practically mumbled.

"Excuse me?" Zayn quickly asked with a stunned look.

"She kept making me jump off the sofa, over and over, helping me with the height and fear of falling thing." He explained.

"Let me guess, in an effort to help you sleep in bed again?" He asked as he sat Niall’s guitar on the island counter.

"Exactly, she told me she wants me to start sleeping in the bed again; said I've been on the floor plenty now. She also wants me to tell everyone the truth as to why I've been on the floor." Liam told him, taking a deep breath as he finished.

"Are you going to?" Zayn asked moving to stand closer by Liam.

"No, I'm not ready." He response was quick and yet only half true. He wasn't about to tell Zayn that he was worried about not being strong for all of them.

"She's gonna be upset." He warned placing a hand on his shoulder gently.

"Let her be, I'm not ready. Jumping off the sofa a few times isn't going to change that." He sounded agitated.

"This damn court shit has us all on edge." Zayn shook his head. "Harry's gotten quieter, Louis too."

"Niall is doing better though." Liam shrugged.

"You'd know wouldn't you?" Zayn began to pull his hand away, angry.

Liam grabbed onto his wrist and begged, "Please Zayn, don't do this."

Zayn just took a deep breath and as calmly as he could muster said, "Don't tell me what to do."

"Baby, I'm not telling you, I'm asking you. I've been trying so hard to do better. You have to believe me." Liam still had ahold of his wrist.

Zayn closed his eyes for a moment, in the back of his head he could hear Louis scolding him. "I'm sorry. You're right." He nodded.

For a moment the two stood silent until finally Zayn adjusted his hand to be holding Liam's. Their eyes met but still they were silent.

Finally after what felt like hours, Liam whispered, "I miss you Zayn. I miss us."

Zayn nodded and whispered back, "I know Li, I'm sorry." He pulled Liam from sitting to standing and wrapped his arms around him.

They stood comfortable in each others arms until Liam looked into Zayn's eyes. Then, slowly their lips moved closer and closer until they touched softly.

Liam's heart fluttered. His boyfriend was finally kissing him again.

Their lips stayed connected, tongues staying in place, and stayed their for a good sixty seconds until they heard feet behind them.

Zayn pulled away first and smiled at Liam who was more than happy to return it with one of his own.

"Sorry." They heard Niall's voice.

As both boys pulled out of their embrace they saw Niall walking away.

Zayn, finally in a little better mood called out, "Don't leave, you're alright."

Niall stopped and turned around slowly, "I haven't seen you guys hugging since... I didn't wanna... Interrupt."

"You're alright mate." Zayn repeated.

"You two up for some video games?" Liam stood.

Niall nodded with a smile and Zayn agreed.

As the three played Niall told them about his phone calls with his mum and his dad, both boys expressed about how they were proud of him for doing so. They knew he was still struggling to feel comfortable talking to them.

After a while Niall mentioned he was hungry even though he just had a snack less than a hour ago.

“Didn’t you just eat something not too long ago?” Zayn asked.

“Yeah, but I want dinner now, not snacks.” Niall complained, not taking his eyes off the telly screen.

Liam chuckled, “I’ll make something, either of you wanna help?” He asked standing up.

Zayn shook his head and looked at Niall who didn’t even say anything, just kept playing.

“I’ll take that as a no then.” He said walking into the kitchen, he saw Niall’s guitar on the counter. He picked it up and walked back into the sitting room.

“Niall, did you want me to take your guitar back to your room?” Liam asked.

“Thanks! But nah, just leave it in here.” Niall replied, still looking at the screen.

Zayn outstretched his arm to take it for Niall, “Here, I’ll hold onto it for now.”

“Thanks, Zayn.” Niall said smiling.

After awhile, the food was ready and ready to be served. Liam walked by into the sitting room and smiled when he heard Niall and Zayn singing Story Of My Life, which would be released as their next single around the same time they left Australia. Niall was playing it on his guitar perfectly too.

“Dinner is ready.” Liam announced after the boys finished the song. “Niall, could you go get Louis and Harry, please?” Liam asked.

Niall nodded as he stood and sat his guitar on the floor.

He rushed upstairs and quietly walked into the master bedroom where Harry was asleep in Louis’ arms, “Hey.” Niall said softly.

Louis smiled, “Hey Nialler. What’s up?”

“Dinner is ready.” Niall whispered.

Louis nodded as he softly played with Harry’s curls and shook him gently, “Harry...Time to wake up. Dinners ready.”

Harry groaned as he woke up, “I’m not really hungry. Just eat without me.”

“Can you at least try to eat a little something, please?” Louis asked.

Harry nodded and sat up.

The three boys then travelled downstairs and met Zayn and Liam in the dining room.

The boys chatted as they ate, everyone had something to talk about or say expect Harry who took a couple bites and sat picking at his food.

After dinner, Zayn and Liam cleaned up, Niall went into the sitting room to practice more on his guitar.

Louis looked at Harry, “I’m going to give my mum a quick call. I won’t be long. I promise.” He gave Harry’s hands a tight squeeze and left the room.

Harry sighed as he wandered into the sitting room.

“Harry! You wanna sing with me? I’ll let you pick the song.” Niall smiled.

Harry nodded as he sat beside Niall, singing did seem to help him, “What about Ed’s song, Homeless? You know it?” He asked.

Niall knew he meant if he knew it on guitar, “Yeah, I do. Is that what you wanna sing?”

Harry nodded, “It’s one of my favourites, kind of describes us you know? It’s not a homeless life for me, it’s just I’m home less than I’d like to be. It’s perfect.”

Niall nodded, “I agree.”

Upstairs Louis smiled as his mum's voice came on the line.

"How are you lads holding up?" She had quickly asked.

"I'm not entirely sure. I mean, zayn and Liam seem about the same, Niall is better but... Harry, I'm worried about." He was honest.

"What's got you so worried?" She asked.

"He's becoming more distant, he it's eating much either. He just, he isn't my Harry." Louis shook his head.

"He'll come around Darling. That what the therapy and medicine are for." She tried to encourage.

He nodded although she couldn't see and swiftly changed the subject. "How is court looking for your viewpoint? Andy and his men gave testimony today right?"

"Yes, the defense really tried to make it seem as though you boys wanted everythi-"

"What!?" Louis shouted cutting her off. "They are lying! None of its true!"

"I know Louis, I know. I don't think the jury will believe them. You lads all came acrossed so fearful on the stand. They'd be idiots not to see the truth." She wanted to calm him.

"Yeah, I hope you're right. I want to see them all rot in hell!"

"I'm sure all of us do."

The pair continued talking for another few minutes until they finally hung up. As he travels back down stairs to his waiting lover he heard them all sing as well as Niall doing his best to keep up on guitar.

He smiled as he entered the room. Harry seemed at his happiest when singing. It made him happy to see Harry happy, even if it was a short lived happiness.

"I think we'll all end up being alright for tour. We still sound great." Louis said as they finished.

"Yeah, those damn pricks can't take our voices away at least." Niall's accent was extra strong as he spoke.

"One of few things." Harry mumbled.

"Don't be so down Harry." Zayn tried to encourage.

Harry just mumbled before going to Louis, taking his hand and pulling him into the sitting room.

"Are you mad at me?" Harry asked.

"No, why would even ask that?" Louis questioned.

"Cause I won't let you kiss me yet, cause I'm not ready and you are." He explained softly looking down.

Louis used a single finger to lift Harry's chin, "It's fine Curly. I'm not mad. I understand."

"Thanks, can we cuddle now?" Harry's eyes seemed to silently beg, earning him a simple nod from Louis.

Meanwhile in the kitchen, Liam was finishing up the dishes as he thought about his kiss with Zayn earlier. He so badly wanted there to be something more, he knew he needed to be patient but he missed his boyfriend, and at the thought of something more than just little kisses happening, his dick instantly hardened.

He groaned softly at the tightness in his sweats. He quickly finished up the dishes and called out to the boys that he was going upstairs to call his parents.

Once upstairs, he quickly stripped himself and laid down on the bed as he began to stroke himself. He let out a low groan as he thought about Zayn kissing his naked body, placing kisses everywhere. He imagined himself flipping them as he placed himself over Zayn, staring into his hazel eyes. He moved his hand quickly as he used the leaking precome to allow himself to quicken his pace. He imagined trailing kisses down Zayn’s exposed tattooed chest, he imagined finally reaching Zayn’s hard on and taking it in his mouth as he did exactly what he knew would drive the older boy crazy and that was what sent him over the edge.

He came into his hand, Onto his stomach and sheets, silently shouting, as he heard the door open, “Shit! I thought you were on the phone…” Louis mumbled as he turned around.

Liam who was out of breath, blushed slightly, it’s nothing new, the boys had often walked in on each other having a wank, but it didn’t make it any less embarrassing whenever it happened.

Liam quickly cleaned himself up as Louis spoke with his back to him, “I just came up because the boys and I were going to watch another movie...We’re actually in a Disney mood tonight, so I came to see if you wanted to pick the film.”

“Yeah, can we watch Toy Story?” Liam asked as he quickly got his boxers on after catching his breath. “You can turn around now by the way.”

Louis turned around and rolled his eyes, “Toy Story? Really? You don’t want to watch something different? Like, I don’t know...Cinderella maybe!”

Liam laughed, “Hey! Cinderella’s a nice film!”

“Right but please...you’ve forced us all to watch Toy Story too many times.” Louis begged.

“What about two or three?”

“Three is sad and two...I’m not in the mood for.” Louis replied as Liam got into his sweats.

“Hmm, I haven’t seen Brave yet.” Liam said as he put his shirt back on.

“Brave it is!” Louis said turning to leave.

“Lou, wait!” Liam said quickly.

“Yes, Liam?” Louis asked.

“Erm, you're not going to tell the other boys about this are you?” Liam asked quietly.

“That I walked in on you getting yourself off? Nah..I don’t need to be reminded of seeing you come...No offense or anything because I’m sure Zayn enjoys that face a lot…” He half teased.

Liam rolled his eyes as he mumbled a thanks and left the room to go downstairs.

The two boys walked into the sitting room and Liam took a free spot between Zayn and Niall as Louis chose the film for them.

“Yes! I wanted to this one...She’s Irish!” Niall grinned.

The boys expect Harry laughed, “Oh yeah. I forgot about that. You know, she’s not your typical disney princess from what I hear! Can’t wait to watch it now.” Liam grinned.

Zayn rolled his eyes, “Then shut up and listen.”

Liam smiled at his boyfriend then turned his attention to the telly screen.

The movie finished and as Zayn looked over at Louis, he saw him and Harry asleep in each other’s arms.

“Who wants to wake up Larry Stylinson?” Zayn quietly laughed.

“I can.” Niall said standing up, he walked over to Louis and gently shook him.

“Louis!” He said shaking him and Louis opened his eyes as Harry opened his feeling Louis’ body shaking on top of him.

“Time for bed, boys.” Liam said standing up with Zayn.

The boys went upstairs and did their nightly routine, Liam had just finished coming out of his room with his dirty sheets when Niall stopped him, “Liam!” He said like an excited little boy.

“Look!!” He said holding out his hands.

Liam looked down and grinned, “They’ve stopped shaking! That’s great, Nialler.” He said happily.

Niall quickly threw his arms around Liam and hugged him with the come filled sheets in between them, Liam thankfully neither boy was able to feel the wetness or at least nothing was said about it on Niall’s side.

“What are you doing with your sheets?” Niall asked curiously.

“Oh I was drinking some orange juice earlier...spilled it on my bed...I’m just going to throw them in the wash and dry them in the morning.” Liam quickly explained.

“Oh okay, I’ll see you soon then. I’m going to tell the others.” He said racing off towards the semi lit master bedroom.

“Lads! Lads!!” Niall said as Zayn groaned under the covers.

“Harry! Wake up!” Niall said maybe a little too enthusiastically.  

Harry gave him the finger as he groaned.

“I’m sorry but lads!! Look!!!” He said holding out his hands.

Zayn looked blankly before realizing that Niall’s hands stopped shaking, “That’s great, Niall. Happy for you.”

“I’m so confused.” Harry mumbled as he stared at Niall’s hands.

“His hands have stopped shaking.” Louis said with a bright smile. “I’m so happy for you, Nialler!”

“Me too, can I sleep now?” Harry asked sleepily.

“Yeah, sorry...I was just really happy.” Niall replied as he crawled under the covers beside Zayn.

A couple minutes later, Liam appeared and saw Zayn, Harry, and Louis asleep as he saw Niall look up at him with a happy smile.

“Hand me a pillow?” Liam whispered.

Niall reached behind him and threw Liam a pillow, “Liam, why are you still sleeping on the floor? It can’t be that comfortable.”

“It is that comfortable! I like the floor, now go to sleep, Nialler.” Liam replied throwing the pillow the floor.

“If you say so.” He said as he yawned.

Liam crawled under his covers, as Niall dropped an arm off the edge of the bed and held his fingers out towards Liam, not wanting him to feel left out or lonely.

Liam smiled as he happily took Niall’s fingers in his own and fell into a dreamless sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hopefully some of our readers are still around. :)
> 
> Please, please...feedback always helps! We love it! We enjoy it. It helps us more than you know!


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SURPRISE
> 
> Double chapter tonight! :D I'll post the second one soon. xx

Once again the boys were rushed to get ready. It wouldn't have been so bad if they were getting ready for work but instead they were getting ready for court.

The families kissed their boys, reminding them it would be over soon as they passed by on their way to the private waiting room.

They assumed today would be filled with nothing more than waiting. They had not been expecting a man to step in and informing them that two of them were being recalled to the stand.

"Mr. Liam Payne, your first." He said.

"My mates..."

"Can come in just as before." He said rushing them.

Liam entered the courtroom totally confused. He hadn't been expecting this and therefore was nervous as he was sworn in.

"Liam, can you please go back and tell us about the moment you say Macrae sexually assaulted you?" The defense lawyer asked.

Liam replied with a yes and proceeded to retell his statement. He slowly began by telling him about how he ended up on the bed and then started to explain what happened next but he was stopped half way through.

"Pardon me but did either of you say anything during this time?" He asked.

Liam nervously licked his lips, "Yes."

"Can you please tell us everything you remember being said between the two of you?" He gave Liam a curious look.

"After he pushed it inside me he told me to relax and enjoy it. He said he knew he would." Liam tried not to shake from his nerves. He hated reliving this moment. "A little while later, I uh..." He stopped to take a deep breath, "I started getting... Uh, hard." Liam hated not knowing how to word things in court.

"Then what, remember to tell us what was said."

"He told me not to fight it. He said he knew I liked it as he kept pushing it in and out of me. I cried a little and I- I uh, I screamed."

Again the lawyer cut him off, "Elaborate on that please. Why did you scream?"

Suddenly Liam knew exactly what the lawyer was getting at. It made him feel like he needed to throw up.

"Why did you scream, Mr. Payne?"

"I screamed cause it hurt and felt good all at the same time." His voice cracked a little. He shut his eyes for a moment. He couldn't turn around and look at his friends, he couldn't look up and face his parents, he couldn't look anywhere so he simply closed his eyes.

"Thank you, please continue." The lawyer nodded.

"After I screamed he said, 'There, was that so hard?' and started to uh..." he had to search for the right words. "He started to masturbate me."

"Then what?" The older man asked.

"I moaned." His eyes were still closed. He felt so ashamed. He could only imagine what everyone was thinking of him. "He told me, 'that's it, moan for me baby.' and began moving faster."

"Then what happened?"

"He starting sucking on my penis and I moaned again." Liam's body began to tremble as tears stung his eyes.

"Go on." He encouraged.

"He stopped and took a photo of me and said, ' Smile you dirty little cock slut! ' and the went back to uh, working on me."

"And then..."

He bit down on his tongue so hard he could actually feel it bleed a little. He didn't want to say what happened next but he knew he had to. He knew the lawyer knew.

"Mr. Payne..." He sounded annoyed.

Liam let go of his tongue and managed to squeak out, "I cried out for more."

The four lads behind him looked at each other. It was the first they heard Liam say he asked for more.

"You asked for more?"

"Yes." He whispered.

The lawyer nodded but asked, "Why would you ask for more? I thought you said he was assaulting you."

"He was!" Liam nearly yelled then caught himself and said, "I didn't have control over myself. My mind was spinning."

"Ah, but tell us what happened after you asked for more." He pushed the young lad.

"He took his mouth off me and asked if I was gonna come for him." Liam tried to force away tears now. He couldn't cry in front of his friends, his brothers. He had to stay strong for them. He had to be their rock.

"And what was your answer?" He asked almost evilly.

"I nodded." His voice cracked.

"Did you ever ask him to stop? Did you say you didn't want any of this? Did you give him any indication that you were unhappy?"

"I was crying!"

"But did you say stop?" He quickly pushed.

"No." Liam hung his head.

"No further questions." The lawyer took a seat.

When the prosecution declined to reexamine him he was allowed to step down. Instead of staying in the room with the others however he went back into the waiting room alone.

Harry was called next and was drilled about Daniel's actions. He was asked about his attitude and whether or not he was helpful.

All Harry could do was basically confirm that Daniel had been helpful, nice and constantly worked to give him proper medical care.

When Harry was allowed to step down they all left and waited quietly, Liam sitting far apart from the others as the closing statements were read and the jury filed out to deliberate.

"Liam?" Zayn questioned as he walked towards him.

"No!" Liam tried not to bark. If the others tried to talk to him about it or comfort him about it he'd cry. He refused to let himself cry.

Louis reached a hand out to Zayn who quietly moved back to him and the other two.

They all stayed perfectly silent for the longest time until they were asked by the man from before if they wanted to be present for the verdict.

Without any hesitation they all agreed they wanted to be and were lead back into the court. This time the screen was no longer in place. Harry gripped onto Louis' hand and closed his eyes to stop himself from seeing Adam.

One by one each and every charge was called and one by one the appointed juror replied with the verdict.

Richard's charges were read first. The five lads smiled as each time they heard, "We the jury find the defendant guilty."

Daniel's charges were read next and the smiles stayed as he too was found guilty on each charge.

Then it was Andy's turn. As charge after charge was read off and he was found guilty, Zayn and Louis’ smiles began to fade and tears began to fall.

Liam had to bite on his sore tongue to prevent tears as Mac's charges were read and he was found guilty of sexual assault with penetration. Niall however gasped and began crying hard when he was found guilty of rape. Zayn and Liam who stood on either side of him grabbed his hands comfortingly.

Finally it was Adam's turn. Harry's entire body shook. His eyes still were closed as the judge finally asked about the aggravated rape charge.

He held his breath, as his family did also.

"We the jury find the defendant guilty."

Harry suddenly let out a loud whimper as he dropped to his knees sobbing harder than anyone had ever seen him cry.

Louis quickly bent down and pulled him into his arms as he too began crying harder. Liam, Niall and Zayn joined Louis and Harry in what turned out to be a group cuddle right in the middle of the courtroom.

They were so overjoyed and relieved that the only other thing they heard was the judge announcing they would meet again tomorrow for sentencing.

It took quite a bit of time but finally the boys were able to collect themselves enough to go meet with their families. They all hugged their parents and siblings and cried a little more, even Harry.

Niall however stood to the side with Paul and quickly called his mother. He cried over the phone as he told her the good news. He then repeated the action with his father.

But the other families made sure to give Niall some comfort too, since he didn’t have or even want any of his family there. He also needed some type of family support after all that just happened in court and the boys’ families were more than happy to be there for him too.

Eventually Paul was able to separate the families despite wanting to let them rejoice together all day.

They were running very late now for Zayn's therapy. In fact, when they arrived home Michelle was waiting and nearly rushed him downstairs to start before the others could get all the way in the house.

"The rest of you get ready to go do your assignments. You can eat while we wait on Zayn to finish. Can't leave without him knowing." Paul instructed.

Downstairs Zayn and Michelle started by talking about the verdict. Zayn explained it felt like closure. He said, "I just don't feel like I need to be afraid anymore."

It was huge, but Zayn still had other issues. They talked about the anger issue first. Zayn admired he was still struggling but quickly added he was trying so hard to let it go.

That lead to Michelle delivering her assignment for him. "I want you to write two letters. The first you're going to be Liam and write a letter to yourself saying sorry and everything you're sorry for. Then, the second letter will be your response, you forgiving him."

Zayn wasn't sure if he liked the idea. It seemed childish. "What is that supposed to help?" He asked.

"It will help you in letting go of the anger. You don't have to show the letters to anyone, if you don’t want to, so you can word both with exactly what you need to hear in order to feel better." She tried to explain.

"I'll try but I don't know that I agree it'll help." He tried to be honest.

"All I ask is that you try."

From there the conversation shifted to Zayn admitting he was battling with being calm and okay when someone told him what to do. It wasn't easy to admit but he knew if he didn't he'd never be able to get over it.

They kept talking as the boys upstairs finished getting ready to go and began eating lunch. Niall was even able to fully undress and redress himself. He couldn't have been any happier.

"So what film do you want to go see, Liam? They're are plenty to choose from." Louis asked as they ate cheese sandwiches and soup.

“I checked the listings when we got back, I wouldn’t mind seeing White House Down, if that’s okay with you?” Liam suggested.

“Yeah, sure! That’s the movie that has Channing Tatum in it right?” Louis asked.

Liam nodded, “And Jamie Foxx!”

“White House Down, it is then!” He smiled, he was looking forward to a night out but wasn’t looking forward to spending time away from Harry.

Zayn then walked into the room as Niall followed behind him, “Guess what!” He beamed.

“What?” Zayn asked grabbing a glass from the cupboard above his head.

“Look at me! I’m out of my good clothes without asking Liam for help!” He grinned.

Zayn laughed at the boys excitement as he looked over him, he had a dark green t-shirt and blue jeans on.

Louis smiled, “That’s amazing, Nialler. I’m glad you're finally able to do it yourself.”

“I’m sure we’re all glad.” Zayn commented as he poured some water from the pitcher into the glass.

“Zayn.” Louis warned.

“Sorry…” He mumbled.

Liam grinned, “That’s great, Nialler. Between the medication and the exercises I’m sure you’ll be a hundred percent in no time!”

Niall nodded, “My fingers are still a bit sore, but it gets better everytime I do the exercises. Where’s Harry? We’re supposed to leave soon, I think.”

“He fell asleep after getting out of his clothes. I’ll go wake him up.” Louis replied putting his plate in the sink.

Louis then left the room and ran up the stairs, he walked into the master bedroom and laid beside Harry’s sleeping body. He played with his curls and stroked his cheek, “Hey, curly...Wake up.” He whispered into his ear.

Harry groaned, “I wanna sleep.”

“I know, sweetheart...But you and Niall are going out this afternoon, remember? You’re going mini golfing and then dinner afterwards.” Louis reminded him gently.

Harry sighed and sat up, “Fine, let’s get this over with.” He mumbled as he walked out of the room.

Louis and Harry walked downstairs hand in hand and walked into the kitchen as Harry was welcomed by Niall with a happy, “Guess what!” He said walking up to him.

“What?” He asked as he tried to rub the sleep out of his eyes.

“I didn’t need Liam’s help!” He said spinning on his heel.

Harry gave a half hearted laugh, “That’s great, Nialler. Happy for you.”

“We should probably get going Lou, if we wanna beat the traffic and get to the film on time.” Liam said standing.

Louis pulled Harry into his arms, “You’ll be with Niall and security...You’ll be fine, I promise.” He said softly.

Harry nodded as he hung onto his boyfriend tightly, “Yeah…” He said as Louis pulled back.

“I love you, curly.” He said looking into Harry’s eyes.

“I love you too, boo.” Harry said softly.

Louis gave him a small smile and left with Liam to the van, the two rode to the rented out theater in silence.

“Did you want any popcorn or anything?” Louis asked.

Liam shook his head, “Nah, we’re having dinner after this so probably not the best idea.”

Louis nodded in agreement, “That’s true.”

They two then went into the their theater number and took a seat in the middle of the empty theater.

Liam sighed, he felt emotionally exhausted and a good film would help him feel somewhat normal again.

Meanwhile Harry and Niall had arrived at the rented out indoor mini golf center. The only people inside where employees and their security.

The two commented on what a great job Paul had done setting this up as they grabbed their putters and balls.

Niall could almost instantly sense Harry's discomfort however. He took it upon himself to make the taller lad laugh by shouting random words each time he hit the ball.

He did in fact earn a few laughs from Harry.

"I should do this with Theo once he's old enough." Niall commented.

"Yeah, I bet he'd enjoy that." Harry nodded. He really was trying to open up and have fun. He missed and needed Louis though.

By the end of the course Harry was feeling a little better and even asked if they could play one of the other two courses. Niall happily nodded.

"This actually is nice I guess. I just wish Louis were here." Harry admitted.

"I know, but try to focus on the game. You're letting me win." Niall argued playfully.

"Oh, you think so?" Harry smirked.

The two then continued playing without another word of Louis.

While this was going on, Louis and Liam had just finished their movie and were on their way to a restaurant Paul had made reservations at for them, once they arrived, they were quickly seated in a private room, after they gave their drink orders the boys looked at each other a little uncomfortably.

“This feels like a date.” Liam half laughed.

Louis nodded his head in agreement, “Certainly feels that way, don’t it?” He laughed.

“Will you be my date for tonight then?” Liam teased.

Louis laughed again, “Why, of course, Liam! I thought you’d never ask…”

The boys laughed as their drinks were placed in front of them, they were given a few more minutes to look over their menus to decide what they wanted to order, they quickly decided and called for the waiter to come back.

After giving their order, the boys fell into a silence as each checked their phones, “Anything from Niall or Harry?” Louis asked.

Liam shook his head putting his phone away in his pocket, “You?”

Louis shook his head sadly, “Louis, he’s fine. There’s even more security with them than us.”

Louis sighed, “I know...I just worry I guess.”

“Understandable.” Liam nodded.

“Erm...Can I ask you something?” Louis asked.

Liam nodded, “Yeah...not that you’ve ever really asked before and or that I’ve stop you from asking.” He half smiled.

Louis smiled back, “This morning...while you were on stand again…” He started slowly.

Liam felt his chest tighten a little, tears stinging his eyes as he looked away.

“Why did you ask for ‘more’? How could you want more?” Louis asked confused.

Liam stared at the table, “I don’t know why I said it...I mean, it felt good, I didn’t want it to but you know...its a natural human reaction, I guess. I don’t even know what I was saying, my head was spinning between pleasure and disgust...It was so confusing. I understand why it felt good and everything...but I guess I wanted more because it felt good, I hated that he made me feel that way but the words just came out and I had no control over what I was even saying.” He struggled to explain.

Louis opened his mouth to say something but that’s when their food came, after the waiters left, he spoke, “I understand what you mean by it feeling good…” Louis said but trailed off not knowing how to explain what he was thinking.

“I get what you mean, Lou.” Liam nodded. He understood what Louis was thinking and feeling perfectly.

For a while they just ate instead of talking until Louis broke the silence, "You don't have flashbacks of all that when you...wank off?"

Liam shook his head, "Not at all."

Louis nodded.

"Haven't you wanked off?" Liam asked.

"No, I haven't even thought about it!" Louis replied rather quick. "I just assumed none of us had been doing that."

Liam shook his head a little, "It wasn't my first time since us being back. If I know Zayn he's done it too." He couldn't help but think Zayn had to have wanked after seeing that photo. He wasn't about to tell Louis he'd sent him it though.

"Oh..." Louis trailed off suddenly uncomfortable.

Meanwhile Harry and Niall had sat down at a different restaurant and ordered their drinks.

"I still demand a rematch when we have the chance." Niall grinned.

"Of course, I'll beat you then as well." Harry nodded.

They fell silent only until their drinks came and they gave their food orders. After that it was silent again for a while.

Niall didn't know why, but he had a burning question on his mind. He knew he could trust Harry to tell him without making a big deal of it but he was still nervous to ask.

"H- Harry?" He questioned finally.

"Yes?" He replied casually.

"Does it always hurt?" He blushed as he asked.

Harry however wasn't following. "Does what always hurt?"

Niall looked down and explained, "sex... Gay sex."

Harry didn't want to talk about this but he could tell Niall needed to. "No, not always."

"When Mac raped me, it hurt Harry. It hurt so badly." Niall swallowed hard.

"It was your first time, Nialler." Harry softly said.

"So then, it doesn't always.."

"Niall, do you really think Louis and I would keep doing it if it hurt?" Harry tried not to sound put off by the conversation.

"I suppose not."

They went quiet as their food was brought to them but when the waitress left Niall piped back up.

"The plug hurt too. Louis said he makes you wear them. Doesn't that...bother you?"

"Not really, not when it's done in the right context. Niall, you can't compare Mac raping you to Louis and I having sex." Harry suddenly felt the need to try and help Niall despite his own needs of not wanting to discuss it.

"Adam raped you though," Niall pushed a bit. "Did it hurt?"

Harry took a deep breath, "No but it was humiliating. It was nothing like when Louis and I are together."

Niall nodded and once again got quiet only to speak again a little bit later, "I don't know if I wanna have sex again. What about you?"

Now Harry was really uncomfortable. "It'll be different for you than me. Your straight. Your version of sex doesn't always include having to do it how Mac did."

"That doesn't exactly answer my question." Niall complained a little.

Harry closed his eyes for a moment then said, "So, what do you think Liam and Louis are doing?"

"Oh..." Niall trailed off taking the hint. "Sorry Harry. It just helped, talking about it. I didn't mean to... I'm sorry."

"It's fine. I don't mind helping you feel better, I'm just not ready to talk about me." Harry told him.

Niall nodded, “I understand. I don’t know what they’re doing...I’ll text, Liam.”

Payno, where you two at?

a few seconds later, Niall got a reply.

Just paying our bill and heading home! Wbu?

Niall looked up from his phone, “They’re just paying and on their way home.”

Harry nodded, “Thanks...I’m not really that hungry...can we skip dessert and leave after you finish?” He asked quietly.

“Sure.” Niall said as he quickly ate the rest of his dinner.

Meanwhile while the boys were out, Zayn sat in his room with a pad of paper and a pen, he thought the whole idea of writing letters was imbecilic. He sighed as he started to write.

_Dear Zayn,_

_I’m so sorry for what I did. I’m sorry that you felt hurt and angry. He paused for a moment trying to think of what else to say then he figured he should add in what he was sorry for._

_I’m sorry that you were upset and angry that I was helping Niall, the poor boy was on the edge of losing his mind and I was the only one in there with him. I was just trying to comfort him and help him stay sane and not stray too far from reality. I didn’t mean to hurt you or ignore you. I tried to help you but you wouldn’t let me, you got angry at me every time. He doesn’t like anyone else to touch him except me. He feels safe with me. I want to him help be better. I don’t mean to purposely ignore you or our relationship. I’ve tried talking to you, reaching out to you, but you don’t seem to want to. I want to stop fighting with you but if that means I need to stop helping Niall, then I’m sorry but I can’t._

_xoxo_

_Love you!_

_Liam_

Zayn sat back and read what he wrote from Liam’s point of view, he read it a few times before he realized that he was being a dunce.

He shook his head, “I’m such a doltish.” He said to himself out loud

He quickly drew a line underneath what was written and started to write a letter back.

_Dear Liam,_

_I’m so sorry I was being such an idiot! I realize now that you were just helping Niall, you weren’t doing anything wrong. He only let’s you touch/help him. I may not like that he needs you 24/7 but I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make sure he gets better, if that means I have to share you with him or you have to help him with certain things. I have to learn how to accept that. He’s our bandmate, friend and little brother, and I was acting childish by being angry and upset with you for always being there for him and always helping him instead of me._

_Looking back, I now realize that you wanted to be there and help me but I wouldn’t allow it._

_I’m really sorry. Please forgive me._

_xxxx_

_Zayn_

He sighed again as he threw the pad of paper on the bed, he was actually looking forward to therapy with Liam tomorrow so he could tell him he was sorry.

He got off the bed as he stripped down to his boxers and did his nightly routine, he was so tired, he could’ve fallen asleep standing up. He walked into the master bedroom and turned on the loo lights then turned off the bigger lights. He then crawled into the middle of the bed, threw a pillow on the floor for Liam, crawled under the covers and quickly fell asleep.

About an hour later, Liam and Louis arrived the same time Harry and Niall did. Harry jumped out of the van as soon as it was at a stop and ran over to Louis who was just getting out of the van he was in and wrapped his arms around him as he buried his face into his boyfriend’s neck.

“I missed you.” Harry mumbled against his boyfriend’s neck.

“I missed you, curly.” Louis said wrapping his arms around the taller boy. “I bet you had so much fun though that you didn’t even think of me!” He teased as he pulled back a little from the hug as Liam jumped out of the van.

Harry blushed a little, not wanting to actually admit it.

Louis stared at Harry as he blinked at him, “You...You actually didn’t think of me?” He asked pretending to be hurt.

Harry rolled his eyes as he took his hand and pulled him towards the house where Paul had already disalarmed the house for the boys, “Don’t be so overdramatic, you know I always think you.” He told his boyfriend.

Niall walked over to Liam and hugged him, “So, I’m guessing you missed me too?” Liam half laughed.

“I just wanted a cuddle…” He said tightening his grip a little.

“Is everything okay? Did you and Harry have a good time?” He asked as Liam wrapped his arms around the smaller boy.

“Yeah, we had fun. We talked a little, I think I upset him." Niall paused but quickly added, "I didn’t mean to...I was just wondering about some things.” Niall explained.

“Like what?” Liam asked looking down at the lad still in his arms.

Niall shrugged a bit, “Sex and the rape and... Stuff.”

Liam nodded, “I don’t think he’s ready to talk about it yet.” He finally pulled away from Niall but kept hold of his hand.

“Yeah, I figured that out...but he helped a little before he wanted to stop talking about it. I just feel bad that I upset him. I wasn’t thinking about his feelings when I was asking him all those questions. He said it was fine, and that he was happy to talk to me and all...I just...ya know.” Niall sighed.

Liam nodded as he pulled Niall over to the front steps and sat down with him. "I understand what you mean. Why don't you just try talking to me for now? I'm always here for you."

Niall grinned, “Really?”

“Yeah, of course. What kind of questions were you asking?" Liam wanted to know.

"Well, I was asking if gay sex always hurts." Niall's cheeks flushed a little but he felt okay talking to Liam.

"Oh, it doesn't always." Liam told him.

"That's what Harry said. I kept asking about different things hurting though. I was telling him how the stuff Mac did hurt." He stopped and took a deep breath then finished his thought, "He told me I couldn't compare my rape to he and Louis having sex; cause that's what I was asking him about. I wasn't asking about Adam at first."

Liam nodded, "He's right. Sex is totally different when you love the other person."

"Yeah, I think I understand that."

"What else did you ask about?" Liam questioned. He felt good about talking to Niall and being there for him.

"Well, I commented I wasn't sure if I wanted to have sex again. I asked how he felt. That's when he got real uncomfortable. He avoided me question, saying my being straight made it different for me. Ya know, cause when I have sex it isn't like how Mac raped me. I was stupid though, I kept pushing and, well he changed the subject."

Liam stood, "Yeah, he's a smart lad. Believe what he said, just leave him alone about it for now. Yeah?"

Niall too stood and nodded.

"Good, Now, it’s started to get cold out here, so let’s go inside now.” Liam said as he placed an arm around Niall’s shoulders.

The two went inside and Niall headed upstairs as Liam said goodnight to Paul and realarmed the house and headed upstairs.

After getting ready for bed, he smiled when he walked into the master bedroom and saw that Zayn, Harry and Louis were already asleep. Niall came in behind Liam, he gently touched his waist to get him to move out of the way so he crawl into bed, “Sorry.” Liam whispered as he moved out of Niall’s way. Niall just smiled at him sleepily and crawled into the bed beside Zayn.

When Liam saw the pillow on the floor, he wondered which of the boys threw it to floor but he was too tired to care, he laid down on the floor and crawled under the blankets. He then saw Niall’s arm drop down on the edge of the bed and his fingers reached out towards Liam and Liam took them, like he had almost every night that week and fell asleep into a dreamless sleep quickly.

 


	20. Chapter 20

The next morning was the finally the last time they'd have to rush to get ready for court.

This time they were allowed to sit in the courtroom, a screen made them invisible to any one except the judge.

The boys therapist had prepared statements for the judge as well. They wrote out in detail exactly what each boy was struggling with and out of respect the judge read them in his chambers before the trial resumed.

A few of their parents were allowed to speak on how the entire ordeal had affected them as well as their boys.

Finally, the five lads were asked if they wanted to speak. Instantly everyone looked at Louis, as if to appoint him to talk.

Louis spoke on their behalf, telling how this had affected them, both good ways and bad ways.

When he finished the judge took a moment to collect his thoughts then handed down the sentences.

The judge gave a long spew, scolding the five men harshly. He address Andy first, sending him away for a total of sixty five years without the possibility for parole. Rick was next. The judge spoke to him just as harshly giving him a total of 56 years. The judge added that he could only hope for the lads sake that they would die while imprisoned.

The two brothers were spoke to next. The judge was even harder when he spoke to them. He told both that he was giving them life without the chance of parole and that he wished he could give them worse. It was a relief to both Harry and Niall. It was nice to hear that even the judge felt like they deserved to die.

Finally it was Daniel's turn. The judge spoke about how awful it was that he had medically cared for the boys but never once did anything to rescue them. The judge stripped him of his medical license for life. He also gave him a total of 25 years in prison. He added that if Daniel made it out of prison he was to forever remain 100 yards away from all five boys at all times.

The men were then taken out of the room through a side door as the boys came together in a big group hug, “Finally, it’s over.” Liam whispered.

“Now we can really move on.” Zayn smiled at the other boys.

Paul quickly went over to the boys, “I hate to break this up but there are paps everywhere...They’re at all exits. Say goodbye to your families and let’s hurry. We’re running late for the therapy sessions today.”

The boys went out into the hallway and quickly said goodbye to their families as Niall hung back and called his parents, then he came back and said goodbye to the boys’ families and thanked them for being there for him that week since he didn’t want his family around.

The boys stood at the exit to leave when Niall grabbed Liam’s hand, “I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people in one place before.” He whispered as his voice cracked at the end. You could hear the fear in his voice.

Liam squeezed it, “You’ll be fine, I won’t let go. I promise.”

“Me either.” Zayn said standing on the other side of Niall and taking his other hand much to everyone’s surprised.

Louis took ahold of Zayn’s hand as the boys were rushed out the exit and ran as fast as they possible could to the van and had to jump into the van to get inside.

Once inside the van the boys adjusted themselves to a sitting position and Niall was in between Liam and Zayn who both still had ahold of him as he tried to stop the tears that were flowing down his cheeks and tried to catch his breath.

Liam quickly pulled the boy into his arms, “Shh...It’s over. We’re okay, we’re safe.” He whispered holding the younger boy in his arms.

He stole a quick glance at Zayn who looked worried for Niall instead of his usual angry self.

On the way back the house, it started to rain and Harry had his head rested against the window as he watched the rain fall on the window but he held onto Louis’ hand tightly.

Once they got inside the house, Niall’s tears had slowed down some but not by much and he held onto Liam tightly.

“Nialler, I have therapy…” Liam said as the Irish blonde cried heavily into Liam’s chest.

“Please...stay.” Niall whispered, knowing he wouldn’t but wanting to say the words anyway.

“I...can’t…” Liam felt bad as Zayn and Michelle waited off to the side watching the scene.

“Here, I got him.” Louis said as he let go of Harry’s hand, earning him a groan of discomfort but then he looked towards Carrie who gave him a gentle smile.

“Where would you like to go?” She asked him as Louis gently place a hand on Niall’s back, only to have flinch and hold onto Liam tighter.

“It’s okay, Nialler. Go with Louis. I’ll be back soon.” He said as he moved Niall’s body towards Louis as gently as he could, he didn’t want to be too rough but he needed to use some force to remove Niall from his body.

Harry shrugged, “Sitting room?” He suggested, that way he wasn’t too far from Louis.

Niall just cried harder as he was moved to Louis’ grip. Louis felt bad, he knew the boy wanted and needed Liam and he hated that he couldn’t do anything about it and he hated that Niall only felt truly comfortable and safe with Liam.

“Sure.” Carrie smiled at they walked off towards the sitting room.

“I’m sorry.” Liam whispered into Niall’s ear before heading off towards the basement with Michelle and Zayn.

Louis leaned against the wall as he held Niall who was now sobbing into Louis’ neck, he gently let them fall to the floor as he held onto Louis with a death grip. Louis rocked the boy and quietly sang a traditional Irish lullaby that his grandmother would sing to him whenever he stayed at his grandparents house overnight, which was a lot.

Louis repeated the song until Niall’s tears stopped completely, “Toora, loora, loora? How do you know that song?” He asked as he rested his head on Louis’ shoulder.

“My grandmother, the one that’s gone now...She used to sing it to me all the time whenever I spent nights at their house, which was a lot. She told me it was Irish and I thought that was really cool so it just always stuck with me. It was the only thing I could think of that might calm you down...a little touch of home usually helps you, so I decided to give it to a try.” Louis explained softly.

“Thank you.” Niall said softly, he felt so tired, his eyes kept closing but he didn’t want to fall asleep on Louis, not when Harry needed him more than any of them.

Louis sensed this, “Harry will be fine, if you wanna stay here and sleep...then you can. It’s fine. Liam will be back soon, anyways.” He told the younger boy but by the time he finished his sentence Niall was already passed out on his shoulder, asleep.

In the sitting room Carrie gave Harry a smile and asked how he was doing.

"Better I guess, just knowing he can't hurt me anymore." Harry practically mumbled looking at his hands.

"That's good. Do you think the medicine is helping?" She asked.

Harry took a deep breath, "I have no clue. I'm tired all the time. I'm never hungry. I just feel too out of it to feel anything. Too numb."

"Hmm..." She said flipping through her notes. "What time of day do you take it?"

"Before bed." Harry replied.

"Let's try having you take it in the morning. It shouldn't make you as exhausted then. Skip it tonight and just take your two when you wake up. Alright?" She offered him a smile knowing he was feeling therapy today.

"Yeah, I'll try it. I'm sick of feeling like this." He agreed.

"Good, that's a good thing." She nodded.

They shifted to conversation to court. She asked how he felt talking about what happened. She asked how it felt briefly seeing Adam.

Harry told her it was terrible. He admitted he was ready to just forget about him and having to talk about him and see him made it worse.

"You said you felt better knowing he couldn't hurt you anymore though." Carrie pointed out.

"Yes but, that doesn't take away the memories or his voice in my head." Harry gently argued.

Downstairs with Michelle, Liam began by saying again how sorry he was for the scene with Niall.

"It's alright. I'm curious though, is he always that attached?" She wanted to know.

Liam shook his head, "Not that extreme. Today was pretty hard. The crowd outside court was insane. Crowds like that always used to scare him because of his claustrophobia but I'm sure it's ten times worse now."

"Zayn, I wonder how all that made you feel?" It was a question.

"I was just worried about Niall. That was the worst I've seen him since we've been here." Zayn sounded casual.

It caused Liam to look at him confused. It seemed totally out of Zayn's recent character to say that.

"Did you feel the jealousy or anger we talked about last week?" Michelle too was very curious now.

"Um, not a bit actually." Zayn looked away.

"Really?" Liam looked to him making Zayn turn and meet his eyes.

"Really Liam." He nodded.

"This is very interesting. Where is all this coming from?" Michelle inquired.

"The letters I wrote." He almost whispered.

"What letters?" Liam was confused.

“Erm, my individual assignment was to write a letter to myself, pretending to be you...saying sorry and then to write back as myself forgiving you.” Zayn explained as Michelle sat and listened.

“Oh.” Liam said, he wanted to say more but he didn’t feel right digging for information.

“I brought them with me...because…I wanted to tell you…because when I wrote to myself pretending to be you, I realized what a numbskull I was being.” He said as he dung into a pocket inside his jacket.

“Numbskull?” Liam asked, not understanding the word.

“Oh sorry...I meant I was being an idiot.” Zayn replied as he unfolded the letter he wrote to himself pretending to be Liam.

“After I wrote this,” Zayn paused and handed Liam the letter. “I realized that I was being stupid and foolish…”

Liam read the letter then opened his mouth to talk to Zayn but Zayn handed him another letter, “I was supposed to forgive you...but I don’t need to tell you that because there isn’t anything to forgive.”

“So, what’s this then?” Liam asked opening the second letter up.

“I’m asking you to please forgive me for being such an idiot.” Zayn sighed and shook his head at himself.

Tears sprung to Liam’s eyes after reading the second letter, “I-I don’t know what to say.” He was speechless as he pushed back the tears. He wouldn't let them fall.

“Say you’ll forgive me for being stupid. I honestly realize now that you didn’t do anything wrong, there’s nothing to be angry or jealous about. I was just being stupid all this time. You tried to help me, but I’d just push you away. Niall’s attached to you because you were the first one there for him, you were there until the rest of us got there, he probably would’ve made a total break from reality if it wasn’t for you.” Zayn explained his feelings.

Liam reached over and hugged Zayn tightly, “Of course I forgive you…” He whispered.

Zayn hugged him back just as tightly, if not more, “Thank you.” He said softly as they pulled away from each other.

“But Zayn...It’s my fault too. I should’ve made more of an effort to connect with you. Be there for you. I wasn’t there for you, not really. I was ignoring our relationship and putting my entire focus on Niall and I’m really sorry for that. I’m going to work on not doing that anymore but I need you to be patient with me. I just wanna see Niall better and I wanna do whatever it takes to make sure that happens.” Liam explained looking at his hands.

“We’ll figure it out. I need to stop being jealous. Niall’s not a threat to our relationship or anything like that. Just remember to make time for me too?” Zayn said.

Liam nodded, “Of course. I’m going to need your help in the beginning though and once we’re on tour it should be easier to let Niall become more independent.”

Michelle made some quick notes as the boys talked.

“This was a major breakthrough today, boys. I’m very proud of you boy.” She told them as the boys smiled.

“I want you to continue opening up to each other and telling each other how you feel. Communication is key.” Michelle also told them as the boys nodded in agreement.

“Right, well I think we’ve had enough for today...So how about we stop here?” She asked.

The younger boys agreed as they wrapped up their session.

As Liam and Zayn walked up the stairs, Liam turned to Zayn, “Is it okay with you if I go check on Niall quickly?”

Zayn nodded, “Yeah, and you don’t need to ask. I’ll even come with you...if you’d like...I’m worried about him too, Liam.”

“Yeah, I’d love that actually. We need to work on him becoming comfortable with people besides me...so having you around when I check on him should help.” Liam agreed.

They walked into the kitchen together to find Paul eating a sandwich as Louis sat against the kitchen wall with a sleeping Niall in his arms.

Louis smiled as Liam and Zayn came into view, “How’d it go?” Liam asked quietly as to not wake Niall up.

“He really cried...like sobbing, but I sang to him and that eventually got him to stop crying, he passed out like this shortly after.” Louis told them.

“He should probably be sleeping in a bed, it’d be more comfortable...not that you're not comfortable, Louis.” Zayn smiled.

“Ha. Thanks...and yeah, Harry will be done soon, so he definitely should be moved to sleep in a bed.” Louis agreed.

“How about you take him? You’re the one with all the muscles...well you and Paul.” Louis asked Liam.

Liam looked towards Zayn.

“I think Liam should take him, if he wakes him as we move him, he’ll freak if it’s not you or Liam.” Zayn said.

“I’m pretty sure he’d freak if it was anyone but Liam.” Louis said.

“Not in this case, he fell asleep on you...so he probably expects to wake up on you.” Zayn pointed out.

Louis nodded, “Good point.”

Liam carefully gathered up Niall with an arm between his neck and head and another arm underneath his knees, he stood up as Zayn and Louis walked with him to the master bedroom.

He gently placed Niall in the middle of the bed.

“Should I stay here with him? In case he wakes up?” Louis asked even though he really wanted to be with Harry instead.

Zayn shook his head, “Nah, you go be with Harry. We’ll stay with him.”

“We?” Louis asked surprised. He’s been surprised with Zayn’s behaviour towards Niall all day but this really surprised him.

“Yeah, I’m fine with Niall needing Liam’s help and being most comfortable with him. I was an idiot for being angry and jealous over it.” Zayn explained.

“Well, I could’ve told you that…” Louis mumbled as he left the room.

Liam looked over at Zayn, “I’m so glad you realized that you had nothing be angry or jealous about.”

“Me too.” Zayn nodded. “It’s no fun being jealous and angry all the time.” He crawled onto the bed as Liam crawled over to the otherside.

Downstairs Carrie finally started to wrap things up with Harry.

Harry hated therapy. He hated talking about his feelings. All it did was remind him of something he was trying to forget.

Carrie kept trying to push that he had to work through everything and deal with everything but Harry disagreed.

"Well, I want you to keep working on training your brain to think of other things when he pops into your head. Sing, talk to Louis, do something, we'll stick to just talking about Adam here."

Harry nodded and stood. He didn't even say goodbye. He just walked away in search of Louis.

An hour later Paul had all the boys awake and packing. It wouldn't be long till they'd have to be at the airport.

"I don't have everything I need. The police wouldn't let me take everything." Liam said walking downstairs with his packed bags.

"Yeah, it was the same way with us." Louis nodded, holding Harry's hand.

"Your homes have been released. They aren't clean from the crime scene detectives but you're allowed back in freely now that trial is over. All of you finish getting ready and we'll drop all of you off." Paul said as he grabbed Liam's bags and went to load them up.

"You ready to get back to work?" Liam asked Louis.

"It doesn't matter if we're ready!" Harry butted in.

Louis just moved his hand to rub Harry's shoulder.

Upstairs Zayn was finally done and walking down the hall with his bags. He stopped short of the stairs however and went into Niall's room.

"Hey, Nialler?" Zayn asked.

Niall looked to him as he zipped up another bag.

"I uh, I just wanted to say I'm sorry. I've been really mean to you and nothing more than an complete idiot. I'm really sorry." He knew he owed an apology to him too.

Niall nodded then smiled, "Thank you Zayn, that means a lot."

Zayn only nodded in return and walked away.

Not longer later Niall joined the rest of the lads downstairs. It was a bit scary to leave the home that had helped them feel so safe and secure but it was time. They had to go.

As they stopped by everyone's flats the other boys waited in the van. When they reached Liam's however he reached and squeezed Zayn's hand tightly.

He couldn't bring himself to verbalized that he was afraid but he was. He hoped Zayn would take his silent hint and help him.

"You probably need a lot of stuff. Why don't I help you Li?" Zayn nodded.

"Thanks." He inwardly sighed as they both got out.

When they reach the front door Liam unlocked it but didn't push the door open, "You go first." Liam instructed.

"Feeling a little scared? You know they are all put away right?" Zayn questioned.

"No, I'm not scared. It uh, just feels weird." He lied, he couldn’t bring himself to tell Zayn the truth as much he wanted to.

Zayn nodded as he wrapped his hand around the handle, turned the knob and pushed the door open. He walked in but Liam stood in the doorway unable to make himself walk inside.

Zayn turned when he noticed that Liam wasn’t following him, he held out his hand, “You’re safe…” He said.

Liam nodded, “I know that, I’m not scared...just feels a bit strange.”

Zayn smiled, always like Liam to try and be brave for everyone else, “Right but…just come take my hand, yeah?” He said.

Liam reluctantly took a couple steps inside and reached out and took Zayn’s hand, “C’mon, I’ll help you pack the rest of your stuff.”

It felt a little better, holding Zayn’s hand, having him near. They walked into Liam’s bedroom, where Liam forced himself not to pay attention the flashbacks of what had happened the night that he was taken.

Silently the two boys packed Liam’s things, it was a little difficult and took some extra time considering Liam didn’t let go of Zayn’s hand the entire time.

Once the outside Paul took Liam’s things and they headed off to the airport where they were sure at least a hundred or more fans were already waiting for them.

“Do have have to stop and sign stuff?” Niall asked Paul.

Paul shook his head as he drove, “No, we’re going straight to the private waiting room where you’ll wait for about an hour then board the plane.”

“You can sit with us, Nialler. On the plane I mean.” Zayn offered.

Niall smiled back, “Thanks, Zayn.”

Sooner than expected the boys were at the airport, they collected their carry on bags then were rushed their the airport with a dozen or more security around each of the boys. They had extra security around now, it helped the boys feel slightly safer than before.

As the boys now waited in the private area of the airport, Harry sighed, “I’m nervous about performing on Monday, about being on stage…”

“I am too, Harry.” Niall nodded.

Liam squeezed his knee, and looked around at the four boys, “We’ll be fine, we’ll rock it...it’ll be our best concert yet and if something goes wrong then shit happens and we’re lucky that our fans for the most part are really understanding and supportive of us. They’ll be okay with whatever happens.” Or at least that’s what Liam hoped.

“Yeah.” Niall whispered in agreement.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next chapter, tour starts! :)


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I fell in the bathtub and bruised my tailbone up pretty bad. So it was hard to sit at a computer. :( Anyways, I feel much better now and in the spirit of Thanksgiving (I'm Canadian) and Turkey and all that fun good stuff, I present to you the a new chapter!
> 
> You will get one once a week...Unless I fall again...I hope not. Hahaha!
> 
> ~Annabella
> 
> P.S. I LOVE YOU ALL

Finally the lads were able to get on the plane. The flight was so long and they ended up falling asleep as close to each other as they could.

They slept for the longest time until finally none of them could sleep anymore. The extra rest felt great. They knew they'd need it.

They spent the rest of the time they were on the plane rehearsing. It made all of them feel a little better to actually hear that they still had it and that those evil men hadn't taken away their voices.

Just before landing Paul reminded Harry to cover his stitches once they arrived. They were looking better every day but it was still a gruesome thing to look at.

Harry didn't bother fighting. At this point he had bigger things on his mind.

Finally when they landed security, waiting for them, informed that the airport was flooded with fans. They agreed it wasn't safe for the boys to meet with any of them.

"Harry, you and Zayn go first. Liam, I want you and Louis to walk with Niall." Paul instructed. He saw no reason why Niall wouldn't get freaked out. He trusted Liam and Louis the most, so walking with them made the most sense.

As the crowd spotted them they went crazy. The five lads however only waved briefly and hurried out a side exit. They climbed into a waiting van and hurried off to the hotel. When they arrived, they once again were met with a large crowd, once inside, Paul rushed them into the lift and once they got to their floor, Paul told them where each of their rooms where.

“Paul, we don’t need to know where all the rooms are, just the one closest to the stairs.” Niall told him.

Paul sighed, he was tired, it was hard to say goodbye to his family as it always is and he really wanted to sleep off some of the jet lag, “Nialler, please...I know you only need one room, the room booked for you is actually the closest to the lift and stairs. The room number is seventeen sixty five, but if you boys wanted your personal space to be alone...you know where your rooms are.” He told them.

“We’re all sleeping in the same room.” Zayn said simply.

“I understand that...I was just saying...never mind. Did you want security outside your door while you're in here? I can arrange that if you’d like.” Paul offered.

Niall quickly nodded as the others followed his reaction.

“Please.” Louis said softly.

“Alright. I’ll stand out here till the guy comes, I’ll text you to tell you I’m leaving to my room, okay? I’ll bring the rest of your bags to you later.” Paul said looking at each of them as he handed each a room key.

They all nodded again as they went into their room.

They all dropped their stuff to the floor as the climbed on the bed, “I’m so tired...I hate overnight flights.” Harry complained laying down.

“Then sleep, we have a big day tomorrow. I’m right here, I won’t move till you wake up.” Louis told him as Harry closed his eyes.

“I think I’m going to go shower.” Liam said crawling off the bed, he turned to face the lads once completely off the bed and saw that Louis and Zayn were already asleep while Niall just stared at the ceiling, he seemed to be staring off into space.

Liam gently touched Niall’s foot, causing him to jump slightly, “Sorry…” Liam whispered as Niall crawled down the bed towards him.

Liam pulled the Irish boy into his arms, “Are you okay?” He asked softly.

“I’m just really tired...but not like I wanna sleep. I don’t know.” He mumbled.

Liam rubbed his back gently, “I think you're just overtired. You’re probably both mentally and emotionally exhausted...I know I am. It’s been a hard week. Why don’t you lay down and try to get some shut eye?” He suggested, looking down at the blonde haired boy.

“Lay with me?” He asks softly.

“You have Zayn...who’s a lot nicer to you now and Louis…” Liam told him, really wanting to shower. It was the first thing he usually did after an overnight flight.

“But, I want you.” Niall whispered looking up at Liam. “Please?”

Liam looked down into the blue eyes as they pulled their puppy dog look.

Liam couldn’t help but smile and nod his head, “Damn you and that look.” He muttered under his breath making Niall giggle softly, trying his best to be quiet to prevent the others from waking up.

Liam let go of Niall as they made their way back up the king sized bed and Liam took a spot beside Zayn as Niall cuddled into Liam on the other side. “Just till you fall asleep then I’m going to get a shower.” Niall nodded a little as he placed his head on Liam’s chest and as he took the hand that Liam was resting on his stomach and gently held Liam’s fingers.

As Liam laid there in between Zayn and Niall, waiting for Niall to fall asleep, it wasn’t long before his eyes grew heavy and he fell asleep. Between his clothes, the blankets on top of the bed and most of all the body heat, all the warmth made it hard to stay awake, not to mention the extreme jet lag he was feeling.

As he drifted off to sleep, his nightmares came back and he was falling, he tried to scream in the dream but nothing came out as he continued to fall into an never seeming to end pit and he woke up with a start. He sat straight up, letting Niall’s head fall beside him on the bed, sweat traced his forehead and his breathing was laboured, he heard the boys beside him start to wake up as Niall tightened his grip on Liam’s fingers.

Zayn looked up and saw Liam who looked absolutely terrified, “Are you okay?” He was the first to ask, even though he had a good idea of the answer.

“Yeah, yeah...Sorry. I just fell asleep and…” He stopped himself before he could say anymore.

“and?” Louis asked worried.

“and nothing...I’m just...I’m going to get a shower now.” Liam said as his breathing slowed down.

“Are you sure you’re okay?” Niall asked sitting up, not removing his fingers.

Liam nodded, “I’m fine. I just...I didn’t mean to sit up that quickly. I’m sorry I scared you, lads. I’m seriously fine. Go back to sleep. I’m going to shower now.” He told them as he gently placed his free hand over Niall’s hand that was gripping his fingers.

Niall sighed and let go of his fingers as he watched Liam crawl off the bed and head into the loo to shower. He was doing a lot better than he had been doing lately, but it was still Liam who made him feel the most safe and it was still body contact with Liam that helped him feel even safer.

Zayn noticed this and felt bad for the younger boy, he knew that Liam accidently fell asleep and had a nightmare, he wanted to help Niall so badly and just wished that the boy would start to feel more comfortable around the rest of them soon enough.

“Nialler, why don’t you come cuddle with me? Harry’s on the other side.” Louis offered.

“Yeah, I don’t mind sharing with you, Nialler.” Harry half smirked.

Niall laughed as Zayn moved out of the way and he went to cuddle with Louis.

Liam couldn’t seem to help but just stand under the hot water in the shower. The sting of the heat felt wonderful on all his sore spots. At the same time it was a reminder that he was still alive. The knowledge of being alive then reminded him that was okay, he survived and everything was fine.

Still, something deep within him hurt. Even though the shower provided peace and relaxation, something in his soul felt unstable. He couldn’t let that affect him however. He had to be strong.

So he pushed the uneasy feeling aside and washed up. As he finished and stepped out of the shower an alert tone on his cell played. He wrapped a towel around his waist and retrieved the phone.

It was Paul, letting him know he was going back to his room now and the rest of their things were outside in the hall with Preston.

Liam finished drying off and dressed himself in the comfortable sweats he had brought in the loo with him. As he stepped out of the shower finally he saw Zayn on his cell phone in a chair and Louis in bed with an arm around the other two lads. All three lads on the bed were asleep. Niall and Harry seemed to be sharing Louis’ chest. Louis had his face turned so that his nose was against harry’s curls. Liam smiled at them.

“Rather cute.” Liam whispered to Zayn.

“Yeah, I wanted to offer to cuddle Niall but I didn't figure he’d go for it.” Zayn sat his phone down.

Liam nodded as he sat near Zayn on the floor, “Yeah, he’s getting better but he still doesn't want to be touched.”

Zayn was quiet for a moment, then commented, “You know, I understand now why he is so comfortable with you but, I don't understand why sometimes Louis is okay. I mean, he doesn't let Louis touch him all the times, just sometimes.”

He made a good point. Liam wasn’t sure. “My best guess would be it has something to do with him not being able to have me. Almost like, Louis could be the next best thing in his mind.”

Zayn nodded in agreement as he started to remember something.

“What is it?” Liam asked quietly as he noticed Zayn’s expression.

“I was just remembering...while we were held captive...When you were taken from the room to be tested or punished, Niall would freak out, like he’d literally be in pieces because you were taken from him. Louis was at his side in seconds, Louis was there for him while you were gone.” He explained.

“Oh...I didn’t realize that.” He said as his eyes drifted to the sleeping bodies on the bed

Before Zayn could reply his stomach growled.

Liam chuckled softly and said, “Me too.”

“Where’s the room service menu?” Zayn asked.

Across the room they both heard Niall reply in a very groggy voice, “Next to the phone.”

“You would know that, Nialler.” Liam shook his head as he stood.

Niall rolled off Louis’ chest and yawned. He then said, “I want it when your done.”

Zayn laughed a little, he couldn’t help it.

A short while later Liam and Zayn drug everyones bags in from the hall just in time for room services to drop off their orders. The smell of food woke Louis who woke up Harry. Harry was insistent that he wasn’t hungry but Louis told him he had to eat. So the two ordered food and waited for it as the other three ate.

After finishing, Zayn took his turn in the shower while Niall was content to just sit next to Liam.

Zayn finished in the shower as Louis and Harry ate their meals.

“Why dont you go ahead now so it’ll be free for them when they finish?” Zayn suggested to Niall.

Niall nodded but turned to Liam. He opened his mouth but Liam cut him off saying, “I’m not gonna leave.”

Niall smiled and got up, satisfied with what Liam had said.

“Can I have a turn now?” Zayn asked playfully sitting next to Liam.

“Of course.” Liam grinned.

“You two seem to be doing better.” Louis pointed out from where he sat eating by Harry.

Zayn nodded, “Yeah, not being angry anymore made an impact.” Inwardly, Zayn still wasn’t sure how everything had affected their relationship but at this point he was at least willing to start exploring it.

“That’s good.” Harry casually commented.

“What about you two?” Liam was curious. He had always felt Harry and Louis’ love for eachother was stronger than anything he had ever seen. He wondered how they were really holding up after everything. They seemed to be ok but he knew that was only the surface.

“I think we’re as good as can be expected. We arent where we used to be but I think time will get us there.” Louis patted Harry’s knee and offered him a smile.

The smile Harry offered in return was anything but sincere however. Louis could tell.

“Did you remember your pills?” Louis asked. He could feel Harry was a little more depressed than normal and assumed maybe he had forgotten.

“Yes, Dad, I did! Thank you for asking!” Harry practically yelled shoving his food away from him.

“Harry, I didn’t mean it like that.” Louis instantly felt bad.

“Leave me alone.” He huffed moving back to the bed. He didn’t feel comfortable leaving the room but had nowhere to go. He pulled the covers up over his head and shut his eyes tightly trying hard not to cry. He didn’t feel at all like himself and it was starting to become more than he could handle.

Zayn, Liam and Louis looked at each other silently.

“I didn’t…” Louis trailed off whispering. He looked so hurt. He looked near tears.

“It’s alright, Lou.” Zayn comforted moving to cuddle him.

Louis had been trying so hard to do everything he could to help everyone else. It didn’t leave much time for him to deal with his own issues.

Louis rested his head on Zayn’s shoulder, “I try so hard…” He said softly.

“I know, Lou.” Zayn said as a tears fell from Louis’ eyes.

Liam moved and sat on the other side of Louis who took his hand gently, “At least you're the most normal, Liam.” Louis said for no reason in particular, he just felt like saying it.

Zayn and Liam exchanged a look as Louis rested his weight on Zayn.

“Wanna talk about it?” Liam offered quietly.

Louis shook his head.

They then heard the door to the loo open and Niall walk out with a semi-wet head and fresh pair of clothes.

“Who’s next?” Niall asked

“I’ll go.” Harry said as he crawled out of the bed.

He grabbed some clothes and walked into the loo.

“Is he okay?” Niall asked after Harry closed the door.

“I don’t know…Every time I feel like things are getting better, something happens and we take ten steps back.” Louis sighed.

Niall sat on the bed, “I’m sorry, Lou.”

Louis shook his head as he wiped away some of his tears, “You don’t need to be sorry, Nialler.”

“I know...I just wanted to say it anyway.” Niall told him.

“Let’s see what’s on the telly or we could set up the playstation.” Liam suggested.

“Playstation.” Niall answered quickly getting off the bed.

“Playstation it is!” Zayn smiled.

Harry came into the room after the boys finished setting up the playstation, “Louis, you can take your shower now.”

“Wanna play? C’mon me and Liam against you and Niall.” Zayn said.

Harry shook his head, he didn’t feel like doing anything other than crawling under the covers.

“You and Niall play. I’ll watch.” Liam said handing Niall his controller.

After awhile of the boys playing playstation, Louis came back out and laid down next to Harry who immediately cuddled into him.

“I wanna sleep.” Harry said softly.

“Can we finish this match first? Please?” Niall begged.

“Sure.” Harry replied.

After the boys finished their game, Niall went and took his pills as Zayn followed him and brushed his teeth when they were finished, they went and crawled into bed, Zayn beside Louis and Niall beside Zayn. Liam went into the loo and brushed his teeth when he was finished, he went over to the edge of the bed.

“I’m going to sleep on the floor. Can one of you pass me a pillow?” Liam asked.

Zayn reached between him and Niall, grabbed the pillow and gently tossed it to him.

“Does this have anything to do with the way you woke up earlier?” Niall asked.

“I just don’t find the bed that comfortable. I’m fine, don’t worry.” Liam offered a reassuring smile.

Niall didn’t respond, just looked at him carefully before rolling over to his stomach as Liam grabbed a blanket from the closet and turned on the loo lights and then turned off the big lights.

“Thank you.” Zayn smiled.

“Of course.” Liam smiled back.

Liam laid down as Zayn closed his eyes and Niall moved to the edge of the bed, still on his stomach and this time when he let his hand arm fall over the edge, it was immediately caught by Liam as he wrapped his fingers around Niall’s.

Niall grinned as he drifted off to sleep and it didn’t take long before the other four boys were off into a deep sleep too.


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been longer than a week...Sorry now that I only have a class a couple days a week, the days run together. College keeps me busy. I honestly just forgot to post the chapter. Feel free to comment after a week reminding me to post a new chapter, if I haven't already! :D

The next morning Paul texted Liam to wake him up. He figured it was a sure way to not scare the lads.

Liam did in fact wake up easy to the sound of his phone. He responded to Paul, so he would know he was awake and then sat up.

"Nialler..." He whispered running his fingers through the lads hair gently.

He smiled for a moment but didn't stir.

"Niall, we gotta get up." Liam said a little louder.

Finally Niall blinked his eyes open. After waking up a bit he told Liam good morning and then headed to relieve his bladder.

"Zayn, baby, wake up." Liam said sitting by him.

Zayn however stayed passed out.

"Zayn..." Liam said louder waking up Louis.

"Harry?" Louis whispered into his ears.

Harry snuggled in closer to Louis.

"We have to get up curly." Louis smiled.

Harry shook his head, obviously awake but not willing to get up.

"Zayn! Come on!" Liam said louder now that everyone was awake.

Zayn still slept.

Having an idea Liam leaned down and kissed Zayn.

It took him a moment but finally his lips smiled against Liam's before kissing him back, making Liam pull away just in time for Niall to come out of the loo.

“I’m hungry.” Niall complained ignoring the kiss.

“So am I.” Louis sat up.

The five lads quickly agreed on breakfast and ordered it. They got dressed as they waited for the food and then ate when it arrived. Just as they finished Paul knocked on the door and called out to them, “Let’s go, lads.”

“Time for more therapy.” Liam said standing.

“I wonder where we are gonna do it.” Niall commented as they all walked to the door.

“Where are we meeting, Paul?” Louis asked.

“They have a conference room. Michelle and Carrie are already down there waiting for you.” he explained taking them down the hall.

"Lads..." Paul suddenly stopped them outside the door. "I wanted to let you all know I got word this morning that Andy and his men all came back clean. None of them have HIV or AIDS."

"So we have nothing to worry about?" Niall quickly asked.

"Not at all." Paul smiled. He gave them all a moment to rejoice then kept them moving.

When they made it to the conference room Michelle and Carrie had five chairs sat next to each other. They asked them to sit down and when they did Paul left and waited outside the door.

“You boys look a little better.” Carrie smiled.

“Those bastards are locked up. Of course we feel better.” Zayn told her.

“And we found out that we don’t have to worry about HIV or AIDS. The bastards are clean.” Niall added.

“That’s great news! How is it impacting your daily lives?” Michelle wondered.

They all just seemed to look at each other. “I dont know that it has really.” Louis finally said.

Carrie nodded as Michelle asked, “So everything is still the same? Fearful to be without each other? Sleeping in the same bed?”

They all nodded.

“I really think its time for you lads to try to stop. At some point you lads have to be okay separate.” Carrie said.

Niall suddenly felt nervous as did Harry.

“I agree. I think it’s time you lads try to sleep in different rooms.” Michelle nodded.

“No, I won't sleep without Louis.” Harry insisted.

Michelle and Carrie seemed to whisper to each other. They then looked back to the lads. “Those of you that are together can sleep in the same room.” Michelle said.

“Great!” Niall instantly looked pissed. “Leave me out of everything again!” He stood wanting to leave but as he moved towards the door Zayn grabbed ahold of his wrist cause him to let out a bit of a scream.

“Niall, I’m sorry.” Zayn quickly told him as he let go.

Tears rushed down Niall’s face as Liam moved to cuddle him.

“Niall, no one is trying to leave you out.” Carrie told him.

“We just want you lads to get better. This is a step in that direction.” Michelle agreed.

“I don’t want to be alone!” Niall cried as he hung on tight to Liam.

“None of us want to be alone. Is this really necessary? Can't Niall just stay with one of us two?” Louis asked. “It doesn’t seem fair.”

“I understand you want to protect him but you also have to help him. You aren't helping him if you allow him to stay afraid.” Michelle tried to reason with them all.

“Nialler, you’ve come so far. Don’t give up now. We can figure out something to help you feel comfortable.” Liam encouraged.

Niall sniffled, “I wont be able to sleep if I don't feel safe.”

“We’ll make sure you feel safe.” Zayn said. “If you don't you can come sleep with Liam and I.”

“Zayn, don’t encourage his fear.” Carrie instructed.

“Don’t tell me what to do!” Zayn snapped.

“Alright, alright, lets bring this all back in.” Michelle tried to calm everyone.

Harry was silent as he gripped Louis’ hand.

“What if we make a deal with you?” Michelle asked looking at Niall.

Niall just looked at her, wiping away some tears.

“You promise to really try hard to figure out a way to sleep without the other lads and if you cant then you can stay with two of the others, so long as it’s not in the same bed.” Michelle gave him a questioning look.

Niall nodded.

“You sure?” Liam questioned, still holding him. “We’ll all fight for you.”

“It’s okay. I’ll try. I wanna get better.”

Liam gave Niall a warm smile as they went back and sat down.

“Thank you, Niall.” Michelle encouraged.

Niall nodded.

“Now, one reason we are pushing you lads so hard to break apart is because you’ll want to split up a little for this weeks assignments.” Carrie said.

“Again?” Harry moaned.

Carrie gave him a warm smile and said, “This is a little different.” She winked as she handed him a sealed envelope.

Michelle gave one to Zayn and said, “Louis and Harry are together and Zayn, you’re with Liam for this weeks assignment.”

The pairs looked at each other then at the envelopes and finally back to their therapist.

“Just wait till you’re alone to look.” Carrie nodded.

They were still confused but seemed to settle as Carrie and Michelle shifted the conversation to the topic of how they all felt being out on tour. The lads told them how they were thrilled to be trying to get back to normal but how they still had fears and worries.

They sat talking for another while until finally Michelle and Carrie let them go. Carrie of course asked Niall to stay so they could talk.

Michelle went out of the room with the others.

“Everything alright?” Paul asked the lads. he had heard the brief shouting.

“Yeah, we just have to figure out a way to make Niall comfortable sleeping without us.” Liam explained.

“I trust you lads will figure something out.” Michelle smiled and walked away.

The four went with Paul and sat in a near by group of chairs.

“He slept alone the first night didn’t he?” Zayn asked.

“Yeah, but he knew we weren't far and let's not forget what happened when he woke up." Liam said.

“Do you know if any of the rooms are conjoining?” Harry asked Paul.

“Afraid not.” Paul shook his head.

“Great.” Liam rubbed his hands over his face.

“Could one of us stay with him till he fell asleep, or I guess, you stay with him?” Zayn looked to Liam.

“No way, he’d flip when he woke up alone. Remember when he thought Liam was gone?” Louis said.

“Oh yeah.” Zayn nodded.

“Why doesn’t Paul stay with him?” Harry asked.

“Me?” Paul suddenly asked.

“That’s a great idea! How could he not feel safe with Paul in the room?” Louis nodded.

“Lads I dunno…” Paul was cut off.

“Exactly, It’s perfect! Niall shouldn’t mind Paul at all.” Liam nodded.

“I’m sitting right here lads!” Paul told them.

“You’d love to right Paul? I mean, you say you love us like your own kids.” Louis looked to him.

Meanwhile Carrie and Niall had been discussing his feelings of thinking he’s left out. That lead them to discuss his being so against being alone.

“I’m just saying, I think part of you not wanting to be alone is a way for you to prevent being left out.” Carrie said.

Niall nodded, “I don't know if I agree but I’ll admit, it makes sense.”

“Niall, I really want you to try hard to be alright with sleeping in a room alone. I’m sure you boys have guards who stay up watching your doors.”

“I dont understand why this is so important.” Niall shook his head.

She paused then said, “Niall, part of your assignment will require you being alone.”

“What do you mean?” Niall looked at her awkwardly.

“Niall, it’s time you work on your fear of touches. Just before you screamed when Zayn grabbed you. Part one will address that. You need to have the boys start gently touching you. Patting your shoulder, giving you a quick hug. You dont have to push so hard and let anyone else do it. Just your bandmates, your friends, brothers.”

Niall wasn’t thrilled with the idea but it wasn’t that bad. “The other part has to do with being alone?” He asked.

Carrie nodded, “Yes, for part two you’re going to work on getting over Mac touching you on a sexual level. Niall, I want you to touch yourself. You don’t have to report back on that however.”

“My therapist is telling me she wants me to wank? No, thats not creepy at all.” Niall said sarcastically.

“Niall!” She scolded. “You were sexually abused. I simply want you to work on moving past that.”

“Right, sorry. I just found that a little awkward.”

“That’s why we wrote down the others assignments. I suppose I should have done that for you also.”

Niall opened his mouth to reply but she cut him off.

“This has gotten very awkward very quickly, lets stop here. Next session we’ll stick to discussing your feelings of being left out.”

“Right, sorry.” He nodded.

“It might be helpful if you let the other boys know it’s okay to touch you and when they do, think of something that makes you happy and try hard to remember that it’s just a friend, not Mac.” Carrie suggested as Niall stood.

Niall nodded, “I’ll try, thank you...and uh, sorry again. Shouldn’t have said that.”

“It was my mistake, Niall. Now, try and enjoy the rest of your day.” She gave him a warm smile.

Niall gave a little smile back and walked out of the room where the other boys were waiting.

“Niall!” Louis smiled and Niall knew by that smile that Louis was up to something. He was either in the process of planning something or had already planned something and judging by the way he said Niall’s name, Niall had a pretty good feeling that he was involved in it.

“What are you up to, Tommo?” Niall asked raising an eyebrow.

Louis narrowed his eyes towards Niall, “Don’t be so quick to judge, Nialler.”

“But you have that look in your eyes...What are you planning? Whatever it is, leave me out of it this time.” Niall told him.

Zayn smiled at the playfulness. He felt normal again or almost normal, seeing Niall and Louis discuss plans felt as if barely anything had changed.

“Niall…” Zayn started out slowly.

Niall looked at him, “Do you know what’s up to? You’re the partner in crime after all.” He smirked.

Zayn chuckled, “Yes...but it wasn’t just me this time! We all thought of it together…”

“What’s going on?” Niall asked as Carrie stepped out into the hallway.

“We came up with a solution for you not to feel as left out or alone at night.” Louis grinned.

“And what’s that?” Niall asked looking over at Louis now.

“Liam, you haven’t said anything...I’ll let you take this.” Louis smirked once again.

Niall turned to face Liam who was leaning against the wall in the hallway, “We figured that Paul can sleep with you in your room. He can take the sofa or something. But this way, you won’t be so scared at night. Paul’s the next best thing, besides us of course.” He explained with a little smile.

Niall smiled, "Thats brilliant!" He turned to Paul, "You don't mind?"

Paul took a deep breath, "Course not, if it'll help."

"Great idea." Carrie smiled as she walked past them.

"It's settled then!" Louis smiled proudly.

"Let's move out stuff around then." Liam said.

"No, do it after. We have to get you lads to the Arena." Paul stopped them from walking away.

"Ok, let's do it." Zayn was ready to give this a go again. He wanted to get this first night over with.

The lads all walked with Paul while they waited for the van to pull up at the exit.

They stood by the exit, normally they’d go out the back or through the hotel staff entrance but there was always a large crowd at every exit. So they’d settle for going through the front for now again.

While they waited, Niall turned to the boys, “Uh...lads?” He said feeling nervous, he didn’t know why. He simply had to tell them that they were allowed to touch him again and he needed to learn how to work past the uneasiness of it all.

“Yeah?” Louis asked looking him.

“Erhm...I have to work on letting you all touch me...anyone other than Liam is allowed to touch me now, whether I like it or not.” He explained quietly.

“If you don’t like it, we won’t do it...We don’t want to upset you.” Harry said softly.

“I have to. Carrie said so. I’m supposed to work on being comfortable with someone besides Liam touching me. I guess it’s to eventually get me comfortable enough to hug fans and people…I mean, I do feel bad that I don’t feel comfortable enough to hug a fan when all they wanna do is hug me. It kind of sucks, especially for them.” He further explained.

Louis nodded, “Alright. Is it okay if I give you a hug and have you not scream at me?” He asked with a half smirk.

Niall laughed, “I’m not really allowed to say no...so yes, I suppose.”

Louis let go of Harry’s hand momentarily as he pulled Niall into a hug and Niall bit back the urge to scream but hugged Louis back they stayed like that until the van pulled up.

Niall then quickly took a hold of Liam’s hand, holding it tight, fearful of the large crowd in front of them. Zayn then quickly took a hold of Niall’s other hand making Niall gasp in surprise.

“It’s okay...It’s just me. I promise I won’t hurt you.” Zayn gave him a small smile.

Niall nodded as they were ushered out the door by security and hopped into the van.

Once in the van Louis pulled out the envelope from his back pocket. He and Harry had the back row of the van to themselves so he figured it was a good time.

Louis tore into the envelope and took out the sheet of paper. 'Make out and let things go as far as you can both handle sexually.' He read.

Louis felt a little excited but as the same time he felt nervous. He knew Harry would have a hard time with this.

He gave him a gentle nudge and passed him the paper. Louis could see Harry swallow a lump in his throat.

"You alright with that?" He whispered to his younger lover.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders.

In the front of the van Liam sat with Niall's head on his right shoulder and his left hand draped over the seat to hold hands with Zayn.

It didn't take as long as they thought it would to arrive at the arena. Girls stood waiting and screaming as they arrived.

"Let's get inside. Harry hide the stitches. We'll go from there." Paul said.

The boys rushed out of the van and inside the building. The screaming girls bothered Niall but he managed to stay strong in front of them.

Once inside Paul told the lads that their entire crew had been instructed to treat them as normal. The only exception was that they were told not to touch Niall.

He then told them they would have a few minutes in the dressing room to relax and then they would need to go figure out how they were going to handle not having the floating stage.

No sooner then they made it to the dressing room Niall grabbed ahold of Liam and fought back tears. This was really hard.

"You're alright. Just relax." Liam encouraged

Niall nodded, "The crowds are just so much to handle. I don't mind the screaming but they're all trying to touch me and... I just don't like it."

"We know mate, just think about something else." Zayn encouraged.

Just then the door to the room opened and Lou came in. At first she smiled and then she gasped a little. Their faces and bodies looked better than they had been but it was still a shock to see them in the state they were in.

“Boys.” She said as she walked in.

They smiled at her as they all quickly gave her a group hug; Niall on the outside only touching Liam and Louis.

She smiled through her tears, “Let me look at you for a moment.” She told them.

They stood as she looked them, “I’m so glad you're okay. Tom is too, both he and Lux wanted to come but she started Nursery school a couple weeks ago.”

“How is she? I miss her.” Harry asked quietly as he shifted his eyes towards the ground.

“Good. It was hard to tell her that you boys went missing...and for when you got back to try and explain to her why she can’t see you right now.” She explained. “She really misses you boys.”

“We miss her too.” Louis smiled. “Nursery school already?! Man, time flies...It feels like she was just born the other day.” He shook his head in disbelief.

Lou nodded, “It certainly feels that way. It’s my understanding though that you don’t want to cover up your cuts and bruises?”

Zayn nodded, “We’d rather not hide behind makeup and stuff.”

“Good, I’m proud of you boys.” She smiled at them.

Niall nodded, “Thanks, I’m going to go find Josh, though.” He said as he left.

“Yeah, I actually told Calum I’d play some playstation with him as soon as we got here.” Zayn said as he gave Lou a hug and left.

As Zayn left Liam’s phone buzzed and it was a text from Zayn asking, Meet me in the room closest to the back of the arena, ASAP.

Liam raised his eyebrows in suspicion causing Louis to ask if everything was alright.

“Yeah, yeah...I’m just gonna go hang out with Luke for a bit.” Liam gave them a smile as he gave Lou a hug and left.

Liam quickly found the room closest to the back of the arena and walked in and saw Zayn standing in the middle of the room, smirking, holding an envelope.

“Might wanna read this first.” Zayn said as Liam closed the door behind him and walked over to Zayn.

He took the envelope and his eyes went big as he read it, “So you wanna…?”

“Make out with my boyfriend? Yes.” Zayn said closing the space between them. “We don’t have to go any further than we’re both willing to go. Let’s just take it one step at a time, yeah?” He smiled.

“Yeah, okay…” Liam said as Zayn moved him towards the sofa in the room, he straddled Liam’s waist after he sat down, and brought his mouth close to Liam’s as he gave him a small, soft kiss on his lips then he moved to Liam’s neck and left his mark, causing a low groan to escape Liam’s lip, not giving a fuck if fans saw or not then reattached his lips to Liam’s.

Liam instantly pushed his lips back towards Zayn’s as they moved their lips together as if nothing had changed between them. He rested his hands on Zayn’s hips as Zayn pushed his tongue into Liam’s mouth causing Liam to moan at the feeling.

Zayn slowly moved his hands to the button and zipper and Liam's trousers. "Ready sweetie?" He asked.

The response he got however he wasn't expecting.

As a flash of Mac crossed Liam’s mind a fantom feeling of the dildo at his entrance could be felt. He could suddenly feel the restraints around his wrist and ankles also making him push hard against Zayn's chest. "Stop!"

Zayn struggled to keep from falling down as he quickly backed away from Liam.

Liam let out a faint, dull scream.

"What? What did I do?" Zayn asked worried.

"You... You said ready sweetie." He explained rubbing his hands over his face.

"I was trying to make sure you were okay with me moving forward." Zayn was still confused.

"Fuck!" Liam groaned. He wanted this so badly. He wanted Zayn. He longed for him.

"Li- baby, I don't understand." Zayn took a step toward him.

"Mac, uh, he..." Liam paused and looked at Zayn, "He said exactly that just before he rammed that fucking dildo up my arse. I just, the chains were back on me and I could see it happening again."

"Liam, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you flashback." Zayn sat beside him.

"It's okay. I-I haven't flashed back to the sexual stuff before. I don’t know what happened." Liam hung his head.

"Don't worry about it. We can try again later okay?" Zayn asked.

Liam smiled and nodded, "I'd like that. I'm sure it's just the extra stress of our first concert back."

"Yeah, I'm not mad." Zayn smiled.

"Thanks, I kind of have a problem though." Liam felt a bit terrible.

"I'll go so you can take care of it. Just promise you'll think about me. Yeah?" Zayn stood.

"Always." He nodded palming his semi hard on.

Zayn kissed Liam's forehead and left the room.

No sooner than Zayn was gone Liam shoved his trousers and boxers to the his ankles. With his feet almost bound together by the fabric his knees fell open and his hand came around his dick. He began thrusting hard upward into his fist as thoughts of fucking Zayn filled his mind.

Soon enough he came hard all over his hand with a whimper and Zayn's name on his breath.

Out in the hall Zayn had stayed close. He wanted to protect Liam from anyone that might be snooping around.

He could heard Liam groan out his name and it was all he could do not to burst in. He was sexually frustrated.

When Liam finally came out of the room Zayn grabbed his hand and smiled, "Feel good?"

"So good. Thank you for understanding." Liam said.

Just then Niall came around the corner, "We have to go now. They wanna work on figuring out how to do the show without the stage B."

Zayn nodded.

"Alright, I just wanna wash my hand, uh hands." Liam said.

Niall looked at both of them strangely but nodded and walked off with Zayn.

The next hour they rehearsed the change in the concert. When that was finished Lou called for Harry in makeup to work on figuring out how to hide how gruesome his stitches looked.

"Louis..." Harry trailed off not wanting to leave him.

"I'm coming curly." He smiled and walked with him.

As they walked Lou said, "I trust you both have gotten to see your families."

"Yeah, everyone but my sisters. Mum and I agreed the girls were too young to be around everything." Louis told her.

"Oh, I agree." She nodded walking them into makeup.

"Harry even got to see Robin and Des. We had a party of sorts for Niall." Louis went on.

"That's great. I'm sure you enjoyed that yeah?" She asked Harry as he sat down.

"I guess." He mumbled.

She clipped part of his curls out of her way so she could better see the damage shaking her head she asked, "When can these come out?"

"Later this week, I think." He answered not looking directly at her.

"What did you hit, anyway?" She took a damp wipe and carefully swept around his wound to clean the area.

"Faucet maybe, I'm not sure." He didn't want to talk about this.

"Well, the easiest thing to do would be cover it with a bandage. I'm not sure you should go that route however. It would look terribly tacky." She stood back looking at it now.

"What do you suggest?" Louis asked.

"Well, I can cover up all this puffy and bruised skin around it. That would certainly help it look not so dreadful. What do you think Harry?" She asked.

"Don't care." He sunk into his seat as Lou looked to Louis concerned.

"Alright then, we'll just go with covering up the swelling and bruising. Might hurt a bit." She warned.

"I won't feel a thing." He simply replied now spaced out a little. He didn't feel much of anything anymore. He felt so numb.

Trying to ignore the comment that shot a lump in her throat she nodded and said, "I’ll try to be quick about it."

She picked up a pallet of concealer and began mixing up a good skin tone to match Harry. After testing a little on his wrist she found the right combination and put it onto a makeup sponge.

"Here we go, babe." She had said.

"No!" Harry shouted standing up before she could come close to him. "Don't fucking call me that."

He took a few steps away from her and sunk to the ground.

"Curly..." Louis rushed to him as Lou and everyone else in the room looked confused and shocked.

"No one can call me that." Harry told Louis who had begun rubbing his back.

"She didn't know. You're alright. Take some deep breaths." He soothingly instructed.

Harry closed his eyes and sucked in a deep breath of air before slowly blowing it out.

Harry opened his mouth to say something but closed it when he noticed Zayn and Niall walk into the room.

“Everything alright?” Zayn asked worried.

“Lou just didn’t know about the...uh...word.” Louis tried to explain.

“Oh...That explains the noise...Well, if you’re done here then we have rehearsal, I think they’ve figured out how to re work the show without us flying over the crowds.” Niall explained.

Harry looked up at Louis who looked towards Lou, “Are we done?” He asked softly.

She nodded as Harry stood and left with the other boys and met up with Liam in the arena.

He smiled as the other boys came into the room, “Remember the summer shows? Where we played all those outdoor venues and had to adjust for that?” He asked them.

The other three nodded but no one felt like speaking.

“That’s what we’re going to do, so we’re going to rehearse on our own then there’s soundcheck and then the meet and greets. We can eat after that probably.” Liam explained.

“Sounds good. I wonder what the kitchen has for us tonight.” Niall mentioned. He loved the meals Sarah’s Kitchen provided for them while on tour.

The boys then went on and rehearsed for the concert later that night, then came the part that they were dreading, the soundcheck. It wasn’t because they weren’t happy about performing for their fans on a smaller and more private scale, it was just because there was Q&A part of it and usually they had nothing to worry about but it was all different now. The fans were worried about their boys and wanted answers about what happened to them and after their rehearsal, management had taken them aside and told them that they were allowed to talk about what happened to them and the trial with the general public now. It made the boys nervous because it was hard enough with family and friends, but now they’ll have to talk to their fans and complete strangers about it for the next five weeks and none of them wanted to talk about it or deal with it anymore than they do but they had no choice now.

If they knew their fans, which they did, they knew that the questions would be on the edge or even completely under the category of going too far, but management didn’t give two shits, they just saw this as their chance to promote the boys even more than normal and use this to their advantage, tossing the boys feelings aside. The boys were told that they had to answer all the questions as truthfully as possible, they didn’t have to go into detail but just give enough to answer the person’s question.

Louis didn't completely understand what management was thinking. At first they had wanted to cover it all up. Now they wanted them to share it all.

As they did sound check Harry kept having to close his eyes. He tried to pretend he was just feeling the music but really it was just all so difficult to handle.

Somehow he and the others got through it and now it was time for the questions. Thankfully they each only had to take one question.

"Alright, who has a question for me?" Zayn smiled. He did his best to act completely normal.

As hands shot up he looked around and picked a girl. Standing she said, "Hi Zayn."

"Hello, what's your question?" He asked.

"I uh, I was just curious if Andy and those others guys ever said why they kidnapped you?"

Zayn nodded and tried to think about how  he could answer this honestly without giving away information he wasn't allowed to.

"Well, I suppose the easiest way to put it is to say that he was a disgruntled ex-employee. He didn't like that he was fired and decided to get revenge." Zayn was rather proud of himself for answering the question so smoothly.

The girl nodded and thanked him.

With the topic brought up the girl Liam chose next asked, "Liam, was it hard to tell the courts what happened while having to look at all those guys that hurt you?"

"Well actually," he began smoothly, "The courts were wonderful in doing everything they could to help us all be more comfortable. Testifying was extremely difficult but we never had to actually face Andy or the others. A screen was placed in front of them for us.” By the end of his answer he felt like he was starting to ramble so he finished up quickly. Thankfully his question had not been the tough.

“Harry, would you like to go next?” Liam asked knowing he’d probably need a little encouragement.

“Sure.” He nodded and looked through the hands till he found one he wanted. “Hello there.” He forced a smile.

“Hi, I think we all really want to know exactly what all happened.” She looked very nervous.

Harry nodded, swallowed hard and closed his eyes. He absolutely did not want to do this. “Uh, well…” He cleared his throat as Louis looked to him from the other side of Zayn. “We were all taken and held in separate rooms with things we feared the most. After awhile they allowed us to be in one room together.”

He had to pause again to nervously fix his hair, “They’d come and take one of us at a time and give us some sort of test, physical or mental, and the outcome of the test would determine who they’d physically or sexually assault as punishment. It just kept happening over and over till the police found us.”

Zayn patted Harry’s back as he finished.

“Niall, why don't you see who has a question for you next?” Zayn directed.

He prayed his question would be easy as he picked out a fan.

“Hi Niall, I’m so glad you guys are safe and I’d like to know out of everything that happened to you, what was the worst part?”

Liam who sat next to him instantly noticed his hand start to shake. They all knew what had been the worst part for Niall.

Niall looked down at the ground and tried to put happy thoughts in his mind to prevent the flashbacks and tears.

Liam stood and took a few steps towards him, placing a hand on his shoulder.

Niall knew who the touch belonged to and placed his hand over the top of Liam’s as a silent way of saying thank you.

This however cause nearly all the girls to say ‘awe’ which put a smile on Niall’s face for a moment. He needed that smile if he was gonna be honest like he had been told. He knew no one would hate him or be mad if he lied a little but he knew he had to be bold and tell the truth. He knew it was his responsibility to be a face of encouragement for anyone in the crowd who may have gone through what he had.

“I uh… sorry, it’s a little hard to talk about.” He explained rubbing his mouth with the hand he pulled away from Liam’s. “I was uh, I was raped.” He finished in a whisper almost, not looking at any of the fans.

Liam’s hand squeezed his shoulder a little as he finished, “That’s the worst thing that’s ever happened to me, not just in that moment.” He cough to make the tears wanting to fall go away as Liam gave him a side hug and directed Louis to take his question.

The fans however were strangely silent. The Q&A had turned rather serious.

“What about you?” Louis asked a girl holding up her hand.

She smiled and asked, “What is recovery like for you all? I mean, what is being done to help you?” She tried not to stutter.

Louis gave her an encouraging smile and replied, “Well, we are all in therapy. We each sit down with a therapist three time a week right now. Once as a group.” He left out the part about how one session was for the couples. “I think thats really helping a lot. Two of us have been put on medication to help with some of the after affects as well. Plus our family and friends and crew have helped in just being a great support system.”

Louis wanted to try and end on a happy note so he added, “We are extremely grateful for all your support as well. You fans play a big part in keeping us going.”

Zayn nodded in agreement, “Yeah, I think we’re about done now unfortunately...but the lads and I would just like to say a massive thank you for all of your love and support. We read your tweets of encouragement and support all the time, it really helps to keep us going and make what we do for you a lot easier.”

Paul then instructed that the boys were going backstage to get ready for meet and greets, and that security will escort them to see the boys when it was their turn.

As the boys headed backstage to the designated area, they could hear Paul giving strict instructions on not to touch Niall and explained that one of the side effects of Harry’s medication make him seem off when he’s really not that bad.

As soon as they reached the room, Niall pulled Liam into a hug and Liam quickly returned it by wrapping his arms around the younger lad, “I’m so proud of you for how you answered your question and how you were truthful about what happened.”

“We’re supposed to be truthful though.” Niall mumbled into Liam’s neck.

“Right, but you could’ve said something else or passed it off to Louis, or even just said that you weren’t comfortable with answering that and that would’ve been fine.” Liam pulled Niall back and looked in his eyes, “But you didn’t...you were brave and you said that you were raped and that took a lot of courage to say publicly like that and I’m just so fuckin proud of you.”

“We all are.” Zayn gave him a smile as he placed a hand on Niall’s shoulder causing him to flinch but Niall forced himself to not turn away from the touch.

Paul then entered the room, “I’ve got all the girls...and some boys ready. Did you need another moment? Cause I can make them wait however long you lads need.”

Niall shook his head as he wiped a tear that had fallen, “No, we’re good.”

“Alright, I’ve told them that they can’t touch you and I’ll be here in the room also, so if any of them forget the moment they see you, I’ll be here to stop it.” Paul told him.

Niall smiled, “Thank you, Paul. I really appreciate it.”

The meet and greet went really well. Harry struggled to keep a fake smile plastered on his face but he managed. Niall did ok so long as no one touched him. Most everyone just simply wanted him to know they loved him.

When all was over with the fans it was time for them to eat. The crew and everyone else found it rather odd that the lads all sat quietly together but never said a word. They knew a lot of things were going to be different now.

Then it was concert time. Niall forced himself to be in the middle of a big group hug just before getting into place. Liam was nervous about coming up through the floor but knew if he made a big deal of it his brothers would know something was wrong. He couldn't have that.

Niall felt the same way as Liam, but his was for different reasons, the space was closed in and tight, even though he was only on the lift for less than a minute, he still felt anxious about it. However, when he looked over at Liam, Liam gave him a comforting smile and it seemed to calm the nervous just enough for Niall to think straight as he felt the platform be lifted up.

The entire group of fans screamed louder than they ever had. Zayn felt wonderful hearing it. It was a hard pill for Harry to swallow but as the music began it mellowed him out and made him feel better.

The music even pumped Niall up. He was able to get into it and forget his problems. Louis found it very hard to stay away from Harry. He did however keep a close eye on him.

It was Liam, the least likely of them all, who had a hard time with the concert. Actually he was doing great. So great in fact he got lost in what he was doing and got too close to the edge of the stage.

As Zayn flawlessly sang his verse in What Makes You Beautiful, Liam looked down and saw the floor so far away, he let out a scream and threw himself backward. He knocked Louis to the ground and scared the fans in the process.

The band instantly stopped unsure what was happening.

Liam practically crawled over Louis to back away from the edge further.

Niall rushed to be with Liam as Zayn stood by Harry, keeping him from moving toward Louis who was now standing.

Niall gave Liam a questioning look as he helped him up.

"I- I was gonna fall. I felt myself slipping. It scared me a bit." He half lied whispering into Niall’s ear. There was no way he was getting out of that.

"You're okay." Niall told him, repeating the words Liam often told him. He placed a hand on Liam’s shoulder.

Liam forced a fake smile and placed his hand on top of Niall’s. "Sorry about that." He said into his mic facing the fans now. "Lost my footing there and almost fell off the stage." He forced a half laugh

"Glad I could break your fall, Liam." Louis said into the mic.

"Yes, sorry Louis. Just be glad I didn't wee myself also." Liam's line made the fans laugh just as he had planned.

The fans seemed totally convinced but the four lads knew better.

Louis shot Harry a very quick glance and nod from across the stage letting him know he was in fact alright.

“How about we start over again from Zayn’s verse?” Louis suggested.

Liam nodded and looked towards Zayn, “Yeah, let’s start the second verse over again.” He said into the mic so the band could hear them.

Zayn started to sing flawlessly as if nothing had happened as they picked up where they left off and walked over to Liam as he sang the rest of his verse, “...I don't know why you're being shy, and turn away when I look into your eye-eye-eyes.” Causing Liam to burst out into giggles as he looked away and started to sing with the chorus now that bridge was over.

Harry had done so well throughout the concert, it was hard during Up All Night and I Would. Then Louis gave his speech and that made him feel more comfortable and more at ease making the rest of the night go a bit much easier than he originally expected.

Now it was time for his verse that he sang alone while the other boys stood around him. He has a lot of verses where he sings alone or a lyric here and there but there was nothing he hated more than singing this one part in What Makes You Beautiful. This was partly why the boys always did something to do him, mainly Liam or Zayn that did something, it was Louis who came up with the idea while Niall just usually stands and laughs.

As he stood there, he brought the mic up to his mouth, and the boys around him, he opened his mouth to sing his verse but for a reason that he couldn’t figure out, the words wouldn’t come out. He sang the verse perfectly in his mind but nothing would come out of his mouth so he just stood there with tears in his eyes and his heart falling apart, he had so done well, he had almost made it! He was so close to being normal on stage but just like everything else in his life right now, it seemed to fall apart at the last minute.

He was so into kicking himself for not being able to sing his part that he almost didn’t realize that the crowd had taken over and sang it for him. He held back tears, he couldn’t remember loving their fans anymore than he did in this moment.

When the chorus hit and the other boys started to sing as they sprinted off to other area’s of the stage, Harry was finally able to find his voice again as he continued the song and finished it perfectly.

When they were finally off stage Harry pulled Louis into a tight hug, “I don’t know what happened. I wanted to sing...I had it in my head, I don’t understand why I froze. I just...did.”

Louis held onto his boyfriend tightly, “It happens, it’s okay, it’s our first night back on stage after everything that happened...We’re going to have a few kinks in the beginning, but it’s going to be okay. I promise.”

“I love you.” Harry mumbled.

“I love you too...so much.” He said as he kissed Harry’s forehead.

Harry suddenly pulled away a little bit, “I’m going to go change now…”

“Alright.” Louis said as he followed Harry.

As the boys were changing out of their stage clothes and into their street clothes, Niall looked over at Liam, “Li, you okay? I mean after everything that happened on stage.”

Liam smiled as he pulled his jeans up, “Yeah, I swear.”

“What happened?” Louis asked quietly.

“I got too close to the edge of the stage. I felt myself slipping...and falling, I promise I’m fine. Really.” Liam forced a smile.

He noticed Zayn eyeing him out of the corner of his eye but he just ignored it and threw his shirt on.

Once all the boys were dressed, they were ushered to their van, with Niall in between Liam and Louis in the backseat while Harry and Zayn were in front of them.

Niall yawned, “Hey, Harry?”

“Yeah, Nialler?” Harry said sleepily.

“You okay? You froze up there during in What Makes You Beautiful…Never seen ya like that before.” He asked.

Harry shrugged looking out the window, “I don’t know...I was ready to sing it, I had the words in my head, I was singing in my head but nothing would come out of my mouth. I don’t understand what happened.”

“Shit happens, I mean...its our first show back, shit was bound to happen.” Niall pointed out.

Harry nodded, “I suppose.”

“The fans had you covered though.” Zayn smiled over at Harry.

Harry smiled at the memory but didn’t say anything.

The traffic was horrible but they finally got back to their hotel, the boys all hugged and said goodnight to each other. Niall let the other boys give him a hug and they were longer than really necessary but the boys hardly ever got to give Niall cuddles anymore, since he only felt comfortable with Liam. They wanted this to last and they wanted to help him.

Zayn walked to Liam as he wrapped his arms around his boyfriend’s neck, “My room or yours?” He smiled. “Just sleeping, I promise.” He quickly added.

“Yours is pretty close to the stairs right?” He asked.

“Yeah, across from the one we were all sharing.” Zayn replied.

“Lads, listen for a moment before you head off to sleep…” Paul said.

The boys looked at him.

“I had all your stuff moved to your individual rooms, so you can just go straight there without worrying about your stuff.” He told them.

The boys just nodded as they headed off to their rooms, when Zayn and Liam entered their rooms, Liam was already tearing off shirt and jeans, he was so tired, he just really wanted sleep.

“Li, about what happened with you on stage tonight…” Zayn started.

“Babe, I’m fine...Really. You have nothing to worry about.” Liam forced a smile.

“Don’t fucking fake smile your way out of this, I was watching you. I was watching you dance and have the time of your life on stage like you do every night of tour and you were no where near the edge of that stage. Don’t fucking lie to me about this or the boys, the reason why we work as a group is because there is no one we trust more than each other.” Zayn spoke surprisingly calm.

Liam sighed as he sat on the bed, “I don’t mean to lie or hide the fact that I’m having problems, I just don’t want them to worry about me. We’re all going through hell...and I just don’t want to add to that. I really want to be strong. I looked down tonight and I realized how high the stage was and how far away from the floor it really was...I freaked. I didn’t mean to…”

“Of course you didn’t fucking mean to! Do you think Niall means to only be the most comfortable around you? Or that Harry can’t be without Louis for more than a minute before he gets really upset? Or what I prick I still feel like for being a prick to Niall and you. We’re all going through things. We all went through it together...some of us got it worse than others, but…” Zayn paused as he locked eyes with Liam. “But we can make it out better and stronger than before if we all work together! That means being honest with each other and letting each other be there for each other.”

Liam nodded, “I get what you’re saying and I’ll tell them the truth soon! I promise. Just give me a couple more days? Please?”

Zayn gave him a wary look, “I know you wanna protect them but you're only hurting them in the long run by keeping the truth from them.”

“I know...Just let them enjoy it for a bit longer? I’ll tell them on the way to Perth, that way we’re all stuck on a bus together and they can’t walk away mad.” Liam begged.

“Alright. You tell them on the way to Perth or I will.” It wasn’t a warning it was fact.

In Niall's room he had just come out of the loo to find Paul standing in the middle of the room looking uncomfortable.

"I'm sorry." He said hanging his head.

"No, Niall don't be. I'm fine I just, I didn't know where you needed me." Paul half lied. He really felt very strange doing this. He'd never admit it however. He loved these lads way too much.

"I guess it doesn't matter. Wherever ya want is fine." Niall sat on the bed and sighed.

Paul nodded at him and laid on a sofa in the room.

Niall looked around him as Paul closed his eyes. He hated this. He felt safe but he felt alone.

He was about to lay down when his cell phone chimed. It was a message from Liam.

'Be strong, Nialler. Don't forget your meds.'

Niall smiled and stood. He had forgotten his medication.

Hearing Niall move about the room Paul opened his eyes and watched as the lad took his pill.

When Niall settled back into the bed he closed his eyes and drifted off.

Niall however laid awake. He tried to sleep but he felt so empty. He had grown used to holding Liam's hand and feeling that someone was with him. He certainly couldn't hold Paul's hand.

He played on his cell phone for awhile. He sent out a few tweets, texted Sean, and watched a few YouTube videos.

Finally exhaustion helped him pass out.

Harry had gotten into the shower right away when he and Louis made it to his room. He wanted time to be alone.

He stood and even sat in the shower for the longest time sobbing as he replayed the night and flashed back to Adam until the water ran ice cold.

All around him it felt as though Adam's voice was calling him, 'baby boy' over and over. The more he heard it the more he felt Adam deep inside of him.

Louis worried, Harry didn't normally take so long but he feared Harry would feel like a scolded child if he went to check on him.

When Harry finally came out of the shower he had the towel wrapped tightly around him and his bottom lip quivered a little from the cold.

"Enjoy that?" Louis decided was a safe question.

Harry didn't reply. He simply kept his back to Louis as he changed into clothes to sleep in. That was also uncommon for Harry. Harry enjoyed being naked.

"Curly, you alright?" Louis asked sitting up on the bed he had been lounging on.

"You kissed me." He almost grumbled.

"Harry I..." He didn't know what to say. His heart jumped into his mouth and tears stung his eyes.

"You didn't even ask." Harry complained.

"Curly, please, I didn't mean to upset you. It’s just habit. Can you forgive me?" Louis felt so worried.

"Yeah, of course." He finally looked to Louis. When he saw the worry on his face and the tears in his eyes however he cracked again and begun to cry.

"Harry..." Louis rushed to his side.

"I keep fucking everything up." He sobbed now on the floor.

"No, Harry no. That isn't true. You're fighting through the worst shit we've ever been through." Louis comforted pulling the younger lad into his arms.

"I fucked up my verse in What Makes You Beautiful, I fucked up when you kissed me, I fucked up just now by making you cry. How can you possibly love me?" Harry just clutched onto Louis and cried.

"Harry, I love you more than you could ever imagine. I love your perfections and your imperfections. Please believe that. Don't shut me out. God Harry, please don't push me away anymore." Louis started to cry again.

For a moment they just held each other and sobbed.

At some point Harry whimpered, "Don't let me go, please just don't let me go."

"Never ever. Never letting go."

The two did end up finally drying their tears and moving to the bed where they fell asleep cuddling.

Zayn and Liam also fell asleep in each others arms. It felt strange not holding Niall's hand for Liam and Zayn was extremely uncomfortable on the floor but, they had each other.

Poor Niall however didn't fare so well. He had fallen asleep but was woken by Paul who sounded like he was a chainsaw cutting through logs. Even with a pillow pressed to ears he couldn't drown him out.

 


	23. Chapter 23

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> College is kicking my ass. :( Keeping me too busy...I keep thinking, Oh I need to post a chapter today but either fall asleep or get into homework and forget. Sigh. Anyways, here's another new chapter for you all. I'm workin on being more consistent I really am.

Chapter 23

The next morning Niall felt like a zombie. He had not slept at all. He was even awake, laying in his bed when Paul's cell phone alerted him to wake up.

Clueless to what he'd done he simply asked Niall if he would be alright alone while he woke up Louis for therapy.

Niall very quickly agreed and only after Paul left fell asleep.

When Paul reached Louis and Harry's door he tapped softly on it and waited. Louis opened the door looking rather groggy and offered Paul a small smile.

"How'd it go?" Paul asked.

"It uh... It ended well." He nodded with a soft voice. He wanted Harry to rest as long as he could.

"You have therapy soon." Paul replied.

"I don't want to wake him but he can't wake up alone. Are the others up yet? Maybe one of them could stay with him." Louis asked.

"Niall was awake when I left the room. I could check on Zayn or Liam if you'd like." Paul offered.

"I uh, I'll send Liam a text. If he isn't up I'll text you and have you ask Niall. Alright?" He asked.

Paul nodded.

As Louis went back in his hotel room he grabbed his phone and messaged Liam.

'Any chance you're awake?'

In the room Zayn as Liam slept in the phone began to go off. Liam rolled away from Zayn's arms that were around him, causing him to stir a bit.

'Kinda, what's wrong?' He sent back.

"Paul?" Zayn asked.

"No, it's Louis." Liam told him.

'Would you mind sitting with Harry until he wakes up? We had a hard night.' Liam read the message out loud.

"That doesn’t sound good." Zayn said then yawned.

"Mind if I go?" Liam asked.

Zayn smiled and sat up just enough to kiss Liam. "You don't have to ask. Just go babe."

Liam smiled back, "Thank you." He then stood and quickly dressed enough to go be with Harry.

Once Liam was in with Harry, Louis thanked him and left with Paul to go meet Michelle.

"I'll wait out here like yesterday." Paul told him.

Louis just nodded and headed inside the meeting room.

"Good morning, Louis!" Michelle gave him a bright smile.

He smiled back a bit small and sat down quietly.

"What's wrong?"  She could tell something was bothering the lad.

"Last night was not good." Louis told her. He suddenly felt comfortable opening up to her.

"Let's start there then. What happened?" She asked.

Louis shook his head. Where did he begin? "Harry messed up a little last night during the show. I tried to comfort comfort him after and I kissed him. Well, I kissed his forehead."

"How did that go?" She was curious.

Louis shook his head, "He didn't say much till we were alone. Even then it was after a crazy long shower. He was rather cross with me. He said I didn't even ask. Then he turned to look at  me and began crying hysterically. He told me that he just kept fucking everything up and asked how I could possibly love him."

Her heart broke for these boys but she knew better than to get emotionally involved. "How did you reply, Louis?"

"I told him I loved him more than he would ever be able to imagine, because it's true." Louis took a deep breath and went on, "I told him I loved his flaws and perfections and told him he had to believe me."

Louis paused again to run a hand through his hair and then told Michelle, "I begged him not to push me away anymore and we both just cried holding onto each other.

Michelle nodded, "...And?" She knew there was more he wanted to say.

"...and I must be some kind of sick because it felt so good to just cry with him. To just... I don't know... own the pain and release it." He felt awful for feeling good about crying.

Michelle however smiled and said, "Louis, that's wonderful."

He looked at her like she was crazy. How could she say that?

"Louis, crying is good. It means your healing. Just like you said, you were able to own the pain and release it. It was probably good for Harry too. I'm very proud of you." She kept smiling.

Louis finally allowed himself to smile. He actually did feel better. Maybe Harry did too.

Harry was starting to wake up though. The warmth that had been pressed against him all night was gone. With his eyes still closed he ran a hand over the bed where Louis was.

Over on the sofa where Liam was playing a game on his phone he could hear Harry moving.

"Lou?" Harry called out. He hadn't yet seen Liam.

"He's having therapy." Liam stood as Harry quickly sat up hearing his voice.

"Why are you here?" He didn't look happy.

"Harry, Louis didn't want you to wake up alone. He asked me to sit with you. That's all it is." Liam assured taking a few steps towards him.

"No." Harry shook his head standing up. "I'm not a baby. I don't need a babysitter."

Liam watched Harry move towards him quickly, "It's nothing like that. Relax Harry."

"Get out!" Harry gently pushed Liam towards the door.

Liam worried but didn't want to start anything with Harry so he just allowed Harry to remove him from the the room.

Once in the hall Liam worried about what he should do. Harry had never acted in such a way. Figure ing Zayn would know best he headed back to the room they had shared.

"Zayn!" He called walking in. "Something's wrong with Harry. He's acting funny and I don't know what to do."

“What’s wrong?” Zayn asked putting his sketch book down on the bed where he sat. He had been drawing cartoons before Liam walked in.

“Harry...he’s acting really off, even for Harry and even Harry on meds.” Liam shook his head as he started pacing.

“Didn’t they up his dose not that long ago? Or he changes when he takes the meds? I’m sure that’s just it.” Zayn tried to ease his boyfriend’s mind.

Liam sighed as he sat on the sofa across from the bed, “He woke up and wanted Louis, which I can understand but when I explained that Louis was in therapy and he didn’t want Harry to be alone when he woke up, he called me his babysitter and kicked me out of the room.”

“Was he mean about it?” Zayn asked.

“No, he was gentle about it...I could tell he was angry though, that Louis thought he needed someone there when he woke up, like a small child would if their parent left for a few hours or something, I suppose.” Liam explained.

“He probably felt that by having you there showed that he needed a babysitter, like he can’t be on his own because he’s just a child or a baby...baby! That’s it! Adam treated him like a baby, that’s why we can’t baby him anymore because of what Adam did to him. He probably just has a hard time seeing the difference between cuteness, concern and actually babying.” Zayn explained.

"Your genius! That's exactly it." Liam said.

Before he could say anymore however Zayn's phone buzzed, "It's Paul." He said looking over the message before laughing a bit.

"What?" Liam asked.

"He said, 'I know you and Niall aren't getting along but can you act like a grown up for two minutes and make sure he is getting ready to go eat?'"

Liam smiled, "I can check in on him."

"So that way I have to go tell Harry to get ready to eat?" Zayn raised an eyebrow.

"That's a great idea!" He said and quickly bolted from the room.

When he reached Niall's door he knocked and waited for him to open up.

The sigh he saw when Niall came to door was anything but great however.

"Nialler, you look like hell. What happened?" Liam was worried.

Niall who was just barely awake blinked a few times and said, "Paul snores." He paused and then added, "loudly."

Liam bit back a laugh, "I'm so sorry. We all thought it was a great idea."

Niall moved and let him into the room. "I think tonight I'd like to try just having security posted outside the door."

"That's a big step Niall. If you aren't ready, I'll stand up to Carrie for you." Liam was concerned. Niall had come such a long way for this stupid task he wasn't ready for to break him down.

"Thank you but I'm ready to try. You'll be just down the hall right?" Niall asked trying hard to wake up. He didn't have to ask why Liam was here. He knew.

"Yes, and Louis will be across the hall. I promise." Liam gave him a smile.

Niall smiled back and they stood quiet for a moment.

Niall then spoke up, "Can I tell you something without you getting weird?"

"Of course!" Liam flashed him a bigger smile.

"My assignment actually has two parts. There is more to it than just letting you lads touch me." Niall but his lower lip for a moment then looked away. "She's wants me to touch myself."

"You mean..."

"Yeah, she wants me to wank off. I dunno how to feel about it." Niall was honest.

Liam nodded, "I'm sure she knows what she's doing. I think you should just give it a try. I mean, worst that happens is you flashback and come running to us, after you dress, for comfort. None of us will be weird about it. We all know what you went through."

"Thanks Li." He felt better knowing if Mac came to mind he could count on his brothers to be there for him.

"Anytime, now start getting ready to go eat. Don't fall back asleep." Liam moved towards the door.

"I won't." Niall promised and Liam left.

As Liam walked into the hall he heard Harry and saw Zayn leaving the hotel room, "All of you just leave me alone!"

Spotting Liam, Zayn said, "I think it's time for Louis' session to be done. All I said was, 'Paul said it's time to get ready to go eat' and he freaked. He wouldn't even listen to me try to explain that I wasn't trying to be mean."

"Great, this one..." Liam pointed to Niall's door, "Is taking a step forward and Harry takes a step back."

"Step forward?" Zayn asked.

"Niall wants to try sleeping alone tonight. I guess Paul snores."

Zayn laughed out loud a little but said, "Poor guy."

"I'll go grab, Louis. You just keep an ear out for both of them." Liam said.

Zayn nodded and walked away.

Liam made quick work of getting to where Louis was. As he passed by Paul he stopped long enough to say, "Thank you for snoring."

Paul looked at him like he was insane but his look changed to concern as he watched Liam walk in on Louis' session.

"I promise I'm not trying to be rude but you have to be done now." Liam gently grabbed Louis' arm and pulled him toward the door.

"Wait, Liam stop." Louis pulled back. He was actually having a really good session today.

"It's Harry." Liam began.

That's all it took, Louis didn't even let him explain. He just took off running.

When he reached the room he shared with Harry he rushed in.

"Why do you think I'm an infant?" Harry asked hard before Louis could say a word.

"What? Harry, I don't!" Louis felt worried again.

"I woke up to Liam ‘sitting with me’ instead of you telling me you were headed to therapy." Harry explained.

"Curly, you had a hard night. We both did sweetie. I couldn't bare to wake you."

Harry suddenly felt bad for yelling, "Louis I... I'm sorry. I'm sorry... Again."

"Harry, I never meant to make you feel babied. I'm sorry I keep doing it though." Louis just wanted to calm him.

"It's fine. I know you didn't mean to. I don't know why I flipped out. Can we just, forget it happened?" Harry was hopeful. He felt terrible that he recently seemed to keep doing this.

"Of course Curly. Anything you want." Louis nodded as a knock was heard on their door.

It was Paul, looking panicked. "What's going on?"

"I was angry." Harry told him from behind Louis. "I threw Liam and Zayn out of the room."

"He's fine now. We talked." Louis added.

"You lads are just knocking the years off my life one by one." Paul teased.

"Sorry." Louis smiled.

"It's alright, be glad I love you lads. Now finish getting ready to go eat." Paul walked away after that.

Soon enough everyone was calm again and ready to go get some breakfast, they made their way to the large conference room to eat.

When they were all sitting down, Harry looked towards Liam and Zayn, “Uh...I’m really sorry for earlier, for kicking you out and all...I don’t know why I keep going off like this. You were just trying to be nice and I got angry at you for it. I’m so sorry.” He said softly.

“It’s fine. You were confused that’s all, it happens and we’re all trying to still work through things so no worries.” Zayn smiled.

Liam nodded in agreement, “Yeah, don’t worry about it.”

Harry smiled a little, “Thanks.” He said quietly then started to eat his food.

As soon as they were finished they headed out to the arena, “Alright boys, you’ve got a bit of free time to do anything you’d like.”

“I’m gonna go track down Luke.” Niall said “I think they’re doing their soundcheck early today, so if you need me, look for the Australian boys.” He added as he walked backwards.

He then turned and ran down the hallway.

“I don’t really feel like doing anything.” Harry said quietly hanging onto Louis.

“Just wanna go sit somewhere and do nothing until we have to do something?” Louis asked his boyfriend.

Harry smiled at his lover and nodded.

“We’ll be around...Just text us if you need anything.” Louis said as he and Harry walked off.

Zayn turned to Liam, “Wanna play video games?” He smiled, hopeful.

“Sure. Wanna see if Josh or one of the others wanna play too?” Liam asked.

“Way ahead of you!” He heard a voice come from down the hallway a bit.

He turned and saw Josh holding a game controller.

“Dan and Sandy are in here too, I don’t know where Jon went, I’m sure he’ll pop up later though.”

Liam smiled, “Wanna play teams on Fifia?” He asked as he and Zayn headed down the hallway.

“If I’m going to kick your ass at Fifa, I need Niall. Where’d he run off to?” Josh asked.

“He mentioned something about finding Luke and an early band soundcheck.” Zayn replied as they stopped in front of Josh.

“They don’t have an early soundcheck. They went outside to meet fans. I was just hanging with Michael, he ditched us for their fans.” Josh said confused

“Oh, I guess he must’ve gotten confused, then. I’ll go find him.” Liam said as he ran off into the direction Niall headed.

“Niall?” Liam called out as he opened random doors. Where could’ve he gone? Liam wondered as he came up to another door.

When he opened he found Niall inside but he was sitting naked on the sofa with his legs up high on the sofa. He had one hand around his dick as he pumped it hard, and the other hand gently touching his balls. Liam could hear Niall’s moans as his eyes saw the precum leaking and he felt his dick twitch a bit.

“Liam…” Niall moaned as he continued to pump his dick harder now.

Liam wanted to move, he really did, but he was frozen in place, he felt himself get semi hard as his cheeks flushed a deep red colour.

“Y-Yeah?” Liam said as his eyes drifted up to the glassy blue ones.

“Li-Liam...Oh fuck...Can...Can you...Mmm leave? P-Please...oh god…” Niall moaned as he thrusted himself into his hand.

Liam quickly nodded as he snapped out of it, “Ye-Yeah, sorry…” He said as he quickly left the room, closing the door behind him.

He stood in the hallway breathing heavily as he heard Niall’s moans from inside the room behind him, causing his mind to wander to a place he never thought of before.

He began to wonder what it would be like to fuck Niall, to feel that tight white Irish ass of his around his thick hard dick.

He stood there for another moment as his hand unconsciously moved to briefly palm the semi he had under his sweats.

Niall let out another moan this time and he could tell he was so close to the edge of cumming.

As he heard Niall shout a long stream of curse words Liam snapped out of his trance. He was so ashamed and yet so horny.

He needed Zayn, he needed sex...With Zayn.

Taking off down the hall towards the direction he left Zayn he prayed his boner wasn't showing through his sweats.

"Zayn..." He practically panted coming into the room.

Everyone in the room looked at him strangely.

"I need you." Liam told him not really even noticing the others.

"Is Niall missing?" Zayn asked confused.

"No... I found him. He's fine. I just... I need you." He tried to eye Zayn hard.

"If Niall's find I'm sure it can wait Li. We just started." Zayn looked back towards the video game.

"Zayn, baby, please... I need you." He put extra emphasis on the word 'need' in hopes Zayn would understand.

Zayn looked back at Liam as the others raised an eyebrow or two suspiciously.

Suddenly it hit Zayn what Liam was talking about. He didn't know why Liam suddenly needed him but he didn't care.

He jumped from the chair he was in, dropping the remote to the floor and bolted from the room with Liam close behind.

As Zayn pulled Liam into an empty room he smiled and began removing his shirt.

Liam's hand shot down his sweats and began pumping the hard on in an attempt at hiding how hard he already was.

When Zayn's trousers and briefs hit the floor Liam finally ripped his shirt off.

Zayn was already nearly hard as he reached Liam and pulled his sweats down.

"Oh fuck Liam." He groaned as his boyfriends erection sprang free.

"Yes fuck, me, fuck me. Right now, please." Liam begged. He needed Niall out of his mind. He needed Zayn's cock buried deep in his arse.

"Anything you want. Pick a position." Zayn moaned kissing Liam's neck roughly.

Liam pulled away and laid on the floor on his back. He knees bent and his feet in the air.

Zayn knew what Liam wanted. He got down on his knees and quickly leaned in to rim Liam. Neither of them had lube so this would have to do.

After only a few good licks Zayn spit into his hand and coated his dick best he could. He then placed himself at Liam's entrance and asked, "ready?"

"God yes, just do it already baby!" Liam begged.

Zayn slowly entered Liam and pumped in and out a few times, groaning deeply as he placed Liam's legs over his shoulders.

Finally Zayn was satisfied with the decrease of friction and began thrusting faster into Liam making him moan.

Liam moaned and and whimper with each thrust, loving the sensation but unfortunately picturing Niall.

Zayn slammed into Liam as hard as he could. The tight arse he was fucking felt great but that's all he felt. Just a great piece of ass. Nothing more. The empty sex feeling however drove Zayn to slam into Liam that much harder, desperately wanting to feel something, anything.

"God, gonna cum!" Liam cried.

Zayn hadn't even noticed him wanking himself.

"Oh shit, oh fu-" Liam tried his best not scream as his orgasm washed over him and strings of white cum spurted out all over his torso.

The sensation of Liam clenching as he came drove Zayn over the edge and he came deep within the heat of Liam's arse.

He pulled out and collapsed on the floor next to Liam, trying to catch his breath.

After a few moments of labored breathing Zayn finally spoke up, he didn't want to but he had to. "Li- Liam?"

"Yes?" He panted back, neither of them even touching.

"Did you... Feel anything?" He was nervous.

Liam could only look at him. He was so ashamed to speak the truth.

Zayn looked at him, catching his eyes directly then nodded and looked away, "I didn't either."

Liam sighed as he made a fist with his hand, "Fuck! I do love you Zayn. I..." He trailed off as he looked at Zayn and tried not to cry,

"I love you too, Liam but I'm not in love with you anymore. I wish I was, I wish we could make this work again but I just...don't have romantic feelings for you anymore." Zayn realized that now.

"I feel the same." Liam admitted. He hated to admit it but he didn't love Zayn in a romantic way anymore. "I'm so sorry. I want to love you. I want it so badly."

Zayn nodded and wrapped an arm around him. "Me too. I tried. I swear I tried."

"I hate this. I'm so sorry." Liam seemed to repeat.

"If none of that shit had happened to us we'd be fine. I mean, I fucking feel like they won somehow." Zayn complained. "If I wasn't so stupid when the shit was going down maybe we'd be alright. Looking back now, I see that all I had to do was ask you to comfort me the way you were with Niall. I could've even helped you with Niall and you could've helped both of us if I wasn't so angry at you for just helping him. He was on the edge of losing his mind, way worse than me." He sighed looking towards Liam.

Liam nodded, "So...what now? Please don't hate me."

Zayn sat up, pulling away from him. "Liam, I would never hate you! I want us to be friends and I want things to not be awkward between us." Zayn began. "We can't let this affect the band. We have to be normal on stage. We can't break all the Ziam shippers hearts can we?" He half laughed.

Liam nodded, swallowing back the tears he had refused to let fall, "I think we should tell Niall before we tell anyone else...Explain that it has nothing to do with him, we just don't simply love each other anymore and he didn't do anything to cause that." Liam suggested.

"I agree." Zayn nodded as he stood.

"He's finally making progress. I don't want our issues to affect him."

Liam sighed as he went into the loo that was connected to the room. He cleaned his stomach up. He stared at his reflection as thoughts and visions of Niall played in his mind.

Now didn't seem like the right time to be thinking of Niall but be couldn't seem to help it. The thoughts weren't the typical thoughts he'd normally have of Niall either, making it worse.

He couldn't stop wondering what it would feel like to fuck him, to get inside him. He even started wondering what it'd be like to blow him, to see what he tasted like.

"Are you okay?" Zayn asked from the doorway, fully dressed breaking Liam from his trance.

Liam ran a hand over his face, actually surprised he wasn't hard again after what he had been thinking about.

"I guess I'm just sad now. I know we're still friends, bandmates but it just seems weird, even before we were official even before the whole fuck buddies thing we did, I always had a crush on you. It just seems odd to not have romantic feelings towards you anymore." Liam explained as he walked back into the room.

"I know what you mean." Zayn said as he watched Liam get dressed.

"Should we tell Niall then the others now?" Liam asked now fully dressed.

"No, I think we should talk about this in therapy first. Get some input on the situation." Zayn said.

"Good thinking. Maybe Michelle can give us some advice on the best way to tell Niall as well." Liam actually agreed.

Zayn nodded then quietly asked, "Can I get a hug?"

Liam smiled and nodded. He walked over and hugged Zayn.

"Friends?" Zayn asked to be sure.

"Best friends." Liam smiled then went to get dressed.

Meanwhile Niall had cleaned himself up and was walking around when he came by Louis and Harry.

"We have soundcheck soon." Louis said.

"We've been looking everywhere for you, Liam and Zayn." Harry added.

"I don’t know where Liam and Zayn are." Niall said honestly.

Right then a door opened and the two they had been talking about stepped out into the hall.

“What?” Zayn asked as everyone stared at them.

“We have to get ready for soundcheck...We were looking for you two.” Louis explained shaking his head, “You two have really bad timing…”

“Hey! Our timing is just fine thank you.” Liam smirked knowing that would shut Louis up.

Louis glared at Liam and Zayn before saying, “Whatever, we just didn’t want to get our stuff done without you three being around…” He trailed off.

Niall nodded, “We’re all here now...So let’s just go together!”

When they got into the large room to get their hair done by Lou, Zayn immediately headed for the sofa and laid down. Harry stood out of the way but still close as he could to Louis who ended up going first.

Niall sat in one of the big chairs in the room as Liam stared at him from where he was leaning against the wall. He wasn’t sure they should talk about what happened between them earlier or not. Probably not the best idea since he still couldn’t get Niall out of his mind and wanting to fuck him senseless.

Liam sighed as he slid down the wall and buried his face in his arms as he brought his legs up to his chest. He felt so confused, his heart was broken over him and Zayn, but yet it was Niall who had been on his mind for the last hour and a half at least and not in the normal friendship way either.

Niall looked up from his phone for a minute and noticed Zayn asleep on the sofa, Harry was busy watching Louis getting his hair done, and then his eyes landed on Liam who was pretty much curled into himself, worried Niall got up from his seat and sat beside Liam.

“Liam? What’s wrong?” He asked softly.

Liam looked up, “Nothing. I’m fine, Nialler. I’m just jetlagged.”

“You sure that’s all it is?” Niall asked.

“Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine.” Liam forced a smile.

Niall nodded, “If you say so...erm...about earlier…”

“Let’s not talk about it…just forget about it alright?” Liam almost begged.

Niall nodded, “That’s what I want too…”

“Good.” Liam said softly as he put his head back down. Maybe if he just didn’t look directly at Niall, the urge to feel his lips against his own wouldn’t be so overwhelming.

Niall smiled and rested his head on Liam’s shoulder, “It’s only been a day and I think being on tour is healing us a little bit.”

Liam sighed inwardly and lifted his head, “Yeah, it’s definitely helping things become a little clearer.”

One by one the lads were made up and when they finished they were all sent together to sound check. It had bothered the hair and makeup team, including Lou, that they had all stayed so quiet.

During sound check when it came time for the Q&A they all hoped the questions would be easier this time.

Niall jumped in first, wanting to get things over with.

"What was the first thing you guys did after the police found you?" The fan had asked.

He sighed, thankful the question was easier than last time. "We were all taken to the hospital to be checked out and have our wounds treated. We spoke to the police while there so once the doctors released us we were able to go home."

She thanked him and sat down as Louis chose a fan.

"Louis, is it true you all haven't left each other since being found?"

Louis wasn't entirely sure how to respond but he decided to take a crack at it, "Uh, yes. Most of our homes were crime scenes and honestly we all found it a bit difficult to be alone after all that so we've stayed together."

She seemed pleased with his answer and he was thankful so he turned it over to Zayn.

"I heard Andy came after you guys because he was mad about being fired. I was wondering if you guys know why the other men helped?"

Zayn nodded and thought for a moment before replying, "Well, I don't know for sure. I personally think they were just trying to help Andy out. I can tell you undoubtedly that two of them got sexual pleasure out of helping however, so I'm sure that was motivation."

She also thanked him and he turned to look at Liam.

When the girl he chose stood she seemed so overwhelmed by the fact Liam chose her. It made him smile.

"I'm sorry." She blushed.

"It's alright." He gave her a big forced grin.

"I had a friend at the meet and greet yesterday and she said you guys told everyone you were locked up with your fears at first. Could you explain that in a little more detail?"

"Sure," he nodded. "Niall was in a small closet. Zayn was in a dark room. Uh..." Liam trailed off realizing he hadn't yet heard what was if anything was in Harry's room. "Harry, what was in your room?"

"My room had a large snake in a cage." He replied trying to act normal.

"Oh," Liam nodded. "Uh, Louis had a big raven in his room that he said was rather loud and I was uh, I was hung from the ceiling." The thought bothered Liam a little.

It was then Harry's turn. All the questions had been somewhat easy so he prayed his question would be the same. Unfortunately it wasn't.

"What all happened to you, just you?"

Harry cleared his throat as Liam put a comforting hand on Harry’s shoulder, Harry wanted Louis but Liam was just as good, “The beginning is a bit blurry for me. I hit my head when they took me but when I came to I was in a room...with a cage that had a snake. I hate snakes...like really hate them.” He paused as tears came to his eyes and he looked down. He was told to be as truthful as possible and he didn’t feel comfortable with sharing the information that he was put in a nappy and treated like an infant and toddler most of the time. He didn’t want to add to his humiliation nor give the haters another reason to taunt him.

“Then...I went through tests and punishments like the other boys did...They sexually abused me more than physically abused me.” He finished softly, trying his best not to break down.

Fuck it. Louis thought to himself he wanted to hold his boyfriend in his arms and make all the hurt go away. He was about to stand but it was as if Niall could read his thoughts and moved towards Harry and pulled him into his arms.

Liam jumped in and said Thank you to the fans as Paul gave the fans instructions on how the meet and greet was going to work.

Harry knew that wasn't the answer the fan had been looking for but he didn't care. It was the answer she was getting. He wasn't ready for the rest to be shared.

As the boys got off stage and moved to the meet and greet area Zayn called for a group cuddle. He knew Harry and Louis were dying to touch each other and that was the only way they could for now.

"Here Niall." Liam directed him into the center of them.

Niall didn't like it but he didn't say a word. He knew why Liam had done this.

Harry and Louis used Zayn's body as cover to hold hands for a moment, squeezing each other as they did.

They they all finally pulled away they all seemed to look at Niall.

"I still don't like it." Niall was honest.

Most of the had questions burning in their head for him. They wanted to know why. They wanted to know if he'd ever be alright with being touched. Now wasn't the time to ask though.

The meet and greet went well. Harry put on an extremely fake face that the fans seemed to be ok with. Niall had blew a few kisses to some of the girls but wouldn't even lay a single finger on any of them. No one looked to be complaining however.

After the meet and greet Niall was quick to pull them off to eat. He was starved.

"Please won't you eat with me this time?" Louis asked. He made sure to ask in such a way that Harry couldn't feel babied at all.

"If you lose any weight you're gonna blow away in the wind Harry." Zayn tried to tease.

"If all of you stop I'll eat something, alright?" Harry nearly grumbled.

Zayn quickly walked away, not wanting Harry to change his mind.

Louis however smiled. He then asked though, "Can I at least ask if you think it's the medicine making you not want to eat?" He was worried.

"I don't feel overweight if that's what you're hinting at." He paused,  "The medicine is making me numb. I dunno if it's causing the loss of appetite." Harry then moved away from Him to go eat.

Once again, they all sat together quietly as they ate, bothering those around them who knew these lads were supposed to be full of life.

It wasn't long after that till the concert started. Like the night before it started great.

Soon enough it came time for the twitter questions and they were just finishing up the band chat when Zayn walked over to Louis.

Louis took out his ear piece as Zayn leaned in, "I'm gonna take a wee, I'll be right back." He said and before Louis had time to react, Zayn was off stage.

Niall and Louis watched as Paul tried to stop Zayn.

"Zayn don't go now!" Louis said trying to help. "If you do we are all going to have to listen to one of Harry's bad jokes!"

Niall laughed as Zayn kept walking.

Harry however turned his back to the crowd and shot Louis a hard look.

"Tell a joke!" Liam shouted having no idea Louis had upset Harry.

The crowd seemed to cheer with Liam. It made Harry feel on the spot. He didn't like it. It made him nervous. Not to mention Louis had called his jokes bad.

"Alright, you guys wanna hear a joke? I promise this one will be funny though Lou." Harry turned away from here.

"Let me guess, why couldn't the flower ride his bike?" Niall asked.

"No, no, better than that." Harry nodded looking more serious than happy. "Are you ready?" He asked the fans.

They cheered.

"Here it is," he paused. He then stepped to the side out of the way so everyone could clearly see Louis and pointed to him, "Louis' face!"

Liam's hand flew over his mouth as Louis' face dropped.

Harry smiled proud of himself and Niall used Liam's body to hide himself laughing. He wanted to say, 'burn' but he knew it would be very inappropriate.

Some of the fans laughed, others boo'ed while some just simply stood their with their mouths gaped open.

As Zayn walked back to the stage fans spotted him off the side and screamed. He waved at them and the show went on.

The rest of the concert went smoothly and normal.

As they walked off the stage after finishing WMYB, Paul looked at Zayn, "You can't just walk off like that."

"No one's gonna fuckin tell me what I can and can't do!" He argued.

"You have people that pay money to come see you and the boys, you owe them a show where they can expect you to give them one." Paul said. "Also, to be in this business, you're going to have people tell you what you can and can't do all the time." He added.

"Whatever, I have the right to wee whenever I want. No one is gonna stop me!" Zayn said as he walked away.

Liam knew Zayn's anger stemmed from the kidnapping but he didn't feel It was his place to explain it to Paul.

The car ride back to the hotel was quiet, everyone lost in their own thoughts. Even Harry and Louis seemed to ignore eachother.

Once in the hotel, it was still quiet on their way up on the lift to their floor.

The boys said goodnight to each other and as the other boys hugged Niall, they could tell he was uncomfortable even though he hugged back.

"Will you ever be comfortable with us?" Zayn asked him softly.

"I don't know." Niall said honestly as he hung his head. “It’s not that I don’t want to be...because I do…” He trailed off.

“It just takes time. You can’t expect it to happen all at once.” Louis tried to reassure the lad.

Niall nodded as Harry turned pulling Louis with him into their hotel room.

“Night, Nialler.” Zayn smiled heading into his room.

“Night, Zayn.” Niall smiled back as he pulled Liam into a hug. He thought he’d be over this connection with Liam by now. He thought by now he’d just be Liam again and that he wouldn’t need his touch, wouldn’t need body contact to feel completely safe still.

Liam hugged Niall tightly, “You sure you're going to be okay alone tonight?”

“I think so...You and the lads aren’t far.” Niall tried to smile.

“Exactly.” Liam smiled down at Niall. “If you can’t sleep, just come over to us alright?”

“Yeah, I will. Thanks!” Niall said as he reluctantly let go of Liam. He still felt the best when he had some sort of physical contact with Liam.

“Be strong. I know you’ll be fine but don’t forget your meds.” Liam said as he headed into Zayn’s room.

Niall quickly nodded, “Right. Thanks.” He said as he quickly headed into his room.

Liam stared at Zayn a little uncomfortably they had discussed on how to tell the lads and everyone else about their break up during therapy which was on Friday, but Liam wasn’t sure if that meant sleeping in separate rooms.

“You can still sleep in here if you want, you can still sleep on the floor and I’ll take the bed.” Zayn said. “We’re leaving for Perth after the concert tomorrow so it should be a bit easier then.”

Liam nodded, “Thank you for letting me sleep here still…”

“Of course.” Zayn smiled.

“Oh and Niall’s still wanting to sleep alone tonight but I told him if he couldn’t sleep he could come here, that’s good with you right?” Liam asked.

Zayn nodded, “Yeah, for sure.”

In Louis and Harry's room they hadn't said anything to each other as they changed for bed.

When Harry walked out of the loo he sat on the bed quietly.

Louis took a deep breath. He had to talk to Harry but he had to do it carefully. Harry had been so edgy recently and Louis didn't want to upset him.

"Harry, I need to talk to you." Louis gently said. He wanted to sound firm but knew he had to tread on eggshells. It had practically become a new way of life.

"What? Wanna put me on the spot again? Wanna call me bad again?" Harry stood quickly.

"You're mad?" Louis looked surprised. "If anyone should be mad it's me! You called my face a fucking joke!"

Harry shot Louis an evil glare.

"I guess that's why you haven't been kissing me. Why would anyone wanna kiss a joke?" Louis was beyond angry. He had so much frustration built up fueling the fire.

Harry's voice suddenly went soft as his face changed, "You think that's why I haven't been kissing you?"

"Well I thought it was because that idiot raped you but after tonight I don't know." Tears rolled down Louis' face. "Why do you hate me? I've been trying so hard!"

It was Harry's turn to rush to Louis and cuddle him. "I'm so sorry Louis. I was angry. I shouldn't have said that. I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't hate you."

Louis just cried.

"Please forgive me. I'm so sorry. I dunno what's wrong with me. I do want to kiss you I'm just not ready. I still feel him." Harry tried to explain. "Just please forgive me."

Louis nodded against Harry's chest.

Harry then helped Louis lay down in the bed and laid next to him.

"That medicine isn't helping. It's making me hurt you." Harry said as Louis pulled Harry into a cuddle.

"Tomorrow we'll tell Carrie you want something else. We'll demand it alright?"

Harry just nodded and they drifted off to sleep.

Across the hall Niall's night was alright. He was awake and asleep, back and forth all night. He'd sleep awhile, then feel upset and awaken just to spend a little time on his phone before falling back to sleep.


	24. Chapter 24

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Life has been keeping me really busy...College in general, but now I go on Placement in general. It's shift work, so I should be able to sit and write more. We will finish this series. We have a long way to go because we keep adding more books to it to make sure all the boys have a complete story. Anyways, so sorry for the delay as usual...But to make it up to you all, I'm posting two chapters, back to back! Yay! MERRY BELATED CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY EARLY NEW YEAR.

Zayn and Liam had slept well. Zayn on the bed and Liam on the floor until Paul's text woke him. He told him Michelle would be ready to have therapy with him soon. Paul also asked him to wake up Louis and Harry for their therapy.

Liam sat up and rubbed his eyes, he saw that Zayn was still asleep so he decided to take a quick shower. He grabbed some clean clothes on the way into the loo.

He sighed as the hot water ran on his skin, he didn’t sleep all that well as thoughts of everything he’d shared with Zayn over the last couple years invaded his dreams.

They were just fuck buddies at first, nothing serious but Zayn wanted more and wanted Liam to choose between him and Danielle. Liam who always had feelings for Zayn but was too scared to push anything that they already had, jumped at the chance to be more than just fuck buddies with him.

Even before they became fuck buddies however, Liam had always crushed on him. It felt strange now to not feel anything romantic for him when it’s been all he’s ever known when he came to Zayn.

He then remembered that he had therapy soon and snapped himself out of it as he quickly washed himself then stepped out of the shower.

He towel dried his hair best he could before deciding that it was warm enough to let it air dry. He then changed into a fresh pair of clothes before heading out of the room into the bedroom where Zayn laid awake.

“Hey.” He said softly looking at Liam.

“Did I wake you? I didn’t mean to…” Liam asked.

“Kind of...but it’s fine. Really. I should get up anyway.” Zayn said sitting up.

“Since when do you want to get up before ten am?” Liam laughed.

Zayn laughed too, “I don’t know...jet lagged I guess. How’d you sleep? The floor still comfortable?”

Liam shrugged as he put his stuff into his bag, “It’s better than the bed and jet lag kept me up as well.”

“And to think...we get five wondrous weeks of jet lag...As soon as we adjust enough to get a decent night’s sleep, we’ll be back home.” He shook his head.

Liam nodded, “Yeah, but all the gigs we have and all the fans we’ll get to meet makes it worth it. So does surfing. I must remember to ask Paul and Louis about that.”

“Why Louis?” Zayn asked confused.

“He enjoys surfing too…” Liam reminded him.

“Oh yeah, think he’ll leave Harry long enough though?” Zayn asked.

“That’s why I need to talk to him about it.” Liam laughed a little at Zayn’s blonde moment, the only time he has them is when he’s still trying to wake up or just too tired to process information.

“Right, of course.” Zayn nodded.

Liam smiled as he slipped his shoes on, “I have to wake Louis and Harry, then go to therapy, I’ll probably end up having to wake Niall after my session.”

Zayn smiled as he tried to rub some of the jet leg out of his eyes, “Alright, I’ll see ya later.”

Liam lingered at the door for a moment l just looking at Zayn before finally leaving.

He then made quick work of waking Louis and heading to meet Paul for his therapy session. He had plans of telling Michelle about he and Zayn breaking up but not about his new feelings towards Niall that had recently surfaced.

When he arrived Michelle informed him that they would be meeting in a different room than before that way Louis and Harry could meet with Carrie in the other.

"So, Liam, how are you doing?" Michelle asked. The tour made it feel like forever since they had done a solo session.

Liam shrugged a little, "I'm not sure. Probably the same as last time we spoke."

"Still sleeping on the floor then?" She quickly asked.

Liam nodded and bit gently on his lower lip.

"Have you even attempted the bed, to see if the nightmares are gone?" She wondered.

"No, I'm sure they aren't. I had a little panic attack on stage the other night. I got too close to the edge and suddenly felt like I was falling. I feel so terrible about it. I knocked down Louis and scared the fans." Liam admitted.

"Are you flashing back to being tied up or just falling in general?" She tapped the end of her pin on her notepad.

"Just falling."

"I think you should try sleeping in a bed once. You'd have your boyfriend by your side so I'm sure that would be helpful." Michelle offered her opinion.

"He's not my boyfriend anymore." Liam softly confessed.

She looked a little taken back. "I don't understand, you both seemed to really be making headway."

Liam shook his head, "We were working on that assignment you gave us and uh, we... Ya know." Liam felt awkward tell her.

"Had sex?" She asked.

"Yeah, that." He nodded.

She was still confused however, "Liam, I don't understand. Wouldn't that be a good thing?"

Liam shook his head, "We didn't feel anything."

She watched him hang his head and pause briefly.

"The love wasn't there anymore. It was just sex." His voice cracked.

She said nothing, just watching as he bit his bottom lip hard and blinked his eyes. That's when it hit her.

"Liam, when was the last time you cried?"

He scrunched up his face. He hadn't cried. Not anytime recent. What did that have to do with anything?

"Liam?" She asked.

"I don't know. It's been a long time." He said.

She nodded, "Just what I thought."

Again he looked at her confused.

"Liam, I think you're repressing your emotions. Bottling them up inside you. I think you're trying to pretend as though you're fine."

He quickly shook his head, "I am fine. Nightmares don't mean I'm hiding my feelings or whatever. I mean, five year olds have nightmares!"

"Liam, you need to stop this act." She encouraged.

"What act?" Liam looked offended.

"This tough act that has your mates so convinced." Michelle wasn't against being a little tough.

“I dont even know how we’re all supposed to move forward, but in the meantime I have to be strong for lads.” Liam shook his head.

“I think there is going come a time when you are going to need to let it all out. “ Michelle told him.

“I disagree." Liam simply said and crossed his arms.

Meanwhile, Louis and Harry they had only just gotten started.

"Update me!" She smiled.

"I want him off that medicine." Louis blurted out.

Carrie's smile faded. She looked between the two boys confused. Their hands held each other tightly and Louis looked at her but Harry looked at the ground.

"He isn't eating, he's sleeping all the time and he keeps snapping and going off on everyone. He's worse now than when we started all this." Louis' voice elevated slightly.

"Harry?" Carrie questioned.

"I yelled at Louis for kissing my forehead, I threw Liam and Zayn out of my room, I said Louis' face was a joke on stage in front of everyone. I keep yelling at him too. Then I always break down and cry like a..." Harry stopped talking instantly.

She nodded, "Alright, I don't actually have the authority to give you a different pill but I'll contact the prescribing doctor and ask him to try you on Zoloft. I've seen these side effects in a few people."

She wasn't going to argue with the lads. Harry had been on the medication for a while now and even she felt him slipping deeper.

"Thank you! How long?" Louis asked. He wanted his Harry back so badly.

"I'll do my best to have something by Friday." Carrie knew it would take her some time due to the distance and traveling.

Outside where Paul sat between the two room he sipped in his coffee. It wasn't often with these five lads that he got to rest for a moment.

The relaxing was short lived however. He heard Zayn running towards him sounding upset, "Paul!"

"Zayn?" He worried instantly and stood.

"My sister just sent me a link to a website, I opened it and..."

That's when Paul noticed the tears in Zayn's eyes. Zayn handed Paul his phone as he sat down and sobbed. The web page pulled up on the phone was a popular gossip site. The page, as he scrolled, held photos of Zayn, Liam and Louis from when they were held captive.

"Oh my god..." Paul trailed off.

"They are all over tumblr and twitter too. All the fans have seen them!" He cried.

"What about Niall and Harry?" Paul feared.

"I haven't seen anything of them. Paul..." His voice nearly whimpered.

"I... I need to call Will." He gave Zayn his phone and quickly stepped away. That's when Liam came out of therapy with Michelle.

"Zayn?" He questioned rushing towards him. He could see him crying.

"Liam, they're all over the internet. You and me and Louis. They're everywhere!"

Liam wasn't following. "Zayn, what are you talking about, calm down."

"Our photos from that warehouse have been leaked! Doniya sent me a link to The Mirror with them. When I got looking around at other sites….the fans have them everywhere!"

Despite his therapy session Liam refused to cry. He wanted to but Zayn needed him now. "Let me see." Liam took his phone.

There they were, posted for the entire world to see. First it was the photo of Louis, chained to the wall with his trousers down, tape over his mouth and cum dripping down his legs. After that came Zayn's photos. The first he was looking away from the camera, fully nude with cum all over his lower half. The second photo was the same but Zayn was looking at the camera then, there were Liam's photos. The three that Mac had taken of him.

One photo had Liam laying on a bed, chained up with cum around his mouth and lower half of his body, another had a close up of Liam’s face where you could see in detail the strings of cum around his mouth and finally, the last one was Liam chained up but with the dildo sticking out of his ass, you could even see his hard dick and some of his face.

Just then they heard the doors open from across the hall, “What’s going on?” Louis asked coming out into the hall with Harry by his side and Carrie behind them.

“The uh...photos...were leaked, just some…” Liam replied awkwardly handing Louis the phone as he wrapped an arm around Zayn.

“Oh my god…” Louis said putting a hand over his mouth.

“Are these the only ones leaked?” Harry whispered.

Zayn nodded, “Doniya sent me that link, she said that the fans were freaking out but that they were trying to find the original source on their own.”

“Perfect…” Paul sighed rejoining them.

“Can you get them off? Please?” Louis begged.

“We’re working on getting them banned from the news and gossip websites but as for what other people do...We can’t control that. We can’t control what the fans will do. You can take a picture of a screen, you can save the pictures...We’re doing everything we can.” Paul explained as Niall walked out of his room shirtless and in shorts.

“What’s going on?” He asked sleepily.

Louis handed Liam back the phone as a few tears fell.

Liam forced himself to look at Niall’s face instead of his bare chest and handed him the phone.

Niall gaped at what he saw on the phone, “Holy fuck...How’d they get leaked? Is it just yours or are mine and Harry’s leaked too?”

“Just ours.” Liam said softly.

Paul sighed, “We aren’t sure how they got leaked yet. We’re working on it.”

Niall shook his head, “This shouldn’t have happened! I thought they were evidence or some shit like that...Someone needs to get fired and sued, that’s for damn sure.”

“We’re working on it and working on that the rest don’t get leaked too.” Paul said trying to reassure the lads.

“I hope so.” Harry whispered.

Niall pulled Liam into a hug and Liam hugged him back tightly, “I’m okay.” He said softly.

“You sure?” Niall asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me, how’d you sleep?” He asked pulling back a little since Niall wasn’t quite ready to let go of him yet. He felt almost whole again when he had actual physical contact with Liam. It had been strange the last couple of nights to go to sleep without the other boys around him or without holding Liam’s hand. It had been something that he had grown so used to, he knew it was just temporary but it was still something that he took so much comfort him and helped him sleep peacefully at night.

“On and off...But I think most of it is just jet lag.” Niall replied.

"Louis..." Harry barely groaned.

Louis just shook his head still crying.

Zayn who was forcing himself not to cry anymore stood and put an arm around Harry.

Liam went over and pulled Louis into a hug, allowing Louis to cry onto his shoulder.

Niall just stood there, feeling like he should help cuddle the others boys but not quite being brave enough to move forward and touch them.

"I'm very sorry lads." Michelle said having heard the whole thing."

"I can't believe this." Harry whispered.

"Just be grateful it's not yours." Zayn replied. He knew while there photos were bad, Harry's were ten thousand times worse.

Paul's phone rang and again he stepped off to the side to take the call.

"If you boys need extra time to talk please let us know. We're here for you all." Carrie seemed to insist.

They all just quietly nodded a bit.

Niall finally placed a hand on Louis' shoulder.

This made Louis pull away a little from Liam a bit and look at a Niall.

"I'm so sorry Lou." Niall told him.

Louis just nodded and wiped his face off. He then turned to Harry, "You alright?"

Before Harry could respond Paul came back, "Will wants you lads to respond to this. Politely tell the fans you'd appreciate their support and love but that the images are personal. He's hopeful that it’ll help a little."

"It's not going to help." Liam said.

"The fans are gonna do whatever they want. Especially the people who hate us." Louis agreed.

"Again, I don't make the rules lads. I just enforce them." Paul felt awful.

"What do we do?" Zayn asked still very much upset. "Twitter, video?"

"I'd think a short video might be more sincer." Liam offered.

"Alright then, let's get you lads to the arena, we'll get you in hair and makeup and then you three can do up a quick video." Paul said.

Reluctantly the boys agreed and parted way to get ready to go. Louis struggled not to cry as Harry stayed uncomfortably silent, praying his photos wouldn't be next. He couldn't be sure he'd be able to handle it if they did.

Zayn had been mostly quiet other than to question Liam if he was ok. Liam had of course said he was upset but was fine. Zayn let it go, not believing him but being far too upset to argue.

When they all ate they were quiet. The ride to the arena was even quiet. It bothered Paul but he understood their actions. It broke his heart greatly because these boys were finally starting to heal and then this shit happened. It wasn't fair.

Once they arrived they noticed, they were quickly ushered inside past the fans and paps and quickly rushed to hair and make up.

None of the boys even attempted to talk, Zayn, Liam and Louis were far too upset by their pictures being leaked to deal with anything so they just did as they were told and followed instructions without a fight.

Niall and Harry were upset for the other boys but were worried that they might be next, if the others had their pictures leaked, what’s to stop the sick freaks from leaking their pictures as well?

They were then rushed to another empty room where the boys were told to stand against a wall as the crew worked on the lighting among other things in the room as others set up a camera and sound.

Paul walked up to the boys and told them what they needed to say and the boys just nodded, they knew that making the video wouldn’t do much good, their fans rarely listened to them when it came to personal manners involving the boys.

When the camera was rolling, the boys were told to start talking, they all said hello in unison without even having to try for once. No one wanted do this longer than they had to.

Zayn was the one to start, “It’s come to our attention that some very graphic photos of us from when we were kidnapped have been leaked somehow…”

Liam was next, “And we would really appreciate it if you stopped re-posting them on facebook, twitter and tumblr. As well as any other social media sites.”

Louis sighed as he spoke, “We appreciate all your support and love…” He had more to say but he honestly didn’t feel like talking about it.

So Niall quickly spoke up next, “You can understand though that we don’t want these pictures on the internet.” He finished Louis’ line and skipped his own, leaving Harry to speak next.

“We can’t control what you do with the pictures once you see them but we would really appreciate it if you just stopped talking about it and stopped posting them everywhere…” He said as he forced himself to look at the camera.

“If more come out…We ask you to do the same thing. Please.” Liam almost begged.

“We’d also just like to say a massive thank you for all your love and support. Everything we do, we do for you and everything we achieve is because of you. So thank you.” Niall smiled.

“Bye!” Zayn said and few seconds later they were told that they were free to do what they wanted until soundcheck.

“I’m going to find a place to take a nap.” Niall said yawning.

“Alright, just keep your phone on and we’ll ring ya when it’s time.” Louis gave him a smile as Harry lead him out of the room.

“I’m gonna go set up a room to do some graffiti, I’ll see ya later.” Zayn said leaving as Liam and Niall just nodded.

“Liam…” Niall started softly as there was still many other crew members in the room.

“Yeah, Nialler?” Liam smiled at him.

“I really wanna take a nap...but not alone. I feel okay in the hotel...but sleeping here feels...not so okay, ya know?”

“Yeah, I get it. Did ya want me to come with you? Stay with you?” He asked.

Niall nodded, “If you don’t mind…I’m sure you have things you’d like to do so you can just stay till I’m asleep.”

Liam smiled walking closer to the younger boy, “I’d love to stay with while you sleep. I don’t really want to face everyone yet.”

Niall nodded as they left to find an unused room, once they found one Niall collapsed on the sofa as Liam sat beside him. Niall grabbed a cushion and placed it under his head as he laid on his side, he then reached out a hand towards Liam.

Liam smiled softly at him as he took the lad’s hand and held it tightly, “Try and sleep. I’ll text the boys to let them know I’m with you and to tell me when it’s time to get ready for soundcheck, alright?” He said as he ran his fingers through the blonde hair.

“Thank you.” Niall said softly as he closed his eyes.

It was hard to text with one hand, but Liam managed it. He then looked down at the sleeping figure beside him. He couldn’t understand his new feelings towards him, the only thing that had changed was walking in on Niall wanking off, which in all honestly, wasn’t anything new.

While on the road it was hard to get privacy so the boys ended up walking in on each other doing things or wanking off, unintentionally but it happens but it never affected how they felt about each other.

He’d seen it before, more than a couple times in fact, so why was this time any different? Why couldn’t he stop thinking about wanting to do things to Niall? And in a sexual way at that. It all felt very confusing to him.

Unintentionally, Liam ended up falling asleep as well. His hand tightly gripping Niall's.

It wasn't until his phone buzzed a while later that he woke. It was a five minute warning from Louis.

He looked down at the Irish lad that had worked his way up to his head being on Liam's leg a bit after the cushion fell. He hated to wake him, he was sure the boy hadn't slept all that great in the recent nights but they had to work now.

"Nialler..." Liam trailed off rubbing his hand over the lads arms.

Niall simply snuggled even closer into Liam.

"Niall..." He sang a bit, "Niall James."

A sleepy smile formed over Niall's face as he stirred. "You're still here."

"I'm still here." Liam's tone was reassuring. He assumed that's what Niall needed.

"Thanks." He sat up slowly. "Is it time?"

"Yeah, you ready?" Liam asked, hands still gripping to each other.

Niall nodded then looked to Liam, "Are you ready? What if they ask about those stupid pictures?"

"Honestly, I plan to respectfully decline to answer and tell the fan I'm sorry but it's just too painful to discuss. It’s the truth too.” He replied.

“I’m worried Harry and I are next, I think he is too.” Niall said nervously.

Liam understood, "I honestly don’t think they even have yours or Harry’s...If the person had them, I can see them all being leaked day by day or all in one day. Today was me, Louis and Zayn...If they had yours and Harry’s then I’m pretty sure they would’ve leaked it today too. I’m sure you two have nothing to worry about.”

Niall nodded and hopped deeply that Liam was right. He then stood up, still holding onto Liam's hand.

"You're gonna have to let go." Liam laughed.

"Right, sorry." He said releasing Liam’s hand.

"How come you've been doing that?" Liam asked. "Not that I mind or anything." He added quickly.

Niall only shrugged as Liam stood.

They began to walk out of the room and down the hall, "I started to do it because you seemed lonely on the floor, separated from us. I just wanted to try and comfort you the way you’ve been helping me. I also just sleep better touching you. I feel safe, like nothing can hurt me."

Liam nodded as they spotted Zayn ahead of them.

"Sleep well?" He asked seeing them also.

"Yeah, I needed that." Niall nodded.

Zayn gave him a bit of a smile then said, "Let's get this over with. I can’t wait for the tour bus. Perth’s always fun." He glanced at Liam a bit as he spoke the last part.

Liam knew without question what he was getting at. He had to tell everyone the truth about his nightmares. He'd made a promise. Although, now it seemed stupid because the timing couldn't be worse. He needed to be strong for them now too.

After catching up with Harry and Louis they made their way to sound check which went well. From off stage Paul looked upset when the boys didn't answer directly any questions asked about the photos but it was understandable. He couldn’t understand why management wanted the boys to share their feelings about the photos being leaked. It’d be obvious that they wouldn’t want to talk about it with anyone besides themselves.

What was done was done however. Paul couldn't change it. He could only insist the lads not do it again. Will had been strict on them answering their questions honestly and openly.

The concert had gone surprising well also. The only mess up was Louis appearing a bit distracted and missing his cue to sing. It only happened once tho so it wasn't a big deal.

Paul and some of the band members made it a point to tell them how well they had done tonight. Everyone knew these lads needed all the support and encouragement they could get.

Once on the bus, Harry asked Louis if they could watch a movie in the buses small lounge towards the back instead of going straight to bed. He agreed and invited the others to join them, each of them agreeing.

They all found it wonderful to get to sit together again. To just come back together and have it be, or at least feel, like it was just the five of them alone again. It had grown to be a comfort. Even though their security and Paul were on the bus with them too, which just added to the comfort feeling.

As the credits to the movie rolled Zayn nudged Liam who was sitting on the floor leaned against sofa that the others were sitting on.

"I uh..." Liam paused, not wanting to do this. "Can I talk to you all before we go to sleep?"

"You don't have to ask, mate." Louis told him, holding onto Harry.

"I...need to be honest with you all about why I've been sleeping on the floor. Even with just Zayn and I in the room." Liam drew his knees to his chest a bit and looked at his hands. "I've been having nightmares."

Everyone but Zayn seemed a bit taken back but it was Harry who asked, "What kind of nightmare makes you sleep on the floor?"

Liam swallowed hard, he didn't know why this was so difficult, "I've been dreaming that I'm falling. I never hit bottom, I just fall into an endless pit of nothingness."

"So that's why you wake up screaming sometimes..." Louis seemed to understand.

"Is this because ya fell in that room with me?" Niall looked down towards him and asked.

Liam could only nod, fighting back an urge for tears to form.

"Why didn't you just tell us, Liam?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, we would have been here for you. You know that." Louis insisted.

"I know." His voice suddenly cracked. He quickly stood and tugged at his hair a bit when the tears formed against their will.

The other lads watched as he blinked, a tear fell and he quickly turned his back to them.

"Liam, it's okay to cry. We've all cried." Zayn had understood until this point. He wasn’t sure why Liam didn’t want to cry.

"I can't cry." His voice was agitated, not towards them, towards himself. "You lads need me to be strong."

"Li..." Niall trailed off only for a moment, "You don't have to pretend to be strong for any of us. We know what you went through. We aren't gonna judge you if you cry or think any less of you."

"I can't cry!" Liam shouted a bit now.

"Why?" Louis asked. He didn’t really want to push Liam but he needed, maybe selfishly for his own purposes, to understand.

"Because," his voice cracked again as he finally spun back around. "I'm afraid if I start crying I'll never be able to stop."

“It’s okay, Li. We’re all here.” Niall said softly.

And like that, the gates seemed to open and Liam slowly fell to the floor and began weeping. He cried far harder than any of them had ever seen.

Zayn was the first to move towards him and place an arm around his back.

"You're alright, Panyno." Niall said moving in.

Louis followed with an encouragement to Liam to get it all out. He knew all too well how good it felt to just release that pain through tears.

With everyone else around Liam Harry moved to him also, keeping one hand on Louis and one on Liam.

None of the lads could say for sure how long they stayed like that, letting Liam cry. They all simply knew they stayed like that for a long while.

"Come on Liam, why don't we go lay you down." Zayn suggested when he saw that Liam was nearly falling asleep as he still cried. He saw that Niall was now softly crying too and Harry looked near tears.

Liam just nodded and let Zayn and Louis help him stand up.

Zayn them walked with him out of the room and helped him into his bunk on the very bottom. That's when Zayn cuddled into the tiny bunk behind him, acting as the big spoon.

"You don't have to do this." Liam's voice cracked.

"I want to Li. You're my best friend." He insisted. "Just till you can calm down and fall asleep."

Liam nodded and snuggled into Zayn.

In the back of the bus, Louis sat on the sofa holding and soothing both Niall and Harry until Harry seemed calm and Niall was almost asleep.

"It’s time for bed, Ni. You’re falling asleep." Louis told him softly.

Niall didn't argue, he went to the loo to take his medication and strip down to his boxers, he then laid in his bunk that was directly above Liam’s.

Across from him, he could hear Zayn snoring a little. It made him smile a little because it was something that used to annoy him so much while they were on the bus together and now he didn’t mind it too much.

He moved to lay on his stomach as he quickly dropped his hand down the side of the bunk, and smiled a little when he felt Liam take his hand.

“Thanks, Nialler." He said squeezing his hand a little.

"’Course." He replied quickly falling asleep.

Back with Harry and Louis, they still sat in a cuddle, needing a moment alone.

"You doing okay?" Harry felt the need to ask.

"Yeah, I'm getting there." Louis said.

"I’m not talking about the pictures." Harry explained. "I mean, are you doing okay? Like in general? Talk to me, please."

Louis couldn't understand why Harry wanted to do this now or why he wasn't already sleeping but he didn't argue. "I've been better, Curly. In the beginning, I felt like everything was my fault and now I know it wasn't at all my fault. A part of me still feels broken though."

Harry stayed quiet, listening to his boyfriend speak.

"My brothers are still hurting and you, you're not yourself. I'm afraid you're never gonna find your way back to me."

"I'm trying, boo." Harry whispered.

"I know, I promise I do. It's still just frustrating. I want to fix you. I want to kiss your pain and worries away but I can't. All I can do is hold you and wonder if I'll ever feel your lips on mine again. Contemplate whether I'll ever feel you reminding me of what love really is, ya know, in those moments when your making love to me."

Harry felt bad but still didn't speak. He knew Louis wasn't finished.

"I miss you, I miss us. I miss laying naked with you and rubbing my hands over your body, turning you on slowly until you bitch at me to just suck you off already. I-" Louis was nervous to finish his thought but he really needed to.

"I'm fucking horny and I can't do a damn thing about it and it's driving me insane."

Harry turned slowly and looked into Louis' eyes, "I'm sorry boo bear. I don't mean to ignore your needs. It's just painful." Harry said.

"But you're supposed to be trying. It's an assignment. We're supposed to kiss Harry. Just a simple kiss. You can't even do..." Louis was cut off my Harry pressing his lips against his.

Harry wasn't ready to kiss Louis. He wasn't ready to do any of this but Louis needed him to be ready.

Harry heard Adam's voice even louder in his head as he forced himself to let Louis deepen the kiss.

The second he heard Louis moan and felt his fingertips on his stomach however he pulled away completely with a scared whimper.

"Harry?" Louis worried.

"I'm sorry. Just give me a second and we'll try again." His voice shook with nerves.

"No, you aren't ready. I won't let you force yourself. I want you more than words can describe but I won't allow this. You aren't gonna do this just because I want you to." Louis demanded.

"But I made you hard." Harry complained. His brain spinning. He wanted the carousel he felt he was on to stop. He wanted to scream.

"I'll have a wank. If you don't mind of course. Just go sleep. I refuse to let you do this to yourself."

Harry nodded, "Just lay with me when you're done. I'm sorry."

Louis then watched as Harry slowly left the room.

Harry went to the loo on the bus and took his medication as he got ready for bed, then crawled into his bunk and tried not to cry. He had wanted to be there for Louis, he wanted to help him and give him the sexual attention that he obviously craved from him but he just couldn’t get Adam’s voice out of his mind. It was there, haunting him always.

A little while later, Louis came and joined Harry in the tiny bunk who was by now asleep. When he crawled behind his boyfriend, he noticed that Niall’s arm was hanging over the edge of his bunk, his eyes followed the arm and noticed that the hand attached was holding Liam’s hand. He made a mental note to ask one of them about it in the morning as sleep and exhaustion took over him and he fell asleep with his boyfriend in his arms.


	25. Chapter 25

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'll try to post another new chapter tomorrow or next week!

Paul woke Liam up first, “Hey, time to get up...We’re stopping for a quick bite to eat then it’s time for Zayn’s therapy.” He said gently.

Liam groaned, “Alright, want me to wake the others?” He asked softly.

“Please.” Paul replied in a whisper as to not wake the others.

Liam nodded as Paul went to the front of the bus. Liam laid there for a moment and noticed that his hand was still connected with Nialls. It made him smile, he hadn’t realized how he had grown so used to it or how much he liked it until Niall took his hand again yesterday during his nap. He stood on his tip toes as he ran his fingers through the Irish boy’s fake blonde hair, “Nialler.” Liam said softly. “It’s time to wake up.”

Niall ignored the voice and pretended to be asleep, he really didn’t feel like getting up.

“If you don’t wake up you’ll miss breakfast.” Liam smirked.

Niall’s eyes shot open as he raised an eyebrow, “You play dirty.”

Liam laughed a little as he continued to stroke Niall’s hair, not even realizing that he was still doing it.

Niall looked upwards towards the hand in his hair and then to Liam, "Feels nice." He had to admit it.

It made Liam's heart jump for a moment but then he forced a smile and a laugh.

"I'm not waking up Zaynie. You can take care of your boyfriend." Niall said sitting up as Liam untangled his hand from Niall’s and stood flat on his feet.

“I’ll wake him up if you wake Larry up.” Liam smirked.

“Alright.” Niall nodded in agreement.

Liam went over to Zayn’s bunk and pulled the curtain back a little, “Zayn.” He said softly stroking his cheek like he would if they were still together. They had to act like it until they had therapy at least.

“No...Don’t wanna get up.” He complained as he groaned and swatted Liam’s hand away.

“I don’t wanna get up, go away, Niall.” Harry also complained.

“Zayn, get your arse out of bed, you have therapy today!” Louis yelled.

“Fuck off!” Zayn yelled back. “I’d rather sleep.”

Liam looked over at Niall, “You too?”

Niall nodded, “I say let’s just drag them out, what do you think?”

Liam smirked, “I think that could work.”

“I’m not even hungry.” Harry argued snuggling closer to Louis.  “It’s our day off, why do we even have to get up?”

Niall sighed, “Because Paul said so. Now, unless you want me dragging your arse out of bed, I suggest both of you start moving.”

“Zayn, you have therapy. You should eat something before you have your session.” Liam tried to reason.

“But I’m a vampire. Daylight will kill me, you don’t want me to die right Liam?” Zayn said playfully.

Liam rolled his eyes, “I’ll find you a daylight ring and there’s no daylight coming through on the bus. Now, hurry the fuck up.”

Zayn groaned and rolled out of bed and headed to the loo.

Liam walked over to Niall who was still struggling to get Louis and Harry out of bed, “Come on...You both need to eat something.”

“No we don’t.” Harry mumbled.

“On the count of three?” Niall asked.

Liam nodded as Niall started to count down.

“Alright!” Louis said throwing his hands up as surender.

“I’m up...I’ll get Harry up. Just don’t drag us out of bed please.” Louis said. He didn’t care if he got dragged out but he was still worried about how Harry might take it.

Liam and Niall fist bumped lamely as Louis rolled his eyes at them.

Niall walked towards the front of the bus where he had left his phone plugged in, after unplugging it, he sat leaned against the wall as he replied to a few texts from Sean and the lads, and there was one from his brother about something cute that Theo did which made him smile.

He then decided to send off a quick tweet about how great Australia had been so far when he noticed the fans on his timeline freaking out and crying over something that had happened. He noticed a hashtag trending that said OMG NIALL. He froze in fear as he clicked on it. He saw that now his photos had been leaked and tears sprung to his eyes, “LIAM!” Niall screamed at the top of his lungs. “LIAM!!” Niall screamed again as tears started to fall.

Liam ran over to Niall as fast as he could, “What? What is it? Are you okay?” He asked as everyone else quickly joined him.

Niall threw himself into Liam’s arms as he started to sob, “You-You said...You said!!” Was all he could manage to say through his tears.

“I said what? What did I say?” Liam asked holding onto Niall tightly as he sobbed into his neck.

“Yesterday...when I woke up...we were talking and you said…” Niall tried to explain through his tears.

“Oh my god, Niall...I’m so sorry.” Liam said now understanding as he held him tighter.

“What’s going on?” Louis finally asked.

Niall moved his arm and handed Louis his phone, “Holy shit…” He whispered as Harry looked over his shoulder and gaped at the photos he saw.

Niall was over a table his wrists were chained up, his cheeks stained with tears. Another photo that showed almost the same thing expect that in his photo he had cum on himself with the butt plug visible.

“Shit…” Zayn said shaking his head. “I’m so sorry.” He pulled his shirt on, he had been just about dressed with the exception of his shirt when he heard Niall scream for Liam.

Harry started to cry as he realized that his pictures hadn’t been leaked yet.

“Hey, hey...Don’t cry, it’s gonna be alright.” Louis tried to comfort his lover.

“No, it’s not...Because I’m next...Mine haven’t been leaked yet. I’m next.” He choke on the last word.

Louis pulled him into a hug, “This shouldn’t be happening…I’m sorry.” He said holding him tightly.

“Hey...Let’s lay down…” Liam said softly into his ear.

Niall nodded as they moved to Liam’s bottom bunk. Niall rested his head on Liam’s chest and sobbed and sobbed. He felt so humiliated, as if what happened to them wasn’t bad enough they had to deal with the humiliation of the photos the sick pricks took of them being leaked to the internet, for the world to see.

Liam couldn’t stop himself from crying with the younger boy, he had no words to make him feel better, all he could do was hold him as they both sobbed.

"Lads?" Paul question coming back on the bus.

"Niall's photos are on the net now also." Zayn said

Paul looked extremely upset by the news. "I take it he's with Liam?"

"Yeah," Louis nodded.

"I'll inform Will. Someone see if you can convince them both to eat. You all need food." Paul stepped away.

Louis just looked at Zayn who nodded.

"Liam... Niall..." He said coming over.

They were both sobbing.

"I'm not hungry anymore." Niall said.

"I know but you need to eat. Please?" Zayn tried to sway him.

"I know you're right Zayn but... Food just doesn't seem appealing." Liam said also.

Zayn just nodded and stepped away, "Are you two even hungry?"

Harry shook his head and Louis agreed.

Zayn took a deep breath and nodded. He wasn't hungry either, not now.

He collected himself and got off the bus.

"We aren't eating. Can I just do therapy?" Zayn asked Paul. He wasn't exactly interested in therapy but he knew he couldn't get out of it.

Paul didn't like it but he wasn't going to argue. "Fine. The rest of us are eating though."

"Alright, just get me when Michelle is ready." He turned and walked away before Paul could reply.

The lads spent the next short while in silence other than the sound of Niall's sobs and sometimes Liam’s.

When Paul came for Zayn none of the others even moved. Louis just laid frozen with Harry in his arms and Liam frozen holding Niall.

Zayn and Michelle were able to sit in a very private corner of the restaurant and chat. Michelle of course started by asking how he was doing.

"Awful at the moment. First Liam and I realize our love is gone, then my photos are leaked along with Liam and Louis’ and now Niall's too. It's just not fair. I was doing really well." Zayn told her.

Michelle nodded, "I'm sorry about your photos. I can't even begin to imagine how that must feel." She wanted him to know she did infact care.

"For the most part my feelings of anger are gone. This isn't helping the last little bit."

She looked intrigued, "What is the last little part?"

"Anger toward Andy and those damn idiots who hurt us." Zayn told her, his face scowling.

"And..." She knew there was more.

Zayn sighed, he didn't wanna share but he wanted to get better so he did, "I get angry when people tell me what to do."

Michelle had him explain and he told her about having to wee in the middle of the show. She was able to talk to him and figure out that anger stemmed from him not being able to do what he wanted when he wanted when being held.

Zayn had to admit it was nice to understand everything a bit more. It didn't take away the feelings of anger though.

Michelle assured him that some of his anger was natural. The other part of it was something she felt a little time and more therapy would take care of.

By the time she ended the session and he climbed back on the bus Liam had gotten Niall to stop sobbing. Harry didn't look much better but it was a look Zayn was used to seeing on him sadly.

Paul tried to convince them all one last time to eat but they still refused so the busses got rolling again heading to their next stop.

"Haven't they been able to figure out anything?" Liam finally asked Paul.

"Not much I'm afraid. Just that the pictures of you three were emailed in to The Mirror anonymously. They haven't been able to track who it belongs to however. Sorry lads." He told them.

"Mine are next Louis. You know they are." Harry whispered.

"Please try not to think about it Curly." Louis' voice begged.

Harry never got the chance to respond however. His phone began ringing.

"Gemma." He simply said answering it and walking away.

"Harry, hi." She tried to sound chipper hoping it would rub off on him.

"Hello." He replied.

"I've been trying to keep tabs on you but I never know if what the fans are saying is real or not." She explained.

"What are they saying?" She could easily hear the depression in his voice.

"That you aren't you anymore." She softly replied.

Harry didn't respond. It was true and he knew it. The sad part was he didn't entirely care.

"Mum and I are worried about you." She hoped the comment wouldn't affect him poorly.

"Everyone is worried about me." He simply said.

"Does anything help?" She hurt so badly for him.

"Louis... When I'm not being a bitch." He couldn't control it. It was horrible and there was nothing he seemed to be able to do about it. "...which hurts him and then makes me feel worse." He decided to add.

"You should let me come visit then. I'm used to you being annoying." It was a joke mostly.

"Alright." Harry replied catching her off guard.

"What do you mean, alright?" Gemma asked.

"Come visit me. Maybe it will help. Nothing else has so far. I suppose I should be willing to try anything." The comment told her his right mind wasn't so sure if it would help but she wasn't going to question it. She missed Harry and wanted to see him.

"Who is there for me to talk to? I want to come right away I miss you Harry." She wouldn't let herself cry.

"Paul." He said moving toward him now.

Harry looked a little like a zombie as he silently walked and stuck his phone in Paul's face. "It's Gemma. She's coming out to visit."

He walked away after that. He didn't bother waiting for Paul to finish. He just wanted back in Louis' arms.

"Everything alright?" Louis asked.

Harry coughed a bit then said, "Just trying something else."

“Like what?” Louis asked.

“Gemma. She’s coming out to visit.” Harry replied.

“Oh that’s nice you haven’t seen her since….everything happened.” Louis said.

“Yeah, it’d be nice to have her around, I suppose.” Harry said.

“It’d be nice for you two to spend time with each other.” Louis commented.

Harry nodded as he noticed how quiet the bus had become, he looked over at Niall who had cried himself to sleep in Liam’s arms and noticed how Liam held onto one of Niall’s hands and was stroking his hair with the other one. He didn’t think much of it because they had been different since they all got back.

Zayn who had been washing himself up finished and walked to the bunks. He noticed Liam and Niall exactly how he had left them.

“Hey…” Zayn said softly. “How is he?”

“Cried himself to sleep…” Liam sighed still running his fingers through the blonde hair. “Hey, he feels a little cold...I don’t want to move in case I wake him. Could you grab a blanket?” He asked.

Zayn nodded as he grabbed a blanket off of Niall’s bunk and placed it over him.

“Thanks.” Liam smiled.

“‘Course.” Zayn said as he turned towards Louis and Harry who was now attempting to sleep.

“And how’s he doing?” Zayn asked Louis.

“I wish I knew...He’s so scared of his pictures leaking. We think ours are bad but his…” Louis cut himself off.

“Yeah. I know…” Zayn said sadly as he remembered seeing a couple pictures that Adam had taken of Harry.

“Gemma’s flying up, she’s coming on the next flight. She’s staying the rest of the tour.” Louis explained.

“That’ll be nice.” Liam commented from his bunk. “She always bosses him around...but she’s like his bodyguard too...He doesn’t get bothered by fans or mobbed by fans when she’s around.”

Louis just nodded as Harry shifted in his arms, “I can hear you…” He mumbled.

“Sorry...try and sleep. We’ll be quiet.” Louis whispered to him.

Knowing the other lads just needed time to relax and calm down Zayn headed to the back on the bus to watch a movie.

Louis kept a loving and tight hold on Harry while Liam kept soothing the lad who clung to him in his sleep.

Finally, after a while Niall began to stir.

"Hey..." Liam smiled at him.

"Hi." Niall replied with a yawn.

Liam pulled his hand away from the younger lads hair, thinking he might want to sit up. Niall however shot Liam a playful upset look.

"I never said stop." He whispered.

Liam just smile, shook his head a bit and replaced his hand back in Niall's hair.

After a silent moment Liam asked, "Feeling any better?"

"Not really, I'm trying to though. It's just so hard." Niall whispered so he would wake Harry and Louis who were now sleeping.

"I know, my photos aren't as bad as yours but they're still embarrassing." Liam tried to assure Niall he wasn't alone as he played with his hair still.

Niall just nodded on his chest and a moment later looked up to Liam and whispered, "Thanks for being here for me. I'm not sure I could get through this without ya."

Liam squeezed Niall's hand a little and said, "You're more then welcome."

It was at that point Niall's stomach growled.

He blushed, it had been a rather loud growl.

"Ready to eat?" Liam tried not to laugh.

"Yeah, I don't want to be hungry but I am. I wanna lay here and sulk a bit more." Niall admitted.

"How about we find something to eat, we have snacks on here. After that we can watch a movie and you can sit by me and sulk more." Liam offered. He was getting really hungry now also.

Niall agreed and sat up a bit but never took his hand out of Liam's. Instead he just stared at them.

"What?" Liam asked him.

Niall shrugged, "It's just kind of amazing how something so small can make such a difference."

Liam knew what he meant and smiled.

Niall smiled back and finally let go.

After Niall threw on a pair of sweats and finding a few snacks they took them to the back of the bus where Zayn had fallen asleep on one of the two small sofas.

"I'll put in something else." Niall said as Liam took a seat on the free sofa.

Niall didn't even ask Liam what movie he wanted he just chose one and shoved it in the player. He then took his seat right by Liam and dug into the snack he had chosen.

At that same time upfront Harry woke but never moved. He wanted to stay in Louis' arms forever. Louis felt safe, Louis felt like peace, Louis felt like love with Louis wrapped around him he felt like nothing could touch him. It didn't take away the voices but it took away the fear of being touched wrongfully again. He knew Louis would have to be cold and dead before he'd let anyone touch him like that again.

As the voice of Adam taunted him in the silence, played over and over he began to hum a little. Hoping the sound would override the haunting taunts of his former captor. He wasn't humming anything particular. He was just humming random tunes for the noise.

It's what woke Louis.

Louis let Harry know he was awake by giving him an extra tight squeeze. "I love you so much Harry. I hope you never forget that." Louis said.

"I won't, promise Boo." Harry replied.

Louis smiled then asked, "Why were you humming?"

"I was, just trying to... You know... Drowned him out."

It bothered Louis how Harry spoke of the memories of Adam as though he were still next to them in human form. It rubbed him in a way that both shattered his heart and made him want to vomit.

"He's not here. It's just us." Louis reminded.

"Yeah." Harry nodded.

Louis opened his mouth to say something when the phone he had in his pocket began to ring, he quickly answered it, forgetting that he had kept Niall’s phone from him while he was crying.

“Oh Louis? Is Niall around? It’s Bobby.” Louis heard Niall’s Dad say from the other end.

“Yeah, I’ll get him. One sec.” Louis said as he sat up.

Harry gave him a disapproving look.

“I forgot I had Niall’s phone on me still...It’s his Dad, I’ll be right back.” Louis said softly as he moved off the bed.

Louis went to the backroom of the bus, where he found Zayn asleep on the sofa and Niall cuddled up to Liam.

“Niall, I uh...forgot I had your phone on me still. Your Dad is wanting to talk with you.” Louis said handing Niall the phone.

“Thanks, Lou.” Niall smiled taking the phone as Liam paused the movie.

Louis quickly made his way back to Harry and Liam was about to follow to give Niall some privacy but Niall just held on tighter when he tried to get up.

“Alright, I’ll stay.” Liam smiled getting comfortable again.

“Hey Da…” Niall said feeling uncomfortable.

“I haven’t see the pictures...I don’t want to, not if I can help it. I’ve heard about them from your brother though. How are you doing?” Bobby asked.

“Uh…I don’t know. I’m better than I was earlier today. I mean it was bad enough that management is making us talk to the fans about everything that happened to us but now the pictures are leaked...and the whole world knows exactly what happened in graphic details too...and it just…” Niall paused searching for the right word.

“Sucks.” He said for lack of a better word.

“I’m sorry, Nialler.” Bobby said unsure of what to even say to make his youngest son feel better. “How’s the first week of being back on tour been so far? Besides the obvious.” He asked.

“Besides the pictures…It’s been okay, a thing here and there happens but nothing too serious that we can’t handle. The therapy helps.” He tried to reassure his Dad.

“That’s good...Well, I should let you go. I just wanted to check in. I know your Mum’s worried, maybe send her a text or quick phone call when you get the chance?” Bobby asked.

“Yeah, I will. Thanks, Da.” Niall smiled.

“You’re welcome. I love you, son.” Bobby said.

“Love you too...Bye.” Niall said pressing the end button on his phone.

“Sounds like that was a nice conversation.” Liam smiled.

“Yeah, it was. He said he didn’t see the pictures but he heard about them from my brother. I don’t know if that means Greg saw them or not.” Niall said as he rested his head on Liam’s shoulder.

“I’m sure it doesn’t matter either way.” Liam told him.

Niall sighed, “Have you spoken to your family yet?” He asked.

Liam shook his head, “Not yet. I’ll call them eventually...or they’ll call me if I take too long.”

Niall nodded then asked. “Can we finish the movie now, please?”

“Sure.” Liam nodded, turning the movie back on, the sound causing Zayn to wake up this time.

He groaned as he rolled over forgetting for a moment that he was on the sofa and landed on the ground with a thump, “Fuck.” He groaned sitting up.

Niall laughed, “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Better than before. My Da called so that was nice.” He smiled.

Zayn smiled at him, “I’m glad you're feeling better. You two haven’t eaten everything have ya?”

Liam shook his head, “No, there’s still more snacks left.”

“Good. I’m starving.” He said standing up.

As Zayn left, Niall took a hold on Liam’s hand, I wish I never had to let go. He thought as Liam gave his hand a tight squeeze. Niall cuddled closer to Liam who briefly let go of his hand to wrap an arm around his shoulders, allowing Niall to cuddle closer, but then Liam quickly reattached his hand to Niall’s.

A couple minutes later Zayn came back into the room, “We’re stopping for some take out. Paul agreed to Pizza. You two interested? I’ve already asked Lou and Harry, they’re good for it.”

Niall quickly nodded, “Yes! I love Pizza.”

Zayn laughed, “You're just a big lover of food in general.”

“He has a point.” Liam laughed.

Niall rolled his eyes, “Whatever, I’m still hungry. Piazza's fine with me.”

“Me too.” Liam smiled.

The lads finished fixing themselves up for any possible fans or press that might be around and unloaded from the bus.

Harry yearned to hold Louis' hand but couldn't and Liam found Niall keeping very close with him. They weren't stopped for long and thankfully no one bothered them.

Once back in the bus and eating Harry quickly pulled Louis off to the back room for another cuddle and Liam roped Niall into playing a game of cards against two people from their security.

It was good for Niall to get his mind off of everything. He needed it.

Half way through Liam got a text from his mum saying she loved him and to call her when he could. It prompted Niall to text his mum saying he was doing alright and he'd try to call later.

When the game was over Niall had won which made him happy.

"I'm just gonna give my mum a call back now. I think the others are in the back watching a movie." Liam told Niall, hinting that he wanted a little privacy.

Niall nodded and walked off as Liam crawled into his bunk and called her. He didn't stay on the phone long. Just enough to know she and his dad had finally seen the photos, mostly by accident. She made it a point to tell him they loved him and that everything would be okay.

In the back Niall oddly felt himself uncomfortable. Louis was having a cuddle with Harry and Zayn was lost in something on his phone.

He sighed a little, mostly to himself, feeling a bit lonely.

"You okay?" Zayn asked him looking up.

Niall just shrugged, he wasn't gonna lie.

"I can cuddle you if you'd like. I'm not Liam but, certainly I'm better than nothing." Zayn smiled.

Niall wasn't sure. He really didn't want to but he remember what Carrie had said about letting the boys touch him.

"Go on Niall, it'll be good for you." Louis encouraged. He had seen the lads hesitation.

Niall took a deep breath and moved closer to Zayn who wrapped to arms around him.

He didn't really like the sensation. It wasn't Liam. It wasn't as comforting. He didn't resist however, he knew he needed this.

Without trying Niall grew tired and fell asleep in Zayn's arms just around the time Liam joined them.

Liam spotted Niall asleep, practically resting on Zayn's chest and felt a bit of jealousy bubbling up with him.

He didn't entirely understand it. All he knew for sure was that his feelings for Niall had shifted from brotherly to sexually and now... A bit romantically as well. It bothered him slightly, mostly he couldn't force himself go care however. He just knew for sure he wanted Zayn to stop touching Niall. Liam however, he kept his mouth shut and took a seat next to the two.

"Maybe this is a good sign?" Zayn whispered.

"Maybe, I can't believe he let you pull him into that position to start with though." Liam said.

"I don't think he really wanted to." Harry commented without looking at any of them.

"You're probably right." Zayn nodded.

Louis nodded agreeing and they all got quiet.

After a while Zayn grew tired. He looked to Liam and asked if he would take over so he could go rest and Liam quickly agreed.

As Niall was shifted into Liam's arms and Zayn left the room, Niall cuddled deep into Liam and grasped his hand firmly.

Louis noticed, "Why does he do that?"

Liam wasn't following, the hand holding was too natural at this point. "Do what?"

"Hold your hand like that? He did it last night and earlier too." Louis explained.

"Oh, that, he uh, said it makes him feel safe." Liam only told half of what Niall had told him. Honestly, he didn't find any of it their business anyway.

"Just strange, he didn't used to do that." Louis replied.

"He tried when we were held captive. They always kicked our hands apart." Liam told him wrapping his arms around the smaller lad.

"I completely forgot about that." Louis nodded. So the hand holding makes sense after all, he thought.

"You guys are really close now." Harry mumbled a bit. "You were before but, more so now."

"Yeah, I've noticed. You and Louis seem far closer than you've ever been too though. I never thought that was even possible." Liam offered a smile.

They both smiled back and Louis even squeezed Harry a bit tighter but deep inside they both knew it wasn't entirely true. Certain points of their relationship were falling apart.

Harry felt extremely responsible and it killed him that he couldn't help it. He hated that he was hurting Louis. He knew Louis didn't deserve any of this. He deserves far greater.

Harry bit at the inside of his cheek to keep from crying. His entire life suddenly felt hopeless. The one thing that had been keeping him going was now so very far away.

It wasn't long before the rest of the lads agreed it was time for a little more rest. Harry crawled into the bunk he and Louis shared first and Louis climbed in behind him.

In the back of the bus Liam gently rubbed Niall's back and said his name but Niall just rolled over in Liam's arms a bit and gripped tightly onto Liam's shirt.

"Nialler, you gotta wake up. Just for a second, love." He spoke gently and rubbed at him again.

"Too comfortable." Niall groaned.

"I know, sorry. You just need to take your meds. Then you can get cozy in your bunk." Liam helped him sit up.

Niall just nodded and very slowly walked away.

As Liam passed by where he stood taking his pills he said, "Sometime I still feel like I should be helping you with all this."

Niall just smiled. He felt the same but wasn't interested in admitting it.

After that Liam waited for Niall to get into bed he made it a point to ask if he was alright and then climbed into his own bunk, thankful he was at least able to rest peacefully on the bus.

Just before Liam closed his eyes to sleep Niall's hand dropped down to him and he took it in his own, squeezing it a bit then drifting off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback as always is welcomed! Don't forget to check our the series tumblr for updates and all that fun stuff. http://odysseyfanficseries.tumblr.com/


	26. Chapter 26

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ***SUICIDE ATTEMPT WARNING***PLEASE SKIP OVER IF IT'S A TRIGGER FOR YOU.***
> 
> ARGH. I WANTED TO POST THIS BEFORE NEW YEARS. We do EVERYTHING on Google Drive but it's being a little bitch to me the last few days. Wouldn't open any docs or anything. Tonight, I was finally able to preview then open.
> 
> HAPPY BELATED NEW YEARS. 
> 
> Also...More than friendship moment with Ziam here...Just so you know...

About three hours later, Liam was being shook awake by Paul, “Mmm...Didn’t I just go to sleep?” He mumbled.

“Yeah, sorry...We’re here now. We’re at the hotel, you can sleep once your in your room for a little bit before it’s time to get up for therapy and then go to the arena.” Paul explained softly.

Liam sighed, “Yeah, okay...I’ll get the lads up.”

“Thanks.” Paul gave him a smile.

Liam sighed as he carefully crawled out of his bunk, careful not to break his and Niall’s connected hands, he reached out as he stroked Niall’s hair, “Nialler, I’m sorry...but we have to get up now.” He said as he began to rub over Niall’s knuckles with his thumb on his other hand.

“Don’t wanna.” Niall complained.

“But we have to, we’ll be at the hotel soon.” Liam said as he continued to stroke Niall’s hair.

“But I like it here in the tour bus…” He sighed as he finally opened his eyes. And I like holding your hand while I sleep He finished in his head.

“I know...We’ll be back in the tour bus after tomorrow’s concert.” Liam gave the lad a smile.

“Alright.” Niall said sitting up. “I’m up.” He said as very reluctantly let go of Liam’s hand.

Liam then woke the others up, hearing the same groans of complaints as what had happened with Niall.

The boys gathered their boys as they loaded off the bus and was escorted inside the hotel through the back and up to their floor quickly.

The boys said goodnight to each other and headed off to their rooms as Niall was saying goodnight to Liam, he kept his arms around Liam for a few minutes longer, “I’ll see you soon, Alright?” Liam smiled down at Niall.

“Yeah…” Niall nodded as he let go of Liam.

“Me and Zayn are right across the hall, if you can’t sleep or you feel lonely...just come see us, okay?” Liam offered.

“Yeah, sure. Thanks.” Niall forced a smile as he watched Liam walk into his shared room with Zayn.

When Liam walked in he saw a pillow and a blanket on the floor for him, he smiled, “Thanks...But I was wondering if it’d be alright if I slept in the bed...If you’d rather not share a bed anymore, that’s fine.”

Zayn chuckled, “Mate, you actually wanna sleep in a bed?” He asked and Liam just nodded.

“I don’t mind sharing a bed with you...Done it before...and yeah, I get things are different now but we’re friends now, and it’ll be fine.” Zayn half smiled.

“Thanks.” Liam said as Zayn picked the stuff up from the floor and moved it back to the bed.

Both boys then crawled into the bed after stripping back down to their boxers, Zayn fell asleep almost instantly while Liam felt a little anxiety so to try and calm himself enough to sleep, he started to think of all the things that made him happy.

It wasn’t long before Niall popped into his mind and he smiled at the thought of holding the blonde Irish lad in his arms, cuddling with him while holding his hand and the more he thought of Niall even in the complete innocent way he was, he felt his dick harden slightly, making him groan lowly.

Soon his thoughts became more unchaste and he felt his now full hard on press against his boxers, he groaned as he reached a hand and started to lightly palm himself through his boxers. Forgetting for a moment where he was, he rolled over to his other side and onto the body next to him.

Zayn woke up to the feeling of Liam’s hard on pressing against his crotch, “Liam? You okay?” He asked surprised by Liam’s actions.

“No…” Liam said as he pressed himself a little more into Zayn. He didn't care right now who he was.

Zayn bit his lip to keep from moaning out, “What’s going on? You remember that we broke up right?”

Liam nodded, “I remember...but I’m so fuckin horny. I need help.” He said pressing himself harder into Zayn. “Shit, Zayn...Please, help me. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

He had every intention of saying no but he couldn't seem to bring himself to do so and damn if he wasn't already hard.

Zayn nodded, maybe I was wrong...maybe we were wrong, what if it was just the first time having sex after everything was the reason that it was so fucked up, what if it’s different this time? He thought as he noticed Liam standing just enough to push his boxers down and throw them to the floor as Zayn did the same with his.

Liam crashed his lips into Zayn’s briefly before pulling back and moving between Zayn’s legs and circling his tongue around his hole, knowing it drove him a little crazy, “Fuck...I just want you in me. No teasing.” Zayn complained like he usually would whenever Liam would do that.

Liam slammed his tongue into Zayn, making sure that his hole was good and wet, he thrusted it in and out a few times before sitting up straight and took his throbbing hard dick into his hands. He spat on it using it for lube instead of the actual lube. He was unsure where it was exactly and he didn’t care, he just wanted relief.

“Ready?” Liam asked as he placed his tip at Zayn’s entrance.

“Yeah. I’m ready.” Zayn said as Liam noticed that Zayn was now wanking himself off.

Liam pushed himself into Zayn quickly, causing a mix of a gasp and a moan from Zayn’s lips, Liam stilled for a moment, letting Zayn adjust.

“I don’t fucking care if it hurts, just fuck me please.” Zayn begged.

Liam nodded as he quickly began to thrust in and out of Zayn, it felt good but it also felt empty and as he slammed into Zayn, thoughts of Niall floated to the front of his mind. He couldn’t help but what it’d feel like to fuck him into the mattress, so hard that he wouldn’t be able to walk for days.

He let out a soft moan at that thought but then he also wondered what it’d be like to slowly fuck him in a gentle way, because he’s Niall and he doesn’t want to exactly break the Irishman after all he’s been through. This thought caused Liam to moan louder as he felt himself getting close to the edge.

Zayn’s pants and moans didn’t even register in Liam’s mind as he continued to think about Niall, he began to wonder what his kisses would feel like, he wondered what his lips tasted like, and how they felt. It was those last thoughts that sent Liam over the edge cumming inside of Zayn, moaning loudly.

Zayn came over his stomach and fist seconds later with a low grunt as Liam pulled out of him and laid beside him. Laying there, staring at the ceiling, he came to realize that he thought of Niall the entire time and came to the thought of what it’d be like to kiss him, which is why he got hard in the first place.

It was clear to him now that he had feelings for Niall and he didn’t completely understand it, up until he saw him wanking off, he had always thought of Niall as a friend, his bandmate, the little brother he never had. He had walked in on Niall plenty of times before and he had never felt differently towards him, it was only after this last time that his feelings changed towards Niall. He didn’t understand it but knew for sure now that he had feelings for the happy go lucky Irishman.

"Still nothing right?" Zayn asked almost nervous.

Liam adjusted himself and replied, "You felt incredible Zayn but, yeah, still nothing."

Zayn nodded, at least now he was completely sure. "Ready to clean up and rest then?"

Liam nodded and they did just that.

In the middle of their sleep however, Zayn felt Liam becoming restless beside him. His body flailed around a bit and a whimper escaped his lips.

"Liam, wake up." Zayn shook him a bit. "Come on Liam."

"Hmm?" He said waking up slowly, ever so slightly out of breath.

"I think you were starting to have a nightmare." He explained.

Liam blinked, he couldn't remember. "Thanks." He finally said earning a smile and nod from Zayn in return.

The two drifted back to sleep and never had another issue until Paul came around and knocked on their door.

Zayn slowly got up and opened the door, Liam had been the one to respond to Paul every time and so he felt it was his turn.

"Hey..." He trailed off opening the door.

"Hey, you two have therapy. Harry does also so one of you get him as well. Okay?" Paul asked.

"Sure thing." He nodded.

"Thank you, oh, if Louis is up you may have him check in with Niall, just to make sure he is okay." Paul then walked off, very busy with Gemma coming out.

Zayn let Liam know what Paul had said and they began to get ready.

"We're gonna ask for help telling Niall right?" Liam asked.

"Yeah, I want advice on how to make sure we end things without losing our friendship too though." Zayn admitted.

Liam just nodded and finished getting ready.

Once they were done they decided to go get Harry together. Louis opened the door and told them Harry was already awake and almost ready to go.

"Okay, Paul wants you to check in with Niall as well." Liam said.

"I can do that." Louis nodded as Harry came up behind him. "What me to walk with you to meet up with Carrie?" Louis asked.

"It's alright, Liam and Zayn will go with me. You deserve some time to rest more." Harry forced a smile at him. He was trying so hard to do the things he could to remind Louis he did still love him.

"Thanks Curly, see you soon." Louis gave him a hug and watched him walk away.

It wasn't until Harry was sitting down with Carrie that he let loose a little and stopped pretending he wasn't fearful about his pictures come out today. He even let tears swell up as she sat down.

"Harry?" Carrie asked worried.

"Just overly stressed." He admitted. "A lot has happened recently."

Carrie nodded, "Talk to me about it all. Start from the first thing."

Harry shook his head though, "I don't even remember what came first. I just know I've been snapping at everyone. I've been to tired to function or eat. Everyone's photos except for mine were leaked. I'm scared that mine are next and what's worse is I can't be intimate with Louis. I even tried."

"Okay, deep breath." She encouraged. "Calm down just a little and let's start with one thing at a time. Why don't you tell me about trying to be intimate." It had been the assignment after all.

"We were on the back of the bus alone. I asked Louis to tell me how he really was doing and he just started spilling how he missed me in that way. He gave certain details and said that he was horny and couldn't do anything about it. He said it was driving him insane." Harry began.

He took a slow breath and kept talking. "I forced myself to kiss him and even let him take it deeper. Adam's voice got louder though, and Louis moaned and... I don't know, I just panicked. Pulled away. I told him I'd try again if he gave me a minute but he told me no and said he refused to let me do something I wasn't ready for."

"That was good for him to stop you." Carrie said taking over a little. "I know you love Louis and I'm sure you just want to give him what he needs but you can't rush yourself. You'll do more harm then good."

"It's starting to piss me off though. Everyone knows I'm not me anymore." Harry nearly complained.

Carrie nodded and grabbed something out of her bag. "Harry, I think part of it is because the doctor who evaluated you missed or misunderstood some things going on in your head. I know you feel like you're flashing back a lot and hearing him but I think what's actually happening is you're hallucinating."

"Hallucinating?" Harry asked.

"Yes, it along with some of the other things you're describing are symptoms of psychosis. The medication you were given doesn't treat that. This will." She handed him a prescription that had been faxed to her at the hotel.

Harry couldn't even pronounce the name of it.

"It's not what we talked about with Louis but I'm sure this will help. If it doesn't there is one more thing we can try but it'll require you being hospitalized. I don't think that will be necessary however. This, if we do it right should be just fine." She smiled at him.

"So I'm psychotic?" Harry asked feeling emotionally worse.

"I never said that Harry. It's called psychosis but that doesn't mean you're psychotic. It just means your mind is sick and needs lots of help to get better." Carrie didn't want him to feel worse.

With Liam and Zayn they had told Michelle how they had reached the conclusion that it was time to break up. Liam of course left out his new thoughts and feelings about Niall.

Michelle agreed that it seemed like a logical choice. "What do you feel is the next step then?"

"Telling Niall." Liam instantly said.

"He's just started doing better, even with the photos of his leaking. We don't want this to hurt his progress. Liam and I fought about matters involving him so I'm afraid it might." Zayn explained what they were both thinking.

Michelle nodded, "It's good you both recognize the need to tell him gently. I'm proud of both of you."

They both gave her a small smile.

"I think you lads need to pull Niall aside privately and tell him everything. Make sure you reiterate that none of it his fault. It should feel a little like you're telling your child you're getting a divorce I suppose." She tried to put it in basic terms for them. “You simply tell him that it isn’t working out anymore but you still love him and it’s not his fault.” She further explained.

"Great, so the two whose parents are still married have to give a divorce speech to who might as well be the baby of our group." Zayn threw out.

Liam gently smacked his arm.

Zayn hadn't meant for that to come out so rude. It was just the truth in his mind.

"I know it might be difficult but I really believe it's for the best. After that you two need to tell Harry and Louis. It should all be done close together so they don't feel like they are the last to know." Michelle explained.

The two lads agreed and Zayn brought up his worries of them not being able to make it as friends.

Michelle discussed it with them for a while before telling them she wanted them to continue trying to do small things together, working on keeping a friendship rather than trying to prevent one from breaking.

It was after that she let them go.

They sat and waited with Paul for Harry to finish. When he did Carrie called Paul away from the group and told him about Harry's new medication.

"Now, I've instructed Harry to start out taking half a pill for this week. These are very strong and I don't want him to load his body up too quickly with these drugs. I also told him to ask Louis to monitor the number of pills in the bottle because these can become addictive if you aren't careful. They are designed to make you feel good." Carrie wanted to make sure Paul understood as it was his job to look over the lads.

He agreed and promised Harry to get him the pills right away. It was after that they headed back to their rooms to get ready to go.

Zayn and Liam agreed to talk to Niall in his room that night and then go see Harry and Louis to tell them as well.

Harry told Louis about the new medication and asked him to keep count of the pills just as Carrie asked. Louis worried it would make Harry feel babied but he chose not to say anything about it.

When they were all ready, including Niall who had slept the same as he did his first night alone at the last hotel left to go to the arena to go eat.

It was during this time they got confirmation that Gemma should arrive late that night. Harry was happy about seeing her but couldn't bring himself to show any emotion.

After they all finished eating, they all went their separate ways, expect Niall who decided to stick close to Liam.

“Wanna go play some football?” Niall asked Liam as the room cleared out.

“Sure. I don’t know where the ball is though. Louis?” Liam asked who was standing across the room on his phone with Harry by his side who was also on his phone.

“What?” Louis asked.

“Where’s the football?” Niall asked.

“I left it somewhere...I’ll help you look for it.” Louis replied moving from the wall.

“I’ll be right back...unless you want to come with me?” Louis asked his boyfriend.

“I’m fine.” Harry lied trying to be strong.

Louis nodded, “I won’t be that long. Just shout if you need me.” He said then left the room.

Harry was now alone in the large room, he was about to put his phone down and lay on the sofa when a text came through from his Dad.

Harry, I’m so sorry about your pictures being leaked. I can’t imagine what your feeling. Call if you need to talk. Love you. xxxx.-Dad

Harry's heart jumped into his mouth as he quickly went to twitter where he saw, ‘Poor Harry’ trending. He quickly clicked on it and saw his pictures on all of twitter for the world to see and he felt his heart nearly stop.

Louis then walked back into the room, “Hey! We found it...They asked if we wanted to play with them, are you feeling up to it?”

Harry shoved his phone into his pocket, “Not in the mood...I’ll be back later. Just going to walk around the arena, clear my head a little bit.”

“Want me to come with?” Louis asked.

“No, I’m fine alone.” Harry replied leaving the room quickly.

Almost instantly he ran into Paul who apologized, "Sorry about that Harry. I was just bringing you these new pills."

Harry took the orange colored bottle from him with a quick, "Thanks, walking around the arena." and left.

He held the bottle in his hand and he walked quickly as far as he could possible go. The further he walked the harder and faster tears fell. The more tears that fell the louder Adam's voice became and the more prolifically he could feel the nappy again and Adam's touch.

Finally he found a room, a small one and went inside. He took out his phone and read over the tweets. So many people were being so mean.

He came to a point where he was crying so hard he almost couldn't breath. Words and thoughts and voice seemed to echo around him. The haters mean words, Louis being disappointed, Adam taunting him, the faces of Liam and Zayn as he yelled at them and threw them out.

He tried to scream to make it all stop but sound seemed to not come out. He began to throw whatever he was holding in his hand but stopped when he saw the orange.

His pills, that's what he was holding. In the mix of the loud, booming, chaos that felt like it was literally surrounding him he could hear Carrie telling him how powerful they were and how they would make him feel good and stop the voices from bothering him.

His body began to rock near uncontrollably back and forth as he opened the bottle. He tried to dump one pill into his hand but instead almost all of them tumbled out.

Harry stared at them. The tiny little pills could stop everything, if he was really lucky they could stop it permanently.

Without a second thought he tossed his head back and dumped every pill from the bottle he could fit into his mouth and chewed them. He couldn't swallow them whole. So he kept chewing and swallowing and chewing and swallowing until they were all down.

He laughed and smiled and practically sang to the imaginary voices that they would soon stop and there wasn't anything they could do about it.

Then, slowly but surely the voices began to weaken and as they did Harry blacked out further and further until there was nothing.

Meanwhile Paul went outside with Zayn and some of their security, “Hey lads, have you seen Harry? I’m trying to track down everyone. Soundcheck is soon.”

Louis furrowed his brow, worried, “He told me he was going for a walk around the arena. You probably just keep missing him...Have you rang him?” He asked.

Paul nodded, “We’ve called and texted...nothing. We haven’t searched all the rooms yet. He could just be asleep somewhere...Just wanted to check with you first.”

Louis shook his head, “I don’t know...I’ll help you look.” He said as Niall and Liam agreed to help.

As they came inside Lou was coming down the hallway, “Time to get your hair done boys.” Lou smiled.

“Not until we find Harry.” Louis told her.

“We haven’t been able to find him...He said he was going for a walk but haven’t seen or heard from him since.” Zayn explained.

“Ooh...I’ll help you.” Lou offered.

The boys, Lou, and the security split up in hopes of they’ll find Harry faster if they split up.

Each person checked a room and with each empty one they grew more and more worried.

Finally they all were sprinting around checking every room.

As Lou opened a door she saw Harry sitting against a wall, he looked like he was sleeping.

"Harry..." She smiled. "We've been looking everywhere for you."

Harry didn't wake.

She crossed the room and knelt down to him, "Harry-" she tapped his shoulder and he instantly slumped over, practically lifeless.

"Harry!" She yelled shaking him a little, more fear coursing through her than she ever had experienced.

She got close to his face and noticed his breathing was extremely shallow. That when she let out a piercing scream for help.

Only moments later Paul, Louis and Zayn who were close by ran in.

"Harry!" Louis screamed pushing to get to him.

He pulled the lads limp body into his arms and screamed "Call for help!"

That's when Paul pulled out his phone and rang 000. Louis couldn't even hear anything anymore as he rocked Harry back and forth begging him to wake up.

"What happened?" Liam asked nearly crying with fear when he saw Harry and Louis.

Niall was now just behind him standing at the doorway.

"I don’t know, this is how I found him." She sobbed as Zayn came closer to comfort her.

He's the one who noticed the almost empty orange pill bottle on the floor. "Oh my God... Lads!" He said pointing it to him.

"I just gave him those!" Paul exclaimed.

"Curly, what did you do?" Louis almost yelled tears streaming down his face.

Niall was crying also.

"Get Lou and Niall out of here." Paul instructed as he talked back and forth with the operator.

Liam grabbed Niall and Zayn grabbed Lou and they took them away, all of them now crying.

Louis just clung hard to Harry not willing to let go for any reason not even when a team of paramedics rushed into the room a while later.

It was Paul who had to wrestle him away. Louis fought hard against him screaming and crying until they ran out of the room with Harry on a stretcher.

It was at that point Louis just collapsed into Paul sobbing hard, "Please let me be with him. Please!" He coughed and choked as he cried.

Paul knew he’d get hell for it, but he loved these lads as if they were his own boys, and he couldn’t not let Louis be with his boyfriend when he needed him the most. He wouldn’t allow it.

“Go! Preston, go with them!” Paul yelled as Louis with Preston shot off running after the paramedics, yelling at them to let them know he was coming along.

When he reached them, “I’m coming.” Louis yelled at them over the screaming fans.

“Are you family?” One paramedic asked.

“He’s my everything...My boyfriend. Please. You have to let me come!” Louis cried.

They nodded, “And you?” The other one asked eyeing Preston.

“Security. They’re in a world famous boyband…You’re gonna need a little help once you get there.” He quickly replied.

They nodded, “Get in!” One of them yelled and Louis jumped in with Preston behind him.

Meanwhile back inside the venue, Paul was going crazy giving people instructions, telling them to go deal with the fans waiting for soundcheck, telling others to deal with the crowd control outside the venue and calling for more security at the hospital. He was doing all this plus listening to the three other lads who were in each others arms crying.

“God knows people are going to be tweeting about it and there’ll be a mass when he arrives.” Paul sighed as he ran a hand over his face.

“When can we leave?” Zayn asked.

“Now, I need to be at the hospital as well.”

“Paddy, get a team together and get the boys ready to leave for the hospital now and I’ll meet you out there.” Paul instructed.

Paddy nodded as ran off to get a team together as the boys that were standing in the hallway just held each other.

“Why does shit always happen to us?” Niall asked softly through his tears.

“I don’t know. I wish I did…” Zayn replied.

The boys sat on the floor as they waited to be escorted to their car, Niall had a hold of Liam’s hand, holding it tightly as he rested his head on his shoulder and Zayn had his head on Liam’s other shoulder, holding his other hand.

It only took a few minutes but it felt like forever to the boys as they waited to be taken to the hospital when Paddy showed up with a team to take them to the waiting car. The boys walked through a crowd of screaming and crying fans who were more worried and scared at the moment then excited and happy.

All three of the boys held hands as they walked threw the crowd and into the car, once inside, they saw Paul at the front seat and some security feeling up every free seat there was in car.

Niall attached himself to Liam as he cried.

“Shhh...It’s gonna be alright, Nialler.” Liam said kissing the Irishman’s forehead.

“You don’t know that…” Niall cried.

“They’ll pump his stomach and he’ll be fine.” Liam tried to reassure him.

“If we found him in time.” Zayn sighed.

“Zayn…” Liam glared at him.

“What? I’m just being realistic.” Zayn said. “And they don’t even pump stomachs anymore.” He added as Liam just shook his head. He knew this was Zayn’s way of dealing but never cared much for this side of him.

Niall edged himself closer into Liam, needing that feeling of safety and comfort more than ever right now.

Liam moved his arm and wrapped it around Niall and held him close.

“We have to pray for the best. We have to think positively.” Liam told them.

It took awhile because of traffic and safety issues of the paparazzi following them but they finally managed to get there.

It also took awhile to get through the crowd at the hospital but they did. Paul found out Harry had been moved out of E.R. and rushed with everyone to go up to him.

Waiting for the lift felt like forever but going up to the floor was fast as the boys ran out.

When it stopped at the floor Harry was on, they saw Preston who guided them to a private waiting room.

When they walked in, Louis flung himself into his friends arms, “I’m so scared...and the doctors, they won’t tell us anything because I’m not really family and…” He tried to explain through his tears.

“Tell me the Doctors name. I’ll find out.” Paul said.

“Parker. That’s all I know.” He cried as Zayn adjusted so he was the one to hold onto Louis.

“Let’s sit.” He said softly moving Louis to the small sofa.

Liam sat down and Zayn sat Louis next to him and filled the seat on the other side.

Niall instantly looked upset, he was feeling left out again. It felt horrible because right now he needed them.

"Come 'mere." Liam said pulling him down onto his lap.

Niall cuddled deep into Liam feeling a little better but still being scared for Harry.

"Gemma will be here before long. If anything she'll find out what's going on." Liam comforted Louis.

Zayn asked, "What happened in the ambulance?"

"I dunno. They were hooking up monitors and wires. Talking about his heart rate being slow. God, he never even came to. He looked so lifeless!" Louis sobbed. "I can't lose him!"

"Way to go Zayn." Liam shot him a look.

"You won't lose him Louis. I'm sure he'll be fine." Niall tried to hold back his own tears to comfort Louis.

"I just don't understand why this happened!" Louis shouted.

That's when Preston who had been on twitter looking over the fans tweets gasped, "shit!"

"What?" Liam asked quickly.

"His photos are trending on here lads." He said walking over and showing them.

The boys gasped and Louis just cried harder as he saw the pictures of Harry, one picture he was just in a nappy, one had him laying on a bed chained with a shirt and a nappy, one same as the last, but with a dummy and another same as that, but with Adam this time. Another picture was in the hostage room with his knees to chest and the dummy in his mouth but it was a close up. The next picture was in the same room but Harry drinking from a baby bottle and the very last one was with Adam’s cum on his face.

"Oh my God, why now?" Niall whined.

"What if he knew? Did he say anything?" Zayn asked.

They all shook their heads.

"He had his phone in his hand though, he must have seen." Louis shook his head.

Paul then walked back in the room and Louis looked to him hopeful.

"They wouldn't tell me much. Just that he's hanging on and they are doing all they can to clear his stomach out." Paul said just as worried as the others.

"How long till Gemma gets here? They'll talk to her!" Louis cried.

"A few hours, maybe less." Paul shook his head.

"I can't wait that long! I want Harry!" Louis cried even harder making Niall cry again and turn into Liam's chest.

Liam wrapped his arms around Niall and whispered to both him and Louis that everything was going to be okay and to have some faith.

It didn't take long for Niall to fall asleep in Liam's arms on his lap. Louis needed to sleep but he couldn't. The crying had him so worn out but he was far too upset to sleep.

Instead Louis just cried on Zayn's shoulder.

Paul left a short while later to go pick up Gemma. He wanted to be there to tell her first what was going on.

While, at the hospital despite multiple attempts no one would tell anyone anything about Harry.

It wasn't until Paul arrived with a crying Gemma that things changed.

Louis sprung up and ran to Gemma, his arms wrapped around her as he held her tightly and cried, he tried to speak but all the words ran together and causing Niall to stir a little at the new sound.

“Translation anyone?” Gemma asked.

“They won’t tell us anything because we’re not family, they won’t even tell Paul anything.” Zayn explained.

“You told them you're his boyfriend right? You two are practically married!” Gemma said as she held onto Louis.

“I said that...I told them that we’ve been together almost three years now and that…” Louis couldn’t help it as he started to sob again.

“Shh, he’s gonna be fine. Paul get the doctor, please.” Gemma said.

Paul left the room as Louis cried harder, “I’m so sorry...I…”

Gemma pulled Louis back for a moment as she rested her hands on his shoulders,  “Louis William Tomlinson! This is not your fault, do you understand me? None of this could be in any way your fault! He went through hell and the fact that it took the pictures being leaked to make him do this says a lot, I think. I do know for a absolute fact that none of this is in any way your fault. If anything he probably held on longer because of you, being with you and being in the band...It’s the best thing to ever happen to him. You’re always there for him, supporting him the only way you knew how, this...however...was bigger than you. You tried your best, you did more than any of us ever could. Please don’t blame yourself for this.” She told him.

Louis nodded as the doctor came into the room.

“I’m Harry’s sister and these boys in this room and especially this wonderful bloke...need to be kept updated about my brother’s condition. So does Paul.” Gemma said.

The Doctor nodded, “I can do that now that I have your permission…”

“Perfect. Now...What’s going with my baby brother?” She asked as her voice cracked.

Louis took her hand to help comfort her and himself.

"I have him listed in stable condition. That means things could go either way from here. It's really just a touch and go situation." The doctor began.

"Can't you give us more detail than that?" Liam jumped in squeezing Niall's waist nervously.

"Of course, he digested a good amount of pills. My guess is around a months worth. I was able to empty his stomach and give him something to stop his body from absorbing any more of the medication. The pills however sat in his stomach for a while before I could get to him." The doctor was trying hard to explain things in a way they would understand.

Louis covered his mouth with his hand and tried to stop his crying so he could hear.

Gemma just held tight to him knowing if she let go now she wouldn't be able to finish listening to the doctor speak.

"He's suffering from a few major side effects as part of the overdose. First, his lung function was only around ten percent by the time he got to me. I was able to get it under control for the moment but if he gets any worse I'll be putting him on a ventilator." He paused to give them a chance to take that bit in.

"What else?" Paul asked.

The doctor nodded, "His heart rate was dangerously low and unfortunately still seems to be back and forth. I'm trying to correct the problem but it's not easy I'm afraid. Not when it's caused by an overdose."

"So what's going on now?" Zayn asked.

"Yes, how is Harry right now?" Louis cried.

"I'm sorry but Harry is in a coma. He had already slipped into one when he got here so I couldn't do anything to try and stop it. I have him as stable as I can get him so now, the only thing to do is wait."

"What are we waiting for exactly? For him to wake up right?" Gemma asked.

"Actually ma'am..." He paused. "It's more like we are waiting to see if he wakes up. I'm sorry but in situations like this it's impossible to know for sure if he will or not."

"Oh my God..." Was Niall could get out before turning and burying his face into Liam's chest.

"Now, the good thing about a comma is that it will allow his body to rest completely and focus on trying to heal itself. If he wakes up it will be a good indicator that he's going to pull through. The best thing you guys can do is surround him with love and thoughts of peace and happiness. Keep his brain in a positive frame of mind so it will keep fighting."

"Alright, so when can we see him?" Gemma asked as tears poured down she and Louis' face.

"He's being set up in a room in the ICU. When they are finished you may go in two at time." The doctor nodded. "A nurse will come get you when it's time. Excuse me, please." The doctor explained then left.

That's when Louis fell to the floor and cried harder again. He felt as though someone had shot him through his heart. Harry was his life, without him he wasn't sure he could live.

"Louis, he's strong. He's gonna be ok." Gemma said partly trying to convince herself.

She knelt down and hugged him once more as Zayn came over and hugged him also.

"You heard the doctor though Louis, he has to be around happiness. That means you have to keep being strong for him." Zayn encouraged.

"I don't know if I can be strong." He said.

"Louis," Paul walked over. He didn't care what his job title was as the moment. In his heart these were his kids. "You are one of the strongest people I know. Everything we force you to deal with and somehow you still manage to smile. You can do this and you will do this because Harry needs you. You won't let him down. I know you won't."

Paul was right. Louis knew he was. He looked up at him and nodded, "Thank you."

Paul just offered a smile and helped him stand up as a nurse came in.

"He's ready for visitors, who wants to go first?" She smiled.

"Gemma." Everyone seemed to agree.

"Who else?" The nurse asked as Gemma stepped forward.

"Louis, he needs you." Gemma smiled and held a hand out to him.

No one could agree more that those two deserved to see him first.

As the nurse led them through the halls Gemma held Louis' hand and whispered, "Between us... I need you right now too."

Louis just nodded and forced a brave smile as the reached a door.

"Feel free to touch him and talk to him. Just be careful of all the monitors. Most people believe it helps." She opened the door and stepped aside to let them in.

It felt so surreal walking into the cold room. Harry laid with with wires running all over him mixed with tubes. He looked to be peacefully sleeping.

Louis was almost afraid to move once the door closed behind them.

Gemma however moved right to his bedside and gently held his hand, "I'm here now Harry. I came just like you asked."

Louis just swallowed hard.

"I'm right here little brother." She stroked her thumb over the back of his hand.

Louis then slowly moved towards where she stood.

Gemma could clearly see his fear and spoke again, "Your boyfriend is here too."

Finally Louis felt brave enough to reach out and touch him, placing his hand on Harry's thigh.

They stood silent for longest time, soaking in the sight before them and softly crying.

Finally Gemma took her hand away and patted Louis' shoulder, "I don't want to leave him but you need time alone with him. I'll give you a while and then send in one of the other lads."

Louis nodded as she turned back to Harry, "I'm gonna let you have some time alone with Louis now. I'm not leaving, just stepping out of the room. I'll be back."

She then hugged Louis and walked out.

Louis sat beside Harry and took his hand, “You can’t die on me...I don’t know how to live without you.” He cried softly. “Just please…Hang on and come back to me. Back to us…”

He sniffed as he thought about how they were at the same concert for The Script all those years ago. They were across from each other, they missed their chance then but fate brought them back together later when they were both at the X-Factor and then again when they got put in the same band together. They were meant to be and fate made sure that they got together.

Louis sniffed, “Remember that concert we were both at, before we met? It was The Script...and then we were on the X-Factor together. We’re meant to be. I’m only half of me when I’m without you. My hands, your hands tied up Like two ships…I wrote those lyrics for you. If you die, I might just die too.”

Just then Louis heard the door open as he turned he saw Zayn walked through, “Hey…” Zayn said softly.

“Hi.” Louis replied, his voice barely above a whisper.

“He’s gonna pull through, I know it.” Zayn tried to comfort Louis.

Louis sighed, “I don’t know if I can live without him.”

Zayn who was now standing behind Louis, placed a hand on his shoulder, “Lou, he’s not going to die, he’d miss you too much.”

Louis half laughed, “Thanks…”

The two sat in silence for awhile until Zayn stood, “I’ll go see who wants to come in next.”

Louis nodded but didn’t say anything, he just stared at Harry.

With everything’s that had been going on, Liam had almost forgotten about Niall’s medication. He needed to have it every night. “Paul, Niall needs his meds!” Liam told him from where he sat with Niall in his arms.

Paul nodded, “I’ll arrange for someone to pick them, they’d be in his room right?”

“Yeah.” Liam nodded and Paul left to make the phone call leaving the room in silence once more.

When Zayn walked back in he saw Niall still wrapped up in Liam’s arms on his lap asleep while Liam was still wide awake, softly chatting with Gemma, “Sorry to interrupt but Li, you wanna go? I can take Niall for you.” He asked sitting beside Liam.

Liam nodded, “Sure.” He said as he tried to move Niall, but Niall just gripped onto Liam’s shirt harder. “Don’t let go, please.” He whispered.

Liam’s heart broke a little at those words, “Don’t worry, I’ll be right back. I’m just going to go see Harry. I won’t be too long.”

Niall sighed as he let Liam move him over to cuddle with Zayn.

Liam walked down the hallway and walked into Harry’s room, he sat on the other side as he stared at him.

“I just feel bad for him, ya know? To do this…a guy who’s so against all of this…” Liam trailed off as a few tears fell.

“He’s been different...we all have but Harry the most. We’ve all been getting a little better, but Harry’s barely improved any.” Louis told him.

Liam nodded in agreement.

“He’ll make it through, he’s strong.” Liam said.

“But he’s been so weak lately…I really hate saying that but it’s the truth.” Louis said sniffling.

“He would’ve been worse without you. He might’ve been weak...but he’s weaker without you.” Liam told him.

Louis smiled a little, “Thanks, Li.”

Liam smiled back, “You know it’s the truth...but I’ll grab Niall now, so Gemma can come back.”

Louis nodded as Liam left to go get Niall.

When he reached the private waiting room, he found Niall cuddling with Zayn but awake, “Hey.” Liam smiled.

“I guess it’s my turn right?” Niall asked.

Liam nodded as he held out a hand for Niall to help him stand up.

Niall stood it as he stood up and pulled Liam into a tight hug, Liam hugged him back just as tightly, “I’ll be right here when you get back. You can go right back to sleep the way you were, I promise.” He whispered.

Niall smiled a little letting go of Liam, “Thank you.” He said softly and left the room.

He couldn't help but swallow hard and stand frozen at the door when he saw Harry.

He could feel his nerves bubbling up again and his hands twitching as tears formed in his eyes.

It was a sniffle that caught Louis' attention.

He turned towards the door and instantly felt bad for the lad, "Come here, Nialler. It's okay."

Niall nibbled at his lower lip then walked slowly toward Louis who instantly pulled him into a hug.

"He looks so awful." Niall squeaked.

Louis could only nod, "I know."

They stood silent for a moment until Louis said, "They told Gemma and I to talk to him, touch him." Louis told Niall.

Niall just nodded and watched as Louis took Harry's limp hand in his own again, "Hey Curly, Niall's here now. Zayn and Liam were here too."

Now that he had started talking to him it was so much easier to keep doing it.

Louis looked to Niall, "I know it feels strange but you can say anything you want."

Niall swallowed again, not feeling so nervous now that Louis had reassured him with a hug, "We uh, we all love you Harry. We're all thinking about you."

Louis gave him a smile, "That was sweet Niall. I'm sure he can hear you."

Niall nodded and wiped away more tears at his eyes, "Would it be okay if I left now? I'm not strong enough to handle this. I just want to be with Liam."

"Yeah, it's okay buddy. See if Paul wants to come in or Gemma. I'm not leaving him." Louis said clearly.

Niall nodded and slowly left, crying as he walked back to the waiting room.

"You okay?" Gemma asked quickly seeing him first.

"Yeah, that was just really hard to see. He's one of me best friends." Niall wiped away even more tears. "Louis said he isn't leaving Harry. He said you or Paul could go in."

Niall then quickly made his way back to Liam, sitting on his lap.

Niall curled up as he buried his face into Liam’s chest and cried. Liam wrapped his arms around him but then brought a hand up to run it through Niall’s hair until he fell asleep, then wrapped his arm back around Niall.

Gemma eyed the two boys closely, they seemed closer, yes, but it was something more than just going through a traumatic event together. But she quickly put it out of her mind as she turned to Paul, “Paul, did you want to go see him?” She asked.

Paul nodded, “If you don’t mind…”

“Of course not! I can wait a few minutes. Louis’ with him so he’s already in good hands.” She smiled a little.

Paul smiled a little, “Thank you.”

He left the room and went down the hallway to Harry’s room, one he stepped inside, he found it hard to look directly at him without breaking down. He didn’t want to break in front of Louis, at least not yet.

“Hey…” Paul said walking over to Louis.

Louis turned to him, “Hey...you aren’t here to make me leave him are you?”

Paul shook his head, “Just wanted to check in...I won’t make you leave.”

Louis smiled, “Thank you! I’m sure management doesn’t want me here…”

Paul took a seat by Louis, “Quite the opposite, actually...While everyone is freaking out and postponing the rest of the tour for now. It’s a kind of wait and see what happens thing, they think it’s good that you and the boys are here with Harry. They wanted you to do interviews reacting to this but I talked them out of it.”

Louis let go of Harry for a moment as he flung his arms around Paul, “Thank you. That would’ve been the hardest thing to do.”

“I know, you boys have been through enough lately and now this...It wasn’t necessary to add to the pain.” Paul explained as Louis pulled back.

“Thank you, Paul. For everything you do for us...I know we’re hard to deal with and all, but you put up with us so well. We really appreciate the little things you are able to do for us when it comes to management.” Louis told him. He knew Paul knew all of this, but he just felt that it wasn’t said nearly as much as it should’ve been.

Paul nodded, “You’re all my boys...I’d do anything to keep you protected at all costs. I’ll leave now and let Gemma come back in.” He stood.

He walked back  to the waiting room where some of their security, along with all the boys were now asleep. He walked over to Gemma, “I think we’re all finished for the night if you want to go stay with him now.”

Gemma smiled, “Thank you, perfect timing as I just finished updating my Mum and Robin.” She stood.

Paul nodded and watched as she left then saw Preston walk in with Niall’s medication bottle.

“I also got him water so he could take it and everyone’s phone chargers.” Preston said. “I can go give Louis and Gemma theirs.”

Paul nodded and took the medication and water from him, “Thanks.” He said softly then walked over to Liam, he gently woke him up.

“I have Niall’s medication.” Paul said showing him the bottles.

Liam nodded as he sat up straight now, “Nialler…” He sang softly running his fingers through the boys hair.

Niall groaned as he woke up a little, “Did something happen?”

“No, I just made Paul send someone to get your meds for you. You need to take them.” Liam told him gently.

“Oh yeah...I forgot! Thanks, Paul.” Niall said sitting up on Liam’s lap, he wasn’t going to move, he was going to go back to sleep as soon as he took the medication. He took the bottles from him, Niall opened the pill bottle and poured out one pill then closed it. He handed it to Liam as he took the pill then opened the water bottle to wash it down.

Paul smiled, “Preston also grabbed everyone’s phone chargers. I’ll plug them all in for you, just gotta collect the phones first.”

Niall and Liam handed him their phones as he walked over to Zayn who was completely out of it. Paul prayed that the phone would be in his front pocket because he didn’t want to look in the back ones. Once he had collected everyone’s phones, he plugged them into all the open outlets he could find.

He sighed as he took the seat where Gemma had been sitting and ran a hand over his face, he just wanted this day to be over with already. _Tomorrow’s a new day_...He thought before he drifted off to sleep.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback especially welcomed on this chapter! We're getting closer to the end of this story (FINALLY. LOL.)


	27. Chapter 27

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> DOUBLE UPDATE AND 1 chapter left of this story! Then onward to the next one...Sorry it's been so long since the last update. I've been so stressed, plus other shit...And my Google Drive didn't want to open files since like early Jan. FINALLY GOT THAT FIXED WOOHOO!!
> 
> Also, not gonna lie...Some of you can be mean with your comments which makes it all SO discouraging. :*( But when those of you beg for an update and share how much you love the series and this story in general...it really helps so thank you for that! :D

Chapter 27

That night and most of the morning Harry's condition slipped back and forth. Louis never left his side through it all. He stayed right there, touching him, talking to him, at times even singing to him. The singing always made his heart beat a little stronger too. It reassured Louis that Harry was in fact aware of what was happening around him.

Gemma and even the other lads worried, worried for Louis when he wouldn't even leave Harry to eat or use the loo. No one was going to even try to convince him to move from Harry's side.

Around noon the doctor from before stepped in and evaluated his condition and said the only improvement was his lung function. His heart was still weak.

It wasn't much but Louis took the bit of good news as a sign and begged Harry to keep fighting.

The lads never left the hospital either. They took turns coming in and sitting with Louis for awhile. Sometimes they sang with Louis and sometimes they just talked to him.

Liam was now sitting with Louis and Harry. They had been chatting and talking as if Harry could hear them.

"You remember when we were told we didn't make the cut at bootcamp? We were all crying and Harry was scared he'd never see you again. Then they called us back in and put us in a group and afterwards you told Harry now he could get sick of seeing you."

Louis smiled, "I do remember. I don't know that he's ever gotten sick of seeing me though."

"No, not you. Just the beard." Liam laughed.

Louis followed suit but quickly straightened up as the doctor walked into the room.

"What's wrong?" Louis worried.

"Nothing, relax Mr. Tomlinson. I'm just here to remove his stitches. I finally got in contact with the doctor in the UK who was in charge of him at the hospital. He agrees that they can come out now." He explained.

"I'll just leave. I should probably check on Niall anyway." Liam stood and Louis walked to the door with him.

"It's almost funny, ya know?" Louis began. "Harry needs me and Niall needs you. I never thought Niall would need you like Harry needs me."

Liam looked at him confused.

"Harry, one night, told me I keep him sane when everything felt chaotic. That's how you are for Niall now."

Liam just nodded, "I guess your right." He then patted Louis' shoulder and left as a few nurses came in to help the doctor.

When Liam got to the waiting room everyone looked at him, "The doctor is taking his stitches out."

"That's good. How's Louis?" Zayn asked.

"He's okay. I got him to laugh a bit for a quick second. That's an improvement." Liam walked over to where Niall was.

Niall smiled at him.

"How are you?" Liam asked.

He shrugged, "I don't know."

"Need a cuddle?" Liam asked.

Niall just nodded as he crawled into Liam’s lap and Liam wrapped his arms around the younger lad and began to play with the boys blonde hair again.

Meanwhile the doctor finished with Harry and left Louis alone.

Louis was quick to move back to Harry's side.

"You look so much better now, Curly. Those stitches are all out." Louis told him stroking the side of his face.

He moved his hand to his curls and began playing with them. "I've always loved your curls. I can't imagine you without them."

He sat on the edge of the bed and kept touching him.

"I need you to come back to me Harry. I promise we'll get you through this and find a way to fix you. You just have to come back to me first."

He sat for the longest time just silently touching Harry and playing with his curls.  He hoped it would help.

Much later Gemma entered the room, "Louis, I want you to go eat love. I'll stay with Harry."

"I won't leave. I'm sorry, Gemma. I have to be here, just in case." Louis sternly said. He refused to miss Harry waking up or... if the other happened.

"At least let me bring you up something then, from the cafe. You won't be any use to him if you're weak from hunger." Gemma rubbed his back a bit.

"Alright, I can handle that. Thank you." Louis smiled.

She then left only to return a bit later with food. She stayed to make sure he ate it, chatting with him, and Harry as he did so.

"You know little brother," she said turning to Harry. "Only you would figure out a way to sleep without fear of people calling you lazy."

Louis laughed a little, "How do you do that?"

"Do what?" She quickly asked confused.

"Find things to be happy about and joke about when times are terrible." He explained.

"I don't know. I've always been that way." She rubbed Harry's arm. "They’re like notebooks now aren't they?"

"You mean all the tattoos?" Louis finished eating and walked to Harry's other side.

"Yeah, little doodles, most only meaning something to you."  

Louis nodded, "There’s nothing in the contracts that says anything about tattoos. Management can't cut his arms off. That's what he told me after the first one."

"Clever lad isn't he?" She shook her head.

"Very." He smiled.

"I'm gonna take this back down to cafe. Want me to send in a little company?" She asked.

"I'm actually a little tired. I'd like to just hold his hand and try to rest." He admitted.

She nodded and left the room.

That night Harry coughed a few times. It scared Louis but the nurses assured him it was just Harry's lungs healing.

Louis felt stupid but he actually enjoyed hearing the slight coughs. It was something, a little something that screamed loudly that Harry was still alive.

It was the next day after Gemma and the lads along with Lou now came in to see Harry for a while that Louis noticed him twitching. After getting help from Gemma and the pair demanding the doctor come check on him that he came in.

He said he was sure it wasn't much of anything but that if they were all lucky it was a sign Harry might be attempting to wake up.

It was after that Gemma went to tell everyone in the waiting room and called her mum that Louis had another loving one way chat with Harry.

Louis talked to him about the first time they made love and how careful Harry was not to hurt him.

He had fallen asleep in the chair next to Harry's bed at some point, laid over onto Harry's bed slightly.

He awoke to very slight gentle movements and a familiar voice grumbling.

"Mmm, no, no." The voice mumbled softly.

Louis sat up slowly and blinked his eyes.

"Should've worked."

"Oh my god!" Louis nearly screamed seeing Harry's eyes open.

"No..." He moaned long.

"Harry, you're awake! Thank God, I've been so worried." He cried.

"Stop! I don't want this!" Harry screamed. "Go away!"

"Harry! Please!" Louis cried loudly.

"Make them stop Louis! Make them go away!" He screamed. Eyes now closed.

Louis quickly pressed Harry's call light and hugged Harry best he could. "I'm right here Hazza. I'm right here."

"Please, just make the voices stop." He sobbed as the nurse came in.

A team soon followed including the doctor.

"He's crying about the voices, please make them go away." Louis cried.

The feelings of being helpless revisited Louis as he watched the doctors work to calm Harry.

It took what felt like hours but finally they calmed him and got him to stop screaming. The doctor wanted to sedate him but Louis nearly came unglued and refused to let that happen so instead he gave him a medication to suppress Harry a little without knocking him out.

The doctor was then able to explain that he couldn't give Harry anything to treat the voices at that moment due to the overdose. He said Harry needed to detox more before he would be comfortable with that.

Harry didn't like it but he couldn't argue, he was too relaxed from the medication they had shot into his IV.

After another long while the doctor and nurses finally left, saying they would be back shortly to check in.

Louis knew he should go tell the others but he couldn't bring himself to do it. He wanted a moment with Harry, just them.

"How did I get to the hospital?" Harry asked the second the door was closed.

"Lou found you. We called the paramedics and you were rushed here." Louis explained.

Harry gently nodded.

"Harry, I love you so much. I don't understand. How could you leave me?" Louis cried.

"I don't know. I was just trying to make the voices stop. They were so loud, Lou. I could hear them like they were coming through loud speakers. I could feel it all too. His touches, the nappy, all of it. I needed it to stop. I was desperate." Harry explained.

"You should have told me. I would have helped you. God Harry, you almost died!" Louis now stood by his bed.

"I... I'm sorry. I was embarrassed. Dad texted me and told me he was sorry about my pictures and then there they were, all over twitter and people were saying horrible things about me." Harry now cried also.

"Oh Harry..." Louis trailed off taking his hand.

"Please don't hate me." Harry asked. "I wasn't trying to kill myself. I don't think."

Before Louis could respond he heard a gasp at the door.

It was Gemma, rushing towards them, she ran up to them and threw her arms around him.

“How long ago did you wake up? Why didn’t you come find me?” Gemma asked looking at Louis.

Louis shifted a little, he felt a little bad but he needed to talk to Harry alone first.

“Gem...Don’t worry about it. We just needed to talk a little first.” Harry tried to comfort her.

“Don’t you ever fucking do that again, do you hear me!?” She cried.

“Okay.” Harry said.

“I’ll give you two a moment and tell the others you're awake.” Louis smiled as he stood.

He gave Harry a careful hug, “I’m so glad you're awake!”

Louis left the room and walked down to the waiting room, where everyone sat up straight when they saw him.

“He’s awake and talking. He’s...alive.” Louis nearly cried from joy.

"Thank god!" Lou gasped. She had just gotten there a few minutes earlier. She hadn't been okay since finding him.

Niall sat up on Liam’s lap a little too quickly, nearly falling over but Liam’s strong arms around his waist helped steady him.

“Is he going to be okay?” Zayn asked.

“I don’t know...We had a little talk before Gemma came in. I left them alone for now. He was talking about hearing voices and wanting them to stop...so that’s why he did it…” Louis softly explained.

“I’ll let management know that he’s awake at least, I’ll, uh...leave out the other stuff.” Paul said standing.

“Thank you, Paul.” Louis smiled at him.

Paul nodded as he left the room.

Niall leaned back on Liam, his back against Liam’s chest and Liam’s arms around his waist, “When...uh...can we see him?” Niall asked.

“When Gemma’s done with him.” Louis nodded.

Meanwhile Gemma was crying at Harry's bedside, "Help me understand then Harry. Why would try to take your own life?"

"It wasn't like that. When are you going to listen? I was just trying to make the voices stop. It wasn't till after I took the pills that death crossed my mind. By that point it was too late." Harry tried to explain.

"You could have told someone you were hearing voices." She argued back.

"I did Gemma! No one was able to help me so I took care of things myself." Harry was getting agitated now.

"I don't know who you are right now Harry. You keep saying you weren't trying to kill yourself but I haven't heard you say anything about the fact that you almost did." She shook her head.

"Maybe because I don't care that I almost did. You said it yourself, I'm not me anymore. I don't really care to live if I can't be me. If I can't love Louis completely and in turn let him love him." Harry cried.

Gemma stood and said nothing.

"I don't care if I live or not cause having to live like this isn't worth it."

Gemma just shook her head and left the room.

He tried to call after her but she wouldn't respond. He laid back on his bed and cried softly.

Gemma just didn't understand. She couldn't. She hadn't been through what he had. She'd never loved someone like he loved Louis. In Harry's mind Gemma was just incapable of understanding.

The next thing he heard was Louis' voice full of concern calling his name.

"Harry?"

"I'm alright." He sniffled.

"You're crying." Louis worried.

"Just a rough chat with Gemma. Don't worry so much." Harry wasn't about to tell Louis how he really felt about life. He wouldn't do that to Louis.

"Harry!" Liam smiled walking in.

"Hey Liam." He smiled.

"You look good." He grinned.

"Well rested." Harry replied. He knew Liam was just trying to keep things light and less teary. Honestly Harry appreciated that change.

"Seriously though Harry, you look much better then you have the last day or so. Your stitches are even out." Liam tried to compliment to make Harry feel better.

"Really?" Harry asked and suddenly reached and touched his forehead. He smiled knowing management would at least relax about covering it now.

"They did that while you were out." Louis explained.

Liam only stayed for a moment longer before telling Harry he was gonna let someone else come in to see him. Harry told him bye and he left.

Niall hugged Liam when he came back and asked how he was.

"He's seems really good honestly." Liam nodded.

"Anyone mind if I go see him?" Zayn asked.

When no one complained he went on.

"Hey." Zayn softly said walking in."

"Hi Zayn." Harry said and Louis smiled at him.

"How are you mate?" Zayn asked.

"Fine, just a bit tired." Harry nodded.

"They gave him some relaxers. Doctor said they'd make him sleepy." Louis explained.

"I must say, you have a good nurse. He wouldn't even leave you eat. Gemma had to bring food in here."  Zayn found himself not knowing what to really talk about.

"Thanks, it was nice to have you here when I woke up." Harry looked to Louis.

At that moment a nurse stepped back in and checked some of Harry's vitals before telling Louis and Zayn to hurry and shuffle through the rest of the visitors so Harry could sleep.

Zayn nodded and told Harry goodbye before leaving.

"Your turn Niall. Don't stay long. They want him to sleep." Zayn said.

"I don't know if I wanna see him like that again." Niall said hoping people wouldn't be upset with him.

"Nialler, he's much better than when he was out of it. He's sitting up a bit and talking back." Liam assured.

"He'd be bummed if you didn't go in." Gemma followed.

"Louis' in there still. You'll be find." Zayn encouraged.

Niall nodded and went to go see him. He felt nervous. Even walking in and seeing Harry sitting there talking softly with Louis, he felt nervous. He wanted to cry. He didn't like this. It bothered him.

"Niall." Louis smiled encouraging him to come closer but he just stood in the doorway chewing on his lower lip.

"Come here Niall. You won't break me." Harry softly said raising a hand to him.

Niall took a deep breath and stepped forward.

"Thanks for being here." Harry told him when he reached the bedside across from Louis.

"Yeah, I wouldn't not be here for you mate." Niall softly replied.

"Means a lot to me, to have you all here." Louis was impressed by how well Harry was talking with Niall.

Niall however sniffled and began to cry a bit, "I'm sorry. I just... You looked dead. They said you may not wake up. After everything we went through it was just so scary."

"I'm sorry too." Harry said.

Niall just nodded.

Louis rubbed Harry's shoulder.

"In gonna go. Zayn said to let you rest." Niall then quickly left and returned to Liam's side.

No one else went to see Harry after that. Even Gemma stayed in the waiting room to allow Harry and Louis to rest.

Louis laid over the side of Harry's bed again as he and Harry both slept. Louis slept a little deeper this time knowing Harry was doing good.

Harry was the first to wake. He laid still trying to let Louis sleep. He felt guilty as he watched Louis sleep, touching his hair a little. He hated that he couldn't give Louis what he deserved. It made him feel terrible about himself.

The feelings of guilt mixed with the feeling of anger from the voices that were currently at a dull roar. It made him wrestle with the thought he shared with Gemma earlier. He honestly didn't want to feel like death was a good option but truth was he did.

He was about to cry when he heard a soft tap on his door. It was Lou.

"Hey, everyone's worried about Louis." She whispered. "I guess he's only eaten twice since you've been here."

Harry tapped Louis' shoulder causing him to stir.

"What's wrong?" Louis asked.

"Nothing, I just want you to go eat." Harry said.

Louis looked and saw Lou.

"Zayn, Niall and Liam are waiting to go to the cafe with you." Lou said.

Louis looked between Harry and her, "Are you sure? I don't want you to be alone."

"I'll be fine. You'll stay with me right Lou?" Harry asked.

"Yeah, course. Go on Louis. You aren't allowed to say no." Lou told him a bit stern.

Louis thanked her, told Harry he loved him and left.

Lou stood quiet beside Harry's bed for a while. Not sure what to say or maybe, afraid to say too much of what was on her mind.

Harry didn't like the silence. The voices were stronger then and so he spoke, "It's good to see you Lou."

Lou didn't reply, she just looked away from him.

"What's wrong?" Harry asked.

"Really Harry?" She asked a bit strong.

Harry was confused, "Lou..."

"Don't Harry. I'm so mad at you." She began. "At first I was just worried sick. Then it hit me how selfish what you did was. You took your life into your own hands without thought for those who love you. I mean, when you took those pills did you think about Louis? Did you think about your family or your friends? What about my daughter? Did you think about her Harry?" Lou was crying hot tears filled with anger.

"No..." He softly trailed off.

"That's right. You only thought about yourself. That's all you've been doing since the second the police found you. You've been thinking about yourself and letting yourself roll around in self pity. Everyone's been walking on eggshells around you, trying to be careful around you so they don't upset you."

She was right and Harry knew it.

"I think it's so messed up Harry. You aren't going to get better with people enabling you to be afraid. Don't expect me to do it! You're better than this. I don't know why other people can't see it but I sure as hell I can." She kept on. She needed to get this out and at that moment she didn't care if it hurt him because he had already hurt her.

"You need to snap out of whatever rut you're in. Wake up and smell the roses Harry. You're alive! You're still here! They didn't kill you!"

"No but they hurt me." Harry sniffled.

"And no one else has ever been hurt before? You're the only one hmm?" She asked. She wasn't backing down.

"I never said that." Harry told her.

"God forbid if Lux were older and got kidnapped and raped, you'd want her to try and kill herself? You'd want her to be so selfish and foolish?" Lou asked hard.

"No, never. I love her too much." Harry cried.

"We love you Harry. All of us do." She replied. "Is that not enough?"

Harry cried for a moment, unable to reply.

Lou stood, crying also. She just wanted him to reply. Was their love for him not enough?

"You're right. I am selfish." He cried softly finally.

Lou could only nod. After a moment she took a deep breath and replied, "I'm sorry Harry, I really am. I just want you to get better. I want you to get over all this."

Harry nodded, wiping his tears away, "It's okay Lou. I've been stupid. You're right."

She rubbed her hand over her mouth. "Harry, please, don't let those men hurt you anymore. Let them go. Forget them. Prove to everyone that they mean nothing. Be a role model and show everyone how it's possible to be stronger than everything haunting them; to overcome it all."

Harry nodded and held his hand out to her.

She looked at it for a moment then took it and allowed him to pull her into a soft hug.

"I'm so sorry Lou. I really am." Harry whispered.

She pulled away, touched the side of his face and whispered back, "I forgive you."

“Thank you...Think Louis and the lads will forgive me?” He asked quietly.

Lou nodded, “I have no doubt they will if you ask for it.” She replied as she heard the door open.

She then saw a woman walk in, “Hello, I’m Carrie.” She said holding out her hand towards Lou.

“I’m Lou Teasdale...a friend of Harry’s.” She shook her hand.

“She makes our hair look perfect.” Harry smirked.

Lou just smiled and shook her head, “I guess this is my cue to leave...Just remember what we talked about, please?” She asked.

Harry nodded, “I will and...Don’t tell Lux about this? And tell her I love her and I miss her please.”

Lou nodded, “She doesn’t need to know about this, I don’t even know how I would explain it...It was hard to explain your kidnapping and why she couldn’t see you when you got back. Just give her a call maybe when you're ready?” She asked.

Harry nodded, “I will, thank you.”

Lou gave Harry a gentle hug and left.

Carrie looked at Harry, “Normally after a suicide attempt, hospitals require a seventy two psych hold...I talked with them and explained our situation, they agreed to not hold you for the psych hold.” She explained.

Harry smiled, “Thank you.”

"There is a catch Harry." She continued. "You have to agree to not being alone at any time for the next seventy two hours. You can be with anyone so long as you're with someone."

Harry didn't like the idea but he didn't argue. He understood completely and nodded his head.

She however seemed puzzled by his response, "You're okay with that? It won't bother you feeling babied?"

"No, I deserve it. I need it." He softly said.

She smiled, "That's the most level headed thing I've heard you say since meeting you."

"Thanks, just got my eyes open a bit more than I did before." He tried to explain. Lou really had made an impact.

"That's good Harry." She paused. "I want you to do me a favor. Other than an evaluation session we'll have tomorrow your next solo session won't be till late next week. That's why I'm giving you your solo assignment now. I want you to make a list of all the things you have to live for and everything that makes you happy. Pretty easy, yeah?"

"Yeah, I'd love to do that." He nodded.

"Ok, we're gonna have group session tomorrow. I've gotten permission to have all of you in here with Michelle and I. I've been told your breathing and lung function is back to normal so they are just going to keep an eye on your heart and if all is well they'll send you home Tuesday at the earliest."

Harry nodded, "Alright."

"Good, if you don't need anything or need to talk I'm gonna leave you to rest. We will talk a bit deeper tomorrow and have a real session then okay?" She smiled.

"Yes, thank you for everything." He told her.

"Of course. I'll send Louis in if that's alright now."

He nodded. He really wanted to talk to Louis and say he was sorry. He just hoped Louis would forgive him.

She nodded back and left the room.

Harry laid there, he took a deep breath and played over what Lou had said. How right she had been. How she had been the first person to really be blunt with him about the actions and behaviour. He hadn't know how badly he need that... That tough love.

A while later Louis walked in. "You might get to leave Tuesday." He smiled.

"I know. Carrie just stopped in." Harry said.

Louis nodded, "I caught her in the hall. She caught me up and said you were ready to see me."

"Yeah, could you...come sit by me?" Harry asked.

"Of course." Louis smiled doing as Harry asked.

"I had a nice chat with Lou." Harry began.

"Oh..." Louis trailed off. He knew Harry. He knew there was more.

"Well, I guess you could say she talked to me. It was really good though. I needed it." Harry nodded.

"That's good, I'm glad." Louis smiled.

"She uh, she helped me realize a few things Louis. She told me exactly what I needed to hear and... It was rather eye opening." Harry was having trouble putting his thoughts into words as he took Louis' hand.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I've been acting really stupid. I've been focused completely on myself and acting like a pitiful mess. I haven't been thinking about anyone else." He paused to wipe away a few tears.

"Harry, it's..."

"No, Louis, I'm not done and it's not okay. I've been so wrong in so many ways and I'm really sorry." Harry cried a little harder.

"Harry..." Louis cried also.

"I'm so sorry, Boo. I love you so much. Please just try and forgive me." Harry sobbed.

Louis moved to where he was sitting on the side of Harry's bed and carefully hugged him, "I don't have to try and forgive you Harry. I do forgive you. I love you so much."

They held each other crying for what felt like a long time before Louis pulled back and wiped off his eyes.

"I'm ready to be me again, Louis." He softly told him.

All Louis could manage to do was just smile.

The quietly stared at each other for while. Happy to just be close.

Harry smiled, truly feeling a little happier, able to ignore the voices a bit easier. "Thank you, for everything. For loving me, for not giving up on me, for always being here for me, for forgiving me and for everything else I can't even put into words. I'd be nothing without you."

"You are more then welcome Curly." Louis grinned feeling a little bitter lighter emotionally.

Then it happened, Harry picked up Louis' hand and kissed the back of it.

Louis just let a single tear roll down his face which Harry quickly wiped away.

"No more crying now ok? Makes me sleepy." Harry smiled.

Louis nodded and smiled back, almost laughing at Harry. He was so close to being back now that Louis could taste it. He finally felt like there was a real reason to hope.

"Could you find out if I can eat? I'm feeling a bit like Niall."

Louis chuckled, "Yeah, I'll go ask."

Louis then left and Harry just laid his head back and smiled. Sure, the voices were still there but he didn't care as much. He was determined to stop them the right way now. He just had to start with finishing telling everyone how sorry he was.

The nurse then came in with a tray of food, “Ready to try some food? It’s all mush to make it easier on your system.” She explained.

“I suppose I should try.” Harry said.

“Would you like to help him?” The nurse smiled at Louis.

“Yeah, that’d be great. Thank you.” Louis smiled back and the nurse left.

Louis looked at Harry, “You don’t mind...do you?”

Harry shrugged, “I can’t do it myself…” He trailed off.

“Alright then.” Louis said as he took the lid off the tray.

He scooped some mashed potatoes up in the spoon and guided it towards Harry’s mouth, who eagerly took it, he was starving.

After Louis finished feeding Harry, Harry thanked him and mentioned how tired he felt and wanted to sleep.

Louis was going to go to the waiting room and sleep with the other boys, but Harry wanted him to stay, so Louis stayed and fell asleep with his arms around his boyfriend.

 


	28. Chapter 28

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Will try and get the other chapter up sometime soon, like this week or next! I'll do my best!

The next morning it was Liam who came in to wake them.

He tapped Louis gently and gave him a smile when Louis opened his eyes and yawned.

"Paul thought I should wake you. We're gonna have therapy in a little bit. He says we all get to come in for it so I'll just say morning to Harry then." Liam softly said, wanting Louis to wake Harry.

"Thanks." Louis nodded and watched Liam leave.

Louis then rubbed at Harry's arm carefully and whispered, "Wake up Beautiful."

Harry groaned a little but slowly woke up, "That was sweet."

Louis just smiled.

"I'd be okay with a kiss on the cheek I think." Harry whispered.

Louis' smile grew but he leaned in and kissed Harry's cheek, breathing in his scent deeply as he did so.

"I haven't showered in days you know." Harry laughed.

"I don't care. I love you." Louis told him.

"I love you too Louis." Harry smiled.

Louis slowly stood up off the small bed he had squeezed into with Harry. "I'll see about getting you some breakfast."

"Thanks." Harry replied.

Louis left only long enough to talk to a nurse about getting Harry some food.

It wasn't long later she had some toast and a banana brought in with some water. "You did well with the potatoes so let's see how this goes over." She said.

"Thank you." He nodded.

"Let me know if you need any help." She then left.

Harry looked at Louis.

"Want help again?" Louis asked.

"Yeah, fingers are still a bit jumpy from the relaxers. Just don't be a smart arse with the banana okay?" He ended in a smile.

"Who me?" Louis chuckled sitting down and helping him.

A short while later Harry had finished and told Louis to go eat but Louis refused, saying they didn't have enough time and he would eat later.

Louis was right too because less than a minute later Zayn popped in asking if they were both ready.

The pair agreed and Zayn left to get everyone.

Michelle, Niall and Carrie began to walk in but Zayn stopped Liam in the hall, "I wanna tell them now. I don't feel right hiding it anymore. Hiding shit doesn't end well for us."

"Alright, I think it'll be okay. We have two therapist in the room so it can't go too wrong." Liam agreed.

"Good, let's go then mate." Zayn smiled patting his shoulder.

Liam walked with him and found everyone in Harry's room settled into a place already. A nurse had brought in three extra chairs.

Michelle and Carrie sat in two while Louis sat next to Harry.

Niall stood nervous in the corner.

Liam was about to comfort him when Harry spoke up.

"Come on Niall, I want you by me." He smiled.

Niall looked to Liam the back to the chair by Harry's bed.

"I'll sit by you. No worries." Liam smiled. He pulled the remaining chair over as Niall sat down in the more comfortable one.

"That means I get to play doctor right?" Zayn tried to joke siting on the rolling stool.

"You come near me and I scream." Harry said with a grin.

His grin made Niall feel a little better.

"Tell Harry that's your job, Niall." Liam joked making him laugh.

"I'm so impressed. You five seem so well." Carrie smiled.

"I agree, I would have guessed you'd all be an absolute mess." Michelle nodded.

"What doesn't kill you makes you stronger right?" Harry asked grabbing everyone's attention.

"Yes, Harry. I like that." Carrie nodded.

"Are any of you feeling upset at all? What you lads went through these last few days is very hard." Michelle asked.

"We've been through a lot though." Liam replied.

"Yes, it was the worst thing I've ever been through to see Harry almost..." Louis paused. "He's alive though. He's holding my hand, smiling, better than he's been these last few weeks trying to recover. We've talked privately and, I can't really explain it but, I'm okay."

"I was worried to death. I couldn't really even sleep and not just because the waiting room was uncomfortable. When Louis said he woke up though, said he was okay, I felt better. I had the people I care about most next to me, celebrating. I couldn't help but feel happy." Zayn almost shrugged.

"What about you Niall?" Carrie asked.

He shook his head, "I thought Harry was good as gone. Seeing him in that bed, looking like he could go at any minute was too much. Even now, I don't like being in here. It just gives me the creeps. It feels like death."

"Have you always been this way with hospitals or do you feel it's just this case?" Michelle asked.

"Both, I just... I have a lot on me mind, I wasn't doing so hot before all this. It just made it worse." Niall was trying to be honest.

"I had all me mates around, sorta, but... I don't know, I'm just still struggling. Can someone else talk now?"

"I have something I'd like to say." Harry said.

Everyone looked at him as Carrie encouraged him to go ahead.

"Louis and I have already spoken, a lot but, Zayn, Niall, Liam, I need to talk to you guys too. I just, I need you to know I'm sorry." Harry felt a bit nervous but saying it felt right also.

"It's fine Harry, we can't understand the depths of what you went through." Liam offered.

"No mates. It's not fine." Harry shook his head as Louis rubbed his shoulder. He knew what was coming.

"Stop Harry, you don't have to..."

"Let him talk Zayn." Louis gently cut him off.

"I have been really self-centered. I've been an idiot. Yes, I've been through a lot but, I've taken things too far. I let what those sick men did control my every thought and feeling. I've not considered any of you at all. If I seemed to be I'm sure it was just an act. I don't want any of you to tell me it's ok or that it's fine because it's not fine. Nothing about how I've been acting is fine. I owe each of you an apology. It's that simple. I just hope you can all find a way to forgive me." Harry had no idea how he managed to say all that without crying but he did. It even earned him an extra squeeze from Louis.

"I think I speak for everyone when I say you're forgiven. We all love you Harry. We just want to see you better." Zayn said.

"Exactly." Liam nodded.

"You’re one of me best friends Harry. I forgive you and I really appreciate you being so honest. Kinda reminds me what's so special about us. Our honesty." Niall looked at him and smiled.

"On that note, Liam and I need to be honest too." Zayn said. Everyone shifted and looked at them now.

Liam took Niall's hand, "I think all of you should know that what we are about to say is not in any way the result of anything anyone has done. We are both comfortable with it and we hope you guys can just support us."

"Liam and I have decided to not be together anymore. We’ve discussed it and we both agree it’s for the best, and that we’re better off as just friends. Best friends." Zayn finished.

Louis and Harry just stared at each other in shock, it had always been them and Zayn and Liam that had something going on. It seemed odd to think of Zayn and Liam as friends rather than lovers now.

“This is all my fault…” Niall said with tears in his eyes.

“No…” Zayn shook his head. “I can assure you it’s not.”

“You don’t have to be nice about it. If it wasn’t because of me, you’d still be together.” Niall said as some tears fell.

Liam quickly wiped them away, “Nialler, listen to me…” He paused as he took Niall’s other hand. “This is not your fault. I’ll admit if we didn’t get kidnapped, we probably would be together still, but people change and their feelings and emotions change. Zayn and I just don’t share the same feelings for each other anymore.”

Niall just looked at him, “Promise?” He whispered.

“I promise.” Liam whispered back. “Com'ere…” He said pulling Niall closer to him.

“Are you two sure you can work as friends? You’ve never been just friends. In the beginning, it was this constant flirting and eye sex, then you actually did something about it, then you became official…” Louis asked.

Zayn nodded, “I understand you're worried about the band, but don’t be. Honestly, we can make it work as just friends.”

“When did it happen?” Harry asked.

“A few days ago.” Liam replied.

“A few days?!” Louis almost shrieked.

“Why didn’t you tell us sooner?” Niall asked.

“We were going to tell you a couple nights ago, but then Harry...and we never got the chance to tell you, so now that he’s okay...We feel more comfortable with sharing this with all of you.” Zayn explained looking over at Liam who had a teary eyed Niall on his shoulder.

The room fell silent, “Does anyone have anything else to say or add?” Michelle asked.

No one spoke, so Carrie spoke up, “I think this is a good spot to end it for today, even though it was short, it was good.”

"We will talk about your lads assignments this week after Harry's been released. We just want you guys to relax until then." Michelle added.

The boys nodded as Carrie turned to Niall, “Niall, why don’t we take a little break then you can meet me in the waiting room when you're ready?” She asked him.

Niall nodded, “Sure.” He said as he watched her leave with Michelle behind her.

“We’ll always support you, you know…” Harry said looking over at Liam.

“Both of you.” Louis smiled as Harry nodded.

“And of course you too, Nialler! But we aren’t really talking about you…” Harry half smiled making Niall laugh.

“I understood what you meant.” Niall smiled standing up, not letting go of Liam’s hands, he looked down at him, “Can you walk back with me?” Niall asked.

“Sure.”  Liam gave him a warm smile as he stood up and dropped one of Niall’s hands to make it easier to walk. “I’ll be right back.” Liam said to the other three, who just nodded in response.

As they walked Niall was quiet at first but suddenly he said, "We're alone now Liam. You can be honest. I had something to do with it didn't I?"

Liam stopped walking, "Niall, I promise it has nothing to do with you at all. Zayn and I, ya know, and it felt good but it was just... Sex. There wasn't a spark or a connection."

Niall nodded, "I see."

"Yeah, I'm afraid you have nothing to do with Zayn and I having sex. The whole world can't revolve around you Nialler." He finished with a chuckle making the blonde smack him playfully.

"You suck." He shook his head.

"That's what I'm told." He smiled cocky.

"Oh my god! I'll see you after the session, Liam." Niall shook his head and walked into the waiting room Paul had cleared out.

When Carrie finally came in she wanted to know why Niall had shut down in group. Niall tried to explain that he was just uncomfortable and had a lot on his mind.

That of course lead to her asking exactly what he had on his mind.

Niall quickly ran down a list saying, his photos leaked, his brother probably saw them, Harry almost died, he still doesn't feel totally safe, he still hates when people touch him and now despite being assured it wasn't his fault, he had Liam and Zayn breaking up over his head.

"Alright, one thing at a time, I can't do anything about your photos coming out except be here for you as a safe person to talk to. I can however assure you that time will heal that wound." She began.

"As for Harry, I understand that you must have been scared and frightened. I think the best thing you can do there is talk to Harry gently and tell him how it made you feel. I think owning those feelings will help you step past them. I also believe it will be good for Harry to hear how you feel."

"I can try. It may have to wait till we get out of here. I feel so creeped out here." Niall replied.

"That's perfectly alright. A lot of people get upset in hospitals. It's perfect normal. Now, as far as you not feeling safe goes... I don't entirely understand. You seem to be doing well from what I can see."

Niall nodded but replied, "I feel safe near Liam. He's done his best to protect me from the start. He's never hurt me. He's just, a comfort. I don't feel like my world is spinning off it's axis when he's around."

"So you think he makes you feel a bit more stable?"

Niall quickly nodded, "Exactly, I don't feel crazy around him and I don't feel lonely either. It makes me feel good. Makes me feel better."

It was Carrie's turn to nod, "I understand, Niall.  Considering what you've been through... It makes sense. We just have to work on getting you to feel that same way without him. We'll get you there though." She offered him a smile and kept going with his list.

"The touches... Let's talk about your assignment. Part one, letting your bandmates touch you. How did that go?"

"I let them. It wasn't the best feeling in the world and it still makes me jumpy when they first do it but, I think I'm getting better. It's easier today than it was last week." He told her.

"That's wonderful. What about the second part? I don't want any details. Just tell me if you were able to do it or not." She remembered how last week went and treded forward carefully.

He nodded, "Actually, I was able to do it. It surprised me a bit. I really didn't think I could but after about sixty seconds, I didn't feel uncomfortable at all." He didn't dare bring up Liam walking in on him.

"That's excellent. See, you aren't as broke as you think you are. How did sleeping alone work out... Or I guess you had Paul right?"

"He stayed with me the first night and I couldn't sleep a wink. The second night I stayed by myself. I didn't sleep very soundly but I managed to not go running to Liam or Louis. Been with the lads past that."

"More progress. Focus on that Niall. You are getting better." She grinned and he smiled too.

They spent the rest of session talking about Zayn and Liam's break up and how Niall felt he had horded Liam and that it could be why Zayn lost his love for Liam.

They didn't get a chance for her to really respond before their time was up however so she assured Niall they would pick up next week and told him to talk to Zayn and Liam about it if he thought it would help ease his mind.

Much to Niall's delight Liam had waited out in the hall for him, Gemma had sat with him also.

"Hey, how'd it go?" Liam asked as he and Gemma stood

"Good, where is everyone?" Niall questioned.

"Louis is waiting for Carrie to give Harry a psych evaluation and Zayn went with Paul to eat." Gemma said.

"Food, that's sounds like a great idea." Niall grinned as his stomach growled as if on cue.

They both laughed and took off walking to go eat with Zayn and Paul.

Carrie sat in front of Harry’s bed in his room and spoke to him about the voices he was hearing, about how if he took his medication, it should help along with more therapy. She also asked him how he was feeling now and if anything had changed. He replied that his conversation with Lou helped things become clearer, and he realized now more than ever on the areas he needed improvement on and wanted to work hard to change that.

After they chatted some more, she agreed that as long as he had twenty four seven supervision, would take the new medication and allow Louis and Paul to count the pills until she felt comfortable enough to tell the hospital that it wasn’t necessary to keep him for the seventy two hour psych hold. He agreed and promised he’d do whatever it took to get better.

Carrie nodded, “Alright then, I’ll go talk to the Doctors and I’ll let Louis come back in.” She stood.

Harry watched as she left and could see through the window that she was talking to Louis.

“I know you're his boyfriend and you love him but I also know you want what’s best for him. He cannot be left alone for any amount of time, he needs around the clock supervision, he always needs someone with him, if he has to go to the washroom, go with him or someone you trust to go with him, and stand outside the stall...or something like that. Also, for his pills I want you and Paul to both count them as he takes them. I’ll go explain this Paul myself but do you think you can do this?” Carrie asked him.

Louis nodded, “Yes, I can. Whatever it takes.” He said as Liam, Niall and Gemma came up.

“Great, I’ll go talk to Paul.” Carrie said as she eyed Liam and Niall’s linked hands.

“Hey Lou...Think I can talk to Harry for a quick minute before you go in? I gotta tell him something.” Niall said.

Louis nodded, “Sure. Go ahead.” He smiled as Carrie left to find Paul.

Niall smiled back as he reluctantly let go of Liam’s hand, “Hey…” Liam said feeling Niall’s unwillingness. “I’m right out here if you need me. You’ll be fine though. Just say what you gotta say...let him respond and that’s it.” Liam forced a little smile.

Niall nodded as he hugged Liam, “Thank you, you really are the best.”

Liam felt himself blush a little, “Thank you. I’ll be right here. Go.” He encouraged.

Niall took a deep breath, and walked inside.

"Hey Nialler, wasn't expecting you." Harry smiled.

Niall nodded and slowly walked over to Harry's bed.

"What's wrong?" Harry questioned. He sat himself up a little straighter.

"Carrie told me I need to talk to you. She wants me to tell you how I felt when we found you. I've really been struggling with it and she thinks it'll help me get over it." Niall fought to look at Harry.

Harry felt a little nervous so he just nodded and licked his lips.

"Harry, I was so scared. I thought you were gone. It frightened me terribly. I know I've been having a hard time feeling like I belong in the band but, your still one of my best friends. I'd never want to lose you and I thought for sure I had. Felt like someone ripped part of me heart out." Niall bit the inside of his cheek to stop himself from crying as he finished talking.

"Niall, I'm so sorry I hurt you like that. You're more than just my friend. I never should have even thought about doing something like I did. I was worse than an idiot, Niall. I understand if you can't forgive me but I am really am truly sorry." Harry looked him right in the eyes.

"I forgive you Harry." Niall nodded, his bottom lip quivering slightly.

"Come here Nialler!" Harry smiled and sat up.

Niall stepped forward and gently hugged Harry; fighting with all he had not to cry.

"I promise it won't ever happen again." Harry told him. Neither of them hearing Louis walk in with Liam.

"I'll hold you to it." Niall said.

"Please do." Harry replied. "I love you Niall. You're my favorite little brother."

"Little?" Niall asked pulling away.

"Might as well be." Liam called from the door.

Harry smiled seeing Louis.

"You two have to stop being so cute. Hugging each other and being all sentimental." Louis teased and Niall blushed.

"You feeling better though, Niall?" Liam wanted to be sure.

He nodded, "Yeah, I'm alright now. Thanks Harry."

Harry just nodded.

Liam and Niall then left to give Louis and Harry alone time. Everyone knew how important it was for them to have time together to heal from this. If fact the only person to bother them the rest of the night, other than nurses, was Gemma.

Gemma had come in to sit with Harry while Louis went to eat. They needed the time to talk. Gemma crying and at the same time telling Harry exactly how she felt about what he did, Harry crying also, telling her she was right and he was incredibly sorry. Then the two of them hugging and making up just in time for Louis to come back.

That night Harry asked Louis if he could hold him. It was the first time since the kidnapping that Harry had wanted that. After making sure Harry was positive about wanting to do this Louis let him. They slept just like that; Louis feeling overjoyed to be in Harry's arms again.

The best news came the next morning when the doctor stopped in to see Harry. He told Harry he felt like he was strong enough to leave under the care of his therapist.  Harry couldn't have been any happier.

The nurses let Louis and Paul help get Harry out of bed and walking around a little to make sure he would be okay while they took care of his paperwork. Harry commented his arse was happy to be up and moving. The hospital bed was not very comfortable.

Finally, Harry was ready to be released after going over all the rules and things with the doctor with both Louis and Paul present walking out of the hospital felt amazing and a little overwhelming and even with the crowd of fans and paps, he felt okay about everything. He told Gemma, the one he was made to walk with that it felt like a whole new beginning.

When they got back to the hotel Paul and Gemma both told Harry they wanted him to spend the rest of that day relaxing. Will was absolutely insistent on tour starting up again the following day.

So while Gemma went and had a good rest finally, Niall, Liam and Zayn all went to shower for the first time in days. Louis took Harry back to their room. Louis wanted, no needed a shower but the second Harry commented on it he forgot all about it wanting Harry to go first. He knew Harry deserved to go first.

"I have to sit in the loo with you while you shower. I won't look in on you in the shower if you don't want me to though." Louis said.

Harry just replied, "I understand. I trust you."

Louis went and sat on the floor, purposely forcing himself not to look as Harry undressed and stepped into the stream of running water behind a white shower curtain.

"A shower has never felt so good." He commented after a moment.

"Good, don't take this the wrong way but you totally needed it." Louis teased.

"Yeah, I know." Harry replied.

As he stood, washing, he began thinking deeply about everything. The kidnapping, the torture, the rape, the therapy sessions, the voices, even the overdose and more importantly, everything he and Louis had talked about from the moment the police rescued them till now.

It was then that something struck Harry. He had no idea where it came from but he knew, the feeling, the thought, was right. He knew he had to act on it. He knew he needed to do it now before the bravery to follow through was gone.

Rinsing off his body one last time he turned off the shower and stepped out.

Louis again kept his eyes on his lap as Harry used the towel to dry off.

"Louis?" Harry asked a bit soft.

Louis kept his eyes locked down, "Yes?"

Harry stepped near him, fully nude still and reached a hand down to him. Louis took it and stood, not really following.

Harry lead Louis out near the bed and finally stopped, then turned, almost chest to chest, toe to toe with Louis and said, "I need you to help me."

"Anything you need." Louis nodded, still clueless.

"I need you to help me erase it all." Harry spoke softly, putting his hands on Louis' waist.

That's when Louis began to catch on, "Harry, I don't completely understand."

"I need you to help me make everything go away. It's the only way I'm ever going to get better Louis. Please, don't make me suffer like this anymore. I'm ready to be me again." Harry tried to help him understand better but was having a little trouble with his words.

"I'll help you anyway I can. What do you need me to try?" Louis felt a bit nervous.

"You can't try. You have to be strong for me. You have to do this and you can't stop till its done. Promise me. You have to make me do this. It's the only way. Please promise." Harry swallowed hard.

Louis nodded, "Okay, I- I promise Harry. Tell me what you need." He felt a glowing spark deep in chest.

"I need you to call me baby boy, touch me, finger me, make me suck you and fuck me exactly how he did."

Louis' chest tightened. Harry couldn't really be asking for that. He shook his head a little, feeling like he might cry.

"Please boo bear, its okay, I swear." Harry reassured. "I just need you erase the memory of him on those words and actions. He's stuck to all of them and it's holding me back. I need you, I need to know he's not here anymore and that it's just you. Please, remind me Im safe. Help me erase him. Please Louis, please. I'm begging you." Tears formed in his eyes.

The tears told Louis that Harry was totally sure of this. They told Louis it was okay, that everything would be alright. Something deep inside suddenly understood.

"Alright." He nodded.

Harry smiled, pushed away his tears and whispered a thank you.

"I'm in charge now alright? Do you trust me?" Louis asked, all the fear and nerves gone.

"With everything I am." Harry quickly replied.

Louis just smiled in return and leaned in, kissing him on the lips.

For Harry a flash of Adam crossed the front of his mind before Harry forced his brain to think of Louis, erasing Adam from being associated with kissing.

Louis somehow knew what was happening in Harry's mind. They were just simply connected that strongly. He pulled away and kept going, "Lay down baby boy."

Adam's voice nearly screamed, filling the room and surrounding Harry but he kept his eyes locked on Louis, feeling a sense of calm in the middle of the storm.

Harry laid down, trusting Louis fully to take care of him.

"Such a good baby." Louis purposely smiled sweetly, reminding Harry everything was ok.

Louis took off his shirt and trousers after kicking off his shoes and got onto the bed. "Rest your hands above your head." He instructed and Harry replied with a nod.

Louis then reach out, spread Harry's legs apart and picked up his dick, squeezing it gently.

Another flash of Adam struck Harry but he stayed totally focused on Louis. Even as Louis began to stroke him, making him grow hard, he stayed locked in on him, trusting him.

"My pretty baby boy." Louis encouraged, using the nickname again.

Harry nodded, urging himself to ignore the flash that seemed slightly weaker than the last.

Louis licked and sucked on his own fingers a bit before reaching down and stroking Harry's hole.

"In, push them in." Harry whispered.

He almost whimpered as Louis gave him what he asked for but he fought against the urge, scolding himself and locking in harder on Louis.

"Relax baby boy." Louis instructed sweetly again, watching Harry's cock begin to stiffen. "Good boy, my good boy."

Harry only nodded, everything feeling good slightly.

Louis kept fucking Harry's hole with his fingers until Harry was rock solid, his foreskin fully retracted due to his erection.

"Ready, this isn't gonna be as easy." Louis made sure as he pulled his fingers away from Harry.

"Yes Louis, just talk me through it. You're doing great." Harry forced a smile. None of this was easy but Louis made it possible and it was already helping.

Louis moved to stand so he and Harry could position themselves just as Adam had been with Harry. "Come here baby boy." Louis spoke a bit harder but his face remained sweet.

Harry obeyed, finding it easier to ignore the even softer voice of Adam. He took a deep breath and drew Louis' semi hard dick into his mouth.

Louis had to fight not to loose control. It had been so long for him. He desperately needed this. He had missed Harry sexually so much.

Harry worked hard on Louis, happy to be tasting him versus Adam. It helped him fight against the flashbacks that popped up. Each time one would Harry would jerk slightly causing Louis to comfort him, "That's it baby boy. So good for me."

Louis was getting lost a little in the moment but somehow he hung on long enough to stop Harry when he felt his orgasm getting closer.

"On the bed, hands and knees, time for the hardest part." Louis instructed with a slight warning to Harry.

Harry nodded, "I can do it, I love you Louis." It was more a pep talk for himself than a reassurance to his boyfriend but either way it worked.

Harry climbed onto the bed, feeling his nervous but locking in on Louis, this was almost over, he was almost gone.

"Spit?" Louis asked, selfishly loving getting to top Harry despite a slight fear of hurting him emotionally.

"Yes, just like him please." Harry replied and Louis agreed.

He was careful to ease in gently knowing he hadn't stretch Harry very much.

Harry whimpered but didn't stop Louis. He needed this. He had to do this. Adam flashed so strong now but Harry forced himself to whimper out Louis' name.

"So good baby boy. So tight for me." Louis encouraged, wanting Harry to hear his voice and know he was safe.

Louis gently fucked him a bit before he felt Harry relax slightly. That was his cue to go at it.

Surprisingly to Harry, the harder Louis fucked him the more Adam began to disappear. All of him did. His voice, his face, his sent. It all vanished leaving Harry feeling overwhelmed with the feeling of Louis, the man he loved more than anything else in this world around him and in him.

"Louis, fuck, so good boo, love you!" Harry cried, no longer being held back.

Louis knew, he could hear it. He smiled, happier than ever for Harry, pounding into him harder.

It was only after a moment when Louis was a thousand percent sure that Harry was okay he asked, "Please baby, fuck me, let me feel you again, I need you so bad Harry."

Harry nodded and used a hand to reach back and stop Louis.

Louis smiled and enveloped Harry in a hot, passionate kiss, letting Harry totally dominate him, right where he belonged.

"Need me boo? Need me to fuck that sexy arse? Miss my big cock?" Harry groaned, finally feeling normal again.

"God Harry, please! Fuck me so hard. Missed your dick, baby. Please." Louis begged laying down on his back so Harry could have him just the way Louis liked.

Harry smiled and moved up so Louis could suck on him for a moment and get him nice and wet.

When Louis pulled away Harry backed off and spit into his hand, using it to probe and lubricate Louis' entrance.

"Now Harry, fuck me now. Own me!" Louis begged, so hot, so turned on.

Harry was more than happy to give Louis what he wanted, sliding into and almost hissing at how wonderful Louis felt surrounding his aching hard cock.

Harry only pumped a little before picking up his speed and slamming into Louis hard making Louis have to grab the pillow next to it and cover his face so he could scream into it.

Harry thrusted harder, so in love with Louis as that moment, never wanting it to end. He slammed into him harder and harder, making the bed squeak a bit and Louis' entire body shake.

"Fuck Harry, I'm gonna cum." Louis exclaimed not even embarrassed about the fact he wasn't even touching himself.

He loved Harry and had no reason to be embarrassed with him. Harry had never made him feel ashamed. He loved that about him.

"Do it boo bear. Cum for me. Show me how good I am." Harry whimpered, close himself.

Louis whimpered and twisted slightly as he cried out Harry's name and came, untouched, all over his chest and tummy.

This sent Harry over the edge, driving hard one last time into Louis whimpering his name as he filled the smaller boy’s hole with his warm liquid.

Harry pulled out of Louis and laid beside him, “Guess I’m going to need a second shower now.” He tried to joke.

“Can I join you?” Louis smirked.

“Wouldn’t have it any other way.” Harry smiled kissing his boyfriend's lips.

Meanwhile Liam was in Zayn’s room collecting his all his stuff, “I think that’s everything…” Liam said standing with his bags.

When they had arrived in Perth, security ended up taking his stuff to Liam and all loose clothes of Liam’s that were on the bus, also ended up in Zayn’s room.

“If I find anything of yours, I’ll give it to you when we’re in Melbourne.” Zayn nodded.

“Or if you like it, you can keep it for a while...I mean, sharing clothes is a thing all of us do, not just us…” Liam said awkwardly. He didn’t mean for it to come out awkwardly, but  it just came out that way.

Zayn smiled, “Thanks. So, you’ll be in your room then? Till we have to leave?”

“Yeah, might nap. I’m pretty tired, barely got any sleep at the hospital.” Liam yawned.

“Yeah, me too. I thought sleeping would be easier for you at the hospital, since you weren’t in a bed? Oh and how was sleeping on the bus?” Zayn asked.

Liam shrugged, “Bus was good...as for the hospital, I had moments where I slept good enough but with Niall in my lap, it was a hard to get comfortable. It was a small sofa after all.” He finished slightly uncomfortably. He wasn’t sure why talking about Niall sleeping in his lap would make him uncomfortable when he really enjoyed it for the most part. Maybe, it’s because I’m telling this to Zayn? He wondered to himself.

“Yeah, that’s understandable, he’s really attached to you.” Zayn commented.

Liam smiled, “Yeah, I don’t mind though. It’s all part of just helping him.”

Zayn smiled back, “Yeah, I get that, don’t get me wrong, I really, really love Niall...Just don’t know if I’d be able to have him around me all the time like that. Doesn’t it ever get a little annoying at times?” He wondered.

“We’re all around each other most of the time anyways...but yeah, I get what you mean, and I don’t know, I don’t mind it, especially if it means helping him. Besides, I shared a room with him while we were on X-Factor during bootcamp week, so I’m a little more used to him, I guess.” Liam explained.

“Oh yeah...I forgot about that.” Zayn smiled. “I should let you go sleep now...You look like you're ready to pass out.” He laughed a little.

All Liam managed to do was nod as he left Zayn’s room and headed into his own, he collapsed on his bed and threw an arm over his eyes as he laid there for a few moments then heard the door knock.

Liam groaned as he sat up and made his way to the door but instantly smiled when he saw Niall, “Hey, everything okay?” He asked stepping aside so Niall could come in.

Niall shrugged, “I’ve been alone for too long...So, I came here, I hope that’s okay.” He said looking up at Liam.

Liam pulled Niall into a hug, “Of course it is! I honestly don’t mind it.”

Niall smiled, “I don’t know...I just haven’t been away from any of you for a long period of time yet, not even the gigs we’ve done...We were around each other up until go time….and then we’ come back, sleep and do it all over again. Even at the hospital we were all together and before that we had the house…” He tried to explain as he hung on tight to Liam.

Liam nodded, understanding where the lad was coming from, “Wanna watch some TV or something?” He asked, even though he’d rather sleep but Niall needed company and that was going to be exactly what he was going to get.

“I’m still pretty tired from the hospital and jet lagged, thank you by the way...For the hospital, letting me sleep on you like that. It really helped.” Niall told him.

Liam grinned down at the boy in his arms, “Of course. I wouldn’t have had it any other way. Did you wanna nap? I’m pretty whacked between the gigs, the stuff with Harry, and just being jet lagged…” He asked.

“Only if we can cuddle.” Niall said softly.

“I still wouldn’t have it any other way.” Liam said as he unwrapped his arms from Niall but quickly took his hand as they walked to the bed.

They crawled under the covers as Niall rested his head on Liam’s chest and took a hold of his hand, “Have a good sleep.” Liam whispered as Niall’s eyes quickly closed and within seconds he was already in the beginning stages of sleep.

Liam smiled at the sleep boy on his chest as he played with Niall’s hair before drifting off to sleep himself.

Harry and Louis had managed to somehow take a quick shower. It was a good thing too because no sooner than they stepped out of the shower Louis' phone rang.

It was Paul. In the rush to get Harry out of the hospital Louis' therapy with Michelle had been overlooked.

Paul told Louis to take Harry to Gemma and make sure she knew to keep her eyes on him. Harry didn't exactly mind. He was feeling happy again and was thrilled to get to spend time with his sister.

While Louis went and talked to Michelle and how well things were suddenly with Harry, making him feel better, Harry hung out with Gemma. They talked, played cards, and just spent time being brother and sister. He needed it more than he knew.

Harry of course was more than thrilled when Louis came back and agreed to hang out with him and Gemma for a while; of course not long later they needed to pack up. The plan was to go eat dinner and then catch a flight so they wouldn't miss tomorrow night’s concert.

Everyone gathered some time later in the hotel foyer, Louis back to his rightful place being held by Harry, Niall holding Liam's hand and Zayn with his nose in his phone.

For a moment Paul stepped back and stared at them, noticing how almost normal they suddenly seemed.

"Are we going Paul? I'm starving." Niall complained.

Paul shook his head then nodded, "Yes, Harry get away from Louis, please. You know the rules." He hated saying it but at the same time it felt so normal.

Harry looked deeply into Louis' eyes as he let go.

"Walk with me." Gemma smiled at her brother.

Harry simply walked over to her and gave a Paul a look that almost asked, is this better?

"Thank you, Harry. Let's go lads." He said and rushed them out to the van. Louis took a stance by Zayn. It almost, ALMOST felt good to be at a place with Harry where Paul had to get onto them.

When they were in the safety of the van Harry took hold of Louis' hand. Niall just happily sat by Liam, feeling totally safe and secure.

Even as they ate, Harry kept making eyes at Louis from across the table and Niall kept a close eye on Liam next to him, making sure he didn't walk away unexpectedly.

After eating it was the same routine, Harry and Louis dying to be near each other and Niall not letting anyone come between him and Liam, with Liam he just felt normal and not so broken. He liked it. It was refreshing to not feel so broken down by everything, Liam was his source of almost normalcy. He didn’t want anyone to take it from him.

They had eaten in an airport restaurant in a private room but it was time to leave and there was fans gathered around outside the place.

“Fucking knew it was a bad idea to eat here…” Zayn mumbled.

“I had my orders, Zayn.” Paul sighed.

Niall chuckled a little, “Orders? I don’t think I’ve heard you use that term before.”

Paul gave him a look, “You know what I meant!” He said as Niall just started laughing into Liam’s arm.

“Alright, let’s just get this over with; the boarding area isn’t too far.” Paul said as Niall stopped laughing and sighed.

“I don’t feel like getting mobbed though…” Niall whined a little.

“I won’t let go of you, I swear.” Liam said squeezing his hand.

Niall nodded as Paul and their security rushed all of the boys and Gemma out and quickly to the boarding area, where they were all rushed onto the private plane.

Once they were on the plane, Liam took a seat by the window as Niall quickly sat next to him and Zayn sat in front of them while across from them, Louis took the window seat as Harry sat next to him and Gemma sat on the other side of him.

It didn’t take long after they had took off for Harry to notice the burning sensation in his bladder, so once they were clear to walk about the plane and not wear their seatbelts, he quickly stood.

“Where are you going?” Gemma asked blocking his way a little.

“I have to wee…really bad. So if you could move…” He told her as Louis stood up now and followed him. Harry was about to close the door when Louis’ foot stopped it.

“I have to watch you…” Louis replied softly.

“Right...Forgot for a minute…” Harry said as he quickly turned around and Louis looked at the back of Harry’s head.

After Harry finished, he washed his hands and sat back down with Louis and Gemma on either side of him.

All the boys tried to sleep on the plane, but it was only a three and a half hour flight, so they didn’t get any real sleep and ended up feeling ten times more tired.

The boys quickly made it to their hotel, the streets weren’t that bad at night and not many suspected them coming straight to Melbourne so soon after Harry’s release from the hospital, the airport and the hotel was still crammed with fans but it wasn’t as bad as he had been in the past.

The boys felt really thankful for once as they quickly made their way to their floor, said their goodnights and headed off towards their rooms.

Only Niall had a little trouble letting go of Liam, he knew he needed to, but he just didn’t want to, he didn’t want to feel broken again. He liked the feeling he had when he was with Liam, when he had physical contact with Liam, it made the world seem safer.

“Why don’t you try to sleep on your own but if you find that you can’t, just come to my room, alright? You know I’m always here whenever you need me.” Liam told Niall.

Niall nodded, “I know, Liam...Thanks.”

They hugged and Niall let go of Liam’s hand much to his dismay and headed into his room.

Liam was able to fall asleep very quickly in the hotel bed. Niall didn't have it so easy. He didn't want to be scared but he was. He even cried a little but refused to let himself get up and go to Liam's room. He wanted to be strong. He had to learn how to manage on his own. He eventually managed to cry himself to sleep.

 


	29. Chapter 29

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, wifi's been crapppy and I had placement this semester! So I was busier than normal...plus I got sick in Jan...still sick...with this stupid virus...I'm left with this horrible cough but arhgh. THIS IS THE FINAL CHAPTER. Maybe not the final story...Keep an eye out...you never know what may happen.

Chapter 29

The next morning Liam felt so exhausted. He had woken up with a bad dream but thankfully it wasn't as bad as night previous.

After getting himself ready for therapy he went and woke up Louis and Harry before stopping by Niall's room. He didn't want Niall to need him and him not be there.

He knocked on the door as waited until Niall opened it slowly.

"Jesus Nialler, didn't you sleep?" Liam asked worried. He looked so tired.

"Yeah, just not real well. Didn't feel..." He paused looking for the right word. "Safe."

"You could have come to me Niall." Liam said.

"I know but I didn't want to bother you. I just cried myself to sleep instead. It's alright."  He said, still standing in the door.

"No it's not. Come get me next time. Alright?" Liam said.

"Yes, Da." Niall smiled.

Liam just smiled back and shook his head, "I'll check in after therapy. Get some caffeine in you."

"Okay." Niall nodded and Liam walked away.

With Louis and Harry they were cuddling when Carrie walked into the private room.

"You two look good." She smiled.

"Great." Louis said moving deeper into Harry.

She just looked at them for a moment. Harry seemed totally different. It took her back a little.

"Harry, you seem so happy. Your eyes are even twinkling a bit." She pointed out.

"He's gone." Harry smiled big, "His face, his voice, the flashbacks, they are all gone."

"Really? So sudden?" She didn't understand.

They both almost blushed as Harry softly said, "Louis helped me. It's all thanks to him."

Now she just looked confused.

"We had sex." Louis explained.

She just nodded, not fully understanding but not daring to ask what she wanted to.

"I made him copy Adam. Calling me everything, doing the same things. I just stayed locked in on him the whole time. Kind of reattaching Louis to what those things mean to me. Erasing him." Harry explained in a way that wouldn't embarrass either of them.

"Now I get it. Very clever. Louis, that was okay for you?" She asked.

Louis nodded, "Not at first but yeah, by the end I had my Harry back."

With Liam he was happy to report that the dream last night was better. She told him that was great and asked what he had done different. He explained he hadn't done anything different.

"You talked to your bandmates though, you sorted things out with Zayn. Your body isn't as stressed out." Michelle pointed out.

"I suppose that must be it then." He nodded.

"You need to keep finding way to destress. I know it has to be really hard because of the hecticness of your life but there must be something small that you can do. Something to help edge out the stress or make you feel more relaxed." Michelle explained.

Liam wasn't able to respond before Paul cut in saying they had to hurry and leave. Will was trying to figure out how to deal with all the questions and secrets surrounding Harry. They were having a phone conference in an hour or so.

Michelle and Liam agreed to talk more about it next week and she let him go.

After that everything seemed like a big blur. All five lads scrambling to get ready to leave and being rushed to the van and taken off to the venue.

Once inside the venue Paul told the boys that Jervis wanted to talk to them but they did anything so Paul put the boys into a room and texted Jervis to let them know that the boys were ready to see them.

Niall rested his head on Liam’s shoulder and felt himself relaxing and falling asleep a little until the door opened, jolting him for his almost sleep.

“Boys, it’s nice to finally see you again.” They heard their personal on the road trainer Mark Jervis say.

The boys stayed silent as they looked up at him.

“What? No warm welcome?” He joked.

“I wanna sleep.” Niall complained.

“And you can...after you listen to me. I’ll only take up a few minutes of your time today.” Jervis explained.

“It is nice to see you.” Harry smiled.

“Thank you, Harry. I’m glad someone cares.” Jervis said shaking his head making the boys laugh a little.

“You know we love you.” Louis said as he enjoyed Harry’s warmth. It had been too long since they had been like this and Louis never knew just how much he needed it until he had to go without it.

“Of course. I know you’ve all been through something no one should ever gone through...and I’m sorry you did, you boys didn’t deserve it. I know you all have your issues, as to be expected...I’m not therapist or doctor but, I’d like to suggest something that would probably help you.” Jervis began.

He paused for a moment to make sure they were all listening, he noticed Louis had his eyes closed, “Louis! Are you even listening to me?”

“Yes, I am. You were saying some shit like...you’re no therapist or doctor but you can help us anyways.” Louis smirked, his eyes still closed.

“Okay, so I would like to suggest you all begin to work out again. The equipment is still traveling from place to place with all of you. If you start training again, working out...it could help relieve the stress of touring and everything else. It may help you feel better, it’s a safe way to help you get your anger, frustration, hurt, pain...everything else you feel...out. It’s good for you boys not only physically but emotionally as well.” Jervis explained.

Liam nodded, “I like that. I think it’s a great idea to start working out again. It could help release some emotions, I already know what a great stress reliever it is.”

“Yeah, I agree...Can we go now?” Niall asked desperately wanting to sleep.

Paul shook his head, “We have a meeting with Will, he didn’t want to fly up, so he’s calling us very soon.” He replied as he heard the boys groan.

“Well, that’s my cue to leave, whenever you boys are ready to start again, you have my number and I’m still here on tour with all of you. Just ring me whenever you're ready.”

“Thanks, Jervis.” Zayn replied as he left.

Just then Paul’s phone rang and he put it on speakerphone, “They’re all here, Will.”

“Perfect. Now, I’ve been working with P.R. we’ve been thinking of the perfect cover story…” Will started but Harry interrupted.

“No! NO FUCKING WAY!” Harry yelled. “There is so much fucking shit I have to put up with because of you and P.R. I cannot hide this...I refuse.” He shook his head.

“You shouldn’t have to either.” Louis backed him up as he gently rubbed Harry’s back.

“Harry…” Will started.

Zayn nodded in agreement, “Harry’s right though! Just think about it...We keep getting called some of the most influential celebrities of the generation or year or some shit like that. If Harry speaks the truth about what happened, just think of all the good P.R. that could come from him  being honest.”

Niall lifted his head from Liam’s shoulder, “I agree. Think about everyone that he could help with his story...he could save people’s lives. He went through a shit time, and he wanted it to end. He made a stupid decision on how to help himself but he’s getting better.”

“You force me to look like a manwhore to the media...a womanizer, when that’s so far from the truth. You make me have a new ‘girlfriend’ every December right before our new album drops. I already know the plans for this year...I’ve lied to the fans enough about enough shit. I will not lie to them about something like this. They deserve the truth more than ever on this one.” Harry argued.

They heard Will sigh and a few moments of silence, “Alright, but since honesty is so important to you on this, you will make a statement during tonight’s concert about it.”

“Do I have get it approved?” Harry asked.

“Of course, we’re not going to let you go out there without not knowing what you’ll say!” Will argued.

“It’ll sound scripted and fan’s won’t like it, they won’t get the feeling and the importance of it all that I’m trying to get across.” Harry argued back.

“He does have a point.” Liam commented, “Our fans are very, very, clever if something seems off well, more than usual, they won’t stop till they find what it is. Just let Harry speak from the heart.” He added.

Will sighed, “Fine, fine...Have it your way. If it goes badly, don’t come cryin to me.”

“It won’t end badly.” Louis mumbled.

“I’ll see you when you boys get home in a few weeks, goodbye.” Will said then hung up the phone.

“Well, that was interesting.” Harry sighed as he ran a hand over his face.

“If your going to do the statement tonight, Harry. I suggest you get an idea in your head of what to say, just to help you once your up there to explain everything.” Paul suggested.

Harry nodded, “I agree. Thank you.”

“Can we go now?” Niall asked Paul.

Paul nodded.

Niall half smiled as he stood and pulled Liam with him, “I don’t wanna nap alone.” Niall explained once out in the hallway.

Liam didn’t say anything, he just pulled Niall into the closest room that had at least one sofa in it, wasn’t that big of a sofa but they’ve already dealt with some sofas before.

“I can hang out on the floor and hold your hand while you sleep.” Liam said closing the door behind them.

“Can’t I just sleep on you?” Niall half joked.

As much as he hated the hospital, he did like sleeping on top of Liam, the way he did. It was some of the best sleeps he had since everything happened to them.

Liam smiled, “Sure. Let’s sleep.” He said as they moved towards the sofa.

At the hospital, it was always Liam sitting and Niall was on his lap as he slept but Liam wanted to try a more comfortable position this time around.

Liam laid down on the sofa, “We can sleep this way if you want or we can do what we did at the hospital...Your choice.”

Niall smiled wide as he moved towards Liam, it took a couple mins but both boys managed to fit on the sofa, Niall’s head on Liam’s chest with Liam’s arm around him and his hand in Liam’s free hand.

He curled himself into Liam abit more as he felt Liam beginning to play with his hair and quickly fell asleep.

Before long they were woken and rushed to get ready for the concert. In with hair and makeup Harry kept looking affectionately at Louis, calling him boo bear and acting normal again. It caught everyone a bit off guard. Lou however was overjoyed to see it. Harry even hugged her and told her he loved her and thank you before he walked away with Louis for soundcheck.

Soundcheck went on really well, the Q and A was a bit difficult to muster through however, everyone's questions pushed back to Harry and what had happened. All the boys could say was that they couldn't answer any questions about it till after tonight.

Then, finally it was show time. All five lads joined in for a group hug just before going out. They all told Harry to be strong and that they were right behind him and he just smiled and told them all how much he loved them.

As the time drew closer for Harry to give his speech he became a bit more nervous then, the spotlight was on him and there was no going back.

"Hello," Harry began with a smile and waited for everyone to finish screaming, well, for the scream to die down enough so he could hear himself talk.

"Everyone know I was taken away before our last show by an ambulance. I'm going to address that tonight." He paused to take a deep breath. "When the lads and I were kidnapped we were tortured beyond anyone's wildest imagination. All of us have had issues with trying to recover but I've been having the worst time of all."

He licked his lips and took noticed of everyone getting quieter, "I've been battling PTSD along with depression and hallucinations. A part of all that is hearing the voice of the man who raped me. It's been driving me insane, making me act far from my normal self and at the last concert I overdosed on my medication."

Suddenly it felt like a pin drop could be heard. It made Harry feel flushed but somehow he kept on, "What I did was stupid and selfish. I wasn't thinking about any of the people who love me including these four lads and all of you. I was in a coma, my heart and lungs tried to stop and I almost died. It opened my eyes and I'm finally on the right road to recovering. It's going to be a long journey but I'm prepared to fight to get better."

Some girls were crying, the lads were fighting off tears of their own but Harry kept on, "Its important to me that all of you know, no matter what your going through, there is hope, there is a reason to fight and go on. Don't give up. Don't let the things that happen to you tell you who to be or how to feel. Be stronger than that. If I can fight back, all of you can too. No matter what, we love each and every one of you."

The crowd began to get loud again as Harry dropped his mic down near his leg. He let their cheers and love rush over him warming him and comforting him until finally he finished, "I'm sorry to anyone I've hurt or let down. Hopefully you guys can forgive me and keep supporting me as I continue to get better. Thank you!"

The crowd erupted in cheers as Zayn hugged Harry and everyone else joined in. It took a moment for them to regain their composure but once they did they finished the rest of their concert beautifully. It was undoubtedly their best show since the kidnapping.

Once they had all said their last thank you's to the fans they rushed off stage, overwhelmed with exhaustion, wanting nothing more than to get some sleep.

As they changed back into their street clothes, Harry was getting comments from their staff and crew about what a great job he did with his speech and how proud they were of him.

Once they were back at their hotel, everyone said their goodnights but Niall looked over at Liam who gave him a big smile.

“Remember, if you can’t sleep, don’t toss and turn all night. Come to me, I understand jet lag but if it’s more than that or even that I suppose...come see me alright?” Liam said squeezing Niall’s hand.

“Yeah, yeah...Thanks…” Niall bit his lip as looked up at Liam.

“What is it?” Liam asked sensing there was more.

“Can you come in? I wanna talk to ya about something.” He said feeling nervous, though he wasn’t sure why. It was a pretty easy talk.

“Sure.” Liam said as he followed Niall inside his room.

They walked over to the bed and sat down, both of them making sure not to break their linked hands, “Uhm, I’ve made up my mind about staying in One Direction or not…” He said slowly.

Liam felt his breath get caught in his throat for a moment but then cleared his throat and was able to speak again, “So...What is it?” He asked squeezing Niall’s hand a little tighter, nervous about the answer.

“I’ve decided to stay…” Niall grinned. “I…” He couldn’t even finish his sentence as Liam let go of his hand and threw his arms around him, sending them backwards on the bed.

Niall laughed as Liam looked down at him, “That’s one of the best thing’s I’ve heard in a long time!” He said as he suddenly noticed he was hovering over Niall and he had the slightest urge to feel his lips against his own.

Liam quickly got off him and sat down as he helped Niall back up, “Sorry...I got a little too excited.”

“I wouldn’t want you to not be too excited or I might change my mind again.” He joked.

“You better not not change your mind again!” Liam shook his head. “We need to go tell the others right now.” Liam stood as he held his hand out for Niall.

“Yeah about that…” Niall trailed off.

“If you're staying then we should let the others know.” Liam said sitting back down and Niall quickly took his hand again.

“I’ve been doing a lot better, especially around you...I just...I still need a lot of help and I still have a long way to go.” He paused looking down. "You especially. I need you the most."

Liam placed a finger under Niall’s chin, “I promise you, Niall, I'm gonna stick by you till your all better. I'm here for you. We’re all here for you, we all want to help you to get better no matter what. We’re all willing to help you no matter what it takes. You know you can come to us, especially me, with anything and we, I will do whatever you need us to.”

Niall nodded, “Yeah, I know you will…”

He couldn't help it but he just needed a little more assurance about the other lads.

“The others will be too, I know they will. Talk to them and you’ll see.” Liam tried to reassure him.

Niall smiled, feeling better having heard that and hugged him, “Thank you so much!”

“Anytime, Nialler.” Liam said hugging him back. “Now let’s go tell the others.”

“Won’t they be asleep or not wanting to be bothered? This can wait till morning.” Niall said.

“The hell it can! We’re telling them now, this isn’t something you wait to tell people.” Liam said standing and pulling Niall to his feet.

“Alright, alright…” Niall laughed as Liam pulled him towards the door.

Once out in the hallway they knocked on Zayn’s door first, who answered the door looking unimpressed, “Unless someone’s dying...I’d rather sleep.”

“Zayn!” Liam scolded a little.

“Kidding...of course. What’s up?” He asked trying to keep his eyes open.

“Niall has something to tell us. Let’s go wake Lou and Harry.” Liam said as he dragged Zayn from his room.

Zayn groaned, “Can’t this wait till later?”

“Sure.” Niall said.

“Ignore him, the answer is no.” He said knocking on Louis and Harry’s room.

A few moments later a sleepy Harry answered the door, “Is there something wrong?”

“No, Niall has something he needs to tell us now, and no it can’t wait, can we come in?” Liam asked.

“Yeah.” Harry nodded as he stepped aside to let them in.

“Right, so...Niall has something very important to tell us.” Liam smiled as he saw Zayn and Harry crawl into the bed, both on either side of Louis.

“Just like old times!” Louis smiled wrapping an arm around both of them. “What’s up, Nialler?” He asked as Niall and Liam sat on the bed.

“You know how I told you before tour I was thinking of leaving the band?” Niall asked as the room fell eerily quiet.

Niall paused.

“Well?” Harry asked sitting up.

“I’m staying...I can’t leave you lads or can I leave the fans or the music...This is what I wanted to do. I wanted to make an album, we’ve made three, I wanted to make write with some of the best writers in the world and we’ve worked with so many, I wanted to sell out arena’s which we’ve done...and we have a sold out stadium tour. You’re all the greatest best friends I could ask for...I can’t imagine not being in One Direction.” Niall explained.

“YES!” The other three boys cheered tackling Niall into a sloppy group hug, minus Liam who just sat back and laughed with the others.

“But!” Niall said as the boys pulled back. “I still have a long way to go...I still need a lot of help.”

Zayn grinned, “You’ve already come such a long way. We all just pretty much tackled you and you didn’t freak out on us, you didn’t seem to hate it. I’m so fucking proud of you Nialler, and I will help you anyway I can. I’m always here for you, okay?” He said looking into Niall’s eyes.

“Everyone’s come such a long way...think back to the start of this tour, even before...We couldn’t sleep without each other. We were all so fucking messed up, and being on the road like this has truly helped healed us in some ways, as much as we didn’t want to come back, you gotta admit that it helped us.” Louis said wrapping an arm around Harry who gave him a kiss on the cheek.

“Yeah, for sure…” Harry nodded in agreement. “Maybe we’ll all end up being okay, maybe it is it possible to fix us.” He said.

“Anything’s possible.” Liam smiled.

“Anything can happen…” Niall sang a little making the boys laugh.

“After the war we said we'd fight together…” Zayn started to sing his favourite verse from the song.

“I guess we thought that's just what humans do.” Liam sang a little.

“Good song...I can’t remember the rest of the lyrics though.” Harry laughed a little.

“Me either, mate. I haven’t heard it in a while.” Liam told him. “Anything CAN happen though.” He told them.

“I have an idea and it’s totally cool to say no...but why don’t we sleep together for just tonight? It’s been a good day. One of the best I think we’ve all had in a long while.” Louis suggested.

“I’m good for it!” Niall said as he started stripping down to his boxers and Liam followed suit, “Me too, just for tonight.” He smiled a little.

“Can you sleep in a bed, Liam?” Harry asked.

“Yeah, I still have some bad dreams, not as bad, they’re getting better.” Liam replied. And I don’t seem to have them when I have Niall sleeping with me He silently added in his head, then went to turn on the light in the loo as he shut off the big lights.

“Awesome.” Harry grinned as he laid down and Zayn moved to the other side of him as Louis cuddled into him.

“Thank you.” Zayn smiled.

Zayn laid beside Harry as Louis cuddled into his boyfriend and Niall and Liam cuddled beside Louis.

It didn’t take long before all five of them to drift off into sleep, feeling happier than they had in a long time.

They had lived through an evil Vengeance and started the Restoration process in order to help them move on. Some still have a long road ahead of them leading to some new discoveries but they're all going to be alright.


	30. Not a chapter,just an important question

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**Author's Note:**

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